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    (Original post by octoberbaby)
    I would deffo consider this a success I'm glad it was okay. (Was this the twister night.. did the game get pulled out and was it okay? I hope so!
    No Twister in the end! Just quite a bit of Pimms. The whole thing passed without incident, managed to do small talk pretty well and am glad I went.

    (Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd)
    :awesome: :woo: :yay: :danceboy: :yeah:
    Thanks!

    ----

    Had a really nice day yesterday with Nut. and one of my best uni friends. Had yummy scones, drank beer and ate strawberries and managed to successfully exhibit my horrifically poor pool skills. It's easy for me to get bogged down in "I'm still depressed, I still have flashbacks, I still want to die" but the best days are the ones where those thoughts barely cross my mind. It's so important to remember that even though I'm still clinically depressed and flashbacks are happening frequently, I've come so far in the past few months. I think suicidal is still my default and it's going to take some training to get out of thinking that way, because nowadays it's more that it's become ingrained than anything else. Need to appreciate the moments of contentment rather than constantly remembering and anticipating the bad bits.
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    Having a much needed lazy day! :lazy:
    now that exams are over I can finally start to focus on me. Need to start sorting out uni stuff at some point but that can wait. I am taking some time to sit back, relax and let myself recover. I'm on meds, i'm getting some sort of therapy and I don't have any college to worry about. Now is the time to kick this nasty condition and move on with my life. I am going to sort this and I am going to be happy again!
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    (Original post by Kindred)
    Having a much needed lazy day! :lazy:
    now that exams are over I can finally start to focus on me. Need to start sorting out uni stuff at some point but that can wait. I am taking some time to sit back, relax and let myself recover. I'm on meds, i'm getting some sort of therapy and I don't have any college to worry about. Now is the time to kick this nasty condition and move on with my life. I am going to sort this and I am going to be happy again!
    Now sounds like an ideal time then hopefully the sun will help with motivation, and just make you feel a bit happier too what kind of therapy you doing?

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    (Original post by Meaty_man)
    Now sounds like an ideal time then hopefully the sun will help with motivation, and just make you feel a bit happier too what kind of therapy you doing?

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    Thanks. I don't actually know what I'm getting. I've been seeing CAMHS for a while and I think there must be some sort of therapy or something going on. We're not doing anything much at the moment but I think we will be now that I have less on my plate. Im rather sceptical of anything that involves people telling me how to think though so i'm not responding brilliantly to anything we're doing at the moment. Hopefully the meds will help me open up to it a bit more. My doc also referred me for CBT but I don't know when that's going to happen, apparently it's a long process.


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    so iv not even been home 24 hours and im already being told that im thinking to far forward about moving out! HE WANTS ME OUT IM TALKING ABOUT IT, BUT THEN HE DOESNT WANT ME TO TALK ABOUT IT

    no idea what he wants me to do, then i have my mum saying one thing and my step dad saying another, what the hell am i meant to be thinking?
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    (Original post by thatsthebadger93)
    Saw my therapist again yesterday, been going to him for about 3 months now, and I don't think it's really helping at all. I really struggle to talk about anything and when I do he pretty much just says things like 'it's understandable that you feel that way' and 'you shouldn't be so hard on yourself' etc. which makes it feel pretty pointless. Added to that is the fact for the last months at the end of every session he asks if I'm firing him yet, which just feels weird. I'm am tempted just to jack it in, but it is the only support I have atm, so maybe it is better to keep trying?
    Everything feels so, I dunno, bleak and I've got the same old thoughts going through my head all day and nothing I do seems to make them stop.
    He is there to serve you so if it isn't working for you, tell him. Ask if you can see someone else if necessary. You have the right to do this. What kind of therapy is this? It sounds more like counselling rather than say CBT. Is he a mental health nurse, a psychologist or a PWB practitioner? Maybe he thinks he is doing one thing and you are expecting another? A CPN for instance might not actually be doing therapy with you at all. They often just meet to monitor your mood and medication, offer moral support and someone to talk to, prepare a care plan and refer you to other parts of the service if necessary. It is really good to know exactly what you are getting so you can request other forms of help/therapy if you want. Therapy comes in lots of forms: low intensity, high intensity, mindfulness, CBT etc and you might find one suits you more than another so don't give up yet. Find out exactly what you are currently undergoing first and then ask what else is available.

    You sound very depressed and so it is not surprising that you are feeling that it is all useless. I wouldn't just give up; hang on to your current set up but try to work out if they can refer you to other help too.

