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is anyone here not attracted to white girls/guys? watch

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    (Original post by Blue_Mason)
    In reply to your recent post or essay, you're indeed young so I do not expect you to fully understand as much.But you see, I was just pointing out the negative side of interracial relationships.you simply must see that there is something wrong in only wanting to only date a certain race.
    Maybe your parents didn't see race, but with this generation you have people who only get a sense of satisfaction from being with somebody of another race.I have seen examples if interracial couples in London and could tell it was just based off of sexual or media driven.
    Let me educate you, as you can fetishize almost anything that you desire.
    I do not agree in having a sole preference to just date a certain race.
    Your hair colour and texture can be changed, but your race cannot be changed.
    I can't believe it, we're going for the age gap (assuming there is one), ha! I'm going to stop debating with you, I feel like I cannot argue against your points because you fail to make new ones -- and you won't address all of the questions I ask you. You bring the age gap into this yet I dissect your points and yet you fail to do the same?

    I think you have no right to say that people with a racial preference have no genuine attraction towards the person they're dating -- in fact, it's ridiculous. Also, you completely ignored my definition of a racial preference (yeah, people may prefer a certain race but that doesn't mean that they will "only choose" /"just date" that race, as you continuously seem to think). I also argued against your idea that having a racial preference equates to having a "racial fetish", yet you've apparently ignored that.

    Yes, some people may date a certain person because they think it's cool -- and you say you saw this in London? Stop generalising the behaviour of those in London to the rest of the country/world, that's the first thing wrong with that statment. The second thing that's wrong is this: " you could just tell" it was media driven. Hmmm... Please elaborate? You could "just tell"?

    Well, I can "just tell" that you're an ignorant human being with little education/exlereince on this subject --- would I be correct in this assumption? Yes? No? See how harmful or even downright ridiculous and rude assumptions can be? (Well, maybe not in this case...)

    I "must simply not see" anything. It is not wrong to have a racial prefence as long as you treat all equally an with respect. The world is diverse for a reason. At the end of it, it comes down to features you're attracted to, which may or may not be a partial product of your biology. It is what it is. As I said, the world is diverse -- many people have different racial preferences which cannot be helped, that is life. Things such as hair colour can be changed (I agree) but just because one has a racial preference, that doesn't mean they are hateful towards other races, for example, or are not open to dating them.

    IF, for example, one had a preference for Asian men and fell in love with a black man, yet refused to be with them on the basis of them being black -- then yes, I can see why that would be a problem. Most often than not however, this is not an issue and most people with a racial preference would indeed initiate a relationship with the black individual out if their attraction.

    Finally, no you were not merely pointing out the negatives, you were making ridiculous assumptions and claiming those with racial preferences/in interracial relationships don't have genuine attraction, hence the reason as to why you don't support them --- something I found very offensive.

    Just out of curioisty, you say you "protest" against interracial relationships due to racial preferences initiating these relationships.... I wonder, do you agree with interracial relationships if the individuals had no racial preference?

    Due to your previous comments e.g. "it's wrong to prefer a race over your own on so many levels," I feel as if you don't but: do you agree with interracial relationships at all?
    • #12
    #12

    (Original post by Iwouldliketoknow)
    My stance. Well i am not against. But i believe black people should be cautious when entering interracial relationship and procreating. Just becase someone has sex with a black person doesnt mean they respect such people. I see this all the tine with white women and black men, they live them but have absolutely no respect for black woman which is worrying for the mixed race kids the raise. That is one of many reasons. Other things is that marriage is a financial insitution, if you interracially marry who does the money go to? Which community? Because racism wont stop but one can shield themsleves better with economic power e.g. jews/ asians. Lastly it just boggles me how one can stay married to someone outside of their race esp white when they are so disconnected. Like how do get initimate, love cannot bridge up such differences and ignorance, espcially if the other person is not bothering to be invested in the racial realities but instead be 'colour blind'
    Very interesting response, thank you. Your statement about black individuals being cautious -- I think that should go towards any race due to prejudices being found everywhere really, but I do understand what you are saying in terms of the stereotype involved with black men. I believe interracial relationships aren't the problem in itself, it is the individuals. I would tweak your advice to be: "be cautious as to who you get into a relationship with, as some people are not relationship material," -- I feel I must add that by "who" I simply mean the person; not the race of that person.

