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    • #40
    #40

    Well its not as bad as some people on this thread, but I had to live with my farther who had a mental illness, this was until year 8 halfterm when we had to leave as my mother actually saw how bad it had got.

    As a parent he was useless he couldn't take his medication it made him worse, he use to beat me with belts on a regular occasion and these are thick belts like this one >> http://www.jelldragon.com/images/rt_...iking_belt.jpg.

    This caused my brother to have a mental breakdown and attempt commit suicide with pill overdose, he turned into a right b***ard for a while constantly beating me up. Even throwing table tops at me quite a few times, at the end of the day I was starting to come down with it so had to see a councilor who didn't help in my opinion but it helped my brother.

    Now everything is fine....
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Well its not as bad as some people on this thread, but I had to live with my farther who had a mental illness, this was until year 8 halfterm when we had to leave as my mother actually saw how bad it had got.

    As a parent he was useless he couldn't take his medication it made him worse, he use to beat me with belts on a regular occasion and these are thick belts like this one >> http://www.jelldragon.com/images/rt_...iking_belt.jpg.
    I was in an almost identical situation with the psycho father and all, pm me if you wanna chat.
    • #41
    #41

    Basiacally, I had a period in my life where I came hom from school and cried. Went asleep crying ... I was fine at school, I was fine with my family or at least I pretended to be. I cried because of several reasons, mainly because I had a problem with myself, but it's more a never ending spiral because I feel ridiculous beeing so emotional or irrational, but than again I couldn't help it I just felt lost. So I still fwelt horrible alone, and then hated myself for letting me go so much etc. But yep I hated myself for having lost control so badly.
    Somehow I managed to escape from this all, probably because I learnt to not think about anything concerning this topic, I keep myself distracted, but if I do get back to it than it's a horrible experience, only happens every 3 month or even less.
    But this had a major impact on my life,
    I once decided that it would be best to try and share my problem, I told my mother about it, it was on of the worst nights ever I just couldn't stop crying whils trying to explain what has been going on some time ago. ( Just remembering it makes me cry, although I don't knwo what made me sad in the first place)
    And after having opened my heart they first time in my life, all I got back was : That's normal when ur in puberty everyone has their problems.
    This one sentence just killed me, it was like my whole body was ripping apart.
    It was especially hard for me to talk about it because I hate myself for some of my thoughts etc, so I am rather embarassed.
    Trying to talk to friends was not very helpfull either, all I hear is :" I know what you mean, i had this balbalabla " - no they don't
    I have talked with my mother about this since the incedent, she seems more understanding.
    But it is kind of impossible to be so open about myself ever again.

    But I think I don't need to anyway, I manadged to deal with this by my one, but it ruined my emtional interaction a bit.
    I am more of a distant. cold person. Well I have been before, but now I won't change probably....
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    One of my close friends told me he suffered from severe OCD ever since he was around 10. After a personal crisis which affected him pretty badly he decided he'd had enough. He was against medication, so he tried to fight the illness back himself. The two things he did were:

    - facing his fears, and doing exactly what he was horrified of doing, and
    - reading a book called 'You Can Heal Your Life' by Louise Hay (there is also a movie with the same title on You Tube, which would be a great starting point for anyone willing to learn about this method of self-healing).

    He is now much better, and his OCD has pretty much disappeared. He reads certain parts of the book regularly (they are called affirmations) and they help him be in control of his own mind and life without the need for medication.

    The book is a well-known one and has sold tens of millions of copies. Its feedback on Amazon is very good, and it seems to have helped a lot of people, not only my friend. It attempts to empower people to take control of their own lives and to re-program the mind with positive thought patterns which slowly replace the negative ones it has been made to believe since childhood. Getting something out of the book only requires an open mind and the will to change one's situation for the better.

    Hope this helps you all :-)
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    Suffered from OCD/Anxiety from around the age of 18. It was the idea that I'd lost myself, that I was never going to be 'myself' again. Being ashamed of everything about myself, from body image to intelligence to likeability. Constantly assessing myself on these completely ridiculous standards, that while aren't wholly unobtainable are definitely far too much for one person to go through so much torment for.

    I had those awful 'impulsive thoughts' that would just never let go, the constant evaluation of whether I was mentally ill. That whether a song really had a certain noise in it or I'd manifested it out of nowhere. I'd feel lost a lot, like the last 4 seconds hadn't happened and a fair bit of deja vu. Going to sleep was always the worst, just complete despair that I had to face myself.

