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How has mental illness affected your life? Watch

    • #24
    #24

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Not sure if it'll quote you or not as it doesn't seem to be working properly...

    I went into hospital voluntarily, because frankly I'd tried everything else and nothing had worked and I wasn't getting any better and I thought it was worth a shot. I can't say anything about the other people who were there, it's confidential, but everyone was lovely. Most people were just normal, really, although most had been forced to go there. the nurses were bad because they didn't care about you getting better, you could tell it was their job and you didn't really feel they wanted to be there or help you get better. Because it was the children's ward, they treated you as though you were about 5 years old. I was like, I'm 17 and more than capable of living a normal life, no wonder noone gets better in here. It felt like a child prison!

    I warn you, private health care is really really expensive. If you're a bit short of money I would definitely advise trying the NHS first. To ensure you get the right therapist, go to your GP first and they'll know who to go to.
    How expensive are we talking, vaguely? I don't care about price really as long as it's not near to £1000, I only have about £600-700 max to spend as that's all I've got... Can't put a price on happiness!
    Have you tried medication? I feel bad for you, you'd think that because so many people suffer from depression that they'd be able to find a 'cure'!
    Do you ever have days where you feel 'normal' ?
    • #25
    #25

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    How expensive are we talking, vaguely? I don't care about price really as long as it's not near to £1000, I only have about £600-700 max to spend as that's all I've got... Can't put a price on happiness!
    Have you tried medication? I feel bad for you, you'd think that because so many people suffer from depression that they'd be able to find a 'cure'!
    Do you ever have days where you feel 'normal' ?
    Yep I think we're talking more expensive than that. I don't actually know how much my therapist charges because she sends the bill directly to our health insurer ~(but they're threatening to stop allowing it because of the amount they've spent on me!) .I've tried prozac and sertraline - the first made me so ill i couldn't move within 5 days of taking it, sertraline gave me acid reflux and i burned my insides out. So i stopped! Nope, haven't had a day I've felt normal in years. Sometimes I get a few hours of respite (and when I'm sleeping or drunk!) but that hasn't happened for months now. I had 5 seconds earlier in the week and it might not sound like much but I got a wave of happiness! And it was so lovely. It reminded me why I want to get better, it was incredible, just not feeling utterly utterly awful
    • #24
    #24

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yep I think we're talking more expensive than that. I don't actually know how much my therapist charges because she sends the bill directly to our health insurer ~(but they're threatening to stop allowing it because of the amount they've spent on me!) .I've tried prozac and sertraline - the first made me so ill i couldn't move within 5 days of taking it, sertraline gave me acid reflux and i burned my insides out. So i stopped! Nope, haven't had a day I've felt normal in years. Sometimes I get a few hours of respite (and when I'm sleeping or drunk!) but that hasn't happened for months now. I had 5 seconds earlier in the week and it might not sound like much but I got a wave of happiness! And it was so lovely. It reminded me why I want to get better, it was incredible, just not feeling utterly utterly awful
    That sounds terrible! Do you think you can bring depression on yourself? For example, if you're not a positive person, you're at risk of depression?
    What is your next stage of treatment then if you don't feel good after all the things you've had so far?
    What are your thought processes when you're feeling bad? What do you feel like?
    I still think it's bad that you've not been able to feel better in this day and age, with such a common illness such as depression. Why did prozac make you so ill?

    Over £1000!? Jeez! I suppose it depends on how many sessions you need from a therapist etc... As you've mentioned, I feel like I know what my goals are, and what I'd like to be, so CBT should be of use as I know my goals and targets.

    I don't have a health insurer so I'd have to register with BUPA or someone... which would cost a load upfront I'd imagine...
    • #25
    #25

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    That sounds terrible! Do you think you can bring depression on yourself? For example, if you're not a positive person, you're at risk of depression?
    What is your next stage of treatment then if you don't feel good after all the things you've had so far?
    What are your thought processes when you're feeling bad? What do you feel like?
    I still think it's bad that you've not been able to feel better in this day and age, with such a common illness such as depression. Why did prozac make you so ill?

