Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

Asians, are you allowed to marry a girl/guy of your choice? Watch

    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by HumanNature1992)
    These replies are making me sad

    Makes me appreciate the way my parents have brought me up without all these silly restrictions on race. If you're a Muslim on this thread, nowhere in the Qur'an does it discriminate against ones race. This silly idea of you MUST marry within your race or caste or else we'll disown you/beat you needs to die.
    Hey, what race are you??
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    off limits - black people / muslims (or hindus if you're from a muslim family)

    frowned upon but increasingly accepted - white people

    ambiguous - yellow people
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Jackthevillain)
    The worst thing about when I read through this thread is how people will sacrifice their own happiness for their parents I find that so sad. I probably dont have the same experience by coming from an ethnically European family especially when my parents main ancestry is from different nations but still people should get with people they love and not with people to satisfy others whose relationship it is not.
    I get your point and agree with it to an extent. You're not just satisfying others, it's parents, and yes maybe in some families, their hold is a lot tighter. Probably influenced by culture, but I guess there's a different type of parent-child relationship in these scenarios. I know that I would never go with anyone despite my parents opinions, and not just because I'd be scared of the outcome lol.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Jackthevillain)
    The worst thing about when I read through this thread is how people will sacrifice their own happiness for their parents I find that so sad. I probably dont have the same experience by coming from an ethnically European family especially when my parents main ancestry is from different nations but still people should get with people they love and not with people to satisfy others whose relationship it is not.
    My ex did this pretty much, and we're both hindu (just different castes). See its odd because the parent's claim they do this because ''they know whats best''.. but really they know what wont make them look bad in society, and thats what they base the decisions on.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by newlife)
    You'd be surprised how bad it could get mate, I'l tell you a quick story from my own experience:

    The girl I really and truly loved (even today) can't be mine because I ended the relationship, and she was going out with me behind her parents back. (We're BOTH Hindu, but she's just from bangalore whereas I'm fro Gujurat).. So 3 months later after I had thinking time alone and realised I literally couldn't live without her, I came back almost enlightened and she said no. Now it could have been for multiple reasons, but I know inside that there's a good chance she could have come back if the parents thing wasn't an issue. I remember her saying I wont hurt my parents from here on so I'l never be in a relationship anyway.
    Wow. I think you know how backwards that sounds. Considering you're both Hindu, being from different parts of India should in no way be of any influence to who you're allowed to see.

    What did YOUR parents make of this, are they as restrictive as that?
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by joey11223)
    having a big family row, screaming that they don't understand anything and their customs are ridiculous, slamming the door and running off with the boyfriend then...

    A) come crawling back when it doesn't work out.

    B) They get married. Your parents do or don't go to the wedding but don't really approve. Your parents come around eventually (more likely mother then father) or never do and contact between them and your sister is minimal at best until she has kids, then their longing to be grandparents and be involved will likely trump their cultural customs. Just as religion is trumped by secular human morality. Fascinating when it happens.

    Haha bit OTT but you'll see...you'll see!:p:p
    HAHAHA No, that's not exactly our style. You really shouldn't judge all Asian/Muslim families as crazy drama-filled loons - or even all religious people as mindless drones. My parents would be open to her marrying a white guy IF she could prove that he was PERFECT in every other way. their main concern I think is probs what the rest of their friends and so on will say but that's just a tiny thing compared to their daughters' happiness. If she did want to marry a white guy, the only problem they would have is if she had been in a premarital relationship with him (aka any of the physical stuff).
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by HellowHellow)
    Hey, what race are you??
    My Dad is from Lahore but came to this country during his teens, and my Mum was born in Uganda but has Indian origins. We're not the most traditional Asian family if you ever met us.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by HumanNature1992)
    Wow. I think you know how backwards that sounds. Considering you're both Hindu, being from different parts of India should in no way be of any influence to who you're allowed to see.