    Good luck

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    (Original post by Kindred)
    Thanks. I don't actually know what I'm getting. I've been seeing CAMHS for a while and I think there must be some sort of therapy or something going on. We're not doing anything much at the moment but I think we will be now that I have less on my plate. Im rather sceptical of anything that involves people telling me how to think though so i'm not responding brilliantly to anything we're doing at the moment. Hopefully the meds will help me open up to it a bit more. My doc also referred me for CBT but I don't know when that's going to happen, apparently it's a long process.


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    Ah, I suspect from this that you aren't in therapy as such yet. So the person you see is your support person. You need to feel comfortable with this person so if you can't see that happening it is perfectly alright to request to see someone else. His job so far will have been to assess where you are at and if you need any extra help and if any medication is working. He should also have prepared or be preparing a care plan which you should always get to see. It is early days and it likely to get better as time goes on and they understand your needs and personality more. However they are not psychic so even if it is very difficult it is best to tell them honestly how you are feeling ie. you're not comfortable with them and would prefer a change, than plough on regardless.

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    CAMPING THREAD 2013!!!

    Click above for camping fun - quotes will follow later.
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    It's funny how some days I'm able to walk to and from my parents house on my own, around town on my own, and even consider going on a bus to another town on my own but others I can barely walk the 10 minutes to the shops without panicking and getting upset. I thought maybe by now I'd be over this anxiety problem (as the cause resolved itself pretty much 10 months ago) but no, clearly not.

    Sigh. Just... everything.
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    Hellooo, how is everyone? I haven't been on too much lately - had a lot going on.

    Thursday I went to see Hamlet at the RSC, which was lovely...but then when I got home in the evening, I felt really ill and went to bed early. Then a few hours later I was puking my guts up in the toilet, from 11 til 5 in the morning, then again, from 7 til 3. Food poisoning, ****ing McDonalds!!

    Apart from that, I haven't been too bad lately. A bit stressed here and there, but not as bad as I have been.
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    Feeling emotional and unbalanced about everything. Sobbed over my dissertation earlier and my supervisor isn't being supportive. I just can't keep trying if I'm getting nowhere. It's just so damaging when I sit down and nothing happens. I wish it was just the report that needed doing.

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    lost my twiddly and not feeling good tonight
    not sur how this will end
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    (Original post by jargonglossary)
    Hellooo, how is everyone? I haven't been on too much lately - had a lot going on.

    Thursday I went to see Hamlet at the RSC, which was lovely...but then when I got home in the evening, I felt really ill and went to bed early. Then a few hours later I was puking my guts up in the toilet, from 11 til 5 in the morning, then again, from 7 til 3. Food poisoning, ****ing McDonalds!!

    Apart from that, I haven't been too bad lately. A bit stressed here and there, but not as bad as I have been.
    Hamlet?!?! Jesus, I hope you weren't standing - that play is LOOOOONG :eek: You poor thing - food poisoning sounds horrible Hope you're OK hun :hugs:
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    Seem to be back in a bleh self-triggering phase. Feels vitally important to read everything and understand, but it's hard to understand and making me just feel ick. Want to understand why stuff happened and it's really hard to do but I'm not sure what else to do because it doesn't make sense yet so I'm probably just going to lie on my bed going through more and more case studies and academic texts until I'm crying too much to keep reading and then crying until I can't cry anymore and then reading again and then repeating because that's what I keep doing. Feels like nothing ever happened and something has gone wrong I'm not really sure. Think I need to go back now. Not really sure why I'm writing this. Everything feels ****ing pointless if I can't make myself understand.
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    So today has been a good day apart from me realising that I apparently freak out because of a light breeze. Every single time I've heard a breeze come through the door today I've ran away. I don't even know why, I don't have an issue with it when I'm outside or anything. I feel so pathetic


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    Nononono! Cleaning my room has got dust all over my hands and they feel so strange. I've washed my hands twice and they still feel strange. I can't touch my own hands cos they're creeping me out. How can I redecorate my room if I can't touch anything?! Aaaaaaaah!!! So annoyed! Now I remember why I've been putting it off for so long. DX


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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hey, thankyou for replying!

