What career would suit me? Generally struggling with this.

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Original post by Tyrion_Lannister

But you can contribute in other ways? For example I'm much better at cooking and decorating than my boyfriend, so I wouldn't expect him to do that? I see your point but I don't think it's all about finance.

My mum's always worked part time and my dad's always worked full time

I think if both you and your partner are OK with it, then fine, but I have met so many girls who expect to be able to work part-time or be a stay-at-home mum and wouldn't consider a guy without the career potential or inclination to allow them to do so.

I think finance is the most important thing outside the "relationship" aspects of a relationship. I'm better and cooking and my bf cares more about cleaning, so that gets split pretty evenly. But I wouldn't want to reduce my working hours unless my bf could do the same, because I think it's important we contribute as evenly financially and domestically as possible, and anyway I would want that extra time to be for us as a couple (travelling or something like that) or for separate time for hobbies. I don't think home-making takes more than a few hours a week, so I couldn't justify counting that as my contribution to our relationship, if that makes sense.

But I don't want kids, so that makes a huge difference. I can appreciate you want to be able to be around for your kids and having a family is more important to you than a job, but I personally don't and couldn't think like that, and I can't help feeling it's a bit selfish to work less than you could for your own enjoyment, whilst your parents/boyfriend have given/will give you so much financially through their own hard work. I know that sounds really judgemental, but I can't help thinking it. :frown:

Reply 181

Malevolent

Boobalagist ? :tongue:

Reply 182

tehforum

Original post by Tyrion_Lannister

Because having different priorities makes someone lazy. To be honest you just seem really bitter.

So? They're still necessary. That's why he's going to work full time and I'm not. There are tihngs I'm better at and things he's better at

This forum is full of academic types who hate anyone who isn't..

So your priorities are doing housework and doing shopping for 4 days of the week ? Go be a cleaner then, you'd feel right at home.

Reply 183

tehforum

Original post by Tyrion_Lannister

Yes, they're necessary, but not so important that you require four full days to do them.

You're not the most astute of people.

Reply 184

Tiger Rag

Original post by Tyrion_Lannister

Because having different priorities makes someone lazy. To be honest you just seem really bitter.

I don't think anyone's saying that. You're basically saying you can't be arsed to work part time but want a salary of 20k per year and expect your boyfriend to work full time.

Your expectations are unrealistic.

Reply 185

Tyrion_Lannister

Original post by tehforum

So your priorities are doing housework and doing shopping for 4 days of the week ? Go be a cleaner then, you'd feel right at home.

My priorities are spending time with those around me, making sure where we live is nice, cooking decent food (I prefer to cook in batches and freeze it so we can eat quickly when we need to) as well as some other stuff. Why does that annoy you?

Reply 186

Tyrion_Lannister

Original post by OU Student

I'm happy to earn less than that. And I don't expect him to, he wants to

Reply 187

desdemonata

Original post by Tyrion_Lannister

The thing is, your plan is basically relying on someone else for the things you don't want to do. What are you going to do if you aren't with someone who works full time? Your set of priorities only works in one situation, you shouldn't plan for your life to be that way, because then if you end up single you'll be screwed.

Also relying on someone else your whole life to do the ****ty stuff (working full time, doing a job they don't like) is basically never growing up and being a kid. It's not about being academic at all, it's about being a grown up. Grown ups work, earn their own money, pay their own bills, do things they don't want to do because they need to. They don't rely on someone else to make their life easy.

And I'm sorry, but you DO NOT need to have more of your week dedicated to free time than work to be able to look after a house, do the shopping and meet people. The weekend is more than enough. The only time you could feasibly argue you need plenty of free time is if you have very young children.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 188

tehforum

Original post by Tyrion_Lannister

Ah, so this inherent laziness runs in your social circle of family and friends.

It annoys me when everyone else does exactly the same as you want to do, but you feel the undue need to have a part time job which caters to your every need.

