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Ask Me Anything: I am polyamorous watch

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    In *theory* this sounds like it can work; in practice it is a different story.

    My sister, who is a muslim, married a man who took her in as a second wife. He ended up marrying her, and practically using her for sex, than divorced her in favour for his first wife of which he has had a child with.

    You are assuming that the man will treat you fairly, when the margin of error is far greater due to the responsibility that comes with having multiple partners is far greater.

    My sister for the record, has now become bitter and twisted following this experience.
    I still stand by what I said, that most men treat their women fairly. There will always be exceptions to this, and I'm so sorry your sister had to go through that.

    I'm glad that I live i an open Western society, because if a man doesn't treat me fairly I can walk away from him. I agree with you that there is greater responsibility in having more than one partner, which is why poly people tend to be so open and honest and able to communicate otherwise it just wouldn't work. I don't agree that the margin of error is greater necessarily as I see more communication issues in monogamous couples than in polyamorous ones. Again, that's my impression. I'm not saying all monogamous people follow that rule, nor all polyamorous people.
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    You know, now I come to think of it my mum might count as polyamorous too (although I've never heard her describe herself as such exactly) - she's married to and living with my dad, but also has a semi-boyfriend in Spain who she's in regular contact with and sees several times a year. This could explain why her reaction to my saying I was in an open relationship was basically 'yeah, tell me something I don't know.'

    For those interested in ages and how sexuality changes, I'm 25 and my mum's in her late 50s - I think she's always been pretty liberal-minded sexually (definitely bisexual), but as she's got older she's felt more comfortable about being herself.
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    (Original post by superwolf)
    You know, now I come to think of it my mum might count as polyamorous too (although I've never heard her describe herself as such exactly) - she's married to and living with my dad, but also has a semi-boyfriend in Spain who she's in regular contact with and sees several times a year. This could explain why her reaction to my saying I was in an open relationship was basically 'yeah, tell me something I don't know.'

    For those interested in ages and how sexuality changes, I'm 25 and my mum's in her late 50s - I think she's always been pretty liberal-minded sexually (definitely bisexual), but as she's got older she's felt more comfortable about being herself.
    haha yep I'd say that qualifies That's great she was so accepting when you talked to her too. My Mother is in her late 50s and she gets more accepting as she gets older but I don't think she's quite there yet.

    Some of my friends had that "yeah we guessed" thing when I told them. It was pretty funny.
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    (Original post by rmhumphries)
    If you ask in Ask a H&R Moderator, a moderator might be happy to update the first post for you every now and then.

    (Original post by Idle)
    If you post a list I'd happily edit it into the first post for you

    Or what he said ^^
    Thanks! I'll organise it all tonight
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    (Original post by superwolf)
    Insomnia draws me back...



    I admire the sense of freedom with which you flow from one thought to the next, free of the need to connect the one with the other. It must be highly liberating. However for those of us on a lesser plane of existence, could you at least attempt something approaching contiguous thought? :puppyeyes:

    I also don't know why you're basing your argument solely on polygamy, when the thread title clearly states that OP is polyamorous. Are you perhaps her trusted psychiatrist, the only man alive who knows her deep-seated delusion of being capable of loving multiple people, when in reality she's gone and got married to 50 men at the same time? :eek:

    That or you're insinuating things about her stamens and pistils... the mind boggles!


    Seriously, it's the same thing, how on earth is
    It any different just because you're not wearing a ring? I'm not deluded, you can try to justify it all you want, but most people know it's wrong.


    (Original post by superwolf)
    Er... but none of us are married!?
    Is one of the other people in a committed relationship with someone other than you?
    If not I beg to differ.
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    (Original post by chappers-94)
    Seriously, it's the same thing, how on earth is
    It any different just because you're not wearing a ring? I'm not deluded, you can try to justify it all you want, but most people know it's wrong.




