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Muslim TSR users, should I marry this man? Arranged Marriage watch

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    can all the people against the idea of arranged marriage not comment , i wrote this for the purpose of Muslims to give me advice. i dont need your western 21st century comments.
    You seem backward as hell. I feel sorry for you tbh for being so naive.

    21st century comments lmao. If you don't then why come on here and ask? Even some Muslims on here are telling you to do your degree first.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm curious about how if he's only 25, he already has a PhD?

    The great majority of people I know with PhDs get them in their late 20s... :moon:
    A PhD lasts between 3-4 years so if you start one straight after graduating (at 21/22) then you would in fact be 25/26 once it's completed.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    being educated and religious are big factors for me. personality is important to i forgot to mention. the age gap should bother me at all and i have family who have married to different cultures and its been okay for them. tbh my life goals are to become a good mother and a good wife. i am doing a degree at the moment but it will not be disrupted if i get married.
    I hope you are paying for that degree yourself and not wasting more tax payers money.


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    (Original post by AccountingBabe)
    I hope you are paying for that degree yourself and not wasting more tax payers money.


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    Most likely she's using an Islamic bank or something to avoid interest, so no.

    But how would she be wasting tax payers money by taking out a loan anyway?

    And there are people doing useless degrees all over the place wasting tax payers money.
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    (Original post by donutellme)
    Most likely she's using an Islamic bank or something to avoid interest, so no.But how would she be wasting tax payers money by taking out a loan anyway?And there are people doing useless degrees all over the place wasting tax payers money.
    (Original post by AccountingBabe)
    I hope you are paying for that degree yourself and not wasting more tax payers money.


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    how is it wasting tax payers money? if you are suggesting that then isnt everyone is was taking a loan? im planning on paying it back obvs. im working full time as well as studying full time so al have payed my first year off before the end of the academic year. the next gtwo years of my degree i will not be taking a loan.
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    (Original post by Plantagenet Crown)
    Well we ARE in the West and this IS the 21st century. The fact you even said that is really quite shocking, as if you actually WANT medieval comments instead.
    Maybe she should marry someone from back home then.
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    (Original post by CAPTAINSHAZAM)
    Yeh and where are they on this thread.... I cant see them, just because TSR has some doesnt mean they will help on this thread. Thats why she needs advice from someone who can understand the situation better rather than just rely on TSR. Speaking over a forum doesnt help since we dont even know what type of person OP is nor have we met her or no the full situation.
    Dude I've read the Quran.... several times... I've looked into the religion for years.... like "OMG I know nothing about Islam"...

    I've got Muslim family members who've gotten arranged marriage so I do understand her situation, most of them are divorced with kids who are going to counseling....

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    how is it wasting tax payers money? if you are suggesting that then isnt everyone is was taking a loan? im planning on paying it back obvs. im working full time as well as studying full time so al have payed my first year off before the end of the academic year. the next gtwo years of my degree i will not be taking a loan.
    People have tried doing that, it never works because at some point you have to take less hours to study for finals and assignments. 3rd year , I doubt you'll be able to work more than 6 hours a week without feeling swamped with thesis drafts. It's not practical. You either choose to do well in it or work to pay it off and get a mediocre classification.

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    (Original post by AmazingArry)
    People have tried doing that, it never works because at some point you have to take less hours to study for finals and assignments. 3rd year , I doubt you'll be able to work more than 6 hours a week without feeling swamped with thesis drafts. It's not practical. You either choose to do well in it or work to pay it off and get a mediocre classification.

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    my degree is with the open university i work 7:30-3:15 and study when i get home
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    (Original post by donutellme)
    Most likely she's using an Islamic bank or something to avoid interest, so no.

    But how would she be wasting tax payers money by taking out a loan anyway?

    And there are people doing useless degrees all over the place wasting tax payers money.
    Knowingly taking out a government loan and knowing that you have no intention of paying it back rather than people stupidly going into a mediocre degree and not getting a job is two totally different things.


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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    how is it wasting tax payers money? if you are suggesting that then isnt everyone is was taking a loan? im planning on paying it back obvs. im working full time as well as studying full time so al have payed my first year off before the end of the academic year. the next gtwo years of my degree i will not be taking a loan.
    Just because it is disguised as a "loan" doesn't mean its not tax payers money... The conditions and "interests" you need to pay back almost makes it free money. If we had a free market, then the conditions would match reality more and the interest rates would be much higher, and would be less dependant on tax. The university system is heavily subsidised towards home students (I'm assuming you are one), and it comes out of tax payers - I'm not saying that's necessarily a bad thing, but call it what it is, public-subsidised education.
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    (Original post by AmazingArry)
    Dude I've read the Quran.... several times... I've looked into the religion for years.... like "OMG I know nothing about Islam"...

