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Will my boyfriend come back? How often do guys return to a good relationship?

So we have been together for a 1.5 years, and it was the purest and best possibly imaginable love. For the past few months, I guess I grew more comfortable with him, started to text him more, call him more, showing affection and attention. We started seeing each other mote. And he started to say things like "I don't want a serious relationship". I didn't really understand what it means. Yesterday he broke up with me, because as he says he is unable to give me what I want and need. He does not want a serious relationship at the moment. I told him that I understand his situation there is no need for that at all, I love him, I will wait until things get better. But he said that he has decided. At the beginning of our relationship it was completely different, we were talking about common future, we were excited about our relationship. I really do love him, and I am sure he loves me. We have good intimate life, and what are the chances he will come back? Right now I guess he feels a bit lost in direction of his life, but I don't want to loose him cause he is a great person and I want to support him and be with him. He was quite firm yesterday, and I am wondering is there a chance that after some time he will start missing me, and we will be back? What should I do now, should I wait? I sometimes get really emotional and start texting him long paragraphs about how things can be, and that everything is okay.

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Pretty much the above - it’s harsh, but if he was enjoying the relationship, he would have stayed. He might come back eventually but I wouldn’t get your hopes up if I were you :frown:
(edited 1 year ago)
Original post by Anonymous
So we have been together for a 1.5 years, and it was the purest and best possibly imaginable love. For the past few months, I guess I grew more comfortable with him, started to text him more, call him more, showing affection and attention. We started seeing each other mote. And he started to say things like "I don't want a serious relationship". I didn't really understand what it means. Yesterday he broke up with me, because as he says he is unable to give me what I want and need. He does not want a serious relationship at the moment. I told him that I understand his situation there is no need for that at all, I love him, I will wait until things get better. But he said that he has decided. At the beginning of our relationship it was completely different, we were talking about common future, we were excited about our relationship. I really do love him, and I am sure he loves me. We have good intimate life, and what are the chances he will come back? Right now I guess he feels a bit lost in direction of his life, but I don't want to loose him cause he is a great person and I want to support him and be with him. He was quite firm yesterday, and I am wondering is there a chance that after some time he will start missing me, and we will be back? What should I do now, should I wait? I sometimes get really emotional and start texting him long paragraphs about how things can be, and that everything is okay.


What I'm going to say might hurt a lot.

There's a good chance that he doesn't love you anymore and is being polite in letting you go as to not hurt you. I'd ask him straight up what he thinks about you and the potential for a future relationship and tell him to be honest because it's affecting you and you're overthinking things a lot.
Original post by Anonymous
What I'm going to say might hurt a lot.

There's a good chance that he doesn't love you anymore and is being polite in letting you go as to not hurt you. I'd ask him straight up what he thinks about you and the potential for a future relationship and tell him to be honest because it's affecting you and you're overthinking things a lot.

I actually think he made it pretty clear he's not up for it at the moment, so pushing him anymore will just put him off. You'll have to leave him be and hope he gets back with you.
Original post by Anonymous
So we have been together for a 1.5 years, and it was the purest and best possibly imaginable love. For the past few months, I guess I grew more comfortable with him, started to text him more, call him more, showing affection and attention. We started seeing each other mote. And he started to say things like "I don't want a serious relationship". I didn't really understand what it means. Yesterday he broke up with me, because as he says he is unable to give me what I want and need. He does not want a serious relationship at the moment. I told him that I understand his situation there is no need for that at all, I love him, I will wait until things get better. But he said that he has decided. At the beginning of our relationship it was completely different, we were talking about common future, we were excited about our relationship. I really do love him, and I am sure he loves me. We have good intimate life, and what are the chances he will come back? Right now I guess he feels a bit lost in direction of his life, but I don't want to loose him cause he is a great person and I want to support him and be with him. He was quite firm yesterday, and I am wondering is there a chance that after some time he will start missing me, and we will be back? What should I do now, should I wait? I sometimes get really emotional and start texting him long paragraphs about how things can be, and that everything is okay.


