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    #1

    (Original post by fat_hobbit)
    Noticed a trend with these threads to be honest.

    The guys are always sensitive, indecisive and slightly insecure.

    I think the reason why bad boys do well, is because they are blunt, assertive, and dominant.

    Last girl I dated, told me what she was attracted to, was my masculinity.

    Back in the day, men were men. Men are becoming feminized now, and you can see it from this thread.
    Oh **** off mate - you don't even know me haha!

    And that's the reason why your 28 & on a students forum is it?

    Not to sound insulting or anything but that was a **** move to say that.

    I have never once sounded needy or clambering for her acceptance - far from it.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yes it did work lol rather well in fact, but your right, I can't keep feeling like this.

    For now at least, even if she is confused at how she feels, I may just have to tell her that I can't be dealing with all of this mixed signals and lots of attention and then no attention.

    I gotta go and do my **** without you and just see what happens. cos mate I got a ****in headache from it all lol
    Next time she contacts her, be polite, and just say what I told you.

    Then forget about it.

    Chances are, she won't contact you straight away, but she might later.

    You have tell her in such a way, where you don't put pressure on her, and at the same time don't give her a reason to not want to date you in future. By doing this, you are essentially blaming your feelings, and not her.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Oh **** off mate - you don't even know me haha!

    And that's the reason why your 28 & on a students forum is it?

    Not to sound insulting or anything but that was a **** move to say that.

    I have never once sounded needy or clambering for her acceptance - far from it.
    Sorry to offend you.

    Yeah I am 28 and on a students forum, passing my knowledge onto younger people. You have benefited from it.

    I used this web site during ALs and my degree you know?

    But if it's not appreciated, maybe I should leave.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by fat_hobbit)
    Next time she contacts her, be polite, and just say what I told you.

    Then forget about it.

    Chances are, she won't contact you straight away, but she might later.

    You have tell her in such a way, where you don't put pressure on her, and at the same time don't give her a reason to not want to date you in future. By doing this, you are essentially blaming your feelings, and not her.
    I can't be like Oh we'll never be friends again that'll crush her - I got to say I got to have some time away to sort my head out because this is hurting too much, all this mixed signals. There needs to be distance. (But last time I tried that she contacted me after 5 days and we had a heart to heart a day or two later)



    (Original post by fat_hobbit)
    Sorry to offend you.

    Yeah I am 28 and on a students forum, passing my knowledge onto younger people. You have benefited from it.

    I used this web site during ALs and my degree you know?

    But if it's not appreciated, maybe I should leave.
    Shows your not a complete ****, then threatens to leave thereby making others think that we'll miss you. - Nice confidence and show of Masculinity
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I can't be like Oh we'll never be friends again that'll crush her - I got to say I got to have some time away to sort my head out because this is hurting too much, all this mixed signals. There needs to be distance. (But last time I tried that she contacted me after 5 days and we had a heart to heart a day or two later)
    Your mental health is important.

    Situations like this are not worth the aggravation. Trust me, I have been there, and like you I used to entertain it out of hope.

    Shows your not a complete ****, then threatens to leave thereby making others think that we'll miss you. - Nice confidence and show of Masculinity
    You don't have to be a **** to be masculine or confident.
    You just gotta be assertive.

    So I was also sorry if I offended you, but a lot of the threads I do read on here from guys complaining, they are just not assertive enough. Frustrating.

    The only reason why I stick around on here, is because I want to give back to TSR for the way it helped me during my student years. I also find a lot of you younger bunch interesting with the problems you face. Keeps me in the loop.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I can't be like Oh we'll never be friends again that'll crush her - I got to say I got to have some time away to sort my head out because this is hurting too much, all this mixed signals. There needs to be distance. (But last time I tried that she contacted me after 5 days and we had a heart to heart a day or two later)
    Your mental health is important.

