too scared to make friends

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 4 months ago
#1
im at uni, trying cbt therapy, I can go out to society events but I can't go any further than talking to people once or twice. I can't have banter with people because im too scared and in my head. i feel like im trapped in my room and i have no one to turn to. im scared ill have no friends when it comes to my birthday
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University of Huddersfield Student Rep
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#2
Report 4 months ago
#2
(Original post by Anonymous)
im at uni, trying cbt therapy, I can go out to society events but I can't go any further than talking to people once or twice. I can't have banter with people because im too scared and in my head. i feel like im trapped in my room and i have no one to turn to. im scared ill have no friends when it comes to my birthday
Hi @anonymous#1

How are you finding CBT? Helpful?

I too used to struggle with social anxiety and for a very long time hid away so I didn't have to face the realisation that I had become a bit of a recluse. Getting over the first hurdle is the hardest, and you've done that by speaking out and asking for advice. It took another year or so to get to where I am now, and a lot of that time I was really out of my comfort zone, but I'm living proof that you can move on and hold good conversation while being confident in doing so.

Below are suggestions that I have found on the internet that may help you make and keep new friends -

Before you try to make new friends, it is important to spend some time working on yourself. The more well-rounded a person you are, the easier it will be to talk with others

Brush up on current events, take up a new hobby; anything that you can do to become more comfortable with who you are will make it easier to make friends. Find out what you are passionate about in order to find like-minded people.

The second step in making friends is finding potential friends. When looking for potential friends, the best places to start are also the easiest—your interests.4 Do you work with others? Do you know someone who has a large circle of friends? Could you join a group or organisation to increase the number of people that you are in contact with?

It is important not to be too picky in the beginning. Anyone could be a potential friend; first impressions are not necessarily the best indicators of who could become a long-term friend. Consider asking a coworker to lunch, joining a book club at the library or volunteering at a local non-profit to meet new people and potential friends.

Make sure to get contact information for the people that you meet. Whether it's their mobile phone number or a link to their social media pages, find a way to reach out to them.

The most critical step in making friends is both accepting invitations and making plans with others. Do your best not to turn down any invitations. If you turn people down often enough they will stop asking you to do things .Be patient as your friendship grows. Research shows it can take 50 or more hours before an acquaintance becomes a true friend.

By the same token, you shouldn't always expect the other person to make plans. Though making plans can be a challenging task for some, it is important to show others that you are interested in them and want to get together.

Once you have begun to form friendships, it is important to stay in touch. Over time you will come to learn how often certain people stay in touch. Be sure to do your part to contact your new friends and make plans. With the ease of online communication, it's much more convenient to keep in touch with those that you meet.

Tips -

Don't expect instant results. Building friendships takes time and mutual effort.

Make creating new friendships a priority, but realise that the race to the finish line is a marathon, not a sprint.

Once you have made new friends, be careful not to take them for granted. Always make your friendships a priority even when it may not be convenient for you.

Good friends don't criticise, gossip, or judge each other.

Hope that helps


~ Leanne, 2nd year Midwifery Student
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Muttly
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#3
Report 4 months ago
#3
How about setting a mission? And you defo won't be alone - there are hundreds of isolated souls sat in rooms crying because they feel like the proverbial prisoners in their own skin.

Most Uni's have a freshers section & a list of all the activities, clubs etc Just take time to visualise yourself sewing, playing sports, doing drama, camping, caving ......

Show your vulnerable side to anyone you feel is a kind person on your course & say you feel trapped and struggle to meet anyone? - see what they say and if you are sometimes missing 'cues' to join up later on in the bar or elsewhere?

Can anyone from the Uni help link you in with anyone who is in exactly the same situation? Try support networks or student advice lines?

After you have trawled through all the activities listed at a Uni and think you might have found something - find the contacts & ask if anyone can help you connect eg meet you and go with you to any meet ups etc

Look for volunteers needed .... and again make contact with someone and tell them you are struggling to find friends? - could you go with them?

