LGBTQ+ Q and A Thread

Original post by Reeti

hey...

I had a question, but i don't know how do I ask it?

If you mean in the thread, try your best to explain the situation and people can help you find correct terminology or ask clarifying questions
If you mean you want to ask someone a question related to queerness irl, someone on here can probably help with that too (:

Reply 322

Reeti

14

Original post by 64Lightbulbs

If you mean in the thread, try your best to explain the situation and people can help you find correct terminology or ask clarifying questions
If you mean you want to ask someone a question related to queerness irl, someone on here can probably help with that too (:

My question was like...

I have always been into boys but recently when I switched country I found out that I like a girl a lot... I don't know if I am straight or bi

OP

Original post by Reeti

My question was like...

I have always been into boys but recently when I switched country I found out that I like a girl a lot... I don't know if I am straight or bi

Hey!

well done for phrasing your question! I understand what you mean :smile:

You don't need to be either straight or bi. Sometimes, it's the person that matters, not their gender. If you find this is a common occurrence, you might be pansexual (which means you just like people - whether they are a boy or a girl or nonbinary doesn't matter to you). There's no pressure to put a label on it - you are totally free to just be attracted to this girl and leave it at that. You might find that if you get with this girl, your perception of sexuality can change.

Some people don't even define themselves as queer, but acknowledge they are just in a 'queer relationship'. You might find this more comfortable if you're not ready to explore what you might be yet. :yep:

Ultimately, there is absolutely no rush. You can do your research into different explinations of sexuality, if you think this might help. Alternatively, you can just see how your feelings fluctuate towards different people!

Please let me know if you want more support - this is exactly what this thread is for :hugs:

Reply 324

Reeti

14

Original post by parmezanne

Hey!

well done for phrasing your question! I understand what you mean :smile:

You don't need to be either straight or bi. Sometimes, it's the person that matters, not their gender. If you find this is a common occurrence, you might be pansexual (which means you just like people - whether they are a boy or a girl or nonbinary doesn't matter to you). There's no pressure to put a label on it - you are totally free to just be attracted to this girl and leave it at that. You might find that if you get with this girl, your perception of sexuality can change.

Some people don't even define themselves as queer, but acknowledge they are just in a 'queer relationship'. You might find this more comfortable if you're not ready to explore what you might be yet. :yep:

Ultimately, there is absolutely no rush. You can do your research into different explinations of sexuality, if you think this might help. Alternatively, you can just see how your feelings fluctuate towards different people!

Please let me know if you want more support - this is exactly what this thread is for :hugs:

thanks so much...

And it is not just this one girl...it is like a consent feeling when I see some attractive girl....so I was so confused

OP

Original post by Reeti

thanks so much...

And it is not just this one girl...it is like a consent feeling when I see some attractive girl....so I was so confused

So maybe there is some queerness there that you can explore! Just take your time :yep:

Reply 326

Original post by Reeti

My question was like...

I have always been into boys but recently when I switched country I found out that I like a girl a lot... I don't know if I am straight or bi

picking a label requires a lot of patience :redface:

you could definitely be straight or bi, based on what you've said. You don't need to decide anything now (or ever, tbh) but it's worth thinking about.

Reply 327

sociologynerd8

hello, so I have a question about asexuality and being a demigirl, as well as changing of names.

Spoiler

Reply 328

Original post by sociologynerd8

hello, so I have a question about asexuality and being a demigirl, as well as changing of names.

Spoiler

Hmm...I have a demigirl as a friend and then my other friend is asexual but none of them are really like this. I would say that your really just nervous abt s3x so probably not Asexual, bcz my asexual friend said that when you are asexual you dont even IMAGINE sexual situations and if you do it actually seems impossible to even see yourself getting naked with a lover just for a shower or if you are just changing. As for the whole possible demigirl thing you MIGHT be a mix of demigirl and non-binary bcz I am non-binary and feel some of the ways you do and my friend who is a demigirl feels the other ways. Hope I at least help a bit, I have told you everything I know lol.

Reply 329

Original post by sociologynerd8

hello, so I have a question about asexuality and being a demigirl, as well as changing of names.

Spoiler

As for change of name its perfectly fine to change your name, more than once even. I changed my name once from Abby to Alix but I might change it to Daru so...if you wanna change ur name just make sure u think it suits u first.

Reply 330

Original post by sociologynerd8

hello, so I have a question about asexuality and being a demigirl, as well as changing of names.

Spoiler

Asexuality and allosexuality refer to sexual attraction (finding people's appearance attractive rather than whether you would enjoy doing romantic things with them), whether or not you're actually interested in or ready to have sex. If you're still questioning, it's worth thinking about why you are attracted to the people you're attracted to (are you interested in a relationship? A friendship? Do you think they're hot? Etc.)

It's a perfectly fine boundary to have to not want people talking sexually to you, especially if they're online and you don't know much about them, and especially if you're a teenager.

(edited 1 year ago)

Reply 331

CatusStarbright

22

Original post by Alix06

Hmm...I have a demigirl as a friend and then my other friend is asexual but none of them are really like this. I would say that your really just nervous abt s3x so probably not Asexual, bcz my asexual friend said that when you are asexual you dont even IMAGINE sexual situations and if you do it actually seems impossible to even see yourself getting naked with a lover just for a shower or if you are just changing. As for the whole possible demigirl thing you MIGHT be a mix of demigirl and non-binary bcz I am non-binary and feel some of the ways you do and my friend who is a demigirl feels the other ways. Hope I at least help a bit, I have told you everything I know lol.