    Is one of the other people in a committed relationship with someone other than you?
    If not I beg to differ.
    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Well you certainly have some very strange views - such as simultaneously believing both men and women to be more selective than each other, claiming to know what 'most people' think, when a good 75% of this thread has been curious, positive, or just a bit bemused by the idea of polyamory, and now you think we're all married!

    Polygamy is illegal in the UK - does that make us all criminals? If so, please tape record your phone call to the police, for some reason I might find it amusing...
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    (Original post by superwolf)
    Well you certainly have some very strange views - such as simultaneously believing both men and women to be more selective than each other, claiming to know what 'most people' think, when a good 75% of this thread has been curious, positive, or just a bit bemused by the idea of polyamory, and now you think we're all married!

    Polygamy is illegal in the UK - does that make us all criminals? If so, please tape record your phone call to the police, for some reason I might find it amusing...
    What? :lolwut: you don't make sense, I said that women are much more selective than men, I even showed you evidence. I didn't say men were more selective or even suggest that.

    It does not matter if you're married, if you're in a CLOSED and exclusive relationship with more than two people it's exactly the same as polygamy, except there's no wedding band.

    If you're breaking a law it makes you a criminal.....

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    (Original post by chappers-94)
    What? :lolwut: you don't make sense, I said that women are much more selective than men, I even showed you evidence. I didn't say men were more selective or even suggest that.

    It does not matter if you're married, if you're in a CLOSED and exclusive relationship with more than two people it's exactly the same as polygamy, except there's no wedding band.

    If you're breaking a law it makes you a criminal.....

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    "It's exactly the same as polygamy*except* you are not married."

    Lets substitute the definition of polygamy into that sentence.

    "It's exactly the same as being married to more than one person except you are not married."

    Kind of not exactly the same then?

    Begin married to multiple partners in illigal. If you are not married to multiple partners you are not breaking the law. How do you not understand that lol?

    RE the selective thing, it has previously been pointed out:
    http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/atta...9&d=1374195169
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    (Original post by chappers-94)
    What? :lolwut: you don't make sense, I said that women are much more selective than men, I even showed you evidence. I didn't say men were more selective or even suggest that.

    It does not matter if you're married, if you're in a CLOSED and exclusive relationship with more than two people it's exactly the same as polygamy, except there's no wedding band.

    If you're breaking a law it makes you a criminal.....

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    - No, look carefully at this post and its attachment in which I prove with actual evidence this particular contradiction you have made. You can't claim something, give evidence, then when it's pointed out that it supports the opposite argument quickly change your mind and claim you said the opposite. Well you can, but it makes you a liar, and a very poor one at that.

    - No it is not. What you're saying is insulting to both married and unmarried people, as you are belittling both its significance, and the idea that people choose whether or not to get married for important reasons and strong convictions

    - Also on that point: I have nowhere said that I'm in a closed relationship. I have my primary relationship, a secondary one, and the right to sleep with any other person upon mutual consent. So far this has worked beautifully - while I would love to be the person bringing society to its knees (:sexface:) I am fully aware that I am not.

    - As has been established, I'm not breaking any laws. I am not married, I am not interested in getting married, I have even sworn to my mum (to her delight) that I will never get married, dead or alive. And even if I was bizarrely married all of a sudden, I don't see why I should have to be married to one person and not sleep with another, if it's all done by consent. You're legally allowed to marry, you're legally allowed to be 'unfaithful' without being stoned to death or imprisoned or suchlike - and since I have never slept with anyone behind someone else's back, unfaithful isn't even accurate. We are doing nothing long, and we also happen to get to have incredible sex with wonderful people. So sorry that you're not invited. :console:
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    (Original post by superwolf)
    x
    Thought you would find this as funny as I did

    http://www.polyinpictures.com/2013/0...idnt-did-they/
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thought you would find this as funny as I did

    http://www.polyinpictures.com/2013/0...idnt-did-they/
    :rofl: I have to show my friends that!
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    (Original post by superwolf)
    - No, look carefully at this post and its attachment in which I prove with actual evidence this particular contradiction you have made. You can't claim something, give evidence, then when it's pointed out that it supports the opposite argument quickly change your mind and claim you said the opposite. Well you can, but it makes you a liar, and a very poor one at that.

