Ok, so often when I am talking to people, I feel quite awkward. Not in a massively restrictive way, just sometimes I feel a bit wooden like Im not quite being myself. What confuses me though is how my confidence level varies a lot, and im not exactly sure why. i can't really describe it, just sometimes i feel much more confident than other times. like the other day i arrived at a house party sober, and the room was full of people i didnt know, i feel like a lot of people, particularly those with social anxiety would get stressed out by this. if this was me at a "non confident" time i would have really struggled to ease into the situation. yet for some reason i was feeling more confident than usual and so i found it very easy to blend in and start making jokes with people.
On the other hand, sometimes I feel much less confident. for example the other day i was just in the kitchen with my flatmates who i know really well and for some reason just couldnt join into the conversation, anytime i did it felt really forced and i was just fake laughing a lot. its like i really go into my shell at times.
I'm mainly just really trying to identify what can cause these rises and falls of confidence to work on permanently being more confident. There are a few things i think it might be caused by. for example, i find after i have exercised i often come back and feel more confident in front of people, no idea why, maybe its the hormones that get released during exercise. but again this isn't always the case. also, sometimes i find if i have spent a lot of time to myself, like when im studying, and then go back into a social situation, i experience the shyness. almost like my social skills are rusty.
I could go on for ages giving you more nuanced examples of this awkwardness, maybe that would be more informative but i think this is a sufficient background into what it is. so, does anybody have any advice on how to deal with this? when im experiencing less confidence, does anybody have any good advice on how i can free myself up and join in on the conversation? because often when i start to go into my shell i can go the rest of the day being quite awkward when somebody is speaking to me, and it might take something like a night out of drinking to loosen up again. thanks for reading i would appreciate any responses.
p.s if anybody wants more information ill be glad to answer any questions