help? :(

I'm hoping to start uni this fall and I am super anxious. like- super to the point I'm worried and sick every day anxious. I wanted to go to uni and do my course for a few years now but when it comes to actually going, I get really worried about leaving home and back out.
i feel so guilty if I move out because I will miss my bf more than anything and my mum who would be alone. I have no idea what to expect. I cant stop feeling awful about this but I know its a great and necessary opportunity for me, i dont want to screw this up.

Reply 1

thebiovetscien

Original post by Anonymous

Are you feeling anxious becase you have to move out? If your mum knows about your bf, could you ask him to check up on her, maybe have dinner with her a couple nights. You could also go back home after a couple weeks, to make sure your mum is fine. I'm sorry you are feeling like this.

Reply 2

ran-dumb

Original post by Anonymous

Are you mostly worried about your mum? I'm sure she'll be fine, I was pretty close with mine before I left for uni, and we didn't see each other for a whole year. But she's completely fine, she has her job to be busy with and meets up with her friends when she has time. You can always call her and everything. Did she actually say she's worried about missing you?

If its about your bf, it can get difficult but I'm sure you'll figure out ways to see each other. How far away is he? If going to uni is something you genuinely want to do, you'll regret it if you decide to stay and not take the chance, you can always make things work there.

Reply 3

University of Strathclyde

Official Rep

Original post by Anonymous

Hey anon! Sorry to hear you're feeling this way :frown:

Please know that you're not alone in feeling like this, it's totally normal to feel anxious. Starting unviersity (and especially in a new town!) will be new and exciting but also comes with challenges.

One of my top tips would be to try and include your mum and bf in your move and new life. Why don't you try and find a day/afternoon where you visit your new home together and get familiar with the area before you go? Share the experience with them before, during and after the move and the more they realise how much you're looking forward to it the better you'll all feel about it. Right now it's likely the fear of the unknown, and because you don't know what your new normal looks like yet it feels intimidating, but you'll all get used to it. I loved the idea above from @thebiovetscien that your mum and bf could check in on each other too!

Try to think as positively as you can about the move, and I think the more you include your mum and bf in the process the easier everyone will feel about it :smile:

Agree to regular facetime/phone calls (e.g. let's always speak on a Tuesday at 7pm) so you've got the sense of routine and contact with them both. Try not to hide your feelings with them too - a problem shared is a problem halved and if you tell them your concerns you'll be able to work out a solution together.

Hope some of those ideas help! Wishing you tons of luck :hugs:

- Caitlin

Official University of Strathclyde Rep

Reply 4

ChichesterStuRep

Original post by Anonymous

Hey,

I'm really sorry you are feeling this way! Going to uni is such a big step and change in routine so it's completely valid to be feeling anxious!

Leaving home is a big scary step but its also an exciting one! I have just finished my first year at uni and I felt worried about leaving my family as well. However, uni does have its positives as well and if its a course you've wanted to do for a while, maybe try and see it as an exciting step if you can as you are studying a course that you are interested in!

It is hard moving out especially when you have those close attachments with people back home but uni doesn't mean those attachments will change! From my experience, you, your family and boyfriend will all adjust to you being at uni and soon it will become the normality! I know it seems like such a big, daunting change but as you said it is a great opportunity and hopefully you have an amazing experience!

Best of luck with everything,
Abby, University of Chichester, First Year Student Ambassador

(edited 1 year ago)

Reply 5

Blue_Cow

It's part of growing up. You need to move out one day. University is probably the best environment for this - you will have an academic support network around you.

You will get over whatever problems you think you may have in a matter of weeks once you commence your studies and make new friends.

Reply 6

hallamstudents

Official Rep

Hi, Adjusting to living away from home just takes time, so it's common to feel homesick when you first move away. You should need throw yourself into the uni experience, try anything that seems interesting to you, be it: societies; 'give it a go' one off events; events run by the students union; volunteering opportunities and so on, and you can still still family and friends from home regularly. You can also bring along photos and items that remind you of your family and boyfriend and put these in your room, so they can comfort you if you feel down and miss them.

When you get your timetable, plan times for you to go and see them, and them to you. You can plan fun days on weekdays or days when you're not at uni, and you meet in a city in-between the two of you. You can also go back on holidays :smile:

Just try and remember why you were so excited to go to uni in the first place. Remember why this uni and why this course.

Also, think of it as the best way to learn new skills that can help you throughout your life. You learn financial budgeting skills, how to cook for yourself, how to organise and plan, and how to be independent. It's fun getting a whole new place to live, to decorate your room from scratch, and sometimes your roommates become life long friends.

- Rosie

(edited 1 year ago)

Reply 7

Manchester Metropolitan University

Official Rep

Original post by Anonymous

Hi Anon!

I completely agree with everyone's comments to you, it's completely normal to feel this way during the lead-up to starting university and possibly moving to a new town. It can be daunting and you don't know what quite to expect.

I was in a similar situation to yourself I was anxious about how my mum would be living on her own without me ( as it was just us two for most of my life!) but as i started university i involved her in every aspect she helped me move, i introduced her to my flat mates and took her around my new city. I kept her up to date with everything i was doing and i was spending more time asking her what she had been doing with her days. After the first 6 months of university i found she was having more of a social life than i was doing all sorts of new things!

I would say communication is key when you move out just keep in contact and remember they are always only a phone call away. There will be times of course when you can go back home to visit and your family and boyfriend can visit you. Moving to university is a new way of living but you do adapt and adjust to your new way of living.

If you can i would say always have something planned with your mum/boyfriend so you know you have got something to focus on and look forward to during the first few months. Everyone, will be feeling the same way as you do so expect all the new starters to have the same worries as you.

Starting university can be daunting but it is also so very exciting and a new chapter in your life to enjoy! Good luck with everything!

Carly :smile:

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Reply 8

Coventry University Student Ambassadors

Official Rep

Original post by Anonymous

Hi there,

My name is El and I'm sorry to hear how you're feeling. I too have anxiety and now how daunting Uni can be and how it can make you feel regardless of it being a positive experience.

I would suggest maybe looking into your student health and wellbeing department at your University to see what they have to offer help wise. This is where you can get student support for mental health, struggles studying or overall just need some guidance or help. At Coventry University, we offer a 3 day stay at one of our campuses for people with nerves, mental health struggles and disabilities. This helps calms everyone's nerves and worries about the Uni, allows you to make friends who are similar to you, experience living in accommodations alone with others, and also explore the city! This was truly an amazing experience for me and really helped me get excited for Uni; all my worries faded after those 3 days, so I would heavily suggest seeing if your Uni offers this too.

If not, maybe a Mental Health Mentor may work for you? It's simply someone who you talk to weekly about your mental health, keep a maintenance on your work schedule and overall just have someone to talk to when things get rough! I also had one of these and she helped me so much and I couldn't of done Uni without her.

Your partner and mother are always welcome and allowed to come visit you also, so make sure to do that as just being at Uni doesn't mean that you can't see the friends and family you have outside of the campus! They can always stay over too, just have to get them to sign in at your accommodations front desk.

You won't screw this up. University is all about you and what you make of it- if you want to be in your room all day, so be it, if you want to be out partying all the time, do it! It's all up to you and only you have the power and control to turn these three years into what you want. Make it a time to explore yourself and understand your anxiety more and finding better ways to cope with it- maybe look into CBT whilst at Uni as I did this during second year and I have never had more of a understanding of myself before; I'm actually able to control my anxiety after so many years!

I hope this helps you, good luck and I hope your anxiety gets better.

El