Depression Society MkII Watch

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Bangers+Mash
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#2441
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#2441
Well, i've got out of bed ok, had a shower. I've got to go into college in a bit to pick up my timetable and other things. I feel so flat and numb
I dont think im going to have breakfast, I've not eaten since wednesday evening, and now im so hungry it hurts, but i feel too sick and dont really feel like eating. Maybe i'll end up wasting away, i already feel lifeless as it is.

Hope everyone is ok :hugs:
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fairy spangles
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#2442
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#2442
Hi everyone.

I just got all my records from the doctor as part of my appeal for uni. Its amazing what doctors actually write about me. Makes me feel ill and very embarrassed and dissappointed in myself.

Yesterday i felt as high as a kite on my other meds - i took the anti-depressents and prayed not for a fit cause they set me off on some violent fits but im not sure that i care. Ive been called in to discuss my MRI scan from a few days ago which means theres more bad news on the way but i just dont wanna go and ive ignored both of the phonecalls from the hospital.

B&M - im sure you will be okay once you get to college - might give you some motivation.
Becki - im glad your councelling session went well and you can keep seeing the councellor during the holidays - its always good to keep going to the same person.
Laus - Im sure you will be great at uni. If worst comes to worst you dont have to stay there.
Raspberry - it doesnt take too long to get reffered took me about a week maybe less last time i got reffered. I hope everything gets better to you once you are seen.
Dali - i hope your knee is okay. Have you taken citalopram before - its a whole new one on me.
:hugs: to all that need them.
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jonathan122
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#2443
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#2443
(Original post by fairy spangles)
Hi everyone.

I just got all my records from the doctor as part of my appeal for uni. Its amazing what doctors actually write about me. Makes me feel ill and very embarrassed and dissappointed in myself.

Yesterday i felt as high as a kite on my other meds - i took the anti-depressents and prayed not for a fit cause they set me off on some violent fits but im not sure that i care. Ive been called in to discuss my MRI scan from a few days ago which means theres more bad news on the way but i just dont wanna go and ive ignored both of the phonecalls from the hospital.

B&M - im sure you will be okay once you get to college - might give you some motivation.
Becki - im glad your councelling session went well and you can keep seeing the councellor during the holidays - its always good to keep going to the same person.
Laus - Im sure you will be great at uni. If worst comes to worst you dont have to stay there.
Raspberry - it doesnt take too long to get reffered took me about a week maybe less last time i got reffered. I hope everything gets better to you once you are seen.
Dali - i hope your knee is okay. Have you taken citalopram before - its a whole new one on me.
:hugs: to all that need them.
Hi, :hugs:

You should go in to talk about your MRI scan. It's best to know these things. :hugs:
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fairy spangles
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#2444
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(Original post by jonathan122)
Hi, :hugs:

You should go in to talk about your MRI scan. It's best to know these things. :hugs:

Hi jonathon - hows u?
I have more important things to worry about now - its better to be ignorant sometimes, well that and i cant face it. I just dont care anymore if im honest.
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jonathan122
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#2445
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#2445
I'm a bit flat at the moment. :indiff: Might watch a film later, try and force some emotion from myself.

I'm sorry things are so hard for you at the moment fairy spangles. I'm sure you'll get there in the end and be a great doctor. :hugs:
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fairy spangles
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#2446
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#2446
(Original post by jonathan122)
I'm a bit flat at the moment. :indiff: Might watch a film later, try and force some emotion from myself.

I'm sorry things are so hard for you at the moment fairy spangles. I'm sure you'll get there in the end and be a great doctor. :hugs:

Hey jonathon i feel like that most of the time. I just hope i get back onto my course. Its killing me see everyone else going to uni whilst im just trying to find a job - i hate all of the not knowing!
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Dalimyr
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#2447
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#2447
(Original post by fairy spangles)
Dali - i hope your knee is okay. Have you taken citalopram before - its a whole new one on me.
X-ray went fine, and I'm to check with my GP in a week for the results - will have to ask if it's the GP I'm registered with or the doctor who referred me, or if it doesn't even matter, but I should be able to cope with that. My right knee hurt a little bit at the time but I suspect they're probably going to find that there's nothing wrong and that the problem is primarily with my weight.

And no, I've never taken citalopram before. Two or three years on prozac and nothing else, but I reacted badly last time I was on it and so have been put on citalopram to give it a shot. The list of possible side effects for it is ****ing huge, though :s: Was reading them out to my dad and he just laughed and said "Put them back in the box"
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fairy spangles
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#2448
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(Original post by Dalimyr)
And no, I've never taken citalopram before. Two or three years on prozac and nothing else, but I reacted badly last time I was on it and so have been put on citalopram to give it a shot. The list of possible side effects for it is ****ing huge, though :s: Was reading them out to my dad and he just laughed and said "Put them back in the box"

****ing doctor prescribed me ****ing tablets which react with some other drugs im on. **** it i'll take em anyways. Ive never read the thingy in the box before.
As for MRI ive phoned and they wouldnt say on the phone.
I hate it when they do that.
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Not Invented Yet
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#2449
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#2449
Off to the doctor's in about an hour. I'm having second thoughts about showing her the letter I wrote, since I was in quite an agitated state of mind when I wrote it so I'd be frankly embarassed to let her read it... but I've been told it's good to show her what I'm like at my worst so she can "help me" better... sooo... I'll have to think about it. I'm a little bit nervous but she's a nice doctor. The annoying thing is, I'll only be there for about five minutes because I have to get to training on time for my new job. I'm dreading starting work. I know I need the money, but it's all new people and scaryness. Urgh.
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jonathan122
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#2450
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#2450
(Original post by Not Invented Yet)
Off to the doctor's in about an hour. I'm having second thoughts about showing her the letter I wrote, since I was in quite an agitated state of mind when I wrote it so I'd be frankly embarassed to let her read it... but I've been told it's good to show her what I'm like at my worst so she can "help me" better... sooo... I'll have to think about it. I'm a little bit nervous but she's a nice doctor. The annoying thing is, I'll only be there for about five minutes because I have to get to training on time for my new job. I'm dreading starting work. I know I need the money, but it's all new people and scaryness. Urgh.
Hi NIY, I agree that it's good to show her what you're like at your worst.

