Pakistani Muslims please help.... Muslim girl dating a white guy

Dr Fred, perhaps you haven't realised that this is a thread made by a Muslim

and asking other Muslims for advice, and others who claim to be Muslim are talking about what Islam teaches regarding issues raised in the OP. Your objections to us believing in God are irrelevant here, so take your bigotry to the Religion section.

I wouldn't prevent my children from marrying who they love.

The reason I've put Pakistani Muslims because I believe no one really understands the backward nature of Pakistani culture unless you're in it

Sorry in advance about the bad spelling/grammar, I'm not the best at writing.

So I'm 25 years old, have a reputable well paid job, live on my own and I have a white boyfriend. We've been going out for a couple of years now, and I know we both ( if things continue to go really well) are thinking about marriage now.

The biggest obstacle is my parents who are I own are going to be absolutely devastated- and I really cant stress this enough. To them to marry a BRITISH Pakistani is like - whoa ( if you want a decent a guy you'd marry from back home where you can be truly sure of the persons character). So never mind a white guy.

My boyfriend - now I know you're going to be skeptical the following because you think I'm in love so can't see any bad, believe me I can but this guy, is 1 in a million. A kind, intelligent, 'good hearted' type of guy. I know I'm very lucky to have found someone like him, and the thought of letting him go is unbearable.


I love my family I really do, and my parents are kind people but its been ingrained in them that family honour within the community is extremely
important. And I know they love me as well, but I KNOW they would rather I married no one than a white guy. And that to me is unimaginable because all I've every wanted is a family of my own. I wouldnt be just losing my parents, but my relatives and religious Muslim friends as well

I would like advice from other Asians who have seen or experienced themselves how it all pans out if the couple marry regardless of their parents view. Do the parents eventually come round ?

Sorry this has been a bit of a rant.
Basically I've met an amazing guy whom I want to marry but I don't want to lose family. What do I do....

What if your children wanted to marry a muslim?

I would be disappointed, but I wouldn't force them not to do it. If they are happy that way...

Thats what most muslim parents would do if their children wanted to marry non muslims, mine would be like that too

I beg to differ. Read the OP and Muslims' answers to it, as well as countless other similar threads.

Thats what most muslim parents would do if their children wanted to marry non muslims, mine would be like that too

Soz my bad I should have said most. Because that's how it is. There will literally be the smallest Muslim minority who will allow this kinda stuff. If u look in Chinese and that part of Asia, their culture is traditionally all about respect and honour. Lose that and ur life is not worth living. The same ethics are in place for most Muslims.

Is it stigmatising when the religion is only forewarning u of the consequences that will happen if u go down a certain path? If God wanted to, we could all be absolutely subservient and follow his every commander yet he has allowed us that freedom to choose but the Quran has been given to us like what the Book of Laws is for England and other countries. It's there to try and protect u from all harm but stray from it and so be it, then deal with the consequences. In a very basic and harsh way this is what these rule books whether religious or not are made for. What's wrong in that?

No they wouldn't.

I, at the very least, can see that even if some of the non-Muslims here, fooled by the relentless propaganda that British Muslims are generally a tolerant lot, can't.

I'm assuming you're an ex muslim? Well even if you are you can't really generalise how all muslims would be like in this situation based on the muslims you've come across and to be honest I don't think you can generalise based on my experience either. I've mostly come across bengali muslims

This comes down to whether you value Allah over him or not. Honestly believe me marrying him isn't worth it. You'll wreck your dunya and your akhirah. Your marriage wouldn't count Islamically and you'll be committing zina.

I am certainly not generalising based on limited experience or bias. It is, unfortunately, hard cold fact. Most of my friends are practising Muslims and 4 to date have been through exactly the same thing. Two have been disowned outright by their families and the other two were initially shunned but are now on speaking terms again. This is despite the "goris" in question being Muslim. If that were not the case, then the situation complicates even more.

I also volunteer for a charity called Karma Nirvana which concentrates on issues such as forced marriages, rape etc within the Asian community. Even in my limited here, I have come across some astounding cases. Instances of 16 year old girls who are self harming because their parents are forcing them into a marriage. Of ex-Muslims who have been beaten and ostracised by their parents. Of countless interracial and inter-religious marriages where families have reacted terribly.

The generally regressive attitude of the British Muslim community is hard, cold fact. Quite frankly, there is little point polishing a turd- the only way to deal with these situations and improve is introspection and debate, not burying your head in your sand and denying they exist or underplaying them to make your community look good

I am certainly not generalising based on limited experience or bias. It is, unfortunately, hard cold fact. Most of my friends are practising Muslims and 4 to date have been through exactly the same thing. Two have been disowned outright by their families and the other two were initially shunned but are now on speaking terms again. This is despite the "goris" in question being Muslim. If that were not the case, then the situation complicates even more.

I also volunteer for a charity called Karma Nirvana which concentrates on issues such as forced marriages, rape etc within the Asian community. Even in my limited here, I have come across some astounding cases. Instances of 16 year old girls who are self harming because their parents are forcing them into a marriage. Of ex-Muslims who have been beaten and ostracised by their parents. Of countless interracial and inter-religious marriages where families have reacted terribly.

The generally regressive attitude of the British Muslim community is hard, cold fact. Quite frankly, there is little point polishing a turd- the only way to deal with these situations and improve is introspection and debate, not burying your head in your sand and denying they exist or underplaying them to make your community look good

No I understand what you're saying there are alot of problems in the asian community that do need to be addressed but thats a cultural problem and not a religious one. There are alot of asian values which I really don't agree with and I agree we need to be honest about them so we can find solutions.

No, it is actually a combination of both. The way that apostates should be treated is emphasised in some detail in the Sahih Hadith for example. Hidden problem that it may be- you have absolutely no idea of the hordes of Muslims within the UK alone who are losing their faith and the incredible misery they have to undergo.