    Over £1000!? Jeez! I suppose it depends on how many sessions you need from a therapist etc... As you've mentioned, I feel like I know what my goals are, and what I'd like to be, so CBT should be of use as I know my goals and targets.

    I don't have a health insurer so I'd have to register with BUPA or someone... which would cost a load upfront I'd imagine...
    I think some people are more at risk of depression than others, but who knows! There isn't a next stage of treatment for me as they've run out of ideas. My plan is to stay alive and hope that it goes away one day. It's so far sort of managing. I just hope things will change when I'm at uni (if and when I get there!).
    Thought processes always sound so ridiculous when you write them out - I did it in my last session with my therapist and even I agreed that it was just totally bizarre - you go from "my friend ignored me" to "i'm a horrible person" within a split second. Prozac made me ill ... I'm not sure why. I just have a weak stomach and can't tolerate things sometimes.

    You may struggle to register with a health insurer if you have a preexisting medical problem. Im not sure of the ins and outs of it, but if they know you're gonna start claiming as soon as you've registered they might not be so keen! Private health is crazily, stupidly expensive so I would definitely look into other options first if you can.
    • #24
    #24

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I think some people are more at risk of depression than others, but who knows! There isn't a next stage of treatment for me as they've run out of ideas. My plan is to stay alive and hope that it goes away one day. It's so far sort of managing. I just hope things will change when I'm at uni (if and when I get there!).
    Thought processes always sound so ridiculous when you write them out - I did it in my last session with my therapist and even I agreed that it was just totally bizarre - you go from "my friend ignored me" to "i'm a horrible person" within a split second. Prozac made me ill ... I'm not sure why. I just have a weak stomach and can't tolerate things sometimes.

    You may struggle to register with a health insurer if you have a preexisting medical problem. Im not sure of the ins and outs of it, but if they know you're gonna start claiming as soon as you've registered they might not be so keen! Private health is crazily, stupidly expensive so I would definitely look into other options first if you can.
    Tbh, I think that's sickening that they've 'run out of ideas' I'm thinking of people like Stephen Fry who have had severe bi-polar who are now 'cured' and then there's you who has no severe symptoms, but still suffering in silence with your whole future ahead of you. So do what is your actual official diagnosis if you don't mind me asking?

    If I recover from my Anxiety/depression/OCD , I honestly will be so humble about life, and never take the feeling of happiness for granted ever again. I never knew a state of mind would have so much bearing on everyday life.
    I woulnd't wish any mental health issues on anyone!!
    • #25
    #25

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Tbh, I think that's sickening that they've 'run out of ideas' I'm thinking of people like Stephen Fry who have had severe bi-polar who are now 'cured' and then there's you who has no severe symptoms, but still suffering in silence with your whole future ahead of you. So do what is your actual official diagnosis if you don't mind me asking?

    If I recover from my Anxiety/depression/OCD , I honestly will be so humble about life, and never take the feeling of happiness for granted ever again. I never knew a state of mind would have so much bearing on everyday life.
    I woulnd't wish any mental health issues on anyone!!
    Well I do have severe symptoms... I just hide them well! Noone's ever guessed in all the years I've had it, without me telling them. Official diagnosis... I assume is just clinical depression. I dunno though, I never really asked!

    I totally agree, it does put things into perspective doesn't it! I often think when someone's like crying over something trivial like an exam, "I'm sitting here trying not to kill myself and I'm not even crying!" Makes you appreciate the good times too