    Furthermore, it is a stereotype that you commented upon I may add, and is not always true -- it depends solely on the individual. This is where it comes from: Black men typically are raised in families seeing the black woman (their mother) struggle to bring up their children caused by the absence of their father. This is more so typical in America in the black communities (possibly the UK) and the reason more often than not for the father being absent is due to financial problems caused by a variety of factors such as racial opression (jobs for the black individuals are perhaps much harder to come by). Therefore many black men see other races e.g caucasians, a symbol of power and wealth and may date this race for that reason.

    It may also be a transfer of norms and values that has shaped their adult behaviour -- it was the norm for these black men to see their mother struggling alone and therefore, in the future they hold the value that the family dynamic is typically meant to be this way (although plenty of black don't behave in this way).

    I believe a lot of education on the issue could solve a few of the issues surrounding it e.g. by shedding light on to these inidivudals on the preffered family dynamic (that being, that one should in fact provide for their children), then maybe this could encourage those black fathers to stay around.

    In terms of finance, I think that the money doesn't have to go towards either community, but towards the family (couple) itself. That is who the individuals are working for, after all. I also don't believe finance is the only reason why one would date another, thus it might not be as much of an issue to some.

    Again, racism (fortunately) is not everywhere so I fail to see how your quote "racism won't stop" is relevant to many interracial couples, in terms of the problems it may cause.

    Do you mean disconnected in terms of race? If an interracial couple love one another I highly doubt they are disconnected towards one another intimately or in any other factor -- yes, maybe in some areas of the world the two races are at heads with one another, but what better way to overcome that than to start with interracial relationships? Furthermore, the two individuals in the relationship won't be disconnected with one another just because their race as a whole might be against the other -- that is a generalisation that one cannot make. It is all about the individual and their own views.

    In many areas around the world, race simply isn't an issue, so love will not have to bridge up the differences and ignorance (even though I think it very well can) -- because there will be no differences or ignorance present. I personally, would also not connect more with my own race than I would with someone outside of my race. What would connect us more? Our race? What if we have nothing in common? What if I meet someone who is of a different race who has things in common with me? I would rather choose the person I feel more connected with (race plays no part in that to me at all).

    Lastly, with the discrimination that is present in many cases, I believe those in interracial relationships *are* facing the racial realities caused by the prejudice (which may or may not be present). Yet they initiate these relationships out of love. If there are cultural differences linked to race, then I'm sure each would get immersed in the other in order to better know the person they are with. If not then maybe the relationship wouldn't work for one reason: the other person isn't trying. Again, race has little influence in this case -- it's all about the individual's attitude.

    (Sorry for the essay!)
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    (Original post by Iwouldliketoknow)
    My stance. Well i am not against. But i believe black people should be cautious when entering interracial relationship and procreating. Just becase someone has sex with a black person doesnt mean they respect such people. I see this all the tine with white women and black men, they live them but have absolutely no respect for black woman which is worrying for the mixed race kids the raise. That is one of many reasons. Other things is that marriage is a financial insitution, if you interracially marry who does the money go to? Which community? Because racism wont stop but one can shield themsleves better with economic power e.g. jews/ asians. Lastly it just boggles me how one can stay married to someone outside of their race esp white when they are so disconnected. Like how do get initimate, love cannot bridge up such differences and ignorance, espcially if the other person is not bothering to be invested in the racial realities but instead be 'colour blind'
    Very interesting response, thank you. Your statement about black individuals being cautious -- I think that should go towards any race due to prejudices being found everywhere really, but I do understand what you are saying in terms of the stereotype involved with black men. I believe interracial relationships aren't the problem in itself, it is the individuals. I would tweak your advice to be: "be cautious as to who you get into a relationship with, as some people are not relationship material," -- I feel I must add that by "who" I simply mean the person; not the race of that person.

