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I got my FWB pregnant and she wants to keep it? Watch

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    (Original post by EllainKahlo)
    Example: http://www.cosmopolitan.co.uk/body/h...contraceptive/

    While I get that this isn't the most common thing in the world, it irks me that some people insist on being sexually active and think that pregnancy and STDs just can't happen to them. And when it does, it wasn't their fault of course. Just because OP is mad, and granted I understand why, doesn't mean he isn't partially at fault for what has happened. You make your bed, you have to lie in it. If I was a man, I certainly would not take some girl's word for it that she was on the pill. One I'd want to see proof, and even if she has it on her person, doesn't mean she takes it. Various types of contraception exist for a reason.

    There are a lot of medicines, too many to name, which also affect the pill from working. But your doctor has a responsibility to tell you if it could make your contraception not work.
    That's the state of sex education in this country. I mean, they've not even managed to agree that putting "rape is bad" in education is probably a sensible thing.
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    (Original post by Elivercury)
    That's the state of sex education in this country. I mean, they've not even managed to agree that putting "rape is bad" in education is probably a sensible thing.
    I know. And it's bizarre. While we may think of it as common sense as adults, because we're not monsters, that's definitely something which should be taught in schools. I remember being at school having the girls singled out and we were told rather simply, don't do this or that or you'll be raped rather than, nobody should be raping. Even at that age I thought "Are you serious?"

    In my experience, sex education was focussed solely on what you can catch STD-wise. But not even if they can be cured or really how you can best protect yourself because the teachers were too embarrassed to answer our questions.
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    (Original post by Elivercury)
    Easier said than done. I've seen young parents and they are both absolutely knackered. Single mothers aren't expected to work until the child is aged 5 (I mean, how could they?) and even then it's not realistic to work more than part time - unless you earn serious cash you'll be paying to work.

    Obviously they should factor this in before they decide not to go down the adoption/abortion route, but ultimately if they have the child they are going to need financial support. Unfortunately, regardless of how excellent or poor their decision is, they will need this financial support. Who should pay for that? The father or you and I?
    If they can't provide for the child they simply shouldn't have it. The world is getting overpopulated as it is and living in potential poverty because their mother relies on benefits isn't the type of childhood we should be offering the next and future generations. We should be aiming for producing stable, well adjusted young minds with a good work ethic and solid family up-bringing.

    I know that's an unpopular opinion though, and not many will agree with me.
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    (Original post by Katarvi)
    Of course, don't dispute that.

    Maybe, just maybe.. When a grown ass adult (or irresponsible teenager, if that's the case) decides to see a pregnant through, they should provide for the additional life they've made themselves? Instead of depending on a man or the state to provide food and clothes for the child they (and they alone) decided to bring into this world.
    Maybe, just maybe... When a grown ass adult man decides to have sex knowing that 1) A pregnancy is possible and 2) The way the human body works means that the woman will get the final say in whether a baby is born, they should suck it up and support their child?

    It's easy to sit there and say 'the woman should provide for the child alone' but in the real world, without help from the child's other parent, the state will probably be required to help. It's either that or the child lives in poverty. But hey as long as it means men can enjoy sex without any consequences that's fine right?

    It seems like you're saying that men shouldn't have to bare any of the consequences/responsibilities that come when they impregnate someone. How is that any fairer than the way things currently are?
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    (Original post by Katarvi)
    If they can't provide for the child they simply shouldn't have it. The world is getting overpopulated as it is and living in potential poverty because their mother relies on benefits isn't the type of childhood we should be offering the next and future generations. We should be aiming for producing stable, well adjusted young minds with a good work ethic and solid family up-bringing.

    I know that's an unpopular opinion though, and not many will agree with me.
    I mean, I agree with everything you say. But people are stupid and you need to aim laws at the lowest common denominator.

    It's like Jim Jefferies says "I take drugs like a champ, but just because some other people mess things up I have to suffer". Only with more swearing.

    People will have children they can't support and ultimately someone needs to help them financially. That or we agree the child lives on the street with them. Sucks for the father, but they're the one who supplies the semen, so they get the joy of providing (some of) that financial support.
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    (Original post by EllainKahlo)
    I know. And it's bizarre. While we may think of it as common sense as adults, because we're not monsters, that's definitely something which should be taught in schools. I remember being at school having the girls singled out and we were told rather simply, don't do this or that or you'll be raped rather than, nobody should be raping. Even at that age I thought "Are you serious?"

    In my experience, sex education was focussed solely on what you can catch STD-wise. But not even if they can be cured or really how you can best protect yourself because the teachers were too embarrassed to answer our questions.
    Seriously? That's ridiculous.

    It creates more problems than it solves - because obviously if you're not drinking and wearing 'slutty' clothes (how dare you) rape is 100% impossible.

    It's like the stranger danger policy for child protection. Turns out something like 80% of child abuse happens by people who actively know and are close to the child, but people were not looking for it because they're not strangers. Likewise kids were not taught about it.