    So if I've been saying that polygamy is almost always polygyny that's disproved my argument how?

    I must have misread what you said to be honest, you know women are more selective of partners than men, so there would be a majority of women with a minority of men. It's pretty obvious why. I'm not a liar and you know the whole time I've been saying this.

    (Original post by superwolf)
    - No it is not. What you're saying is insulting to both married and unmarried people, as you are belittling both its significance, and the idea that people choose whether or not to get married for important reasons and strong convictions
    What? So if 3 people cohabiting in a house, it's not the same as married life? :rolleyes: surre....


    (Original post by superwolf)
    - Also on that point: I have nowhere said that I'm in a closed relationship. I have my primary relationship, a secondary one, and the right to sleep with any other person upon mutual consent. So far this has worked beautifully - while I would love to be the person bringing society to its knees (:sexface:) I am fully aware that I am not.

    What? :lolwut:


    (Original post by superwolf)
    - As has been established, I'm not breaking any laws. I am not married, I am not interested in getting married, I have even sworn to my mum (to her delight) that I will never get married, dead or alive. And even if I was bizarrely married all of a sudden, I don't see why I should have to be married to one person and not sleep with another, if it's all done by consent. You're legally allowed to marry, you're legally allowed to be 'unfaithful' without being stoned to death or imprisoned or suchlike - and since I have never slept with anyone behind someone else's back, unfaithful isn't even accurate. We are doing nothing long, and we also happen to get to have incredible sex with wonderful people. So sorry that you're not invited. :console:

    Yes I'm aware that it's not illegal to do this, but that doesn't mean it's not harmful I can be an alcoholic legally, I can legally drink antifreeze, everyone in USA knows why polygamy is banned, it's probably time for the UK to understand why too.

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    (Original post by chappers-94)
    So if I've been saying that polygamy is almost always polygyny that's disproved my argument how?

    I must have misread what you said to be honest, you know women are more selective of partners than men, so there would be a majority of women with a minority of men. It's pretty obvious why. I'm not a liar and you know the whole time I've been saying this.



    What? So if 3 people cohabiting in a house, it's not the same as married life? :rolleyes: surre....





    What? :lolwut:





    Yes I'm aware that it's not illegal to do this, but that doesn't mean it's not harmful I can be an alcoholic legally, I can legally drink antifreeze, everyone in USA knows why polygamy is banned, it's probably time for the UK to understand why too.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    - I have no idea what your argument is, because it doesn't stay the same from one minute to then next. Your mind seems pretty damn impenetrable (this is not a compliment), so please don't think I'm going to magically know you mean one thing when you say the complete opposite. You might want to try thinking before you speak - or even thinking after, either would be an improvement!

    - Even if your argument is and has been (which it hasn't) that women are more picky than men, so what? Generally speaking, people are happy to compromise for the sake of finding happiness/not being alone/wanting hot delicious sex on toast. Maybe women have higher ideals, maybe they don't. But do you see millions of women out there refusing to get a boy/girlfriend because they can't get their ideal? No, you see people settling for something less than, or different from, their ideal. Hell, 90% of the time none of us really know what we want anyway.

    - Three people cohabiting? If they want to describe themselves as being 'married' then that's up to them - I would think them a bit daft, but frankly it's none of my damn business. People are allowed to do whatever they like, especially if it's legal and harmless like polyamory.

    - I fail to understand your confusion. You seemed to be implying that I was in an exclusive relationship. That is not the case, and I was correcting your assumption. The part about bringing society to its knees was a crude reference to performing a sexual act. Which part are you stuck on?

