The Student Room Group

What is really happening?

There is a female German PhD in my hall building. During the autumn semester, she was very friendly to me. She greeted me with so a warm smile whenever she saw me that one of my flatmates asked if I had a relationship with her. Before Christmas, I even wrote her a Christmas card as a sign of kindness, the content plain & simple - nothing remotely romantic.

Until the 1st half of January this year, she still greeted in the same way as she did in the autumn semester. However, since the 2nd half of January, she has no longer greeted me. She pretends I am transparent whenever we come across each other. She appears to stay away from me for some unknown reasons. I don't know if someone has ever spread any rumour against me, making her wary of any contact with me.

I am not a pervert. I treat everyone with respect. I have never harassed girls just as I do not mess around in pubs. I have never antagonised anyone without good reasons as well. I really don't get what happened. I am not even seeking friendship or likewise but hoping to know if there is something I upset anyone.

It hurts a lot when I am struggling with emotional problems myself. It is not fair to me either as a kind person. I want to know what happened...

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Reply 1
Avatar for Iff21
Iff21
6
There can be many reasons which may not have necessarily occurred as a consequence to your actions. Maybe she's going through something traumatic, or maybe she was waiting for you to initiate a conversation but you didn't so she perceived you as not being interested.
In any case, I don't think its your fault as long as you have not done nothing to disrespect her.
Don't be too hard on yourself.
Original post by Iff21
There can be many reasons which may not have necessarily occurred as a consequence to your actions. Maybe she's going through something traumatic, or maybe she was waiting for you to initiate a conversation but you didn't so she perceived you as not being interested.
In any case, I don't think its your fault as long as you have not done nothing to disrespect her.
Don't be too hard on yourself.

I am crying in midnight partly because of this...life is really unfair when you see folks hanging out in groups to have fun that you can never have...
Reply 3
Avatar for Iff21
Iff21
6
I am sure you can make friends too. Don't be too sad because of what others do. Your happiness should be in your own hands.
Original post by Iff21
I am sure you can make friends too. Don't be too sad because of what others do. Your happiness should be in your own hands.

I have never been happy since 18 years old, have been suffering for at least 7 years
Reply 5
Avatar for Iff21
Iff21
6
Where are you from ?
What ever has been hurting you I hope it gets better and you heal.
This doesn’t really make sense, on one hand you’re saying you were cordial acquaintances who shared pleasantries when you ran into each other.

Simultaneously your writing her cards & crying at midnight because she didn’t say hello to you...

Im sorry but this just doesn’t add up. You obviously have feelings for her or something, and it sounds like it must’ve been a lot deeper then the odd smile to you.

Maybe she clocked you were after more then just friendship & is now distancing herself as she isn’t romantically interested in you (which realistically you are/were interested in her...).
Original post by mnot
This doesn’t really make sense, on one hand you’re saying you were cordial acquaintances who shared pleasantries when you ran into each other.

Simultaneously your writing her cards & crying at midnight because she didn’t say hello to you...

Im sorry but this just doesn’t add up. You obviously have feelings for her or something, and it sounds like it must’ve been a lot deeper then the odd smile to you.

Maybe she clocked you were after more then just friendship & is now distancing herself as she isn’t romantically interested in you (which realistically you are/were interested in her...).

I have a habit of writing Christmas cards to those I know. She was not the only person I wrote. I wrote to some male hall staff as well. There is nothing romantic in it. Just because Christmas cards have faded out it doesn't mean it is creepy to write Christmas cards to acquaintances.

So, I don't know what you are talking about.
Reply 8
Avatar for Surnia
Surnia
20
Ask her what happened.
Original post by Surnia
Ask her what happened.

Presumably this will be the latest in a long line of “I refuse to ask them, but please guess as to why this might be” threads.

OP: It’s perfectly fair for them to choose not to interact with you. You’ve fostered this situation by becoming emotionally attached to someone whom you exchanged the odd polite pleasantry with.
Original post by Anonymous
I am not a pervert. I treat everyone with respect. I have never harassed girls just as I do not mess around in pubs. I have never antagonised anyone without good reasons as well. I really don't get what happened.

More than a little concerned by this bit as well.
Original post by Admit-One
Presumably this will be the latest in a long line of “I refuse to ask them, but please guess as to why this might be” threads.

OP: It’s perfectly fair for them to choose not to interact with you. You’ve fostered this situation by becoming emotionally attached to someone whom you exchanged the odd polite pleasantry with.

She greeted & smiled at me & I reciprocated, where is the problem? In addition, the Christmas cards are what I wrote to different people, which are not limited to her or them. If it is someone I don't know, I couldn't care less about pleasantries. The reason I made this post is that I find the transition strange. So where is the problem with me wanting to know what might have happened?
Original post by Admit-One
More than a little concerned by this bit as well.

Excuse me, I don't understand. Would you mind being more precise?
Original post by Anonymous
Excuse me, I don't understand. Would you mind being more precise?

I’m concerned that you think there are “good reasons” to antagonise someone.
Original post by Admit-One
I’m concerned that you think there are “good reasons” to antagonise someone.

Because I did not. You are gaslighting me, aren't you?
Original post by Anonymous
i’m guessing you’re at least 25? dude this is so sad move on with ur life

......
Original post by Anonymous
However, since the 2nd half of January, she has no longer greeted me.

So you've waited 4 months to ask this question, and put it to a bunch of random strangers on the internet rather than asking the person concerned; why?
Original post by Anonymous
Because I did not. You are gaslighting me, aren't you?

So, to clarify. When you wrote this:
Original post by Anonymous
I am not a pervert. I treat everyone with respect. I have never harassed girls just as I do not mess around in pubs. I have never antagonised anyone without good reasons as well. I really don't get what happened.

You actually mean to write “I have never antagonised anyone.”, right?

Because that seems like a very odd, specific choice of words that you used.
Original post by Surnia
So you've waited 4 months to ask this question, and put it to a bunch of random strangers on the internet rather than asking the person concerned; why?

Any sensible men would not ask a potentially unfriendly girl in person about such matter, would they?
I think you are getting a bit of a rough ride on here but I think maybe you could have asked her earlier on if everything was okay or some such comment. What stage of uni are you at?

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