    Perhaps if they could find a way to harness it and use it as a punishment for something, it would be the best deterrent in the world!!
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    (Original post by dizzy09)
    I suffer from anxiety/depression, and have done since I was 14 (I'm now 26). This escalated during my early twenties, during which I was in an abusive relationship. He convinced me that no one could ever love me, and put me through physical and mental hell. When my son was born, he convinced me that I'd lose my son, so I struggled to bond. As he threatened to kill me if I ever left him, when I did eventually leave him, I developed social anxiety disorder. I still have days where I can't leave the house. I freak out when I hear the electric meter click in the middle of the night. If someone tries to get close to me emotionally, I'll push them away. Only two people other than my family, landlord and neighbours know where I live. I've had issues with self harm, and still suffer from trichotillomania. I suffer from recurring nightmares, which I get at least twice a week. Thing is, I can also hide how I'm feeling. My parents have a dim view on mental illness, so I can't tell them how I feel, or whats going on.
    Just wanted to say, you were very brave to leave him, getting out of the abusive relationship. Well done for that, I know someone who also went through the same as you and had a child by the guy, but she left him and now is with someone a lot better for her. Don't believe what he said to you, Everyone deserves a second chance in love and life. You'll find someone special if you haven't already.
    • #27
    #27

    I have sexual impotency linked to a psychological inferiority complex that I developed during a troubled past where things happened that I hope I never have to revisit. It has been diagnosed as psychological as I have not responded to Cialis and other drugs for impotency and at such a young age, shouldn't be having these problems. I have no self confidence to talk to women as clearly, someone that doesn't bring the sexual side to the table isn't going to get very far.

    Mental illness can be crushing as I slowly see my youth and chances of having children slowly slipping away which makes me question the point of my existence. Importantly, I am not contemplating suicide nor am I self harming, I am getting help and hopefully can move forward over time.

    To sympathise with everyone on this thread that has been struggling with mental illness, I hope things get better and you can move forward with your lives.
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    Interesting read this thread.. Being foreign, it saddens me that proper psychiatric healthcare costs loads in the UK

    Where I live, it's affordable. I got out of a psychiatric hospital a month ago and it changed my life. They were the toughest but at the same time the best 4 months of my life. The one I went to I guess is considered private because it isn't a part of a big clinic, it is specialised in just psychiatry, and all pathologies are together, so I was mixed up with people who were there for alcoholism, anxiety, depression, traumatisms, drugs, anything. I met so many interesting people and saw very difficult/harsh things, I learnt so much.

    What I regret most about my mental illness(es) is that it ruined university for me so far. I am unable to go in the near future because of my general psychological state, but mostly because of my OCD, which is very bad. I'd really love to study one day when I will have got better.
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    (Original post by Sylviana)
    Just wanted to say, you were very brave to leave him, getting out of the abusive relationship. Well done for that, I know someone who also went through the same as you and had a child by the guy, but she left him and now is with someone a lot better for her. Don't believe what he said to you, Everyone deserves a second chance in love and life. You'll find someone special if you haven't already.
    Thank you. I feel like I'm getting my life back on track, albeit slowly. Luckily, my closest friends are very understanding of what went on, and what still goes on. Well done on your friend for leaving that guy, and I sincerely hope things continue to go well for her. Thank you again for your kind words.
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    Well to update the thread a bit, mental illness in particular psychosis has gotten me sectioned on a mental health ward for the past 2 weeks and put on 4 different medications to control it.

    It ruins your life.
    • #28
    #28

    Depression/anxiety for the past five years.

    About four years ago I told my two best mates. They told me I was an attention seeking guilt tripper. They are no longer my friends and now have reputations of being d*cks - pick friends more wisely, lesson learned!

    More recently, as it got worse, I've told my boyfriend, my current best friend and my parents. My boyfriend believes me but there's not a lot he can do. My best friend is the same. My parents don't take it seriously.

    Recently told my GP. It's going to take several months to get me to see a psychiatrist. They won't let me see one until I'm seventeen. I tried this organisation; they took seven weeks to even get back to me.

    I've had thoughts of "I'd be better off dead". I spend every night crying myself to sleep. I believe I have GAD (Generalised Anxiety Disorder) because I'm always anxious about everything. I'm never chilled out and my mind has to be worried about something. Even when there's nothing to worry about I have constant bad feelings of angst. I have panic attacks. I'm physically ill. I have really low self esteem. I was really badly bullied in the past; that probably didn't help. I'm never happy.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Depression/anxiety for the past five years.