    Furthermore, it is a stereotype that you commented upon I may add, and is not always true -- it depends solely on the individual. This is where it comes from: Black men typically are raised in families seeing the black woman (their mother) struggle to bring up their children caused by the absence of their father. This is more so typical in America in the black communities (possibly the UK) and the reason more often than not for the father being absent is due to financial problems caused by a variety of factors such as racial opression (jobs for the black individuals are perhaps much harder to come by). Therefore many black men see other races e.g caucasians, a symbol of power and wealth and may date this race for that reason.

    It may also be a transfer of norms and values that has shaped their adult behaviour -- it was the norm for these black men to see their mother struggling alone and therefore, in the future they hold the value that the family dynamic is typically meant to be this way (although plenty of black don't behave in this way).

    I believe a lot of education on the issue could solve a few of the issues surrounding it e.g. by shedding light on to these inidivudals on the preffered family dynamic (that being, that one should in fact provide for their children), then maybe this could encourage those black fathers to stay around.

    In terms of finance, I think that the money doesn't have to go towards either community, but towards the family (couple) itself. That is who the individuals are working for, after all. I also don't believe finance is the only reason why one would date another, thus it might not be as much of an issue to some.

    Again, racism (fortunately) is not everywhere so I fail to see how your quote "racism won't stop" is relevant to many interracial couples, in terms of the problems it may cause.

    Do you mean disconnected in terms of race? If an interracial couple love one another I highly doubt they are disconnected towards one another intimately or in any other factor -- yes, maybe in some areas of the world the two races are at heads with one another, but what better way to overcome that than to start with interracial relationships? Furthermore, the two individuals in the relationship won't be disconnected with one another just because their race as a whole might be against the other -- that is a generalisation that one cannot make. It is all about the individual and their own views.

    In many areas around the world, race simply isn't an issue, so love will not have to bridge up the differences and ignorance (even though I think it very well can) -- because there will be no differences or ignorance present. I personally, would also not connect more with my own race than I would with someone outside of my race. What would connect us more? Our race? What if we have nothing in common? What if I meet someone who is of a different race who has things in common with me? I would rather choose the person I feel more connected with (race plays no part in that to me at all).

    Lastly, with the discrimination that is present in many cases, I believe those in interracial relationships *are* facing the racial realities caused by the prejudice (which may or may not be present). Yet they initiate these relationships out of love. If there are cultural differences linked to race, then I'm sure each would get immersed in the other in order to better know the person they are with. If not then maybe the relationship wouldn't work for one reason: the other person isn't trying. Again, race has little influence in this case -- it's all about the individual's attitude.

    (Sorry for the essay!)
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    To be honest having a racial preference is racist, so is race fetishising
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    (Original post by Iwouldliketoknow)
    My stance. Well i am not against. But i believe black people should be cautious when entering interracial relationship and procreating. Just becase someone has sex with a black person doesnt mean they respect such people. I see this all the tine with white women and black men, they live them but have absolutely no respect for black woman which is worrying for the mixed race kids the raise. That is one of many reasons. Other things is that marriage is a financial insitution, if you interracially marry who does the money go to? Which community? Because racism wont stop but one can shield themsleves better with economic power e.g. jews/ asians. Lastly it just boggles me how one can stay married to someone outside of their race esp white when they are so disconnected. Like how do get initimate, love cannot bridge up such differences and ignorance, espcially if the other person is not bothering to be invested in the racial realities but instead be 'colour blind'
    I completely agree. I think that people of colour in general should be cautious when dating someone so disconnected from racial struggles
    • #12
    #12

    (Original post by mangostan)
    I completely agree. I think that people of colour in general should be cautious when dating someone so disconnected from racial struggles
    Why is that?
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    (Original post by mangostan)
    I completely agree. I think that people of colour in general should be cautious when dating someone so disconnected from racial struggles
    She said black individuals should be cautious when entering interracial relationships. Not all black or mixed race inidviduals have racial struggles (I should know). So, did I perhaps misread the comment? Did she in fact mean, black individuals with racial struggles should be cautious entering interracial relationships, or just black individuals?