As hard as it is right now you need to accept what he's told you, he will respect you more if you both take some time out to process it. Telling him you'll wait for him will just make him use you as he knows you'll always be there (speaking from experience). My ex and I broke up a couple of months ago and I still have some hope for our future even though he broke my trust but I've just had to accept that what's meant to be will be. If you're meant to be together you will find your way back to each other, but for now take this time to focus on yourself.
Agree with the above. You need to bear in mind that his explanation may only be a half truth, (it’s hard to be blunt with someone in these circumstances and normal to want to let than down gently), and the reality is that he has decided that the relationship wasn’t working for him.

Don’t pin your hopes on him making a 180. Concentrate on things which make you happy.
(edited 1 year ago)
What is your age OP.

Although I was in a few short term relationships beforehand I never really wanted actual commitment and a future with anybody until about 23. It sounds like as you've become more serious it has highlighted his own issues either in committing to anybody right now or in committing to you.

To be honest it sounds like he's decided your not the girl for him, I would not expect him to return bar sex.
Original post by Rakas21
What is your age OP.

Although I was in a few short term relationships beforehand I never really wanted actual commitment and a future with anybody until about 23. It sounds like as you've become more serious it has highlighted his own issues either in committing to anybody right now or in committing to you.

To be honest it sounds like he's decided your not the girl for him, I would not expect him to return bar sex.

Was with my ex from 18-23/24, it was when he got to 24 that he decided he didn't want to have everything sorted by that age, whilst also telling me I was the girl he wanted to be with?
Original post by Anonymous
Was with my ex from 18-23/24, it was when he got to 24 that he decided he didn't want to have everything sorted by that age, whilst also telling me I was the girl he wanted to be with?


There's a severe risk that if you don't make him want those things now, you never will. You risk being the one that eternally waits.

If a woman did not wish to progress after five years, I'd eject.
(edited 1 year ago)
Original post by Rakas21
What is your age OP.

Although I was in a few short term relationships beforehand I never really wanted actual commitment and a future with anybody until about 23. It sounds like as you've become more serious it has highlighted his own issues either in committing to anybody right now or in committing to you.

To be honest it sounds like he's decided your not the girl for him, I would not expect him to return bar sex.

Hi! So I am 18 and he is 22. I loved him with all my heart and we had a great relationship, lots of great and fun moments together. I believe he got scared of taking responsibility as we have been together for more than a year now. He is not a very responsible person.
I am pretty sure he doesn't have anyone else in mind, we have not talked to anyone on the side and I am pretty sure he will not get things that I gave him, in many ways, from other girls. He said that it did feel like I am his first gf and I am a wonderful girl. That is why I have hope; he is getting older and more responsible, he is 23 this winter. I do think that after his financial situation improves, he might come back. And this is what I want to happen, and therefore I am willing to wait
Original post by Anonymous
So we have been together for a 1.5 years, and it was the purest and best possibly imaginable love. For the past few months, I guess I grew more comfortable with him, started to text him more, call him more, showing affection and attention. We started seeing each other mote. And he started to say things like "I don't want a serious relationship". I didn't really understand what it means. Yesterday he broke up with me, because as he says he is unable to give me what I want and need. He does not want a serious relationship at the moment. I told him that I understand his situation there is no need for that at all, I love him, I will wait until things get better. But he said that he has decided. At the beginning of our relationship it was completely different, we were talking about common future, we were excited about our relationship. I really do love him, and I am sure he loves me. We have good intimate life, and what are the chances he will come back? Right now I guess he feels a bit lost in direction of his life, but I don't want to loose him cause he is a great person and I want to support him and be with him. He was quite firm yesterday, and I am wondering is there a chance that after some time he will start missing me, and we will be back? What should I do now, should I wait? I sometimes get really emotional and start texting him long paragraphs about how things can be, and that everything is okay.