Reply 189

Tyrion_Lannister

Original post by desdemonata

I don't expect him to do a job he's not interested in though? My boyfriend wants to work full time and wants to be a lawyer, it's not like I've said he has to? I don't get why people are saying I'm being unfair to him?

I can understand your point about it only works if I'm in a relationship

Reply 190

Raiden10

Original post by Tyrion_Lannister

1) Art as in cartooning/illustration. Not good at realistic stuff.
2) Crafty/making stuff/solving problems in unique ways
3) Good with my hands ( :sexface:

). No in all seriousness, I'm good at DIY and practical stuff.
4) I'm funny and outgoing, so I'm good at giving presentations and designing the layouts/handouts and stuff like that
5) Good at meeting people/talking to people

Carpenter?

Reply 191

Tyrion_Lannister

Original post by tehforum

It isn't lazy to not be career focused. Why are you not getting that?

But it is nothing to do with you. So basically your point is "Because I have to do something unpleasant, you have to too!"..

Reply 192

Tiger Rag

Original post by Tyrion_Lannister

Cooking in batches doesn't take that long. I used to do that on a Sunday whilst at uni. It probably took me an extra 5 minutes or so.

Mum does that on her days off, as well as everything else you mentioned. Admittedly, she does normally get 3-4 days off. But unlike many people, she does 12 hours shifts.

Reply 193

Tyrion_Lannister

Original post by OU Student

It's nice to be able to have the extra time to do it properly.

Something I should probably have mentioned is I have bipolar and a chronic pain condition and getting enough sleep/eating properly is crucial to me not ending up suicidal, but I didn't want a like a sob story. I don't understand this hostility to people working part time?

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 194

Hellz_Bellz!

Okay wow some of the comments on this thread are just rude. At least she's aiming to work. She could easily just say screw it, I'm going on benefits for the rest of my life, like a lot of people do.

Original post by brendonbackflip

I second this. My mum has always hated working for people, in the end my mum now has her own business in the sense that she's a private piano teacher. She works 6 days a week, but for very short periods of time (like one day she might only have a couple of half an hour lessons) and she works from home so there's no travelling and she's constantly around at home.

Obviously this has required certain qualifications (and she started off working as a secretary and then a high school teacher so she has dipped in to employed work) so I'm not saying run off and be a music teacher, but the point is that she's ended up making her own job as opposed to finding the right one. I imagine there's a host of creative businesses you could think of.

I'm not entirely sure what she earns mind...

My ex piano teacher worked a similar amount to your mum - 6 or even 7 days a week but with very spread-out hours. She also lived in a massive house in the suburbs so it can't pay that badly :lol:

Piano teacher would probably be my back-up plan if my main career plan falls through.

Reply 195

tehforum

Original post by Tyrion_Lannister

So you get DSA?

Reply 196

Caedus

I'm not surprised you've struggled as there isn't an existing job that fits your unrealistic criteria, Tyrion.

Anyway, you sound as if you'd like to become an old fashioned house-wife. There's nothing inherently wrong with that notion - my mother didn't begin full time work until her mid-forties.

Reply 197

Hellz_Bellz!

Original post by tehforum

Is it a crime to not want a job which makes you want to pull your hair out? Lay off her, she's done nothing wrong.

Reply 198

desdemonata

Original post by Tyrion_Lannister

But you expect him to work full time so you don't have to. You're relying on him to make your life exactly the way you want. It's not about demanding him to do something he doesn't want to (but I assure you, people who work full time at a job they love get tired and overworked too, it's not always rainbows and sunshine), it's turning him into a parent that provides for you because you're unwilling to do what everyone else has to. It's not morally wrong, but of course you're rubbing people the wrong way, and it does come off as lazy, because every one else is having to provide for themselves and do things they don't want to do. Your priorities/other things you want to do aren't even incompatible with a full-time job, you don't actually have any good reason to want a part-time job other than you don't want to work full-time because you don't have to.

If you're going to do that, you might as well not work at all and be a housewife, because your expectations for work are highly unrealistic. People who manage to get the exact job they want, for the pay they want, are lucky, so getting both of those part time no less would be a miracle.