    Uni don't really know that I'm struggling. It's my own fault because I don't know how to tell them.To apply for an extension I submit an application to the admin people with a vague letter from counselling as evidence. It all sort of bypasses my lecturers as it's left up to me to tell them about any extensions.
    I do have support from the uni counsellor but it's not continuous, and I haven't been to my gp for mental health in about six years because im too terrified

    Making a list is a great idea and something I used to do. The feeling of achieving all the points on the list is fantastic. I've got to the point now though that I can't even think about working, or even organise my work or open a book without freaking out. Then it takes a few days to get over it and try again.

    Am considering repeating the year, but it would mean a third attempt at third year because it all went wrong last year too. Doesn't look too good.

    Also just want to say thank you again for replying. I tend to get ignored online just as much as in real life. I appreciate your help.
    I hope you are well
    Thanks , I hope you're well too. Maybe it would be a good idea to let your lecturers know about the extensions (easier said than done I know!). Would you find it easier if a friend went with you or to email them perhaps??

    I had informed the uni about my circumstances just before the exams as they can choose to count second sittings as first sittings etc. However it was using a form like the one you mentioned so this week I have to go and discuss my issues to see what they can do to help me(even though in the end I passed my exams). Safe to say I'm not looking forward to it too much but hoping it will be worthwhile! I'm seeing a professor from the faculty as a whole though rather than my specific department, so I feel less awkward in that she won't be teaching me or anything in future.

    I noticed no-one had replied so thought I'd be friendly and say hello You can PM me if you want to say anything you don't want to put up here, think you can't do this anonymously though :/
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    not safe not safe not safe :cry2:

    been ridiculously triggered and have the most horrible thoughts going round ever, cant cope with this.

    didnt realise what happened until 8 years down the line but i hate myself now all my fault :cry2:

    dont know what to do
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    Wow weird. Basically lost 4 hours of time. 49 pages into an academic text about CSA and about 200 pages into a novel about something about as triggering but I don't remember. Hair has been washed but I don't remember. Still feel quite numb but I'm a bit cold so I guess that's some feeling. Trying to drink beer and eat for grounding feelings. Eurgh. Think I need some new focus now exams done because today I just went to the library and got out lots and lots of books on feminism and SA and psychiatry and it's sort of dangerous territory.
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    (Original post by asdfgah)
    Wow weird. Basically lost 4 hours of time. 49 pages into an academic text about CSA and about 200 pages into a novel about something about as triggering but I don't remember. Hair has been washed but I don't remember. Still feel quite numb but I'm a bit cold so I guess that's some feeling. Trying to drink beer and eat for grounding feelings. Eurgh. Think I need some new focus now exams done because today I just went to the library and got out lots and lots of books on feminism and SA and psychiatry and it's sort of dangerous territory.
    I think the best environment to read books on SA is in the company of a safe person, which obv means you should jump on a train to Norwich and we can camp out in the bar with books. Or do something more fun.

    Am only just about to go to bed 'cos didn't get back from R's until about 1am then had to eat dinner, so miiight still be snoozing when you get up but feel free to send a text 'cos I won't wake up and will get it when snoozeland pisses off.
    __________________

    Mood has actually been more stable since starting lamotrigine about 3 weeks ago, even though I'm still only on 25mg and the recommended dose is 200mg (starts slowly in case of allergic reaction). I don't really believe that the medication itself can be making this much difference, but at the same time I don't think it can be placebo because I wasn't expecting it to help this much. :dontknow:

    Either way I'm grateful that I haven't felt [insert bad word] since starting it and I feel like my capacity for happiness has increased. Before my limit seemed to be "content", whereas now I can actually feel elated but not in a manic way.

    I suppose (finally) completing my first year at uni might have something to do with it. This is the first time in 2 years that I've had both no work due and no nagging feeling of having ****ed everything up.

    I also think that I'm getting a bit quicker at identifying "safe" people. I've met 5 or 6 new people over the past month and tonight was at one of their houses watching films and didn't even get tactiley when there were four of us sitting/ lying on a double bed and there was a lot of the inevitable elbowing/ kicking each other, or when a laptop was balanced on me whilst a guy took it apart.
    I think in general knowing that I'm around feminists helps me to relax, a) because I think they're less likely to jump me, and b) because if anything bad was to happen when I'm out with them (like random man in the street approaches me) I know they'd defend me rather than being all "eh, you have boobs and a bum so get used to it".

    Am slightly beginning to freak out about going home for a fortnight, but am trying to comfort myself by remembering budgie and how cute and fluffy he is, and how I need to teach him new words and play him lots of new music.
 
 
 
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