Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

Asians, are you allowed to marry a girl/guy of your choice? Watch

    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by piya21)
    Well, my family are kind of bark-worse-than-bite on this issue. I'm Bangladeshi and for years I grew up thinking that/being told that I could only marry a Bangladeshi, and that was definitely the case when it came to my sisters getting married (no brothers, so it wasn't an issue about girls not having as much freedom as boys or anything).

    The reason for this wasn't about purity of blood lines or anything, it was because my parents said that the future children of the marriage would be confused as to their heritage. I found it difficult learning my 'mother tongue' as it was, so if a kid has more languages/cultures that it feels it has to hold onto, my parents reckoned it would be hard for the child to keep connected to its heritage.

    BUT now it's my turn (in a few years) and they've realised that this was maybe not a rule that needed to be set in stone. So as religion has always also been more of a selling point than ethnicity anyway, if I found the right guy who had the right way of thinking and wasn't Bangladeshi, they wouldn't mind. I think if he was black/white it would be more of an issue though than if he was Arab/Pakistani/Indian/something more 'compatible looking' - only cos of the wedding pictures though hahah!

    Hope this made sense?!
    yeah it does. But does that mean you'd personally not attempt to get as long to a pale or very dark skinned man even if he seemed to have a great personality and clicked with you, you'd lean towards making the effort to one with a central Asian skin tone? (ok that's varied but hopefully you understand haha.)
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    So much racism. I understand maybe its tradition and culture but it's so racist at the same time
    • #2
    #2

    I am an Indian girl. This is never an issue for me because I don't want to marry someone of another race. I don't find Whites, Blacks etc. attractive.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Love My Fiance)
    well Im Bengali and so is my Fiance, my parents knew about us before they knew we wanted to get married, when I was 16, I got caught and they were mad but they have accepted it now but hes bengali too and a Muslim. MY older sister on the other hand married a non bengali non muslim guy, but the condition was he had to convert to islam which he did, hes not practising at all, just a muslim by name but I suppose if you want to marry someone of your choice, make sure they follow your religion AT LEAST, nowadays most south asians don't care what country the spouse is from, as long s they are of the same religion they will accept it, if they aren't try to persuade them to convert, it would help ALOT x
    Kind of makes a mockery of the marriage to be honest.

    (Original post by Iorek)
    My parents are Chinese and Indian, they have always maintained that I could marry anyone, but she has to be either Chinese or Indian. They been clear along as to the requirement that she has to be either Chinese or Indian and definitely under no circumstances absolutely no muslims or blacks. Apparently the rule also included no whites

    The other rule is her family must have the same social and economic standing as my parents and she must not earn less than 20% of what I am earning.

    They just found out I have a white gf, and they've not yet known it yet that she grew up in a single family household, definitely do not have the same economic or social standing and yes currently she earns 20% of what I earn. Thankfully they do not live in UK else WW3 is definitely on the way.
    I just find that amusing. Have your parents never thought about the fact that if their parents had the same restricted policy, then your parents would never have been married.

    So why have they placed this restriction on you? It's complete hypocrisy. You can only marry a Chinese or an Indian, because they're an Indian and a Chinese. Oh that's just brilliant

    (Original post by Menakshelatte)
    my friend,from Bangladesh,she can barely breath without permission from her parents.
    i was the first friend to take her to cinema,KFC and starbucks..
    Her family is VERY religous.
    I'm muslim,but like more of the modern types..and i still had to lie to her parents that i was a religous obsessed freak so they would let her be friends with me.
    so non-muslim guy=no

    The reason my mum&dads marriage ended =my dad was hindu my mum was muslim.

    my dad first lied he was muslim to go out with my mum but then families got involved and they certainly didnt apporve.
    my mum was openminded byt dads family went kinda crazy,plus the culture was VERY different

    But they dont care what race i marry
    What's a modern type muslim?

