Should I tell my sexually assaulting exes new girlfriend what he’s like?

I know it’s not really any of my business but I saw he has a new girlfriend. Me and him dated back in 2018 but only for a short while but stayed friends up until last year and he sexually assaulted me the whole time, and has sexually assaulted one of my friends in the past. He is also extremely controlling and nearly got a conviction for stalking and harassment. I heard that she is meeting him for the first time soon in person and is staying at his house, which obviously is a red flag as he doesn’t understand consent. If anything happened to her I would feel like it’s my fault I wasn’t able to get him in prison. Should I tell her what happened with me or not?

Reply 1

TheMcSame

19

Do what you feel you have to.

The problem is that you're running the risk of just being 'that crazy ex' making up stories to spite your ex if you don't have the proof. Furthermore, if you didn't report your ex to the police he potentially has some footing to push for a harassment case against you.

Reply 2

Bristolbb

15

I totally would, you have no obligation to do favours for him and stay quiet
Hello, that's what reputations and social life is for
It is what it is

Reply 3

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

I know it’s not really any of my business but I saw he has a new girlfriend. Me and him dated back in 2018 but only for a short while but stayed friends up until last year and he sexually assaulted me the whole time, and has sexually assaulted one of my friends in the past. He is also extremely controlling and nearly got a conviction for stalking and harassment. I heard that she is meeting him for the first time soon in person and is staying at his house, which obviously is a red flag as he doesn’t understand consent. If anything happened to her I would feel like it’s my fault I wasn’t able to get him in prison. Should I tell her what happened with me or not?

Well that’s up to you, but at the same time you shouldn’t feel obligated to go out of your way to tell every single girls he’s involved with that’s he’s a sex offender.

Reply 4

skylark2

18

When you say he "nearly got a conviction for stalking and harassment", do you mean that the police decided there was no case, or that he was tried and found not guilty?

He may well be a nasty piece of work, but you need to consider that what you yourself are doing is definitely on the path to stalking and harassment of him.

I dunno - if you are really worried about her safety than you should probably tell someone, if they don't know already. Do you have a mutual friend who you could discuss it with?

Reply 5

londonmyst

19

Always trust your gut instinct and listen to what your common sense is telling you. :smile:

Does he have a criminal record?
Were any of the sexual assaults witnessed by anyone else or ever reported to the police?
Did you ever write or verbally record a detailed statement about the sexual assaults during the time that you were friends or dating?

If the answer to these questions is no, be very cautious of contacting his current gf unless you are willing to make a police report and give evidence at any trial that involves prosecuting him for sexually assaulting you.
Good luck!

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by TheMcSame

Do what you feel you have to.

The problem is that you're running the risk of just being 'that crazy ex' making up stories to spite your ex if you don't have the proof. Furthermore, if you didn't report your ex to the police he potentially has some footing to push for a harassment case against you.

I did report him and in the end I was told there was not enough evidence even though I had screenshots of him literally admitting the stuff

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by skylark2

When you say he "nearly got a conviction for stalking and harassment", do you mean that the police decided there was no case, or that he was tried and found not guilty?

He may well be a nasty piece of work, but you need to consider that what you yourself are doing is definitely on the path to stalking and harassment of him.

I dunno - if you are really worried about her safety than you should probably tell someone, if they don't know already. Do you have a mutual friend who you could discuss it with?

I was told by the police that the stalking and harassment part of the case would most likely be taken to court, but he was given a caution instead. I don’t have anyone else I could tell as I am no longer friends with any of the people he is friends with

Reply 8

booklover1313

20

Original post by Anonymous

I was told by the police that the stalking and harassment part of the case would most likely be taken to court, but he was given a caution instead. I don’t have anyone else I could tell as I am no longer friends with any of the people he is friends with

I would 100% tell the new girlfriend.

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by londonmyst

Always trust your gut instinct and listen to what your common sense is telling you. :smile:

Does he have a criminal record?
Were any of the sexual assaults witnessed by anyone else or ever reported to the police?
Did you ever write or verbally record a detailed statement about the sexual assaults during the time that you were friends or dating?

If the answer to these questions is no, be very cautious of contacting his current gf unless you are willing to make a police report and give evidence at any trial that involves prosecuting him for sexually assaulting you.
Good luck!

No he doesn’t have a criminal record, apart from the caution from the stalking and harassment but that’s not a conviction. Yeah I reported it to the police I did a video statement and a number of written statements

Reply 10

booklover1313

20

Original post by Anonymous

No he doesn’t have a criminal record, apart from the caution from the stalking and harassment but that’s not a conviction. Yeah I reported it to the police I did a video statement and a number of written statements

If he has a caution from the police, then yes it absolutely would be important for the new girlfriend to know.

Reply 11

skylark2

18

Original post by Anonymous

I am no longer friends with any of the people he is friends with

And yet you know what his girlfriend's plans are for staying at his house.

Tell the person who both knows her well enough to have been told she was planning to stay at his house and knows you well enough to have told you. Heck, tell all your friends so they know up front what your experiences with him were. It would have been better if you'd done this at the time when the police were involved, because it now does look rather like sour grapes, but better late than never.

Reply 12

Anonymous #3

I am all for girls supporting girls, but is it SAFE for you, as a victim to put yourself in a situation and tell this girl, because, we do not know how she actually will react, you know?

Reply 13

candydiva

16

From my pov in general this is a gray area. If a dude had a bad rep I would not tell other ppl based on hearsay or rumor however if there's written evidence that a report was filed even if nothing was actually done then I'd share that. Soo if u actually went formal as u say later in this thread, then yeah I rlly think the new girl needs to know this information for her safety and those around her.

Coz we all know the authorities have long dismissed or diminished women's complaints about DV and harassment and assault and in many cases have themselves been active abusers contributing to this disgusting societal curse :mad: