Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

A Basic Men's Guide to Success with Women Watch

    • Offline

      15
      (Original post by HistoryRepeating)
      Get a Haircut - Long hair is out.
      No it is not, mainstream women still go overwhelmingly for guys with long hair and a lot of people can pull off long hair with proper attention to the style.
      • Thread Starter
      Offline

      13
      ReputationRep:
      (Original post by Bude8)
      Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, I think she's the first love of my life, so I don't want to do anything silly and mess it up. Should I just be myself and if she doesn't like me, just move on (although I think moving on would be so hard, I would be so depressed). Plenty more fish in the sea, they say, but how many will I be able to catch...
      Yes, be yourself but, per the advice in the OP, be "yourself on a good day"!
      Offline

      19
      ReputationRep:
      (Original post by HistoryRepeating)
      Yes, be yourself but, per the advice in the OP, be "yourself on a good day"!
      It's always a good day for me. I feel quite happy to be in school. The only bad days I have are when I haven't seen her. Sounds stalkery but true. Apart from that, I don't think I've ever had a bad day.
      Oh yeah, I can't frown or look angry, and people said I'm always smiling so that might help
      Offline

      2
      ReputationRep:
      (Original post by HistoryRepeating)
      The most common dating advice is without doubt "be yourself". Whilst this, on a basic level, is fundamentally true (you shouldn't pretend to be something you are not), it also gives the horribly wrong implication that you should not modify your behaviour if there are things that you are doing that prevent meaningful romantic (and to a degree generally 'social') connections.

      It also is often apparant that some people simply don't realise some very basic elements to being attractive to the opposite sex.

      What I hope to set out below is a list of tips relating to appearance, attitude and the way you act that, to many people, will seem blindingly obvious, but to some may actually help a little. I will use a sarcastic tone become I'm a sarcastic **** in real life, bear with me.

      IMPORTANT NOTE: This advice is targetted at people guys who are mainstream and/or want to meet mainstream girls (i.e. this is true for the majority of people). This advice does not work if you want to meet metal, goth, emo chicks etc, however as this is in theory "life" advice and those subcultures really don't much persist past the age of students, it still stands.

      1. Appearance - personal
      Get a Haircut - Unless you are an Italian model or a porn star, Long hair is out. On most guys its unattractive, almost always greasy, and usually badly styled. Very few girls prefer long hair on guys (I'm sure many can tolerate it, but why risk it). You might be the exception to this rule (there are many gorgeous long-haired celebrities), but strongly consider whether you in fact are one of them - Many guys go through a long hair phase around as a student, very VERY few people in their mid-late 20s look back and think it looked good.

      Shave, or at least trim - Neckbeards are disgusting, as are unkempt chin whisps or a wavy moustache. Most people look best cleanshaven or with a few days stubble. Wild facial hair is an example of poor personal grooming, which is a big turn off for many. At the very least if you must have a beard, learn how to trim it properly and keep it short and neat.

      Wash, using soap! - This is so obvious I genuinely hope noone needs to be told. You should be showering daily, in the morning, at the very least. Overnight, in your bed, you sweat (more than half a litre!) and your skin secretes oils that collect in your pores.

      When you wash, most guys should use real soap rather than shower gel - it is vastly (vastly) better at cleaning / odour prevention / removing oil. Only use shower gel alone if you really do never smell/sweat or you have real issues with dry skin.

      Use anti-perspirant - After your shower you should ALWAYS apply anti-perspirant. Not Lynx, that is for pre-teens, but something designed for 24hrs anti-perspirant such as Sure for men. I still occasionally (early 20s) meet guys who dont believe in or use anti-perspirant. They may not be able to smell themselves, but I definitely can. You should use anti-perspirant even if you never normally feel sweaty - everyone sweats small amounts even if you dont feel damp, and the bacteria that feed on it WILL smell even if you cant smell yourself.

      Get fit - I cant stress this one enough. Not only is being fit great for your health and appearance, it hugely helps your confidence too. Find a form of exercise you enjoy and do it often. If you find the gym really boring (and expensive!) check out www.brit****it.com, which runs cheap fitness classes in parks all across the UK and is probably the quickest way possible to getting fit and toned, and of course awesome fun (and a great way to meet people)

      2. Appearance - clothing
      General - Generally, as a guy you should have some slightly smarter clothes for going on dates etc. An outfit that you know looks good also does masses for your confidence.

      Tops - First of all, black t-shirts or 'comedy' t-shirts (and even worse, t-shirts with dragons, fantasy scenes or wolves on them!) are horrible and mark you out as a basement-dweller. AVOID. Next, while hoodies are awesome to keep warm while doing exercise, or when slumming it after a massive night out, they aren't a top you should be wearing out on anything but the most casual of dates (you wouldnt wear tracksuit bottoms on a date would you? Its the same concept).

      What you wear on your top half depends on your personal style, but normal people will wear either a t-shirt with some kind of design on it, a polo shirt or a real shirt (NEVER SHORT SLEEVED SHIRT - these are for IT support and cabin attendants only!). I personally advocate the last but its a matter of personal taste and how smart you need to be. For warmth go with a jumper, jacket or coat. Never wear waterproofs unless you are going hiking - people in North-face all-weather hiking jackets in the city look ridiclous. Use t-shirts underneath to layer up if needed for warmth.

      Trousers - obviously tracksuits, sports trousers etc are not appropriate for a date. Pretty much anything else is, though jeans are the easiest. I personally don't like Combats and other 'sloppy' styles, but this rather depands on the kind of girl you like. Also never wear anything with a high waist. Personally I cant stand skinny jeans on guys (you look androgenous) but I understand this is a matter of taste and some (many?) girls do like that on a guy. Cords or chinos are ok if you are going for a more preppy look.

      Shoes - Black smart shoes dont usually go with blue jeans (though obviously they may go with black jeans). Hiking boots, Sandals, or running shoes dont go with anything. Wear smartish brown shoes, white trainers, high-tops, deck shoes or pretty much anything else depending on your personal style. Flipflops are fine in summer if your local bars etc allow it but consider what the girl might be wearing and try not to dress down too much more than she does.

      Glasses, Hats, watches, jewelry etc - This is a matter of personal style of course, but a lot of people in glasses would look better with contacts. If you think they are too expensive, have a look somewhere like www.daysoft.com (very VERY cheap daily lenses, you'll need to get an eye test at boots first to find out your prescription though). Most guys can't pull off jewellery and just look stupid, especially wearing chains or rings. Piercings are a matter of taste and again depend on your target audience - I'd say in general most "mainstream" girls don't find ear/nose/lip/eyebrow piercings attractive.

      3. Attitude

      If you've got sections one and two wrapped up, likely you are feeling a lot more confident about yourself. This is key. The single biggest factor in being attractive is being confident. Even if you aren't yet confident, you will get more confident in time through practice approaching girls and going on dates.

      Whenever you hear a guy saying "why dont girls like 'nice guys'" you can be 100% certain his key problem is one of three things - that he isn't, in fact, a nice guy, that he is not being forward enough in his approach to girls or else he is too keen.

      Points to remember:
      Make your intentions clear - Its really REALLY important to make your intentions clear early on in your relationship with a girl. I dont mean actually saying "I fancy you" (although some people can pull this off if they are cocky enough!), I mean flirting to the point that it is completely unambiguous. This should always be done on a first date to establish if there is chemistry! This point must be considered in light of the next one however

      Don't be too clingy - Desperate guys are a massive turn off. Coming on too strong likewise - both imply that finding a girl who likes your attention is rare so you are making a big deal out of it, this is NOT a good impression to give. To combine this with the point above, the attitude you are going for is "I want you, but I don't need you".

      Don't overthink - So you had your first date and it went quite well? now you start worrying about when to text her, what her texts or lack of them mean, analysing what she said during the date.... STOP. All of this is bull****. Some (generally broken) people like to play games, but you can win these games by refusing to play. Wait until you next want to see the girl, call her, and ask her out again. No need to have a strategy, no need to ignore her 2 days, just play it by ear (but always bear in mind the 2 points above, not too keen, upfront about intentions).

      4. Project Confidence
      Really all these tips are to help with this final point. Everything comes down to confidence. The best thing about confidence is, you cant fake it. Or rather, if you successfully fake it you aren't faking it, its real! There are lots of 'tricks' to help you appear confident (and therefore be confident), examples are to pick the bar or restaurant for your date without hesitation (knowing some cool, interesting places is extremely helpful), choosing wine for both of you with a meal, and eventually going for a goodnight kiss. Force yourself to be bold, and you will become bold!

      One last thing - don't worry about rejection, its no big deal and at the end of the day, its THEIR loss.

      Good luck
      As a girl, I would say most of this applies. However, I wouldn't be so worried about the small stuff and change yourself dramatically otherwise everyone will be the same! It's nice to find a different boy once in a while!


      This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
      • Thread Starter
      Offline

      13
      ReputationRep:
      (Original post by Bude8)
      It's always a good day for me. I feel quite happy to be in school. The only bad days I have are when I haven't seen her. Sounds stalkery but true. Apart from that, I don't think I've ever had a bad day.
      Oh yeah, I can't frown or look angry, and people said I'm always smiling so that might help
      Just ask her on a date and smile!
      Offline

      1
      ReputationRep:
      Chinos are never ok
      Offline

      2
      ReputationRep:
      (Original post by Millie228)
      I agree with most of your post, except I find the "it's THEIR loss" etc a little cringeworthy. Don't get me wrong - a man has to be able to hold his head high even if he is at times unsuccessful with women. But there are so many blogs in the 'manosphere' giving advice to men which basically can be summed up as "women love you, but if they don't, they're *****es". It's the male Sex and the City equivalent, where 30-something women believe they can repeat "I'm fabulous" over and over again, and it will eventually come true. Again - I don't think the principle is that bad, but if you're continually rejected by women - and more importantly rejected after a date or a phone number exchange (i.e. it's not that you're just not "her type", you did something to put her off), it's worth thinking about what might have gone wrong, or ask for honest feedback, if she's willing to give it. Unless you're already very successful with women, self-improvement comes before forced confidence.

      Re: hair. I don't know what you mean by 'long hair' - if you mean girly long, I agree with you. But the idea hairstyle for men is with a little length, something to run your fingers through. As long as it's not looking too 'styled' it's still masculine, it's more flattering, it suits more head shapes and it gives a cooler vibe. Think Bradley Cooper length: http://www.starsareblind.com/wp-cont...ley-cooper.jpg

      I agree with you on the black t-shirts. The only time I've seen it with a certain appeal is on Hank Moody, and he is a fictional character. And even then, the rocked up look is not the reason he is attractive - it's just a necessity to his character. It would be like your average guy copying Johnny Depp's look because he knows Johnny Depp is attractive to women. Take a second to consider whether a man you aspire to be is attractive to women because of the way he dresses/occasionally acts/what he does for a living, or in spite of it. The same applies to *******s - they can be attractive to women in spite of the fact that they are not intelligent, rude or low in moral, not because of it. A man who adapts only certain superficial traits of another man, doesn't get human behaviour.
      Agree on the printed t-shirts - in general, men's clothes should be discreet, fit well, have colours that suit you and good materials. Never buy anything because it's "fun".

      Shape - everyone should exercise, regardless of their natural shape and form. For most women, myself included, a man's fitness matters the most up to a certain point. Which means that a man who is completely out of shape, either a piece of jello or overweight, can be disqualified because of it. Your rewards for working out are the largest (percentage-wise), from unfit to normal or slightly above normal. You may gain some attention from being 'ripped' vs being in generally good shape, but the difference is marginal. There are some girls who only care about washboard abs, but they are in minority (and they are also a certain type of 'Essex' girls).
      Human energy is conserved ( http://www.therulesrevisited.com/201...pplied-to.html ), you choose to spend your time and energy one way or another. Of course you consider what you like to spend your spare time doing, but most people also consider what sorts of benefits you'll get from the input. All the time you spend doing one thing, could potentially be spent doing something else, to improve yourself in another area. So I'd never advice a guy to spend ALL his time in a gym, like I don't think a guy should spend ALL his time in the library. Find your passions and pursue them. Have several hobbies. Focus on your studies or work - get good at something. Success, social status and wealth matters to women like looks matters to men. You can compare the effects these things have on women with the way a striking women with an hourglass figure and glossy hair has on you. No gender is more 'shallow' than the other - they are just different. And half the time, the problem is that we project our own standards onto the other. Both sexes do this http://www.therulesrevisited.com/201...-men-want.html
      HAVE GOOD POSTURE

      Rejection: Everybody needs to be comfortable with rejection. No man can ever have success with women or get the type of woman he wants and knows he deserves, unless he is comfortable approaching and initiating contact with women regularly, and can deal with rejection. Sometimes you may have done something wrong (and can learn from it), sometimes she may be taken, sometimes you're just not right for each other. Not everybody can be into everybody. It can't be taken personally, just as any woman can't be miffed for weeks if a guy never calls her back.

      Finally - learn how to be social. Social skills are linked to confidence, which is why they are attractive to women. Not to mention, everybody likes socially skilled people, because they make you feel at ease. This post is for women, but works for men too: http://www.therulesrevisited.com/201...be-social.html
      Note this sentence: "Unless you are social, your attempts at making the intricate adjustments needed to turn a typical conversation into a flirty one, or to show off your personality, will be drowned out by the difficulty of simply participating in the conversation."
      Will you marry me? (in spite of your constant references to "The Rules")
      Offline

      2
      ReputationRep:
      (Original post by Millie228)
      Agree on the printed t-shirts - in general, men's clothes should be discreet, fit well, have colours that suit you and good materials. Never buy anything because it's "fun".
      God forbid we should have any fun. Then we wouldn't look like moody sexy vampires all the time...

      Human energy is conserved ( http://www.therulesrevisited.com/201...pplied-to.html ), you choose to spend your time and energy one way or another. Of course you consider what you like to spend your spare time doing, but most people also consider what sorts of benefits you'll get from the input. All the time you spend doing one thing, could potentially be spent doing something else, to improve yourself in another area. So I'd never advice a guy to spend ALL his time in a gym, like I don't think a guy should spend ALL his time in the library. Find your passions and pursue them. Have several hobbies. Focus on your studies or work - get good at something. Success, social status and wealth matters to women like looks matters to men. You can compare the effects these things have on women with the way a striking women with an hourglass figure and glossy hair has on you. No gender is more 'shallow' than the other - they are just different. And half the time, the problem is that we project our own standards onto the other. Both sexes do this http://www.therulesrevisited.com/201...-men-want.html
      This is a bit Machiavellian to be honest. I do my hobbies because they provide me with enjoyment & diversion from my job and that should be good enough. Doing stuff because you make a calculated decision that it will make you 'better' and therefore more successful with the ladies is absolutely pathetic and you can spot it a mile off. That is why gyms are such desperate places in particular.
      Offline

      0
      ReputationRep:
      (Original post by ChemistBoy)
      God forbid we should have any fun. Then we wouldn't look like moody sexy vampires all the time...



      This is a bit Machiavellian to be honest. I do my hobbies because they provide me with enjoyment & diversion from my job and that should be good enough. Doing stuff because you make a calculated decision that it will make you 'better' and therefore more successful with the ladies is absolutely pathetic and you can spot it a mile off. That is why gyms are such desperate places in particular.
      Is it just me, or is sensible dating advice like this becoming more and more rare on TSR? The PUA fanboys are taking over the asylum.
      Offline

      19
      ReputationRep:
      I think it's generally good advice except for the last part. I can't speak entirely for other girls, but personally I would hate for a guy to just choose wine at a meal without asking my opinion. The same applies to just choosing where to go for dinner (unless, perhaps, he asked me out on the date to that particular place) and even worse, ordering for me.