    - You said "If you're breaking a law it makes you a criminal....." - either you were being entirely irrelevant, or you were implying that polyamorous people, the ones under discussion, were doing something illegal. Feel free to clarify what you meant or mean at any point, the less oblique the better!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Why am I opening myself up to questions? Well, why not. I am happy with my life and the only thing I regret is how taboo polyamory is when multiple divorces are seen as more acceptable in today's society. I always welcome the chance to learn new things about new people, so maybe someone will find this interesting. Maybe someone might find this enlightening and maybe, one person out there is thinking 'I feel this way too, thanks for making me realise it's ok'.
    Forgive me for being rude, but if you are 'proud' of who you are, why have you posted anonymously? Does that not counteract itself?

    Not trying to be rude, just an observation
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    (Original post by superwolf)
    - I have no idea what your argument is, because it doesn't stay the same from one minute to then next. Your mind seems pretty damn impenetrable (this is not a compliment), so please don't think I'm going to magically know you mean one thing when you say the complete opposite. You might want to try thinking before you speak - or even thinking after, either would be an improvement!

    - Even if your argument is and has been (which it hasn't) that women are more picky than men, so what? Generally speaking, people are happy to compromise for the sake of finding happiness/not being alone/wanting hot delicious sex on toast. Maybe women have higher ideals, maybe they don't. But do you see millions of women out there refusing to get a boy/girlfriend because they can't get their ideal? No, you see people settling for something less than, or different from, their ideal. Hell, 90% of the time none of us really know what we want anyway.

    - Three people cohabiting? If they want to describe themselves as being 'married' then that's up to them - I would think them a bit daft, but frankly it's none of my damn business. People are allowed to do whatever they like, especially if it's legal and harmless like polyamory.

    - I fail to understand your confusion. You seemed to be implying that I was in an exclusive relationship. That is not the case, and I was correcting your assumption. The part about bringing society to its knees was a crude reference to performing a sexual act. Which part are you stuck on?

    - You said "If you're breaking a law it makes you a criminal....." - either you were being entirely irrelevant, or you were implying that polyamorous people, the ones under discussion, were doing something illegal. Feel free to clarify what you meant or mean at any point, the less oblique the better!
    Okay I'll break it down for you chunk by chunk.. women are far more selective than men, so polyamory will lead to the same outcome as polygyny if it isn't harshly stigmatized, as its quite obvious that women are much more likely on average to be okay with polygyny due to the very obvious fact that 1) they are more sexually selective and this way, women get the alpha male. 2) they will know the baby is their's, as I've already said and can back up with evidence, that every single polygyny society is inherently patriarchal.

    Okay I know I've confused you there, honestly it's probably because I've been lazy with grammar, but as a non monogamous person you should know it's a fact that polygyny is the most common form of non monogamous relationships.

    Polygyny isn't an issue if it's just one or 2 cases, but if even 10-15% of society do it, it's very harmful. it doesn't matter how you see it but cohabiting with more than one sexual partner is not any different to polygamy. As it closes x people of the sexual market as I'm putting rather crudely.

    I'm not even going to say anything on this post. So not only do you have 2 partners, but you also are in an open relationship? :lolwut:

    Well as we are aware that polyamory is not illegal in society, but obviously just because something isn't illegal that doesn't mean it's not harmful, as I already said. In some states in America, even the non martial practice of polygamy is illegal.



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    (Original post by chappers-94)
    Okay I'll break it down for you chunk by chunk.. women are far more selective than men, so polyamory will lead to the same outcome as polygyny if it isn't harshly stigmatized, as its quite obvious that women are much more likely on average to be okay with polygyny due to the very obvious fact that 1) they are more sexually selective and this way, women get the alpha male. 2) they will know the baby is their's, as I've already said and can back up with evidence, that every single polygyny society is inherently patriarchal.

    Okay I know I've confused you there, honestly it's probably because I've been lazy with grammar, but as a non monogamous person you should know it's a fact that polygyny is the most common form of non monogamous relationships.