    I don't want to seem rude, but under Islamic marriage, your parents marriage was illegitimate. It was ever a marriage. No different to a boyfriend or girlfriend relationship.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by soldier-4-life)
    lol that would be even weirder than an arranged marriage. i wobder how my parents would react if i told them i was engaged to a girl i met online. Anyway im to young for marriage im still in school lol
    Hahaa that would never go down well!
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by joey11223)
    yeah it does. But does that mean you'd personally not attempt to get as long to a pale or very dark skinned man even if he seemed to have a great personality and clicked with you, you'd lean towards making the effort to one with a central Asian skin tone? (ok that's varied but hopefully you understand haha.)
    Well, I've never attempted to get close in a romantic way with any guy, regardless of skin colour or how perfect he may be as husband material...I've found both white and black guys attractive in the past though, but never enough to picture us getting married or even being in a relationship. So, truth be told, maybe there is a mental block in my way of thinking that means I'm programmed not to think of them (black/white guys) in that (marriage material) way...?
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    These replies are making me sad

    Makes me appreciate the way my parents have brought me up without all these silly restrictions on race. If you're a Muslim on this thread, nowhere in the Qur'an does it discriminate against ones race. This silly idea of you MUST marry within your race or caste or else we'll disown you/beat you needs to die.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I think as long as they're of the same religion I can take my pick..
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by piya21)
    Well, I've never attempted to get close in a romantic way with any guy, regardless of skin colour or how perfect he may be as husband material...I've found both white and black guys attractive in the past though, but never enough to picture us getting married or even being in a relationship. So, truth be told, maybe there is a mental block in my way of thinking that means I'm programmed not to think of them (black/white guys) in that (marriage material) way...?
    yeah it's what I was thinking to be honest (no offence).

    Luckily I personally find myself more attracted to those of my own skin colour, can't help that but at least it lowers the chances of some sort of traditional family issues which would might problematic with an Asian partner. I think possibly more so if the girl has the traditional family.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by HumanNature1992)
    These replies are making me sad

    Makes me appreciate the way my parents have brought me up without all these silly restrictions on race. If you're a Muslim on this thread, nowhere in the Qur'an does it discriminate against ones race. This silly idea of you MUST marry within your race or caste or else we'll disown you/beat you needs to die.
    There's also the cultural factor, though. Parents want their grandkids to retain culture as well as religion, so they impose the restrictions on their son/daughter when they get married.

    I agree with you in that, as an Indian I can find a well valued white/black/latina/chinese girl... some more so than certain Indian girls! but thats the way it is, and I'd probably marry someone indian to keep my parents happy - their happiness is more important in my eyes.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    If your parents threaten to disown you because you are marrying out of your religion its complete BS. 90% sure that they cant do anything, and even if they do 'disown' you, they dont deserve to be your parents.
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by G8D)
    I feel quite sorry for some brown people, not gonna lie.

    :sad:
    I get where you're coming from, I really do, but sometimes the cultural differences sound a lot worse than they are. Don't get me wrong, some people are in awful situations, but a lot of the time the rules and restrictions that our parents put upon us are just because they have been brought up in that way and if you actually go against it, they won't be so strict as you might think.

    I mean, people forget that there are a lot of cultural transitions happening in this generation because our generation and maybe some of our parents are the first to be raised in the UK and the first to have to find a way of mixing our cultural way of thinking and our way of thinking that we've gained from growing up around the different values of the west (not better/worse - just different).

    So in 15-20 years, we will be the parents and I know I'll be a lot more chilled about some aspects of who my kids marry (such as race )
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by joey11223)
    yeah it's what I was thinking to be honest (no offence).

    Luckily I personally find myself more attracted to those of my own skin colour, can't help that but at least it lowers the chances of some sort of traditional family issues which would might problematic with an Asian partner. I think possibly more so if the girl has the traditional family.
    Haha luckily for me too, actually. I find Asians/Arabs the best looking but can appreciate other races too. So I'm gonna find it a lot easier than my sister who only goes for the Matt Cardle types...I dunno what she's planning on doing...
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    Lots of Asians like myself will probably know very little of the language, so at least that means that we have an excuse to marry a British person rather than a S. Asian person from S. Asia. At least that way, you can sort of stop your arranged marriage and please your parents at the same time. I don't know why but I find Arab girls quite attractive.

    There's also the factor that some parents may not like you marrying a White person(blatant racism) or a black African (again blatant racism) or another colour/creed just because they personally are racist towards them. Though tbf, there aren't too many Muslim/Hindu/Sikh's that are White

    Again to most here race is most certainly not an issue at all(well at least to us)
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by newlife)
    There's also the cultural factor, though. Parents want their grandkids to retain culture as well as religion, so they impose the restrictions on their son/daughter when they get married.