    Situations like this are not worth the aggravation. Trust me, I have been there, and like you I used to entertain it out of hope.
    Shows your not a complete ****, then threatens to leave thereby making others think that we'll miss you. - Nice confidence and show of Masculinity
    You don't have to be a **** to be masculine or confident.
    You just gotta be assertive.

    So I was also sorry if I offended you, but a lot of the threads I do read on here from guys complaining, they are just not assertive enough. Frustrating.

    The only reason why I stick around on here, is because I want to give back to TSR for the way it helped me during my student years. I also find a lot of you younger bunch interesting with the problems you face. Keeps me in the loop, which helps with my work.
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    (Original post by fat_hobbit)
    Noticed a trend with these threads to be honest.

    The guys are always sensitive, indecisive and slightly insecure.

    I think the reason why bad boys do well, is because they are blunt, assertive, and dominant.

    Last girl I dated, told me what she was attracted to, was my masculinity.

    Back in the day, men were men. Men are becoming feminized now, and you can see it from this thread.
    Confidence is key.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by fat_hobbit)
    Your mental health is important.

    Situations like this are not worth the aggravation. Trust me, I have been there, and like you I used to entertain it out of hope.


    You don't have to be a **** to be masculine or confident.
    You just gotta be assertive.

    So I was also sorry if I offended you, but a lot of the threads I do read on here from guys complaining, they are just not assertive enough. Frustrating.

    The only reason why I stick around on here, is because I want to give back to TSR for the way it helped me during my student years. I also find a lot of you younger bunch interesting with the problems you face. Keeps me in the loop.
    I admit there is hope there and usually I would've walked away by now despite a few certain things which you can't exactly blame me for:

    1) She got worried when she said the term "friend" that I might think that she's friend zoned me - why would she be worried?
    2) The fact that we didnt speak for 4 days and she came back saying that she absolutely hated it. - She cares, doesnt want to lose me
    3) The massive heart to heart we had and right then she could've said no. Why did she ask me what I spoke about to my friend in the first place?
    4) She always texts first - without fail - so I'm not exactly chasing here.

    Its just really weird at the moment, and I know for a fact that she spoke about me to this other person the other day, because 1) that person moaned at her for me not paying them for a lift to the club & 2) I sent her a text warning her not to let them lecture her or be mean to her on that day, and she told me it. So she clearly spoke about me to them that day or I came up in conversation.

    Which is weird because I have twice offered to go for a ****ing coffee to talk over things and twice she has refused to because she doesnt want me to see her reaction. This guy (a 3rd party already in a relationship, and he took another girl with him who is her friend) to talk about things now whether or not this was about me or her ex/current/ex/whoknowswhatthe****sgoingonbf I don't know but ever since then its been ****ing ****ty and Im blaming him for it. Bloody wimp didnt even have the balls to ask me for the money and had to moan to her about it. Then I get it in the ear from her about it! Grrrr!!!

    Out of the group of us I do feel as though I am the manliest I don't take no **** and tell it how it is, its just this is so difficult, especially since I've never had a gf, and she makes me feel so different to the other girls that I've liked and there's this kinda push pull things where its like ok possibly she does like me oh no she doesnt, ok maybe she does. Whats her current situation with her bf they broke up? Oh they haven't? So she is clearly confused about the whole thing. For one, I don't even think she knows what she wants from her relationship with her bf, she moaned at me the other day about her life and one aspect was that, and I was life **** if I'm talking about that and changed the subject.

    Its just that what the **** do i do. Im in like the worst possible situation.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I admit there is hope there and usually I would've walked away by now despite a few certain things which you can't exactly blame me for:

    1) She got worried when she said the term "friend" that I might think that she's friend zoned me - why would she be worried?
    2) The fact that we didnt speak for 4 days and she came back saying that she absolutely hated it. - She cares, doesnt want to lose me
    3) The massive heart to heart we had and right then she could've said no. Why did she ask me what I spoke about to my friend in the first place?
    4) She always texts first - without fail - so I'm not exactly chasing here.