    Polygyny isn't an issue if it's just one or 2 cases, but if even 10-15% of society do it, it's very harmful. it doesn't matter how you see it but cohabiting with more than one sexual partner is not any different to polygamy. As it closes x people of the sexual market as I'm putting rather crudely.

    I'm not even going to say anything on this post. So not only do you have 2 partners, but you also are in an open relationship? :lolwut:

    Well as we are aware that polyamory is not illegal in society, but obviously just because something isn't illegal that doesn't mean it's not harmful, as I already said.



    Posted from TSR Mobile
    - All this is based on your own prejudices and assumptions. That does not make for fruitful results. :nah: Women are not purely interested in the alpha males. Women aren't all interested in having babies. It could even be posited that they are individual beings with their own thoughts and desires, and who probably aren't very interested in how you think they are likely to behave. And if your initial assumption is wrong then the rest of your argument crumbles too. :cookie:

    - Sorry, that data chip they implanted at birth must be faulty. Can't seem to access that inbuilt encyclopaedia you're talking about. And to be honest, I'd have thought the most common form of non-monogamous relationship would be the kind where it's meant to be monogamous, but one or both parties cheat.

    - Once again you're basing your theories on past assumptions, which I take great issue with. Also with polyamory, surely there are less people taken off the 'sexual market', as we like to share?

    Pretty much, yeah. I am perfectly at ease with my sexuality, I'm happy with both my partners and the occasional other people I sleep with, and all in all I am one contented kitty. :snoozing: You can be shocked all you like, but that aspect of my life is pretty near perfect. :proud:

    - See above point about basing further points on fallacious premises.
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    (Original post by chappers-94)
    Why are men more sexually selective than women. That's the only piece of evidence that I even need to prove your argument is incredibly wrong. A BSc in biology doesn't mean that you understand anthropology.

    Did I say that I'm pro patriarchy? No, I said I detest it, but monogamy is equal as its valuing one partner as the same worth as the other.

    :dontknow: my personality isn't the worst....

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    I don't even know what you're talking about anymore. Seriously, first you're a sociologist because your bro did a degree in it, then you had a half hearted attempt at biology, now you're an anthropologist? It's clear what your intentions are. You don't like this way of life (despite it having absolutely nothing to do with you whatsoever) and you're attempting to justify your opinion that it's wrong. Although being gay and polyamorous are clearly not the same, I can understand the comparisons now. The way you try to explain why this sexual and lifestyle preference is wrong - I've seen it done by anti-homosexuals trying to justify their positions.

    Yeah, I'll admit BSc biology is pretty amateur, so how about PhD-in-progress? What qualifications do you possess to allow you to speak of these subjects so confidently? What experience do you have of the topic of discussion which makes you the authority on it?

    No, you don't seem like the worst person ever but forgive me, you do seem very teenage-male-esque in the way you are so convinced your position is superior to all others.

    Just to clarify again, I am not polyamorous and probably would react with horror if a partner suggested it to me. That's not to say I want to ban other people from doing it if they want to. Each to their own.
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    (Original post by Chad_Bronson)
    Forgive me for being rude, but if you are 'proud' of who you are, why have you posted anonymously? Does that not counteract itself?

    Not trying to be rude, just an observation
    This has been answered here.
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    This is interesting and I'm curious how your poly relationships stands at the moment? Have you managed to maintain stability in the relationships without attracting any jealousy from your partners? I feel a strong tendency towards this type of relationship and can see the benefits once we strip ourselves of the stigma that comes with it.. Largely from our culture and belief systems being thrust upon us and causing cognitive dissonance and jealousy or shame when confronted with various situations. I believe that I have managed to strip myself of jealousy as an emotion and am slowly peeling back the man made layers to a more natural way of life... Convincing my wife however may be a separate matter but I do understand the connections that we are capable of having with multiple partners which is possibly why conventional relationships fail because we are made to feel bad if stepping outside of the norm etc. Anyway, it was interesting reading your post and I wish you much happiness in your journey.
 
 
 
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