    I agree with you in though, as an Indian I can find a well valued white/black/latina/chinese girl... some more so than certain Indian girls! but thats the way it is, and I'd probably marry someone indian to keep my parents happy - their happiness is more important in my eyes.
    I'd say that's a lack of trust in your children if anything. I can pretty much safety say I'm not going to settle down with an Asian woman - for various reasons, that's not to say I lose my culture or religion. The last 3 weddings I've been to have all been female cousins of mine who have married white men. Yet they still retain their roots and one has a child, with a Muslim name and still go to the Mosque.

    It SHOULD be whatever makes you happy, there are great, moral girls of all race, it's CERTAINLY not specific to Asian girls - especially as you know Asian girls of our generation may be ones to avoid as you can see that they're trying to rebel - so if anything you'll be happier and have retained more of your culture marrying outside of your race.

    I just dont think the two (maintaining culture & having a relationship with Asian girls) are exclusive to each other.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    Why on earth wouldn't they?
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    The worst thing about when I read through this thread is how people will sacrifice their own happiness for their parents I find that so sad. I probably dont have the same experience by coming from an ethnically European family especially when my parents main ancestry is from different nations but still people should get with people they love and not with people to satisfy others whose relationship it is not.
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by piya21)
    Haha luckily for me too, actually. I find Asians/Arabs the best looking but can appreciate other races too. So I'm gonna find it a lot easier than my sister who only goes for the Matt Cardle types...I dunno what she's planning on doing...
    having a big family row, screaming that they don't understand anything and their customs are ridiculous, slamming the door and running off with the boyfriend then...

    A) come crawling back when it doesn't work out.

    B) They get married. Your parents do or don't go to the wedding but don't really approve. Your parents come around eventually (more likely mother then father) or never do and contact between them and your sister is minimal at best until she has kids, then their longing to be grandparents and be involved will likely trump their cultural customs. Just as religion is trumped by secular human morality. Fascinating when it happens.

    Haha bit OTT but you'll see...you'll see!:p:p
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by G8D)
    Are you able to marry out of your own race/religion?
    Or rather, would you?
    Race is flexible I think...it's been an erosion process of quoting multiple verses from the Qur'an to my parents which forbid saying no to a marriage based on race They don't mind really, they just don't want to lose face for now...I'm Bangladeshi and currently know a guy from this summer programme who is - I swear - the perfect guy for me. I haven't said anything about this to either him or my parents but my mother knows who he is and has talked about the possibility of me and him marrying (like waaay in the future) to my sister (who then told me, haha). And he's Pakistani which 5 years ago they would have ruled out straight away - even though we ARE the same colour! (Not that it should even matter, but you get my point?)

    When I talk about 'not being allowed to marry outside of my religion', truth is - I wouldn't want to. I'm a strong believer and would like a spouse who is the same way, thinks the same way and can support me like I would support him - emotionally and spiritually. (Eeww, mushy! :P)
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by HumanNature1992)
    I'd say that's a lack of trust in your children if anything. I can pretty much safety say I'm not going to settle down with an Asian woman - for various reasons, that's not to say I lose my culture or religion. The last 3 weddings I've been to have all been female cousins of mine who have married white men. Yet they still retain their roots and one has a child, with a Muslim name and still go to the Mosque.

    It SHOULD be whatever makes you happy, there are great, moral girls of all race, it's CERTAINLY not specific to Asian girls - especially as you know Asian girls of our generation may be ones to avoid as you can see that they're trying to rebel - so if anything you'll be happier and have retained more of your culture marrying outside of your race.

    I just dont think the two (maintaining culture & having a relationship with Asian girls) are exclusive to each other.
    You'd be surprised how bad it could get mate, I'l tell you a quick story from my own experience:

    The girl I really and truly loved (even today) can't be mine because I ended the relationship, and she was going out with me behind her parents back. (We're BOTH Hindu, but she's just from bangalore whereas I'm fro Gujurat).. So 3 months later after I had thinking time alone and realised I literally couldn't live without her, I came back almost enlightened and she said no. Now it could have been for multiple reasons, but I know inside that there's a good chance she could have come back if the parents thing wasn't an issue. I remember her saying I wont hurt my parents from here on so I'l never be in a relationship anyway.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: March 1, 2011
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    What newspaper do you read/prefer?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.