    I've got Muslim family members who've gotten arranged marriage so I do understand her situation, most of them are divorced with kids who are going to counseling....

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    So by reading the quran it automatically means youre knowledgeable.... Thats like me saying ive read a book about space and then saying im knowledgeable enough to talk about it... She needs to see someone from the masjid or another islamic figure who will give a better explanation than any of us can.
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    (Original post by CAPTAINSHAZAM)
    So by reading the quran it automatically means youre knowledgeable.... Thats like me saying ive read a book about space and then saying im knowledgeable enough to talk about it... She needs to see someone from the masjid or another islamic figure who will give a better explanation than any of us can.
    I've been to masjid for years when I was a kid. Course I know stuff...

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    (Original post by AmazingArry)
    I've been to masjid for years when I was a kid. Course I know stuff...

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    So.... Millions of kids go to masjid for years they dont teach you well 90% dont teach anything remotely linked to marriage and age, arrange marriage etc. Stop being ignorant she shouldnt speak to anyone on here. Someone needs to speak to her and the other person and the parents its not just her account that needs to be considered.
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    (Original post by CAPTAINSHAZAM)
    So.... Millions of kids go to masjid for years they dont teach you well 90% dont teach anything remotely linked to marriage and age, arrange marriage etc. Stop being ignorant she shouldnt speak to anyone on here. Someone needs to speak to her and the other person and the parents its not just her account that needs to be considered.
    Well that's her choice and she's clearly already asked people so unless you've got a time machine I doubt you can stop people from exercising their freedom of speech and giving her their opinion.

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    (Original post by AmazingArry)
    Well that's her choice and she's clearly already asked people so unless you've got a time machine I doubt you can stop people from exercising their freedom of speech and giving her their opinion.

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    No youre right, but idiots like yourself think by having "some knlowedge and i use the word "some" very loosely, you think you all of sudden can answer such a heavy question regardless of if she asked or not.
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    Cant really help you here im afraid. Im Muslim, but my family are against arranged marriages. I dont think asking strangers online is a good course of action though...
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    are you both muslim?
    Muslim here.

    Don't do it. You have no idea of the magnitude of what you're considering to do. The reason I'm against the marriage here is simply because you're only 18/19. You have the whole of your 20s ahead of you, which you can use to education yourself, develop some life ambitions as opposed to just wanting to be a housewife, do something productive, gain some experiences and become an functioning adult woman. Also, having a PhD and being religious are not indicators of a healthy compatible partner. If anything, it only shows me that the guy has certain flaws in him. I mean if he's 25, has a PhD, and is fairly religious then how is it that he has not found the right person for him yet. Don't get me wrong, I know it's completely normal to be single at that age but what I mean is, if he is just that perfect as you describe him, then he would have had his love life sorted by now. You're only 18/19 you shouldn't even be considering an arranged marriage. Now had you been 30, I would have completely understood.

    Love is certainly not a western concept. The act of getting to know someone, finding them attractive, slowly getting to talk, spending time with them, sharing moments with them and doing things together with them is truly a beautiful feeling, and Allah does not look down on this. Falling in love with someone then marrying them is completely halal. Please do not undermine the notion of marriage, an arranged marriage is horrible and will deny you of all those beautiful little moments that you deserve. People all around the world fall in love, it's not just a Western thing I promise you, it's human nature.
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    (Original post by CAPTAINSHAZAM)
    No youre right, but idiots like yourself think by having "some knlowedge and i use the word "some" very loosely, you think you all of sudden can answer such a heavy question regardless of if she asked or not.
    Great so you've resorted to trying to insult people.... congratulations you have failed. Marriage has nothing to with religion. Yes for someone who is religious it can have an influence on who that said person marries but thats about it. Its about the character that the potential partner has, and whether they make you happy. Love isnt a job interview and yes she should marry someone she loves. But only she will know if she's in love with someone, not a molvi who will tell her to do what her parents say and tell her to get married to a complete stranger so she doesnt commit zinna.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    my degree is with the open university i work 7:30-3:15 and study when i get home
    Assuming you're doing a part time degree so 60 credits a year, you'll have to make a commitment of 15 hours a week to study thats 3 hours after work everday and your weekends free. If you decide to do 90 credits a year thats 25-28 hours a week, thats 5 hours a day and 3 hours on a saturday. You'll be extrememly stressed out either way. I know for a fact the OU probably gives you only a month between the lecture end date and the module exam... you'd have to take time off for that entire month to revise the entire module and less hours at work before that interval.
 
 
 
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