    Please elaborate on what you mean when you say those with racial strugges should be cautious dating those with no racial struggles? I am coloured; I will be cautious in who I date in terms if personality; not race. I think those with struggles should be careful about who they date in terms of whether or not that person is a good person; not because that person may or may not have struggled racially. Just because one has no experience with racial struggles doesn't mean that they are not willing to learn or help that individual experience positive things / combat the struggle, so why the caution? Unless you're making a generalisation about those with no racial struggles? Which would in fact be a generalisation. If one has no racial struggle that does not say anything about their character or that relationship that could form.
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    My boyfriend looooves girls of colour ( i would be more specific but he literally just loves brown girls) lol. He's white...
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    I'm mixed race and I date either black or mixed race guys. I don't tend to like white guys, and never dated one.

    Reasons - I don't like the pointed nose, or chest hair (which a lot do have),or generally some of the face being red/pink/flushed because the skin colour is lighter, or thin lips.

    Also, they have pink penises, which is a major turn off.
    • #12
    #12

    (Original post by mangostan)
    To be honest having a racial preference is racist, so is race fetishising
    I don't think having a racial preference is racist UNLESS one will not date any other race at all -- even if they like a person of another race that isn't their preferred one. The individual you may be referencing to also said that it is wrong for someone to prefer a race over their own, and that they don't support interracial relationships. If anything, that seems racist to me.

    Race fetishing is stupid, and I believe is more so psychologically incorrect. People who have a race fetish ought to get help for their condition, not be criticised on here -- especially if they are not being hateful towards other races that they don't prefer (which is what I view as true racism). If they are not being hateful, then they deserve no hate.
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    (Original post by mangostan)
    To be honest having a racial preference is racist, so is race fetishising
    I don't think having a racial preference is racist UNLESS one will not date any other race at all -- even if they like a person of another race that isn't their preferred one. The individual you may be referencing to also said that it is wrong for someone to prefer a race over their own, and that they don't support interracial relationships. If anything, that seems racist to me.

    Race fetishing is stupid, and I believe is more so psychologically incorrect. People who have a race fetish ought to get help for their condition, not be criticised on here -- especially if they are not being hateful towards other races that they don't prefer (which is what I view as true racism). If they are not being hateful, then they deserve no hate.
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    (Original post by alicia_x)
    I don't think having a racial preference is racist UNLESS one will not date any other race at all -- even if they like a person of another race that isn't their preferred one. The individual you may be referencing to also said that it is wrong for someone to prefer a race over their own, and that they don't support interracial relationships. If anything, that seems racist to me.

    Race fetishing is stupid, and I believe is more so psychologically incorrect. People who have a race fetish ought to get help for their condition, not be criticised on here -- especially if they are not being hateful towards other races that they don't prefer (which is what I view as true racism). If they are not being hateful, then they deserve no hate.
    There isn't any legitimate non-racist justification for having a racial preference. For instance, people who say things like they're not attracted to black girls because of preferences are racist because their justifications for this are always based on racist stereotypes of black women. Similarly to people who say things like "I have a thing for asian women"
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    (Original post by mangostan)
    There isn't any legitimate non-racist justification for having a racial preference. For instance, people who say things like they're not attracted to black girls because of preferences are racist because their justifications for this are always based on racist stereotypes of black women. Similarly to people who say things like "I have a thing for asian women"
    I disagree. Maybe they have physical preferences -- like small/large boobs, light/dark/medium skin -- maybe one of either of those options appeals to them more and that's why they have a preference. I honestly don't think all people with a preference have a preference due to racial stereotypes. I consider myself having a preference towards caucasian men (I think their features are more attractive) BUT, I can hand on heart tell you that there are asian men that I would consider myself attracted to and I would honest to god have a relationship with them (if they were available. Sigh.) There are black men I would consider myself having been attracted to (I can't even tell you how much -- I thought he was very good looking and I loved his personality). There are mixed race men that I have been attracted to (several, actually). Just because I have a preference doesn't mean I would only date that race by any means at all. At the end of the day, a preference is a preference but it isn't so important to me that it would limit who I would go with. I like who I like.
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    (Original post by alicia_x)
    She said black individuals should be cautious when entering interracial relationships. Not all black or mixed race inidviduals have racial struggles (I should know). So, did I perhaps misread the comment? Did she in fact mean, black individuals with racial struggles should be cautious entering interracial relationships, or just black individuals?