sound like he wants a casual intimate relationship
Original post by Anonymous
Hi! So I am 18 and he is 22. I loved him with all my heart and we had a great relationship, lots of great and fun moments together. I believe he got scared of taking responsibility as we have been together for more than a year now. He is not a very responsible person.
I am pretty sure he doesn't have anyone else in mind, we have not talked to anyone on the side and I am pretty sure he will not get things that I gave him, in many ways, from other girls. He said that it did feel like I am his first gf and I am a wonderful girl. That is why I have hope; he is getting older and more responsible, he is 23 this winter. I do think that after his financial situation improves, he might come back. And this is what I want to happen, and therefore I am willing to wait


While one wishes you luck, I have tended to note that most people decide pretty early how far a relationship can go. There is a greater than 50% chance I would say that you may be the girl who made him who he needs to be for the next girl. There is a severe risk that you are wasting your time.
Original post by Rakas21
While one wishes you luck, I have tended to note that most people decide pretty early how far a relationship can go. There is a greater than 50% chance I would say that you may be the girl who made him who he needs to be for the next girl. There is a severe risk that you are wasting your time.


In the beginning we discussed how he has finally found the one, how he wants to spend most of him life with me now, and how he wants to show the best relationship ever and wants me to have it forever. In the beginning, it did not seem casual intimate relationship. I would not proceed if it did. I asked him at some point what he wants from me, is it just sex or something more and he replied to with the above (spending most of life, feeling that I am his first gf). I do believe that it is the financial situation that pushed him into this kind of depression, so we have not been seeing each other much recently. On that day, I told him that he will regret this decision, cause we have lots of love and understanding for each other, on which re replied that he hopes he regrets. Not sure what that means. But at the moment he seems quite sure in decision, which makes me think now that I was lied to at the beginning.
Original post by Rakas21
While one wishes you luck, I have tended to note that most people decide pretty early how far a relationship can go. There is a greater than 50% chance I would say that you may be the girl who made him who he needs to be for the next girl. There is a severe risk that you are wasting your time.

Maybe i am feeling jealous with this response but I don't see how he will be happy with someone else. We did things which he has never done with him previous gf, and we both enjoyed our sex life and he did say it is amazing for him. we matched sexually really well, which is rare I believe. Of course it would be bad to assume that sex would bring him back, but I kind of think it would, if other things wouldn't? Maybe he just got bored with the same person now, but he has friends of 7 years and is not bored of them?? And he did say that there are so many new things we can try, and do and it's gonna be really fun. I am just so sad that I am loosing such a fun, understanding, great guy. I guess there are people when they get too comfortable with their partner, they just get bored of them.
So the question is, how can I make him miss me?
Texting him paragraphs is the worst thing you can do right now if your goal is to get him back.
Original post by Anonymous
So the question is, how can I make him miss me?

You cannot, you should move on.
You might have liked the relationship but it's clear that he didn't.
Original post by sufys
You cannot, you should move on.
You might have liked the relationship but it's clear that he didn't.


Surely he will still miss me for all the great time we have spent. You can't just disregard all the good stuff, and kick a person out you took responsibility for at first, made me fall in love and promised all the good things. It's like if I get a dog, and then kick it out of the house cause I got bored of it and don't like it anymore. Why is it different with people? Are we worse than animals or something.
Original post by Anonymous
Surely he will still miss me for all the great time we have spent. You can't just disregard all the good stuff, and kick a person out you took responsibility for at first, made me fall in love and promised all the good things. It's like if I get a dog, and then kick it out of the house cause I got bored of it and don't like it anymore. Why is it different with people? Are we worse than animals or something.

He had a reason to break up. He may miss moments you shared with one another but missing times spent with each other and actually wanting to return to someone are two different things...
He probably won't want to get back with you and trying to contact him will likely make things worse between the two of you.
Original post by Anonymous
So the question is, how can I make him miss me?


don't

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