My boyfriend isn’t attracted to fat women yet I’m fat.

My boyfriend doesn’t find fat women attractive yet he says I’m the sexist thing ever, how’s that possible?He said I carry my curves really well and that his view changed. I just can’t seem to reason this out, has he unconsciously always been attracted to bbw and I unlocked this side of him? He is really passionate with me and really loves my curves yet I’m heavier than he is and in the past he would hadn’t even given a chance to date someone over 200 pounds. Any opinions?

This could be a number of things:

- Perhaps your perception of yourself is a little harsh. You could be a lot smaller than you think you are, and might be being a little hard on yourself. Lots of women are over 200lbs, that doesn't mean they are fat. And even if they are, that doesn't mean they're not attractive.
- He and you may have different conceptions of "fat". He might mean women a lot bigger than you are, whereas in his mind you might be more Rubenesque or voluptuous. He could actually be very attracted by your shape.
- You could have some insecurity issues. Perhaps your confidence has been knocked or you feel pressure to look a certain way for others. At the end of the day, that's not something that can be solved with affirmation. That's something you need to address yourself, perhaps with some counselling. There is no shame in that, and it might help you feel a bit more comfortable in your own skin.

Perhaps you need to discuss your insecurity with him? Communication is key, and he sounds like a nice guy. He should give you a space to talk about how you feel, where you can get your feelings out there. A problem shared is a problem halved, as they say. It could help you to hear from him how he feels, and it may help him to know that you're having a lack a confidence in how you feel.

Finally, try not to define yourself by someone else or how they see you. Even if your boyfriend were to stop finding you attractive, that doesn't make you unattractive. You can be comfortable being who you are.

He’s a keeper!
Trust me, some men are vile, my friends boyfriend threatened to leave her if she got fat?! Like what do you love, her? Or her body?
Don’t worry, he loves you for you!!

Thank you so much for the thoughtful reply. It really covered many things and cleared out my confusion, I was bullied when I was young and so that took a toll on my confidence, definitely considering therapy asap.
You might be right, maybe I’m built differently and his view of “fat” is different to how he views me, he did say he likes women with some meat on them, it’s just so bizarre to me because currently I am at my heaviest and he sees me so attractive.

That’s absolutely disgusting, she deserves so much better.

No worries at all!

Yeah it could well be a confidence thing born out of being bullied. Things like that can take a toll on you and it's good to talk them through with a counsellor when they impact you in your day-to-day life. Ultimately, you're in a good place. You have a partner that finds you attractive and an idea on where your confidence problems might be originating from.

Best of luck.

7 years in, due to get married, she won’t listen now.

Yeah :/ seems like a lost cause. I feel sorry for your friend.

I feel bad too because he’s older too but she’s clinging on because he was her first for everything. Oh well, just know your boyfriend does not sound like that sort and I’m sure you can judge that yourself

Thank you and he isn’t, I had to learn the hard way the first time with my ex.