    Please elaborate on what you mean when you say those with racial strugges should be cautious dating those with no racial struggles? I am coloured; I will be cautious in who I date in terms if personality; not race. I think those with struggles should be careful about who they date in terms of whether or not that person is a good person; not because that person may or may not have struggled racially. Just because one has no experience with racial struggles doesn't mean that they are not willing to learn or help that individual experience positive things / combat the struggle, so why the caution? Unless you're making a generalisation about those with no racial struggles? Which would in fact be a generalisation. If one has no racial struggle that does not say anything about their character or that relationship that could form.
    I meant as in people who are ignorant when it comes to racism. I am also cautious both personality wise and race because I've been in relationship with white people who are the "I'm not racist" type but are so oblivious to racism and don't understand it which is straining. Not to say that there aren't white people who are aware of racism and systematic oppression, etc. I know not every person of colour experiences racism the same way I was just relating her point to all people of colour in general, other than black people, sorry if I didn't explain myself too well!
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    (Original post by alicia_x)
    I disagree. Maybe they have physical preferences -- like small/large boobs, light/dark/medium skin -- maybe one of either of those options appeals to them more and that's why they have a preference. I honestly don't think all people with a preference have a preference due to racial stereotypes. I consider myself having a preference towards caucasian men (I think their features are more attractive) BUT, I can hand on heart tell you that there are asian men that I would consider myself attracted to and I would honest to god have a relationship with them (if they were available. Sigh.) There are black men I would consider myself having been attracted to (I can't even tell you how much -- I thought he was very good looking and I loved his personality). There are mixed race men that I have been attracted to (several, actually). Just because I have a preference doesn't mean I would only date that race by any means at all. At the end of the day, a preference is a preference but it isn't so important to me that it would limit who I would go with. I like who I like.
    yes but much of what we find attractive has an origin. for example, the preference of light skin over dark skin is deep rooted in society so of course it influences who we find attractive. I myself used to prefer white men because I associated 'white features' with being better. I know now that this was my own issue of self hate because I didn't find the black features that I had attractive at all. There's a difference between someone saying "I prefer tall men because of.../I have a preference for brunettes" vs "I don't date asian girls, etc"
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    (Original post by mangostan)
    I meant as in people who are ignorant when it comes to racism. I am also cautious both personality wise and race because I've been in relationship with white people who are the "I'm not racist" type but are so oblivious to racism and don't understand it which is straining. Not to say that there aren't white people who are aware of racism and systematic oppression, etc. I know not every person of colour experiences racism the same way I was just relating her point to all people of colour in general, other than black people, sorry if I didn't explain myself too well!
    Oh, ok! No, it's fine --- I now realise what you meant. I can understand if people choose not to educate themselves or don't try to empathise, then that could be quite stressful! No worries.
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    (Original post by mangostan)
    yes but much of what we find attractive has an origin. for example, the preference of light skin over dark skin is deep rooted in society so of course it influences who we find attractive. I myself used to prefer white men because I associated 'white features' with being better. I know now that this was my own issue of self hate because I didn't find the black features that I had attractive at all. There's a difference between someone saying "I prefer tall men because of.../I have a preference for brunettes" vs "I don't date asian girls, etc"
    You shouldn't hate your features! (If you still do). Be proud, girl Hmm, I can see what you mean. I'm just thinking: could it depend on why you have a preference? I suppose for example, an Asian female preferring darker skin not because of the cultural implications but simply because she finds it more physically attractive? What if there was no origin? I tend to prefer caucasian men because I personally feel they have more commonly masculine features e.g strong jaw, smaller noses. But, if I found a person with these attractive features who wasn't white then I would still date them. It's just that the features I find more attractive are more commonly found on caucasian males, hence my preference because I'm more likely to find those features, if that makes sense? (Although I am by no means all about looks at all. If a person is an a-hole then I don't care what they look like).

    The " I don't date Asian girls" would be a problem because of the exclusion. To me, a preference is simply something I prefer (am more lilely to choose), but never will I exclude other races. Complete exclusion I don't agree with.
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    (Original post by alicia_x)
    You shouldn't hate your features! (If you still do). Be proud, girl Hmm, I can see what you mean. I'm just thinking: could it depend on why you have a preference? I suppose for example, an Asian female preferring darker skin not because of the cultural implications but simply because she finds it more physically attractive? I tend to prefer caucasian men because I personally feel they have more commonly masculine features e.g strong jaw, smaller noses. But, if I found a person with these attractive features who wasn't white then I would still date them. It's just that the features I find more attractive are more commonly found on caucasian males, hence my preference because I'm more likely to find those features, if that makes sense? (Although I am by no means all about looks at all. If a person is an a-hole then I don't care what they look like).