    Its just really weird at the moment, and I know for a fact that she spoke about me to this other person the other day, because 1) that person moaned at her for me not paying them for a lift to the club & 2) I sent her a text warning her not to let them lecture her or be mean to her on that day, and she told me it. So she clearly spoke about me to them that day or I came up in conversation.

    Which is weird because I have twice offered to go for a ****ing coffee to talk over things and twice she has refused to because she doesnt want me to see her reaction. This guy (a 3rd party already in a relationship, and he took another girl with him who is her friend) to talk about things now whether or not this was about me or her ex/current/ex/whoknowswhatthe****sgoingonbf I don't know but ever since then its been ****ing ****ty and Im blaming him for it. Bloody wimp didnt even have the balls to ask me for the money and had to moan to her about it. Then I get it in the ear from her about it! Grrrr!!!

    Out of the group of us I do feel as though I am the manliest I don't take no **** and tell it how it is, its just this is so difficult, especially since I've never had a gf, and she makes me feel so different to the other girls that I've liked and there's this kinda push pull things where its like ok possibly she does like me oh no she doesnt, ok maybe she does. Whats her current situation with her bf they broke up? Oh they haven't? So she is clearly confused about the whole thing. For one, I don't even think she knows what she wants from her relationship with her bf, she moaned at me the other day about her life and one aspect was that, and I was life **** if I'm talking about that and changed the subject.

    Its just that what the **** do i do. Im in like the worst possible situation.
    Mate you're over thinking it. Take it as it comes.

    You've laid down your cards and it's up to her to act on it... If she changes her mind fine if not then carry on with life as normal.

    She's being a mind**** and I don't think she deserves that much time. It's clearly affecting you dearly as shown by the last sentence of your post.

    I ain't really thought enough about what you can do so I haven't pm'ed you but take this advice. It's frustrating you so much so honestly you need to just chill and let things take it's course. You may feel like you're cool about the situation but there's a lot of frustration in the posts, it's understandable but the best thing is to circumvent it.

    Personally if it wasn't for the third guy it would only be a matter of time but I have a feeling that you could possibly be a fall too option, or she's indecisive about who to pick. Either way you laid your cards down so it's her choice. It's probably too late to be full on distant so take your feelings to one side and carry on with your life.
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    Omg guys man up, stick to your guns. Dont get clingy or needy, and if it seems like theyre being a wotsit about it then bugger off.

    End of.

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    This thread was rather complex for no reason.
    If she liked the guy back she would have texted ASAP. She would not refer to him as a friend for now.
    To me it sounds like she doesn't like him but she wants to own him/ give false hope. Because it's nice when someone likes you and as a back up.


    If i were OP, i'd cut her off and move on.
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    (Original post by anonymouspie227)
    This thread was rather complex for no reason.
    If she liked the guy back she would have texted ASAP. She would not refer to him as a friend for now.
    To me it sounds like she doesn't like him but she wants to own him/ give false hope. Because it's nice when someone likes you and as a back up.


    If i were OP, i'd cut her off and move on.
    Hate those types tbh.

    The worse is when they have BFs, and play you off him.
    • #4
    #4

    Quit whining, man up and move on. She hasn't done anything wrong. You are in control of your feelings and you only so clearly investing in this girl so much was a mistake. Yes you can blame her for 'leading you on' but at the end of the day if you've got some clingy guy giving you attention like that, it's no wonder she'll want you in her life.

    She clearly isn't interested and none of the 4 points you've mentioned suggest to me that she considers you as boyfriend material. Don't make out you're still in there with a shot cos you're just kidding yourself and looking for an ego boost after rejection.