    We really need to be teaching consent in a non-sexual manner from a young age. Children clearly don't understand it and think "if I want to hold their hand but they don't want me to, we've got an equal say so I can". If they grow up without this being corrected, it's obvious problems are going to occur.
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    (Original post by Shumaya)
    Maybe, just maybe... When a grown ass adult man decides to have sex knowing that 1) A pregnancy is possible and 2) The way the human body works means that the woman will get the final say in whether a baby is born, they should suck it up and support their child?

    It's easy to sit there and say 'the woman should provide for the child alone' but in the real world, without help from the child's other parent, the state will be required to help. It's either that or the child lives in poverty. But hey as long as it means men can enjoy sex without any consequences that's fine right?

    It seems like you're saying that men shouldn't have to bare any of the consequences/responsibilities that come when they impregnate someone. How is that any fairer than the way things currently are?
    Likewise, a woman should know the same. She should know pregnancy is a possible outcome and that the man may not wish to take on their role as a father or provide for it. She should consider this before sleeping with him and if she does it anyway and gets pregnant and he doesn't want it, tough ****ing luck.

    This is all assuming the woman is the one that solely makes the decision though. If a man agrees to the woman giving birth to the child and offers his support in the decision then absolutely he should provide and be equally responsible for the next 18 years, just as she would be, because they both made the decision to have the baby. Just as a woman shouldn't be forced to have or terminate a baby because the man wishes her to, a man shouldn't be forced to provide for a child he did not support being born.

    As said though, my opinion isn't going to change any laws any time soon so what does it even matter? I respect your view, I don't feel the need to further defend my viewpoint. It sucks OP and his FWB are in this situation, good luck to 'em. ^^
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    (Original post by Elivercury)
    I mean, I agree with everything you say. But people are stupid and you need to aim laws at the lowest common denominator.

    It's like Jim Jefferies says "I take drugs like a champ, but just because some other people mess things up I have to suffer". Only with more swearing.

    People will have children they can't support and ultimately someone needs to help them financially. That or we agree the child lives on the street with them. Sucks for the father, but they're the one who supplies the semen, so they get the joy of providing (some of) that financial support.
    Agreed, the system sucks but it is what it is. Can't help but feel that continuing to support and enable the birth of babies in this situation only perpetuates the issue of people being stupid, though. They known the system will provide a nice comfy safety net for them while they continue to make this same mistake over and over, because there are no consequences or proper responsibilities laid at their door.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So I've been seeing this girl L for the last 4 to 5 months. We usually go on a small "date" and then head back to hers for some fun.

    We told eachother we wouldn't get in contact other than for sex or setting up the "date".

    She got in contact yesterday evening to say that she's pregnant and has been for 2 weeks. Wth!?

    She was meant to be on the pill, so she has clearly lied to me... now she's telling me she wants to keep it and wants me in her life as the father.


    I'm 21, I'm not cut out to be a dad quite yet... I've got my career in mind and I'm not mature enough either.

    I don't know what to do from here?
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    She takes most of the blame.

    I'm not going to stay with her.

    She tricked me into all this... I'm sure she planned it too. If she hadn't she would've told me she wasn't on it - and don't tell me "maybe she forgot" because she's been on the pill since day 1.
    People do crazy ****, I've a couple mates who were used to make babies, some people want to be players, others want gov benefits through kids, other ppl are just selfish or don't know the dad and blame it on one guy. :\ That being said don't do **** for the kid until you get a paternity test, seriously. If you can't afford it or something, then stick around on the assumption it's yours, man up, soz mate.
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    (Original post by Elivercury)
    Seriously? That's ridiculous.

    It creates more problems than it solves - because obviously if you're not drinking and wearing 'slutty' clothes (how dare you) rape is 100% impossible.

    It's like the stranger danger policy for child protection. Turns out something like 80% of child abuse happens by people who actively know and are close to the child, but people were not looking for it because they're not strangers. Likewise kids were not taught about it.

    We really need to be teaching consent in a non-sexual manner from a young age. Children clearly don't understand it and think "if I want to hold their hand but they don't want me to, we've got an equal say so I can". If they grow up without this being corrected, it's obvious problems are going to occur.
    To be honest, I was offended because I know someone who has been raped. I haven't been personally, but I thought, I'd be so offended and upset if someone assumed that somehow not drinking or wearing 'revealing' clothes would protect me from that. This girl was in her own home when it happened and another friend, at school by her teacher - so yeah, I take offense. No one ever told these guys not to rape, so why tell these girls "Don't be a victim, otherwise it's essentially something you deserved."

    I agree. Small things in school teach kids the wrong message. For example, I remember how teachers would deal with kids falling out and it's happened to me a few times. I'd decide I no longer wanted to be friends with someone and our teacher would corner us both and say "Well so and so wants to be your friend so you must make up." Like WTF? You're not teaching consent, your teaching people to be obedient. Because they wouldn't let me go back to class unless I said "Okay we're friends again." and I remember this even happened up until college and I put my foot down and said this is nonsense. If any one person in a relationship says no, the relationship should needs to be reevaluated.