    I never wanted conflict or to accept something might be wrong, so I just hid it. I used to sit up at night assuming I was going to die and feeling so profoundly sad or that everything was an indication of mental illness. However, through not talking about these things I never could never gauge them significantly enough. I was just sitting there in a bar one day with my sister and she mentioned the words 'panic attack'.

    At this point in time I was going through a hard time when I was scared people would find me dumb if I didn't know everything. So I'd spend a lot of time just reading books, memorising country capitals and all the like. So the idea of not knowing a panic attack was upsetting, so I asked her what it was (and felt very embarrassed asking) and she described everything I felt from the derealisation to constant dread and I'll never forget the significant weight that was lifted from my shoulders. I felt intense happiness, almost on the verge of tears and then I had a panic attack again. It was horrible but she spoke to me it throughout and just reassured me everything would be ok, that everything was just fine.

    She told my parents and they admitted my whole family had it but I never had the indication of it at a young age. I still suffered heavily from intrusive thoughts and assumed it was some drug use that had forced me into breaking out of normality. So I felt ashamed that I'd ruined my life from experimenting lightly with drugs, the whole idea of being free just didn't apply to me. I felt very detached and very self aware and very destructive, not physically but that I was never going to be happy, that I'd never be able to talk to girls, that I'd never be able to be smart and that I could never achieve anything and that I was leading myself down a road of poignant sadness. I'd be on the internet googling everything I could, just for an answer, kept on telling my parents everything was fine, that I was intensely happy. I must stress that during this whole time I had a secure group of best friends, wasn't doing terribly at school and everything at home was perfectly content. Therefore, the issue was with myself.

    Then one day I just broke down into tears after I got so worked up that something I was given may have been spiked but it was all classic panic attack and I was looking for the most ridiculous answers, which as everyone who suffers it knows are so irrational in your head and completely crazy. I called my Mum up and just spoke for hours and hours about everything possible. She just told me to 'do things you wouldn't usually do' in concern to morals/ethics. As I was heavily against one night stands, treating a woman as anything but a Goddess, causing conflict and not being nice of 100% of the time. Just all these rules I had to live with, and I was told to disrespect them and I did when in an argument I was clearly in the right, I stood up and defended myself and won. I didn't feel ashamed or upset that I hadn't been nice to him, I just felt normal.

    The next day he apologised for it and I started to really understand that I lived this life of such high perfection that I couldn't accept failure (which I was experiencing a lot but I tried to block it out). Then I decided to go on a year aboard to stop all this constant worrying that things will happen, I stopped worrying about what people thought of me and I laughed smugly when I worried that I might jump of a bridge, or hurt someone.

    It all seemed so pathetic that I'd abided by these rules, these constant compulsions and the dread really just started to wind down and I started to feel so confident. I didn't have to look in a mirror every hour to assess how I looked, I didn't force myself to try and learn Italian and I didn't think of myself as a bad person. I spoke regularly to my parents about their experiences and they were so much worse than mine, my Mum's story was still very similar to mine and I looked at her, this respectable woman of such grand intelligence and benignity, but also of control and I tried to think of how someone with that back-story can be so successful and I just felt assured for once in life, that everything will be alright.

    However, certain things still trigger it in a way that I at least ponder it and for those who suffer from it probably already know these, but once I started to eliminate them, things calmed down a lot.

    -Drinking a lot is probably number one on my list. A high proportion of worrying/panic attacks have been after a heavy few days or a particularly nasty hangover. It's hard at university, when you're trying to fit in and be social but really keep it in check.

    -Smoking weed/cigarettes, you ask most people of their reaction to weed and you really hit a grey spot. Sure it's relaxing and funny sometimes, but it amplifies how you feel, so if you're paranoid about anything, weed is definitely not the way to alleviate it. I smoke cigarettes also, and whenever I get panicky now, I just can't smoke, it's too foreign and weird to really help stress, all it does is make your mind more active temporarily, same goes with caffeine.

    Do something you really want to, but are so afraid of. For me, it was definitely with girls. I was lucky however on my choice to go aboard. People love English accents and I knew I could at least talk to a girl and hold her attention with the curiosity of my accent. I felt so comfortable after a month or two that it didn't really ever enter my head that it wouldn't work outside Belgium (where I was). I went back to my home university with all my friends who were so great with girls, and I just did what I did with Belgian girls, just was myself, confident and unworried. I got all these compliments of being really comfortable to talk to, being stable and from my friends I hadn't seen in a while of 'transforming into a man within a few months'. I didn't really dwell on these things, it just felt normal to me by this point, a far cry from the social awkwardness with girls that had driven them away and sometimes annoyed my friends. It's just one less thing to be down on yourself about really.

    -Knowledge is power, but an unhealthy obsession with reading all these details on the internet definitely isn't the answer. Of course I know it's impossible to tell people to stop doing this, but at least realise that you wouldn't let a person on the street evaluate you, so why let the internet.

    -Trying too hard. I did very badly in a series of exams because I was completely obsessed with learning every detail, that nothing really ever got done. I used to lose potential friends by being so clingy and lose potential girlfriends by being so overly the top nice, people worry about these things.

    -Realise you've always been yourself and nothing can ever change that. For an example, I remember so clearly about the summer before year 6 in primary school. I'd bought the new Eminem album and loved it, the music, the attitude, everything. But I was so scared to go to school because I thought I'd just compulsively swear and get expelled and destroy my life. This happened at the age of 10 or something, OCD/Anxiety never manifested till much later, but if I thought that way when I was 10 and a decade on I'm still fine in terms of mental health and not being homeless, then nothing has changed at all, just my perception of what it truly means to be happy. It's not being smart or beautiful or socially desirable, it's about being yourself. And on that cliche, I wish you all luck. = )
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    (Original post by dizzy09)
    Thank you. I feel like I'm getting my life back on track, albeit slowly. Luckily, my closest friends are very understanding of what went on, and what still goes on. Well done on your friend for leaving that guy, and I sincerely hope things continue to go well for her. Thank you again for your kind words.
    That's okay! That's really good to hear you are getting your life back on track, yeah my friend is happier now and has moved on, and i hope you continue your progress.
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    When I was younger I was diagnosed with Asperger Tendencies, which meant I had poor confidence. Add that to my weight issues then, and I had very few friends growing up. Now I'm at secondary school though, that seems to have resolved itself to an extent, but the poor confidence (and bad looks) has remained in that I have never even been kissed by a girl or had any interest shown in me. I'm 17.

    I had a major operation in Jan last year and went on to develop depression... after 12 months I eventually went to the doctor and he gave me anti-depressants. As an aside, has anyone ever tried citalopram? Because that's what I'm on, and I'm wondering when they're going to kick in.
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    By making me mental.
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    i could say depression ****ed me up, or things happened that ****ed me up and made me depressed.
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    (Original post by Hurr Durr)
    When I was younger I was diagnosed with Asperger Tendencies, which meant I had poor confidence. Add that to my weight issues then, and I had very few friends growing up. Now I'm at secondary school though, that seems to have resolved itself to an extent, but the poor confidence (and bad looks) has remained in that I have never even been kissed by a girl or had any interest shown in me. I'm 17.

    I had a major operation in Jan last year and went on to develop depression... after 12 months I eventually went to the doctor and he gave me anti-depressants. As an aside, has anyone ever tried citalopram? Because that's what I'm on, and I'm wondering when they're going to kick in.
    I was on citalopram once. My understanding is that for any positive effect to be vaguely noticeable, you need to give an antidepressant at least three weeks minimum. Building up in your system properly can take anything up to six months, I think :yes:
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    I'm lucky in that everyone I've ever told about my illness has been incredibly supportive and understanding; I think one of the worst things about being mentally ill is the way it can make you feel like you're in your own little tormented bubble and have to suffer in silence, so I'm eternally grateful to my friends for not letting that happen to me.

    My highs are probably the most disruptive, although you'd never get me to admit that at the time! Silly things like running into the road to fulfil a weird impulsive goal of getting hit by every model of car, or jumping from somewhere tall when I'm already on crutches with a broken heel, or completely ignoring the fact that 4am probably means I should get some sleep.

    My lows don't tend to be quite so bad, although that doesn't mean I haven't had my fair share of suicidality and self-harm. I think from what I can remember I've only had maybe 5 or 6 days in my life when I've been so crippled by depression that I couldn't even get out of bed. Then of course the longer periods of low motivation, loss of pleasure, poor sleep and appetite etc.

    I've never really felt threatened by my "hallucinations" which, thankfully, up to this point have been fairly infrequent - the odd fictitious orchestra or distorted sense of reality...

    But my greatest issue at the moment, and the one which never really goes away unless I'm riding the crest of a high, is the paranoia. None of that "the TV is telling me the Apocalypse is nigh" stuff, just the "that stranger hates me, he wants to hurt me, oh god I've done something to make him furious!" sort of situation. It really stands out as abnormal, since I'm generally quite a self-assured, confident kind of person.

