does he want to break up with me?

Do you have any friends irl Ciel? Which city do you live in?

an apartment? no agency would allow me to move into an apartment with a german shepherd. and yes, he does need a big garden because he needs hours of off lead exercise every single day. walking him isn't enough.
and no offence to anyone forced to use the nhs but their mental health care is non existent. tried it once. never again.
it's a potential option but i'm not really supposed to drive atm (meds and other issues). you probably think that i'm making excuses. but i'm not. you make it all sound so easy but it really isn't. how much would i get on universal credit? £1000? that's not even enough to rent a house........

i don't like blogs tbh but you can add me to your ignore list if my posts bother you

Of course some would.
I did say a 'decent sized garden'.

The NHS comment is perfectly valid, I understand that their mental health care is poor. But wasn't it you who is denying help when your bf offered to send you somewhere expensive, and wasn't it you who has said you don't need medication and to come off of them because they make it worse? I dont see the point of you now stating that you need special attention.

You're 1 person and a dog. You don't need to rent a house. Beggars can't be choosers and you can't have everything swing your way in life all of the time. Housing benefit is also available to help you with rent. And I've met a person with a German shephard who was literally renting 1 room in a HMO. You just don't have the will power to change your life. Not everyone does. But I wish you all the best, both with your mental health and your relationship.

he would get extremely mad so no way, it would just hurt both of us
i get that not everyone agrees with my opinion on this which is fine

an apartment? no agency would allow me to move into an apartment with a german shepherd. and yes, he does need a big garden because he needs hours of off lead exercise every single day. walking him isn't enough.
and no offence to anyone forced to use the nhs but their mental health care is non existent. tried it once. never again.
it's a potential option but i'm not really supposed to drive atm (meds and other issues). you probably think that i'm making excuses. but i'm not. you make it all sound so easy but it really isn't. how much would i get on universal credit? £1000? that's not even enough to rent a house........

i don't like blogs tbh but you can add me to your ignore list if my posts bother you

Of course some would.
I did say a 'decent sized garden'.

The NHS comment is perfectly valid, I understand that their mental health care is poor. But wasn't it you who is denying help when your bf offered to send you somewhere expensive, and wasn't it you who has said you don't need medication and to come off of them because they make it worse? I dont see the point of you now stating that you need special attention.

You're 1 person and a dog. You don't need to rent a house. Beggars can't be choosers and you can't have everything swing your way in life all of the time. Housing benefit is also available to help you with rent. And I've met a person with a German shephard who was literally renting 1 room in a HMO. You just don't have the will power to change your life. Not everyone does. But I wish you all the best, both with your mental health and your relationship.

If he often gets mad at you and vice versa then again, another sign that relationship is toxic.

i think i'm kinda toxic, too
so that''s all i know tbh. i wouldn't know how to be in a 'normal' relationship

then why be in a toxic one which is even worst? Your attitude is similar to mine when it comes to life, and it's not a good attitude to have imo.

toxic or not, i do love him
idk if i could cope with every day life without him too.

You know you're a toxic wreck, but can't fully admit it.
You have mental health issues, seems borderline narcissistic.
You're a terrible person in any kind of relationship, whether it's romantic, or friendship.
You're essentially leaching off a man so he can pay for your stuff...

Figure this stuff out because it's ridiculous. You keep talking about "it's 2021". You're right. Get a job, and deal with it like everyone else does. (It's easy to find them these days, so start and quit to your heart's content)

I'm so sick of reading everyone coddling you and your crap, when you're obviously trying to get a rise under whatever coy facade you're putting on. That boy deserves more than you're ever capable of giving, and you know that too.

(Please don't self-harm or anything with my harsh reality check, not tryna go to jail here)

You know you're a toxic wreck, but can't fully admit it.
You have mental health issues, seems borderline narcissistic.
You're a terrible person in any kind of relationship, whether it's romantic, or friendship.
You're essentially leaching off a man so he can pay for your stuff...

Figure this stuff out because it's ridiculous. You keep talking about "it's 2021". You're right. Get a job, and deal with it like everyone else does. (It's easy to find them these days, so start and quit to your heart's content)

I'm so sick of reading everyone coddling you and your crap, when you're obviously trying to get a rise under whatever coy facade you're putting on. That boy deserves more than you're ever capable of giving, and you know that too.

(Please don't self-harm or anything with my harsh reality check, not tryna go to jail here)

Your threads seem to show otherwise. You can't be a consistent toxic relationship with someone whilst still loving them (unless you're like Tom and Jerry). What do you love about your BF (anything that isn't materialistic e.g money, big house etc), what good memories have you had with him (don't have to answer this if you don't want to but) just wondering? Hard for me to have any sympathy tbh.

lol, i'm not a 'terrible person. 'leeching off a man'? so like do you have the same view on house wives and stuff? or is it that only certain people are allowed to do that?

i can find a job pretty easily, i have a law degree. it's keeping it that's the problem. and 'that boy' who btw is a grown man (and older than me), is no saint either. it's actually his fault that i'm dealing with permanent damage in my shoulder but sure, he desevers better and i deserve nothing being an evil slut and all. whatevs.

we do have a lot of good memories. a lot of them are pretty old tho. when we first got together my mental health was a lot better tbh

What changed then? What did he have before that he doesn't have now? And you're the one who cheated on him so I don't see how your BF is the main blame here. I think that both sides are being toxic. Oh well looks like you want to stay with him but as others are saying, don't think that's a good idea. You do you mate but I personally would hate to be in a toxic/Tom and Jerry style relationship with someone. Going to have to agree with all the other people in this thread unfortunately.

time i guess. he used to have way more time for me.
sometimes he also drinks too much which often leads to arguments
oh btw i'm not saying that he is the main blame here. it's probably me. all i'm saying is that he's not completely innocent, like some people are suggesting

and now the end is near

at least i'm not lonely, unlike some people