Hope everything goes ok :hugs:
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Bangers+Mash
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#2451
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#2451
I don't want to be on my own anymore
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becki08
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#2452
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#2452
(Original post by Bangers+Mash)
I don't want to be on my own anymore
:hugs: You've got us. What's wrong? :hugs:

---------------------

I don't feel good. I've had enough of everything. I don't want to do this anymore.
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Bangers+Mash
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#2453
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#2453
Going back to college on Monday for a start, im going to be an outcast, im going to be a loner. And it will all be my fault because im too scared to talk and meet people
In my life im just generally alone, i only have a very few good friends, no one else, i wish i knew more people i wish i "did" more stuff like going out having fun.
I just feel compared to me, everyone has had a life, done things, Lived their lives. I have done nothing, there is not one thing in my life that i can say "well yes...i've done that" and so on. im just a boring waste of space.
And also, i knew this was happening, i wish i was retaking the year now, but ive been persuaded to carry on. but i dont wan't average grades, my life is already average as it is. If i resterted i could have gone out and got A's and B's.

I've not eaten since wednesday now, it makes me feel even worse that my psychiatrist weighed me the other day, so she will find out soon, not long ago i was 9 and a half stone, but now im 57 pounds, which is just above 9 stone as far as im aware.

i feel so fake, to my family and friends im showing everyone "yes i am ok" that im doing allright, but deep down, i really really am not doing ok at all, this is the worst i have ever been, thank god i have no pills to take, and i cannot be bothered to self harm because ive only done that once and want to keep it that way.

My looks are getting me down even more, i cant stand the way i look, i hate everything about myself, and to make things worse, not only do i have to have braces this year, but when im at uni i will have to have jaw surgery, and they said i would be off uni (if i go to uni) for a month because my face will really swell up.

I really can't take this anymore, im so scared of the future. Im at a point now where i would rather die than carry on.

so sorry for the long moan, i feel so selfish, i love helping you guys too, but i would be really bad at helping tpday

:hugs: for becki and everyone else is the best i can do
i feel so selfish
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becki08
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#2454
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#2454
(Original post by Bangers+Mash)
Going back to college on Monday for a start, im going to be an outcast, im going to be a loner. And it will all be my fault because im too scared to talk and meet people
In my life im just generally alone, i only have a very few good friends, no one else, i wish i knew more people i wish i "did" more stuff like going out having fun.
I just feel compared to me, everyone has had a life, done things, Lived their lives. I have done nothing, there is not one thing in my life that i can say "well yes...i've done that" and so on. im just a boring waste of space.
And also, i knew this was happening, i wish i was retaking the year now, but ive been persuaded to carry on. but i dont wan't average grades, my life is already average as it is. If i resterted i could have gone out and got A's and B's.

I've not eaten since wednesday now, it makes me feel even worse that my psychiatrist weighed me the other day, so she will find out soon, not long ago i was 9 and a half stone, but now im 57 pounds, which is just above 9 stone as far as im aware.

i feel so fake, to my family and friends im showing everyone "yes i am ok" that im doing allright, but deep down, i really really am not doing ok at all, this is the worst i have ever been, thank god i have no pills to take, and i cannot be bothered to self harm because ive only done that once and want to keep it that way.

My looks are getting me down even more, i cant stand the way i look, i hate everything about myself, and to make things worse, not only do i have to have braces this year, but when im at uni i will have to have jaw surgery, and they said i would be off uni (if i go to uni) for a month because my face will really swell up.

I really can't take this anymore, im so scared of the future. Im at a point now where i would rather die than carry on.

so sorry for the long moan, i feel so selfish, i love helping you guys too, but i would be really bad at helping tpday

:hugs: for becki and everyone else is the best i can do
i feel so selfish
:hugs: for Luke. My head's gone off onto another planet at the moment so I can't find the words for a reply but I wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you :hugs:
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becki08
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#2455
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#2455
Is there even a point of me going to uni? It's hard enough to get out of bed of a morning - of an afternoon even. I can't cope with anything at the moment. I don't think I'll be able to cope at uni. Everything is all too much, too hard. Maybe I should just give up now.
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Bangers+Mash
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#2456
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#2456
:hugs: becki, things may improve when you start uni.


I actually wan't to give up now, i wish i wasn't here anymore.
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becki08
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#2457
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#2457
:hugs: Luke, I know the feeling but keep going. It won't always be like this.

(I'm such a hypocritical *****. I say these things and mean them but can't believe them at all for myself.)
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Bangers+Mash
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#2458
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#2458
(Original post by becki08)
(I'm such a hypocritical *****. I say these things and mean them but can't believe them at all for myself.)
I do this all the time.
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jonathan122
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#2459
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#2459
Hello everyone. :hugs:

Don't feel good tonight.
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Bangers+Mash
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#2460
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#2460
(Original post by jonathan122)
Hello everyone. :hugs:

Don't feel good tonight.
that makes 3 of us.

I swear, what is it with depression and friday nights, i honestly feel friday is ALWAYS the worst day

Whats up? :hugs:
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