    The " I don't date Asian girls" would be a problem because of the exclusion. To me, a preference is simply something I prefer (am more lilely to choose), but never will I exclude other races. Complete exclusion I don't agree with.
    I love my features now! I just didn't used to lol. I understand what you mean, i used to prefer white guys because I associated them with masculinity too! But i feel like there's a deeper reason for that, especially since that kind of thinking is encouraged, if that makes sense? Like, in my family, white people are more praised and their features are seen as more desirable. My Japanese grandmother often says things like I should marry a white man because your children will be pretty and they will take care of you, but that implies that black men and asian men don't have attractive features or that they're not competent as fathers. I think sentiments like that are usually common in a lot of non white families because of society's eurocentric standards of beauty
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    (Original post by mangostan)
    I love my features now! I just didn't used to lol. I understand what you mean, i used to prefer white guys because I associated them with masculinity too! But i feel like there's a deeper reason for that, especially since that kind of thinking is encouraged, if that makes sense? Like, in my family, white people are more praised and their features are seen as more desirable. My Japanese grandmother often says things like I should marry a white man because your children will be pretty and they will take care of you, but that implies that black men and asian men don't have attractive features or that they're not competent as fathers. I think sentiments like that are usually common in a lot of non white families because of society's eurocentric standards of beauty
    That's great! I always feel so sad when people don't accept themselves, I just want to give them a hug! Yeah that does actually make a lot of sense. Aw, she said that? Yeah, it's stereotypes like that that can be very toxic -- to a lot of young people in particular. I really wish that people wouldn't stick to stereotypes like that and encourage children to think in this way. My mom's white and idk I feel as if she's always tried to get us to embrace who we are (like, we all have thicker and coarser hair) and she's always encouraged us to just go with the flow and be ourselves. It's a very open household -- we're not against ethnicity, religion or sexual orientation etc (which I'm thankful for). But as you said, it could well be that I find white features more attractive because of my culture, for example. Although I still feel as if there's a difference between racial preference and racial exclusion, you know?

    Overall, I think this subject is really controversial and there are just so many factors to be taken into consideration; it's just so interesting for me to talk about. But this is just my view, anyway
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    (Original post by alicia_x)
    Ok, so I'm mixed race (half black, half white) so I'm hoping this is kind of relevant to me. My cousin (who is female) is black. I personally, prefer caucasians ALTHOUGH if I like someone I don't care what race they are. My cousin prefers black boys, but again, she won't limit herself to just one race (rightfully so).

    Your quote "many prefer their own, so why is it hard for you?" I'm assuming you're talking about black individuals "finding it hard" to like their own race? As a mixed race individual this irks me ... A LOT. No one should be criticised or scorned (which is the tone I've received from this quote) for having a racial preference. It is also a generalisation. Many black men and women date their race -- the same could be said for all races. Many however, don't due to having other preferences. So what? As long as those individuals treat all with equality then what's the problem? (Assuming you have one with this issue).

    Also the quote "your own" irked me. It suggested that you prefer people to date within their own race and that you like the idea of segregation which is highly offensive to a lot of people -- including me. (That's just how it sounded). Of course, I am considered a "sensitive" individual and get p*ssed off quite easily when it comes to things like this, so I will assume you didn't mean to come across this way? I apologise in advance if that is so.

    I would be curious to know your stance on interracial relationships indeed.
    I think he's right though, you need to ask yourself why 50% of black men (particularly black Caribbean, a *******ised culture still reaping the effects of post colonialism) date outside of there race compared to the minimal numbers you see in tightly knitted ethnocentric communities like Indian ones. It's because one lusts after the White ideal and the other doesn't.

    I'm not saying all interracial couples are are a result of that but if you look at statistics there are trends, white people most desirable etc
 
 
 
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