    What did YOUR parents make of this, are they as restrictive as that?
    My parents were fine, she's Hindu and okay she doesn't speak Gujurati.. but they were fine with it. Hers are strict - they dont let her speak to guys, they will choose a range of potential matches for her when the time comes and she'l pick. The sad bit is, she's the type not even to complain because her parents are worth the sacrifice.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by HumanNature1992)
    My Dad is from Lahore but came to this country during his teens, and my Mum was born in Uganda but has Indian origins. We're not the most traditional Asian family if you ever met us.
    But you are muslim? Am i right in thinking that you can marry any race, but she has to be of the same religion?
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by piya21)
    HAHAHA No, that's not exactly our style. You really shouldn't judge all Asian/Muslim families as crazy drama-filled loons - or even all religious people as mindless drones. My parents would be open to her marrying a white guy IF she could prove that he was PERFECT in every other way. their main concern I think is probs what the rest of their friends and so on will say but that's just a tiny thing compared to their daughters' happiness. If she did want to marry a white guy, the only problem they would have is if she had been in a premarital relationship with him (aka any of the physical stuff).
    haha I know that was an extreme example. Personal experience has soured me somewhat to these sorts of things I guess (not me having an Asian girl friend mind haha, the experiences of others with traditional/religious families regarding various aspects of their lifes....
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    I'm pakistani, parents expect me to marry another pakistani but they put up the pretense as long as he's muslim it's fine. They don't know I'm not muslim but my mum knows I have a catholic boyfriend of nearly 4 years.

    Every person in my family who has been married has gotten married to a pakistani boy/girl who is educated and has a good job and whatnot.

    I think it's a load of bull**** and you should be able to marry who you want without being pressured into it through emotional blackmail.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by HumanNature1992)
    My Dad is from Lahore but came to this country during his teens, and my Mum was born in Uganda but has Indian origins. We're not the most traditional Asian family if you ever met us.
    Oh now I know. :ms:

    An unusual combination though.
    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by joey11223)
    sorry about adding a question to your thread OP but....

    For those who say no can you say why it is? I assume for the large majority it's their families view not their own. Is it because of some sort of ethnic superiority complex? As in a non-South Asian partner wouldn't be as...good, for some reason? Purity of blood lines and racial mixing not approved of?
    It's based on traditional ideas that someone from the same community can be trusted more, and the asymmetry of information that arises in matchmaking is wiped away. Essentially, you can find out about the person's family, you can find out about the boy/girl's history and whether there's anything fishy going on, through connections. This makes suitable matchmaking easier. Not to mention that someone of the same community will most likely be a member of the same religion and faction.

    Those are the reasons in my community anyway, and it's an Islamic community that migrated from Gujarat, India, just to clarify
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by newlife)
    My parents were fine, she's Hindu and okay she doesn't speak Gujurati.. but they were fine with it. Hers are strict - they dont let her speak to guys, they will choose a range of potential matches for her when the time comes and she'l pick. The sad bit is, she's the type not even to complain because her parents are worth the sacrifice.
    Maaan I feel for you, did you know how strict she (or her parents) were about this before you began seeing her? - or did you think possibly she'll see the light and possibly change.

    Can I ask you what would your parents say if you brought home a white/black/latino whatever girl home and you ENSURED them that they're perfect in every way, they're kind, generous, warm and basically makes you the happiest guy in the world and on top of this made sure to them that your culture or religion will in no way be subsidised - and that your kids will be Hindu and go to a Temple regularly?
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by HellowHellow)
    But you are muslim? Am i right in thinking that you can marry any race, but she has to be of the same religion?
    I believe he can marry a non-Muslims women but the expectation is she'd convert quite swiftly. Where as a female must marry a Muslim man.

    Apologies if this is wrong Muslims.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Yes
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by lonely14)
    Oh now I know. :ms:

    An unusual combination though.
    I've never looked at it as unusual

    Where are your parents from? And I'd like to know your opinion on this thread.
    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by joey11223)
    I believe he can marry a non-Muslims women but the expectation is she'd convert quite swiftly. Where as a female must marry a Muslim man.

    Apologies if this is wrong Muslims.
    Not quite. A Muslim man can marry a Muslim, a Jew or a Christian (if the Christian is a Unitarian and therefore doesn't accept Trinitarianism), whereas a female must marry a Muslim man.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by HellowHellow)
    But you are muslim? Am i right in thinking that you can marry any race, but she has to be of the same religion?
    I am Muslim and will always be a Muslim. I can marry any race and just like it says in the Qur'an you should marry somebody by the book (Christian, Muslim, Jew). I'd never marry an Atheist or a practising Hindu. I'd PREFER that the person I marry would convert to Islam, if not she MUST believe in the idea of a God, and possibly down the line she will convert. I'd also like my children to be Muslim.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by newlife)
    My ex did this pretty much, and we're both hindu (just different castes). See its odd because the parent's claim they do this because ''they know whats best''.. but really they know what wont make them look bad in society, and thats what they base the decisions on.
    Boooooo for the parents if Asian parents wanted to keep the caste system and hold on who you marry they should of stayed in Asia and not come here.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: March 1, 2011
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    What newspaper do you read/prefer?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.