Housemates having loud sex

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 4 months ago
#1
Need some advice desperately. There are four of us living together. Two of them decided to date each other and now they're freely doing whatever they like in the house - like hugging, embracing, kissing, you name it they're doing it in the communal areas.

This stretches so far as to me walking in on them having sex on the sofa. And about 20 minutes ago before writing this they were having audibly loud shower sex.

They basically have no boundaries and I feel like an intruder in my uni house, they act as if they're a couple living in their own home with no other people living here.

What can I do?
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Reality Check
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#2
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#2
(Original post by Anonymous)
Need some advice desperately. There are four of us living together. Two of them decided to date each other and now they're freely doing whatever they like in the house - like hugging, embracing, kissing, you name it they're doing it in the communal areas.

This stretches so far as to me walking in on them having sex on the sofa. And about 20 minutes ago before writing this they were having audibly loud shower sex.

They basically have no boundaries and I feel like an intruder in my uni house, they act as if they're a couple living in their own home with no other people living here.

What can I do?
Eugh, I'd turn a hose on them, if I were you. As for the sofa sex thing, I'd actually sit down, turn the television on, get some snacks and act as if they were two dogs humping in the corner - nonchalantly unbothered. It might just embarrass them enough to stop.

You wrote this beautifully, by the way.
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Callicious
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#3
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#3
If I were you, I'd follow the advice of RC. Pop the kettle on, grab yourself a bag of potato chips, and pull up the cosiest blanket you have in your dresser. Make sure to leer at them and egg them on- and if necessary, perhaps hire an escort or pull down your drawers yourself and enjoy the show to your "fullest capacity."

If they keep going, I can't see any outcome where this isn't a win-win. They stop? Also a win-win, one could argue. Literally no way this could fail, mate.
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AmIReallyHere
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#4
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#4
(Original post by Reality Check)
Eugh, I'd turn a hose on them, if I were you. As for the sofa sex thing, I'd actually sit down, turn the television on, get some snacks and act as if they were two dogs humping in the corner - nonchalantly unbothered. It might just embarrass them enough to stop.

You wrote this beautifully, by the way.
I hope the advice isn't from experience
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#5
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#5
(Original post by AmIReallyHere)
I hope the advice isn't from experience
Sort of. I used to walk into rooms where people were having unnecessarily vigorous sex holding a landline phone in my hand saying 'it's your mother, Sarah' just for the lols. That sort of thing stops them, usually.

You need to be creative with thoughtless sexers, I think.
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#6
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#6
(Original post by Callicious)
Make sure to leer at them and egg them on- and if necessary, perhaps hire an escort or pull down your drawers yourself and enjoy the show to your "fullest capacity."
*opens a family-sized bag of Tyrrell's* 'ooh, I don't think I've ever seen an arse wobble like that!' *crunch*, 'I'd lay off those pies, if I were you' *crunch*
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AmIReallyHere
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#7
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#7
(Original post by Reality Check)
Sort of. I used to walk into rooms where people were having unnecessarily vigorous sex holding a landline phone in my hand saying 'it's your mother, Sarah' just for the lols. That sort of thing stops them, usually.

You need to be creative with thoughtless sexers, I think.
:shock: that must have been enough to scare them senseless
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#8
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#8
(Original post by AmIReallyHere)
:shock: that must have been enough to scare them senseless
Anything to stop them, really. It's so unnecessary.
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hungrysalamander
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#9
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#9
(Original post by Reality Check)
Eugh, I'd turn a hose on them, if I were you. As for the sofa sex thing, I'd actually sit down, turn the television on, get some snacks and act as if they were two dogs humping in the corner - nonchalantly unbothered. It might just embarrass them enough to stop.

You wrote this beautifully, by the way.
What does turning a hose mean? My vocabulary is getting expanded today!
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Anonymous #1
#10
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Jeez this was taken over by trolls quickly, I'm actually being serious, what should I do?
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#11
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#11
(Original post by hungrysalamander)
What does turning a hose mean? My vocabulary is getting expanded today!
If you 'turn a hose' on something/someone you basically turn the tap on and point the hose at them. Done to stop dogs fighting, watering plants, washing cars and, yes, stopping dirty sexers getting their jollies.
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#12
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#12
(Original post by Anonymous)
Jeez this was taken over by trolls quickly, I'm actually being serious, what should I do?
Unnecessarily rude - we're actually trying to help you.

I shan't bother complimenting you in future.
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Anonymous #1
#13
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#13
(Original post by Reality Check)
Unnecessarily rude - we're actually trying to help you.

I shan't bother complimenting you in future.
Haha what if I don't want to watch them dogging, I want to live in a house where I don't feel like I'm intruding on a married couple...
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AmIReallyHere
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#14
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#14
(Original post by Anonymous)
Jeez this was taken over by trolls quickly, I'm actually being serious, what should I do?
So were Callicious (not seen you in ages o: ) and Reality Check
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hungrysalamander
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#15
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#15
(Original post by Reality Check)
If you 'turn a hose' on something/someone you basically turn the tap on and point the hose at them. Done to stop dogs fighting, watering plants, washing cars and, yes, stopping dirty sexers getting their jollies.
Sounds like fun :rofl:. Bonus points if it's with a pressure washer, right?
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N. Auditoré
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#16
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#16
(Original post by Anonymous)
Need some advice desperately. There are four of us living together. Two of them decided to date each other and now they're freely doing whatever they like in the house - like hugging, embracing, kissing, you name it they're doing it in the communal areas.

This stretches so far as to me walking in on them having sex on the sofa. And about 20 minutes ago before writing this they were having audibly loud shower sex.

They basically have no boundaries and I feel like an intruder in my uni house, they act as if they're a couple living in their own home with no other people living here.

What can I do?
honestly whenever i hear my housemates having sex too loudly i laugh, not to off-put them, but because out of context sex noises are so funny to me (and my laugh is very maniacal, think Joker). turns them off majority of the time too, being laughed at while having sex isn’t very motivational. i get a dopamine rush, and they shutup, WIN WIN !
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AmIReallyHere
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#17
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#17
(Original post by hungrysalamander)
Sounds like fun :rofl:. Bonus points if it's with a pressure washer, right?
Only if you're a Christian who needs to wash their sins away
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Anonymous #1
#18
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#18
(Original post by N. Auditoré)
honestly whenever i hear my housemates having sex too loudly i laugh, not to off-put them, but because out of context sex noises are so funny to me (and my laugh is very maniacal, think Joker). turns them off majority of the time too, being laughed at while having sex isn’t very motivational. i get a dopamine rush, and they shutup, WIN WIN !
You know what, I think I'll try that
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hungrysalamander
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#19
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#19
(Original post by AmIReallyHere)
Only if you're a Christian who needs to wash their sins away
Premarital sex is indeed a sin!
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#20
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#20
(Original post by Anonymous)
Haha what if I don't want to watch them dogging, I want to live in a house where I don't feel like I'm intruding on a married couple...
The thing is people like that are entirely resistant to any sort of rational conversation. I mean, you just shouldn't need to say 'please stop having sex everywhere in this house, because it's actually a shared house and it's kinda gross' - if you have to say that, then they're the sort of people who just don't realise and will never realise that this sort of behaviour isn't OK. This is why I, and others, are suggesting skullduggery or plain humiliation. It's the only thing that will work, really.
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