Hindu girl dating help

Hi
so I'm 31 and I'm a hindu girl. I don't come from a strict family. My mum and dad were talking about signing me up to Shaadi to get married.
Not in a strict "we want to you to marry another hindu" way, or a strict "we want to arrange you a marriage" more just cos I'm 31 and I'm getting older and they think I should probably settle down soon.

I had a bf before covid when I was 29 and I broke up with him cos I wanted to find a serious partner. But then lockdown came and wasted 18 months of dating so now I'm 31 and single.

I suppose if I meet a nice guy, it doesn't matter how I meet him be it Shaadi or not. But I don't really want to sign up to it.
What should I do please help?

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Reply 1

sd10

Make some excuse to get out of it like giving them examples of bad experiences people faced and things going south because of the website in the past or better yet tell them you've already got someone in mind. LOL

Reply 2

stickylikehoney

Original post by sd10

Covid ruined dating. Now I feel so much pressure now I'm 31 please help!!!

Reply 3

sd10

Original post by stickylikehoney

Covid ruined dating. Now I feel so much pressure now I'm 31 please help!!!

Its not that big a deal dude im sure they'll understand

Reply 4

stickylikehoney

Original post by sd10

Its not that big a deal dude im sure they'll understand

do you think shaadi is a bad idea?

Reply 5

sd10

Original post by stickylikehoney

do you think shaadi is a bad idea?

if its not what you want yes its ****all

Reply 6

Wired_1800

Original post by stickylikehoney

Your parents are right and your fertility window (if you plan to have children) is closing depending on the quality of your health.

I suggest joining Shaadi and other apps like Bumble where you could meet quality guys. Don't also limit yourself to Hindu or Indian men, if you are open to other communities. There are decent men who are Jews, Asian, South East Asians, Black, White etc.

You also have to start putting yourself out there. Go to bars, restaurants and lounges, where you could meet decent guys. Maybe frequent the richer areas in London, Manchester, Nottingham, Luton, Birmingham etc (if you live in those areas). Also consider joining professional networks or interest groups in finance, law, medicine, business, politics etc, so you could attend their events and dinners to network and meet decent guys.

Finally, you need to think about getting some therapy or counselling to help you with your development. Unfortunately, many people are broken inside and unable to keep long term relationships. This could be due to past trauma, family issues or personal baggage, so it is important to unpack them.

Good luck

Reply 7

bob gorbon

Original post by stickylikehoney

hi im bob gorbon

Reply 8

username5881417

You are not a girl at 31, you are a woman.

Reply 9

username4522078

Original post by _Just a human

You are not a girl at 31, you are a woman.

Yeah, found that a bit off.
Anyway, if you don't want to go on Shaadi.com don't do it, you're a grown woman.

Reply 10

username5881417

Original post by ROTL94

Yeah, found that a bit off.
Anyway, if you don't want to go on Shaadi.com don't do it, you're a grown woman.

Exactly.

Reply 11

stickylikehoney

Original post by ROTL94

Yeah, found that a bit off.
Anyway, if you don't want to go on Shaadi.com don't do it, you're a grown woman.

Yeah but in Asia women my age would be expected to have settled by now so there are cultural expectations

Reply 12

londonmyst

Always trust your gut instinct and listen to what your common sense is telling you. :smile:

I have quite a few asian female friends in similar circumstances to you.
A few hindu and some with other religious beliefs & ancestral heritage.

Do you want a long term partner or to have biological children?
Or do you have other priorities for the next few years?
If you want to have biological children, have you looked into options like egg freezing or ivf?
What are your attraction, dating and marriage dealbreakers?
Have you checked out shaadi to see if you feel comfortable & compatible with their membership community and version of desi popular culture?
Good luck!

Reply 13

tazarooni89

Original post by stickylikehoney

Yeah but in Asia women my age would be expected to have settled by now so there are cultural expectations

I don't really see why that matters. Not everything you do has to be according to cultural expectations. I understand that South Asian culture contains a lot of "what will other people think?" but does it actually make a difference to your life at the end of the day?

Anyway, if finding a long term partner / getting married is what you actually want to do, I don't really see the problem in signing up for Shaadi.com or whatever other dating site / app there might be. You might meet someone you like on there. And if you don't, well, you haven't lost anything have you?

Reply 14

stickylikehoney

Original post by tazarooni89

is Shaadi an arranged marriage website? I thought it was just a dating app

Reply 15

tazarooni89

Original post by stickylikehoney

is Shaadi an arranged marriage website? I thought it was just a dating app

I mean… what’s the difference?

Reply 16

stickylikehoney

Original post by tazarooni89

I mean… what’s the difference?

like say if I joined Shaadi and I met someone I liked and married him, is that an arranged marriage? how is that different from marrying someone you met off an app

Reply 17

tazarooni89

Original post by stickylikehoney

like say if I joined Shaadi and I met someone I liked and married him, is that an arranged marriage? how is that different from marrying someone you met off an app

Seems like the same thing to me.
Either way it's up to you whether you decide to get your parents involved, the app is unlikely to care either way.

Reply 18

stickylikehoney

Original post by tazarooni89

Seems like the same thing to me.
Either way it's up to you whether you decide to get your parents involved, the app is unlikely to care either way.

Can my parents force me?

Reply 19

londonmyst

Original post by stickylikehoney

Can my parents force me?

Always trust your gut instinct. :smile:

You probably know your parents a lot better than the random strangers of TSR.

It is illegal in the uk to directly force someone else to marry, date or get engaged.
However, some individuals are willing to resort to criminality or come very close to committing such a crime via intense bullying intending to pressurise another individual to marry/get engaged/date against their will.
Good luck!