    On a positive note, have you seen Steven Universe? That show really teaches consent in a non-sexual way to kids, I actually think it's pretty amazing how they were able to do it without making things inappropriate. It's a good lesson and I'd definitely let my kids watch it to acquaint them at a young age with what relationships should look like. If one person says they're uncomfortable, you should stop whatever you're doing and put their needs before your own selfishness.
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    This thread is still going strong BUT GUYS THE OP HAS RUN FOR THE HILLS NOT ONLY FROM THE GIRL, BUT THIS THREAD TOO.

    Seriously, I've just been reading this whole disaster, and while so many people have made many valid points, the OP left like 5 pages ago.

    :woo:
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    Wow. The stupidity of it all. Don't you know anything? There is no method that is 100% foolproof. You should have doen you research before hand and held up your own side too. How do you know she lied? Unless she tells you she lied you should assume that she didn't. I would like you to meet my good friend Responsibility. You two clearly haven't met each other before.
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    Are you bloody uneducated? The pill isn't 100% effective and you should've worn protection anyway. Deal with it.
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    (Original post by Katarvi)
    Likewise, a woman should know the same. She should know pregnancy is a possible outcome and that the man may not wish to take on their role as a father or provide for it. She should consider this before sleeping with him and if she does it anyway and gets pregnant and he doesn't want it, tough ****ing luck.

    This is all assuming the woman is the one that solely makes the decision though. If a man agrees to the woman giving birth to the child and offers his support in the decision then absolutely he should provide and be equally responsible for the next 18 years, just as she would be, because they both made the decision to have the baby. Just as a woman shouldn't be forced to have or terminate a baby because the man wishes her to, a man shouldn't be forced to provide for a child he did not support being born.

    As said though, my opinion isn't going to change any laws any time soon so what does it even matter? I respect your view, I don't feel the need to further defend my viewpoint. It sucks OP and his FWB are in this situation, good luck to 'em. ^^
    Right. So you are saying that men should be allowed to have sex without worrying about any of the consequences. How ridiculous. I don't think your argument is as logical or fair as you seem to think it is.
    • #18
    #18

    for those who are saying he could've pulled out..
    my bf and i did that unprotected for the first time and i ended up pregnant bc of pre-*** or whatever:curious:
    • #19
    #19

    1) Tell her straight away that you don't want to be involved and she can't make you (but politely).
    2) Understand that the pill isn't always 100% effective (even if that's really rare), and that you should have wrapped it up.
    3) Go to the doctor with her to make sure she's not lying. Don't be accusing about it, just tell her you want to be sure.
    4) THEN and only then tell your parents and get their advice.

    Just be as mature and assertive as you can about it. Don't go and start calling her things, even if it was entirely her fault (which it wasn't). Explain to her that she can have the child, but you shouldn't have to be involved if you don't want to, especially if she didn't take the pill (again, don't outright accuse her).

    You, for whatever reason, decided not to use your own protection, even though the girl you were with clearly wan't someone you trust, so I think it's fair to say that you need to take some responsibility for your mistake.
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    (Original post by Shumaya)
    Right. So you are saying that men should be allowed to have sex without worrying about any of the consequences. How ridiculous. I don't think your argument is as logical or fair as you seem to think it is.
    No, I'm just pro-choice. For both the woman and the man.
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    (Original post by donutellme)
    They got allll kinds of experience on dis topic

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5qpCsvo2GSI
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SHLa9uXmB3U

    All kinds of professional, unlicensed advice
    :laugh: that's some cleaaaaaaan advice mayne

    AYYY mayne u remember that stephen hawkins chick??

    YEAHHHHHhhhhhhhhhh https://youtu.be/GMJpVjvn9YM?t=64
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    (Original post by Zacken)
    I feel bad for the baby.
    ^^^ so true prsom
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So I've been seeing this girl L for the last 4 to 5 months. We usually go on a small "date" and then head back to hers for some fun.

    We told eachother we wouldn't get in contact other than for sex or setting up the "date".

    She got in contact yesterday evening to say that she's pregnant and has been for 2 weeks. Wth!?

    She was meant to be on the pill, so she has clearly lied to me... now she's telling me she wants to keep it and wants me in her life as the father.


    I'm 21, I'm not cut out to be a dad quite yet... I've got my career in mind and I'm not mature enough either.

    I don't know what to do from here?

    Has she told you she wasn't taking the pill??

    You do know that it's not 100% effective so please don't put blame on her if you don't know 100% that she has purposely not taken it. Also sometimes it is affected by other medication and sickness.

    I am not defending her if she has done it deliberately but she might not have planned it at all and just wants to make the best of a bad situation
 
 
 
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