    But yeah, I'm quite a mild case, somewhere between your "cyclothymia" and "Type 2", so I have a lot of respect for you guys and girls who have (and successfully manage!) to cope with the full whack...
    • #42
    #42

    my mum suffers from depression and is on tablets for it. i started suffering from depression from loosing two family members within a week of each other, the only people that know is my mum and my best friend :/ i have good days and bad days, nobody suspects anything which i prefer because i dont want sympathy from anyone i would prefer to get through it on my own
    • #12
    #12

    (Original post by Boiled Hippo)
    Suffered from OCD/Anxiety from around the age of 18. It was the idea that I'd lost myself, that I was never going to be 'myself' again. Being ashamed of everything about myself, from body image to intelligence to likeability. Constantly assessing myself on these completely ridiculous standards, that while aren't wholly unobtainable are definitely far too much for one person to go through so much torment for.

    I had those awful 'impulsive thoughts' that would just never let go, the constant evaluation of whether I was mentally ill. That whether a song really had a certain noise in it or I'd manifested it out of nowhere. I'd feel lost a lot, like the last 4 seconds hadn't happened and a fair bit of deja vu. Going to sleep was always the worst, just complete despair that I had to face myself.

    I never wanted conflict or to accept something might be wrong, so I just hid it. I used to sit up at night assuming I was going to die and feeling so profoundly sad or that everything was an indication of mental illness. However, through not talking about these things I never could never gauge them significantly enough. I was just sitting there in a bar one day with my sister and she mentioned the words 'panic attack'.

    At this point in time I was going through a hard time when I was scared people would find me dumb if I didn't know everything. So I'd spend a lot of time just reading books, memorising country capitals and all the like. So the idea of not knowing a panic attack was upsetting, so I asked her what it was (and felt very embarrassed asking) and she described everything I felt from the derealisation to constant dread and I'll never forget the significant weight that was lifted from my shoulders. I felt intense happiness, almost on the verge of tears and then I had a panic attack again. It was horrible but she spoke to me it throughout and just reassured me everything would be ok, that everything was just fine.

    She told my parents and they admitted my whole family had it but I never had the indication of it at a young age. I still suffered heavily from intrusive thoughts and assumed it was some drug use that had forced me into breaking out of normality. So I felt ashamed that I'd ruined my life from experimenting lightly with drugs, the whole idea of being free just didn't apply to me. I felt very detached and very self aware and very destructive, not physically but that I was never going to be happy, that I'd never be able to talk to girls, that I'd never be able to be smart and that I could never achieve anything and that I was leading myself down a road of poignant sadness. I'd be on the internet googling everything I could, just for an answer, kept on telling my parents everything was fine, that I was intensely happy. I must stress that during this whole time I had a secure group of best friends, wasn't doing terribly at school and everything at home was perfectly content. Therefore, the issue was with myself.

    Then one day I just broke down into tears after I got so worked up that something I was given may have been spiked but it was all classic panic attack and I was looking for the most ridiculous answers, which as everyone who suffers it knows are so irrational in your head and completely crazy. I called my Mum up and just spoke for hours and hours about everything possible. She just told me to 'do things you wouldn't usually do' in concern to morals/ethics. As I was heavily against one night stands, treating a woman as anything but a Goddess, causing conflict and not being nice of 100% of the time. Just all these rules I had to live with, and I was told to disrespect them and I did when in an argument I was clearly in the right, I stood up and defended myself and won. I didn't feel ashamed or upset that I hadn't been nice to him, I just felt normal.

    The next day he apologised for it and I started to really understand that I lived this life of such high perfection that I couldn't accept failure (which I was experiencing a lot but I tried to block it out). Then I decided to go on a year aboard to stop all this constant worrying that things will happen, I stopped worrying about what people thought of me and I laughed smugly when I worried that I might jump of a bridge, or hurt someone.

    It all seemed so pathetic that I'd abided by these rules, these constant compulsions and the dread really just started to wind down and I started to feel so confident. I didn't have to look in a mirror every hour to assess how I looked, I didn't force myself to try and learn Italian and I didn't think of myself as a bad person. I spoke regularly to my parents about their experiences and they were so much worse than mine, my Mum's story was still very similar to mine and I looked at her, this respectable woman of such grand intelligence and benignity, but also of control and I tried to think of how someone with that back-story can be so successful and I just felt assured for once in life, that everything will be alright.

    However, certain things still trigger it in a way that I at least ponder it and for those who suffer from it probably already know these, but once I started to eliminate them, things calmed down a lot.