Keep asking and keep trying. There is normally a pigeon hole somewhere for you and that you will eventually find your feet but it could take a while. Sometimes it takes weeks/months to get up and running.

Good luck and don't stop trying
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Anonymous #1
#4
Report Thread starter 4 months ago
#4
(Original post by University of Huddersfield Student Rep)
Hi @anonymous#1

How are you finding CBT? Helpful?

I too used to struggle with social anxiety and for a very long time hid away so I didn't have to face the realisation that I had become a bit of a recluse. Getting over the first hurdle is the hardest, and you've done that by speaking out and asking for advice. It took another year or so to get to where I am now, and a lot of that time I was really out of my comfort zone, but I'm living proof that you can move on and hold good conversation while being confident in doing so.

Below are suggestions that I have found on the internet that may help you make and keep new friends -

Before you try to make new friends, it is important to spend some time working on yourself. The more well-rounded a person you are, the easier it will be to talk with others

Brush up on current events, take up a new hobby; anything that you can do to become more comfortable with who you are will make it easier to make friends. Find out what you are passionate about in order to find like-minded people.

The second step in making friends is finding potential friends. When looking for potential friends, the best places to start are also the easiest—your interests.4 Do you work with others? Do you know someone who has a large circle of friends? Could you join a group or organisation to increase the number of people that you are in contact with?

It is important not to be too picky in the beginning. Anyone could be a potential friend; first impressions are not necessarily the best indicators of who could become a long-term friend. Consider asking a coworker to lunch, joining a book club at the library or volunteering at a local non-profit to meet new people and potential friends.

Make sure to get contact information for the people that you meet. Whether it's their mobile phone number or a link to their social media pages, find a way to reach out to them.

The most critical step in making friends is both accepting invitations and making plans with others. Do your best not to turn down any invitations. If you turn people down often enough they will stop asking you to do things .Be patient as your friendship grows. Research shows it can take 50 or more hours before an acquaintance becomes a true friend.

By the same token, you shouldn't always expect the other person to make plans. Though making plans can be a challenging task for some, it is important to show others that you are interested in them and want to get together.

Once you have begun to form friendships, it is important to stay in touch. Over time you will come to learn how often certain people stay in touch. Be sure to do your part to contact your new friends and make plans. With the ease of online communication, it's much more convenient to keep in touch with those that you meet.

Tips -

Don't expect instant results. Building friendships takes time and mutual effort.

Make creating new friendships a priority, but realise that the race to the finish line is a marathon, not a sprint.

Once you have made new friends, be careful not to take them for granted. Always make your friendships a priority even when it may not be convenient for you.

Good friends don't criticise, gossip, or judge each other.

Hope that helps


~ Leanne, 2nd year Midwifery Student
Thanks Leanne, I really appreciate you taking your time out to help. As someone who gets where I'm coming from, did you find there was one main thing that helped shift the way you viewed social situations to make you less socially anxious? Either way, thanks again!
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Anonymous #1
#5
Report Thread starter 4 months ago
#5
(Original post by Muttly)
How about setting a mission? And you defo won't be alone - there are hundreds of isolated souls sat in rooms crying because they feel like the proverbial prisoners in their own skin.

Most Uni's have a freshers section & a list of all the activities, clubs etc Just take time to visualise yourself sewing, playing sports, doing drama, camping, caving ......

Show your vulnerable side to anyone you feel is a kind person on your course & say you feel trapped and struggle to meet anyone? - see what they say and if you are sometimes missing 'cues' to join up later on in the bar or elsewhere?

Can anyone from the Uni help link you in with anyone who is in exactly the same situation? Try support networks or student advice lines?

After you have trawled through all the activities listed at a Uni and think you might have found something - find the contacts & ask if anyone can help you connect eg meet you and go with you to any meet ups etc

Look for volunteers needed .... and again make contact with someone and tell them you are struggling to find friends? - could you go with them?

Keep asking and keep trying. There is normally a pigeon hole somewhere for you and that you will eventually find your feet but it could take a while. Sometimes it takes weeks/months to get up and running.