      It might just be me but I really hated being treated as a girl who is incapable of making her own decisions. And before someone says, "you want equality but you'd still expect him to pay!" No I wouldn't, I would always offer.
      Offline

      0
      ReputationRep:
      (Original post by Rascacielos)
      I think it's generally good advice except for the last part. I can't speak entirely for other girls, but personally I would hate for a guy to just choose wine at a meal without asking my opinion. The same applies to just choosing where to go for dinner (unless, perhaps, he asked me out on the date to that particular place).

      It might just be me but I really hated being treated as a girl who is incapable of making her own decisions. And before someone says, "you want equality but you'd still expect him to pay!" No I wouldn't, I would always offer.
      But its cool if he orders your food for you, right?

      I'll have the steak, rare, and.. I think... perhaps the salmon for the lady.
      Offline

      19
      ReputationRep:
      (Original post by py0alb)
      But its cool if he orders your food for you, right?

      I'll have the steak, rare, and.. I think... perhaps the salmon for the lady.
      I would probably get up and walk out.
      Offline

      0
      ReputationRep:
      (Original post by Rascacielos)
      I would probably get up and walk out.
      lol. I have never done this, but now I'm going to be really tempted just to see the look on the girls face.
      Offline

      19
      ReputationRep:
      (Original post by py0alb)
      lol. I have never done this, but now I'm going to be really tempted just to see the look on the girls face.
      As long as you couldn't care less whether the date lasts for more than 10 minutes.

      Although I've seen a fair few films where the man has ordered for both, which has always made me wonder whether there are some (quite a few) women out there who would happily let the man order.
      Offline

      0
      ReputationRep:
      (Original post by Rascacielos)
      As long as you couldn't care less whether the date lasts for more than 10 minutes.

      Although I've seen a fair few films where the man has ordered for both, which has always made me wonder whether there are some (quite a few) women out there who would happily let the man order.
      It just offers a bit more of a challenge, doesn't it? Being charming the whole time while plying her with wine is too easy, like shooting ducks on a pond. First patronise the poor girl senseless, and then rescue the situation with your wit and charm.
      Offline

      19
      ReputationRep:
      (Original post by py0alb)
      It just offers a bit more of a challenge, doesn't it? Being charming the whole time while plying her with wine is too easy, like shooting ducks on a pond. First patronise the poor girl senseless, and then rescue the situation with your wit and charm.
      Yes, that sounds like a highly effective method of getting a long-term girlfriend. I would strongly advise it.
      Offline

      0
      ReputationRep:
      (Original post by Rascacielos)
      Yes, that sounds like a highly effective method of getting a long-term girlfriend. I would strongly advise it.
      "Always leave them wanting more" is my motto.
      Offline

      2
      ReputationRep:
      This is more like a guide to being an average human. Ignore every step and you get a Justin Bieber lookalike with a ZZ Top beard who never washes, never uses deodorant and never exercises, dresses like a tramp and acts like a socially awkward penguin.
      Offline

      9
      ReputationRep:
      (Original post by ChemistBoy)
      God forbid we should have any fun. Then we wouldn't look like moody sexy vampires all the time...

      .
      Oh God. You won't have much fun with women looking like a dork. If you need your t-shirts to be humorous FOR you, you have a problem.
      Offline

      19
      ReputationRep:
      I'd like to ask, what constitutes 'long' hair? Because at the moment my hair is like this:

      http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?um=1&...,r:5,s:0,i:153

      And I get people of both genders saying they think it's cool, and it goes with my over all style.
     
     
     
    TSR Support Team

    We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

    Updated: December 4, 2012
  1. See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  2. Poll
    Did TEF Bronze Award affect your UCAS choices?
  3. See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  4. The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.