    About four years ago I told my two best mates. They told me I was an attention seeking guilt tripper. They are no longer my friends and now have reputations of being d*cks - pick friends more wisely, lesson learned!

    More recently, as it got worse, I've told my boyfriend, my current best friend and my parents. My boyfriend believes me but there's not a lot he can do. My best friend is the same. My parents don't take it seriously.

    Recently told my GP. It's going to take several months to get me to see a psychiatrist. They won't let me see one until I'm seventeen. I tried this organisation; they took seven weeks to even get back to me.

    I've had thoughts of "I'd be better off dead". I spend every night crying myself to sleep. I believe I have GAD (Generalised Anxiety Disorder) because I'm always anxious about everything. I'm never chilled out and my mind has to be worried about something. Even when there's nothing to worry about I have constant bad feelings of angst. I have panic attacks. I'm physically ill. I have really low self esteem. I was really badly bullied in the past; that probably didn't help. I'm never happy.
    I am really, truly sorry to hear this. As a fellow poster on this forum previously, I think I can sympathise with what you're going through. Having it so young is so hard, because you feel like you've missed out on a childhood (I'm 18 and have had depression for probably approaching 10 years now, which just feels ridiculous). I'm sad that your parents don't take it seriously, but you should be proud of yourself that you are able to carry on life as normally as you can. I know this has been hard for me. I see you're also struggling with the (I'm assuming UK) bureaucracy of the healthcare system that I did - not being allowed adult treatment until I was 18, and no way was I going to be able to last that long. I've had panic attacks too in the past (they're not as bad any more thank goodness) and I am also very ill physically. In many ways we are the same!

    Please feel free to message me any time, we probably have a lot of advice to offer each other! I've also seen many different specialists so have a bit of insiders view on treatment, if this might be of any help to you? Just hang on in there, it sounds like your boyfriend is behind you all the way.
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    I'm bi-polar. Sometimes I'm just over the top happy, and I drag people out on nights out and I don't even sleep. Other times though, like now, I just sit in my room. I can't face leaving because I feel people will know, and think I'm crazy. Doesn't help that I'm in university. At home my mum would drag me out, she'd help.

    I also have Binge eating disorder - sounds like an excuse for being fat. Sometimes all I can think about is eating and cooking and food and I'll eat till I feel sick. But people don't think it's an ED, they just think I'm greedy. I don't like eating in front of other people, because I feel that they look at the fat girl and judge me for eating.

    Sometimes I'm amazing. Sometimes I'm not. But I'll cope.
    • #12
    #12

    (Original post by haveyoumetmissjones)
    I'm bi-polar. Sometimes I'm just over the top happy, and I drag people out on nights out and I don't even sleep. Other times though, like now, I just sit in my room. I can't face leaving because I feel people will know, and think I'm crazy. Doesn't help that I'm in university. At home my mum would drag me out, she'd help.

    I also have Binge eating disorder - sounds like an excuse for being fat. Sometimes all I can think about is eating and cooking and food and I'll eat till I feel sick. But people don't think it's an ED, they just think I'm greedy. I don't like eating in front of other people, because I feel that they look at the fat girl and judge me for eating.

    Sometimes I'm amazing. Sometimes I'm not. But I'll cope.
    Sounds terrible! Have you been to your GP and had any treatment etc?


    On a side note, my Anxiety and Depression is terrible atm...
    • #12
    #12

    Also, anyone who does regular exercise - how does it help your mental condition?
    • #29
    #29

    I've just sat and cried my eyes out at this thread. Now I feel like I need to post (though my experiances are definitely not as bad as others on here)

    Mums depression
    she stays in bed for weeks on end
    often resulted in us not getting the proper care or food we needed as kids
    she's been on tablets which made her really reckless (prozac) causing her to get with people MY AGE
    last year she had a mental breakdown, resulting in me having to move out