    -Drinking a lot is probably number one on my list. A high proportion of worrying/panic attacks have been after a heavy few days or a particularly nasty hangover. It's hard at university, when you're trying to fit in and be social but really keep it in check.

    -Smoking weed/cigarettes, you ask most people of their reaction to weed and you really hit a grey spot. Sure it's relaxing and funny sometimes, but it amplifies how you feel, so if you're paranoid about anything, weed is definitely not the way to alleviate it. I smoke cigarettes also, and whenever I get panicky now, I just can't smoke, it's too foreign and weird to really help stress, all it does is make your mind more active temporarily, same goes with caffeine.

    Do something you really want to, but are so afraid of. For me, it was definitely with girls. I was lucky however on my choice to go aboard. People love English accents and I knew I could at least talk to a girl and hold her attention with the curiosity of my accent. I felt so comfortable after a month or two that it didn't really ever enter my head that it wouldn't work outside Belgium (where I was). I went back to my home university with all my friends who were so great with girls, and I just did what I did with Belgian girls, just was myself, confident and unworried. I got all these compliments of being really comfortable to talk to, being stable and from my friends I hadn't seen in a while of 'transforming into a man within a few months'. I didn't really dwell on these things, it just felt normal to me by this point, a far cry from the social awkwardness with girls that had driven them away and sometimes annoyed my friends. It's just one less thing to be down on yourself about really.

    -Knowledge is power, but an unhealthy obsession with reading all these details on the internet definitely isn't the answer. Of course I know it's impossible to tell people to stop doing this, but at least realise that you wouldn't let a person on the street evaluate you, so why let the internet.

    -Trying too hard. I did very badly in a series of exams because I was completely obsessed with learning every detail, that nothing really ever got done. I used to lose potential friends by being so clingy and lose potential girlfriends by being so overly the top nice, people worry about these things.

    -Realise you've always been yourself and nothing can ever change that. For an example, I remember so clearly about the summer before year 6 in primary school. I'd bought the new Eminem album and loved it, the music, the attitude, everything. But I was so scared to go to school because I thought I'd just compulsively swear and get expelled and destroy my life. This happened at the age of 10 or something, OCD/Anxiety never manifested till much later, but if I thought that way when I was 10 and a decade on I'm still fine in terms of mental health and not being homeless, then nothing has changed at all, just my perception of what it truly means to be happy. It's not being smart or beautiful or socially desirable, it's about being yourself. And on that cliche, I wish you all luck. = )
    Hey man great post!
    Have you not considered asking for CBT via your GP? I've also got OCD/anxiety and am scheduled to start some CBT soon, can't wait tbh.

    I also suffer from intrusive thoughts, like harming people and sexual thoughts, which make me feel physically sick and like I am a vile human being! They make me feel the worst...but I keep telling myself it's the OCD not me
    • #12
    #12

    (Original post by KingofSpades)
    I was diagnosed with Schizophrenia at the age of 12; it had a tremendous impact on everything I did and ever would do. I couldn't go to school and I didn't have any friends (understandable tbh). Anyway, I've never had a mental illness, so my thoughts go out to those of you who have
    Hang on, I don't understand - you said you had schizo but then you say you have never had a mental illness?!

    I'm confused!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hang on, I don't understand - you said you had schizo but then you say you have never had a mental illness?!

    I'm confused!
    it was a joke; schizo= dual personality
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    (Original post by KingofSpades)
    it was a joke; schizo= dual personality
    Errrr Schizophrenia has nothing to do with dual personalities . That's Multiple Personality Disorder. Paranoid schizophrenia, the most common form of the condition, involves paranoid delusions and hallucinations as well as a number of negative symptoms such as a lack of emotion. Dual personalities has nothing to do with it.
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    (Original post by badger-man)
    Errrr Schizophrenia has nothing to do with dual personalities . That's Multiple Personality Disorder. Paranoid schizophrenia, the most common form of the condition, involves paranoid delusions and hallucinations as well as a number of negative symptoms such as a lack of emotion. Dual personalities has nothing to do with it.
    well many people think that schizophrenia has something to do with split personalities, hence the assumed comprehension. errr
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    I know some people with serious depression and it's turned me into some caring look-on-the-bright-side!!!!! person. :sigh:
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    I think I have obsessional OCD and some other social/general anxiety. It's been such a pain because it "mimics" other mental disorders :indiff: The only thing that's really alerted me to this is my constant rumination over mental illness for a month or so. Going to a doctor about it.
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    It makes me repeatedly post on threads like this. :sigh::sad:
 
 
 
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