It's worth noting that the lived experience of asexuality is different for everyone. In fact some asexuals may imagine sexual situations, but have no desire to carry them out in real life. Some may also imagine sexual situations and enact them in real life, but this does not invalidate their asexuality. All asexuality means is that a person does not experience sexual attraction; not that they don't or can't have sex. There are many reasons why a person may want to engage in that sort of activity, it does not have to be about sexual attraction.

Reply 332

Original post by CatusStarbright

It's worth noting that the lived experience of asexuality is different for everyone. In fact some asexuals may imagine sexual situations, but have no desire to carry them out in real life. Some may also imagine sexual situations and enact them in real life, but this does not invalidate their asexuality. All asexuality means is that a person does not experience sexual attraction; not that they don't or can't have sex. There are many reasons why a person may want to engage in that sort of activity, it does not have to be about sexual attraction.

I know that -.-

Reply 333

Anonymous #36

Hi can you find the same sex to be hot and sexy but still be straight?

Reply 334

Original post by Anonymous

Hi can you find the same sex to be hot and sexy but still be straight?

Depends on the situation I guess...-

Reply 335

Original post by Bonjour! <3

My friend is lesbian and Im not an ally. What should I say to her when she talks to me about it? Im not homophobic and I don't want to hurt her feelings. What should I say when she brings it up?

I think it'd be helpful if you were more specific about what you would normally say or do that could hurt her feelings. Sometimes people worry too much about mistreating LGBTQ people and sanitize conversations that are inoffensive, and sometimes people genuinely do hold homophobic beliefs without considering themselves homophobic. It's hard to tell which this situation leans towards without more information.

Reply 336

kaorimiyazono

Does anyone have any tips on figuring out if you're non-binary? I've been questioning my gender for a few months and would really appreciate some guidance.

Reply 337

Original post by kaorimiyazono

Does anyone have any tips on figuring out if you're non-binary? I've been questioning my gender for a few months and would really appreciate some guidance.

Trans teen survival guide has a fun flowchart which didn't really help me (a lot of my answers were and still are "idfk????"), but it does ask good questions that can provide you with jumping off points for your own topics you want to look into
https://transgenderteensurvivalguide.com/flowchart

There's also the question about your ideal future, but I always felt that was too vague to help. Instead of that, break it down into smaller pieces yk. "Would I feel comfortable if I had a friend who referred to me as non binary and everyone was totally cool with that?" or "would I ever want to change xyz characteristic of my body?" or "how would I get dressed up (ideally) to go to a party?"

It's also easier to focus less on the label you use (cause tbh, a lot of people don't get the concept of nonbinary, but a good number are happy to use whatever pronouns or names you pick out). For that, you can practice with a close friend, write stuff down, or use pronoun dressing room. Sometimes you just gotta sit with them in your head for a few days and think. (http://www.pronouns.failedslacker.com/)

You don't have to have some big "come to Jesus" moment where you realize your "true" identity. It's enough to just think about the little things.

The final advice that I really hope doesnt come off invalidating, is gender is a little fake. Like to me, my gender is real. But it doesn't have to be. There is no essential truth that we were born with about our genders and most people go with what makes them the most comfortable, and sometimes that's harder and sometimes it's easier. There is no right way to feel non binary or like a woman or like a man that someone else can tell you about which sucks so so bad until youve got it mostly figured out. And you might get it wrong. And whatever you decide doesn't have to be permanent

Reply 338

kaorimiyazono

Original post by 64Lightbulbs

Trans teen survival guide has a fun flowchart which didn't really help me (a lot of my answers were and still are "idfk????"), but it does ask good questions that can provide you with jumping off points for your own topics you want to look into
https://transgenderteensurvivalguide.com/flowchart

There's also the question about your ideal future, but I always felt that was too vague to help. Instead of that, break it down into smaller pieces yk. "Would I feel comfortable if I had a friend who referred to me as non binary and everyone was totally cool with that?" or "would I ever want to change xyz characteristic of my body?" or "how would I get dressed up (ideally) to go to a party?"

It's also easier to focus less on the label you use (cause tbh, a lot of people don't get the concept of nonbinary, but a good number are happy to use whatever pronouns or names you pick out). For that, you can practice with a close friend, write stuff down, or use pronoun dressing room. Sometimes you just gotta sit with them in your head for a few days and think. (http://www.pronouns.failedslacker.com/)

You don't have to have some big "come to Jesus" moment where you realize your "true" identity. It's enough to just think about the little things.

The final advice that I really hope doesnt come off invalidating, is gender is a little fake. Like to me, my gender is real. But it doesn't have to be. There is no essential truth that we were born with about our genders and most people go with what makes them the most comfortable, and sometimes that's harder and sometimes it's easier. There is no right way to feel non binary or like a woman or like a man that someone else can tell you about which sucks so so bad until youve got it mostly figured out. And you might get it wrong. And whatever you decide doesn't have to be permanent

Woah I never realised how many different gender identities there are. That first link you sent is gonna be rly useful- I kinda started going down a rabbit hole before realising what time it was loll. I need to go to sleep but I'll definitely finish looking at the relevant links on there later.

Thank you so much. What you said at the end was kinda comforting actually. In terms of sexuality, I go by queer because I gave up trying to figure out whether I'm bi or lesbian- I'm just not straight and vibing. So I'm kinda used to not having things figured out now lmao. What you said rly helped remind me that it's ok to not have gender figured out either. I was starting to get a little overwhelmed about it as it's not something I ever thought I would question so I rly needed that. I'm gonna try to adopt the same approach to gender as I did to sexuality and just read about it and vibe with it. Which is easier said than done lol. I'm gonna start by asking my sister to start using they/them pronouns on me to see how it feels before telling my friends and I'll go from there.

Thank you again- everything you said was rly helpful.

Reply 339

becausethenight