    My depression and anxiety
    stopped me from going to uni last year
    have no motivation to do anything
    stay in bed until about two every afternoon
    I hardly eat
    can't get motivation to get a job, and i'm terrified of it in case i do something wrong
    not having a job makes me hate myself, think im lazy and scrounging (doesnt help that thats what everyone else probably thinks)
    I ****ing hate myself, and punch and pinch myself because I get so frustrated that im such a ****
    im terrified that there is going to be some sort of disaster eg when a plane flies overhead i automatically assume its a meteor about to hit the earth


    My friends know that im depressed but they have no idea about all of the above.

    the only thing i can do to make myself feel better is go out and drink loads. makes me feel like im not wasting my life.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've just sat and cried my eyes out at this thread. Now I feel like I need to post (though my experiances are definitely not as bad as others on here)

    Mums depression
    she stays in bed for weeks on end
    often resulted in us not getting the proper care or food we needed as kids
    she's been on tablets which made her really reckless (prozac) causing her to get with people MY AGE
    last year she had a mental breakdown, resulting in me having to move out

    My depression and anxiety
    stopped me from going to uni last year
    have no motivation to do anything
    stay in bed until about two every afternoon
    I hardly eat
    can't get motivation to get a job, and i'm terrified of it in case i do something wrong
    not having a job makes me hate myself, think im lazy and scrounging (doesnt help that thats what everyone else probably thinks)
    I ****ing hate myself, and punch and pinch myself because I get so frustrated that im such a ****
    im terrified that there is going to be some sort of disaster eg when a plane flies overhead i automatically assume its a meteor about to hit the earth


    My friends know that im depressed but they have no idea about all of the above.

    the only thing i can do to make myself feel better is go out and drink loads. makes me feel like im not wasting my life.
    Your circumstances are really hard, and I really feel for you and sympathise with you. It really is a hard thing to go through, and noone who hasn't experienced it can ever really imagine what it's like. Have you been to see anyone to see if you can get help? Though it doesn't work for everyone (it didn't for me) some people I know have had great results.
    You are certainly not lazy or scrounging, there is a massive gap between being lazy and not being able to get up because you feel so awful. You wouldn't say having flu is being lazy, and nor is this.

    I have a couple of ideas for you, if I may? I know you say you can't get the motivation to get a job, which I totally sympathise with. However, I think the key feeling is to feel WANTED. So what about doing some volunteering or something? Knowing you're making a difference to other people can sometimes help you get up. Perhaps try a local charity shop, or St John's ambulance, or a care home, or home for disabled children. Or simply google volunteering in your area. If you're on a gap year or whatever, you might have enough time to try like the NSPCC or Childline or something? They'd be so grateful for any help you could give I'm sure!

    I really hope things get better for you
    • #30
    #30

    I know.

    A lot of people assume that if your life is good, you're fine. Not true.

    I first recognised signs of depression/bipolar aged 17 and my parents too put it down to 'you're just at that age' 'its exam stress' etc. It isn't. Friends appear not to acknowledge that something's wrong, and at one point I even had a tutor at my college (who I'd previously managed to speak to about how I was feeling at the time) to mention it to two of my friends. That helped. For a day until they forgot about it again.

    I think that a lot of people feel that they can't deal with
    a) conditions they don't understand
    b) long term 'negativeness'

    The tutor I mentioned before used to always say things like 'maybe they just don't know what to say' and to some extent that's true, I suppose, but then again some of the time I think she didn't know what to say, but a seemingly pointless conversation with someone like her actually would help me a lot.

    Forgot what else I was going to say.
    • #30
    #30

    NEVER want to get up in the mornings
    TiredNess.
    Feel pretty incompetent, even when someone flings a grade sheet or something proving otherwise in my face.
    Doesn't matter if its sunny or not
    Death theorising
    Massive loneliness
    DON'T CARE about stuff I DO CARE about (if you've been there, you'll understand that)
    Sporadic eating habits
    Feel sick half the day
    General can't be arsed feeling
    Detection of hatred from all directions.

    Then I get those odd days where I do literally everything and just generally bounce around.

    If it weren't for those days, and the couple of people I am lucky enough to have to talk to sometimes, I would be a fail. A big fail as well. Pt
 
 
 
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