Good luck and don't stop trying
Thank you for this. Everyday I write a couple of inspirational quotes, I journal, I try to get out of my room. I also took some advice from another stranger on the internet and started to turn it into a game by giving myself points each day for certain social activities - it sounds a bit sad and desperate but I'm just trying any technique possible for something to work because I feel so lonely and just want to comfortable around others
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University of Huddersfield Student Rep
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#6
Report 4 months ago
#6
(Original post by Anonymous)
Thanks Leanne, I really appreciate you taking your time out to help. As someone who gets where I'm coming from, did you find there was one main thing that helped shift the way you viewed social situations to make you less socially anxious? Either way, thanks again!
Hi @Anonymous #1

Throwing myself into the situation really helped - I started off by regaining connections with old friends, or replying to comments made on Instagram or Facebook. Then I moved on to meeting for a coffee, even if it was just for 15 minutes, or going shopping so that my mind was distracted. It is really a case of building your confidence - knowing that you're not going to be judged or nothing bad will happen. You will get there - slowly but surely

All the best,

~ Leanne, 2nd year Midwifery Student
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Anonymous #2
#7
Report 3 months ago
#7
(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank you for this. Everyday I write a couple of inspirational quotes, I journal, I try to get out of my room. I also took some advice from another stranger on the internet and started to turn it into a game by giving myself points each day for certain social activities - it sounds a bit sad and desperate but I'm just trying any technique possible for something to work because I feel so lonely and just want to comfortable around others
It’s been a few week since you’ve started this thread but I feel the same way as you. Making friends is difficult and I’m socially awkward too 😩.
How’s your situation now? Made any friends?
If you’re still looking for a friend, lmk because I’m lonely too 🥲 x
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University of Huddersfield Student Rep
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#8
Report 3 months ago
#8
(Original post by Anonymous)
It’s been a few week since you’ve started this thread but I feel the same way as you. Making friends is difficult and I’m socially awkward too 😩.
How’s your situation now? Made any friends?
If you’re still looking for a friend, lmk because I’m lonely too 🥲 x
Hi Anonymous #2

What a great idea - The Student Room can be a perfect way to extend on your circle of friends

~ Leanne, 2nd year Midwifery Student
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isxbella
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#9
Report 3 months ago
#9
(Original post by Anonymous)
It’s been a few week since you’ve started this thread but I feel the same way as you. Making friends is difficult and I’m socially awkward too 😩.
How’s your situation now? Made any friends?
If you’re still looking for a friend, lmk because I’m lonely too 🥲 x
Hey! This is my burner account and I am OP (: feel free to pm me I'd love to chat!
Last edited by isxbella; 3 months ago
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username5326522
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#10
Report 3 months ago
#10
(Original post by isxbella)
Hey! This is my burner account and I am OP (: feel free to pm me I'd love to chat!
Yeah you seem to be struggling with severe anxiety. You need to get help for that first
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isxbella
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#11
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#11
(Original post by Moonlight Rain)
Yeah you seem to be struggling with severe anxiety. You need to get help for that first
Like I said in my OP I'm getting cbt therapy now but I'd like to meet people on here to chat. are you anon 2?
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RushingRiver
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#12
Report 3 months ago
#12
(Original post by isxbella)
Like I said in my OP I'm getting cbt therapy now but I'd like to meet people on here to chat. are you anon 2?
Hi, I hope your therapy’s going okay. If you ever want to chat, I’m always looking to meet new people too so feel free to PM whenever
Last edited by RushingRiver; 3 months ago
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CosmicApathy1
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#13
Report 3 months ago
#13
(Original post by Anonymous)
im at uni, trying cbt therapy, I can go out to society events but I can't go any further than talking to people once or twice. I can't have banter with people because im too scared and in my head. i feel like im trapped in my room and i have no one to turn to. im scared ill have no friends when it comes to my birthday
You could try a one way friendship. You can just let the other person talk and you can keep whatever you say at surface level.
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