    Source: Been there and no how it feels. Don't play the blame game and resent her cos she's not going to take any notice. You need to change your mindset and face reality.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Quit whining, man up and move on. She hasn't done anything wrong. You are in control of your feelings and you only so clearly investing in this girl so much was a mistake. Yes you can blame her for 'leading you on' but at the end of the day if you've got some clingy guy giving you attention like that, it's no wonder she'll want you in her life.

    She clearly isn't interested and none of the 4 points you've mentioned suggest to me that she considers you as boyfriend material. Don't make out you're still in there with a shot cos you're just kidding yourself and looking for an ego boost after rejection.

    Source: Been there and no how it feels. Don't play the blame game and resent her cos she's not going to take any notice. You need to change your mindset and face reality.
    To be fair on the OP, she did play him in such a way by getting him to open up and emotionally invest.

    What often happens with these type of women, they do that, then try and switch the blame onto you.
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    This girl sounds immature.


    It sounds to me as if she could be confused and really unsure about how to continue or what to do about the situation. She is probably trying to imagine what it would be like to be with you, how things might play out and how a relationship would be viewed from a social standpoint. That, in my opinion, is something that I believe a lot of girls do... They try to imagine how others would perceive the relationship, and that is why she is unsure and not being straight forward, that is why a lot of girls are always unsure and not straight forward when a guy says he has feelings like that. Those are a few reasons some do it anyway I think, and it is immature because in the end what other people think does not matter.

    I just think it is different for guys and they are more willing to take chances on things like this and go with the flow. They also don't care so much about social things when interested in a girl. If they are interested a lot will tell you honestly and sometimes quite bluntly. Girls get confused because when you do that, suddenly those images of a potential relationship with you flood their mind and they are unsure which action to take which causes unsurety and anxiousness, as they are emotional creatures. (Unless they have already made up their mind that they want to be with you or to see how things might go and have more of a mature personality) Then they will probably be ecstatic.


    Am I an expert on girls?? Certainly not... This is just my opinion on things from past experiences, a bit on analysis of relationship dynamics and female psychology related to this area.
    • #4
    #4

    (Original post by fat_hobbit)
    To be fair on the OP, she did play him in such a way by getting him to open up and emotionally invest.

    What often happens with these type of women, they do that, then try and switch the blame onto you.
    I get what you are saying but he is the one who chose to emotionally invest, not her. Maybe it's cos me and you have both experienced this situation before but the OP is clearly misinterpreting signals here. If a girl gives you attention it does not mean she is into you or that she is 'playing you' so to speak. He thinks he's in with a shot cos she texts him first, confides in deep conversations with him etc.....whereas to me, that means nothing.
    • #4
    #4

    (Original post by fat_hobbit)
    To be fair on the OP, she did play him in such a way by getting him to open up and emotionally invest.

    What often happens with these type of women, they do that, then try and switch the blame onto you.
    Another point- the OP is also trying to make himself the victim here cos he's complaining about the way she's treated him yet still sticks around. If you feel that way about a so-called 'friend', then the obvious thing to do is to cut contact and move on. It's not rocket science.

    Most guys don't take this advice and just carry on pursuing. If the OP just mans up and says 'I can't be friends with you cos I want more than that and it would be unfair for me to continue in a friendship I'm comfortable in', I can guarantee a year from now he won't think two hoots about her.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I get what you are saying but he is the one who chose to emotionally invest, not her. Maybe it's cos me and you have both experienced this situation before but the OP is clearly misinterpreting signals here. If a girl gives you attention it does not mean she is into you or that she is 'playing you' so to speak. He thinks he's in with a shot cos she texts him first, confides in deep conversations with him etc.....whereas to me, that means nothing.
    To be honest mate, some girls are really manipulative and really clever with how they do it.

    They would flirt, and give you mixed signals. One girl I remember who did that to me, would say things like "you know, I am not talking to any other guy except you", "tell me more about yourself, I want to learn more", "I feel close to you",compliment me, give me LOADS of attention...that's how they do the mixed signals, they seduce you through flirting like that.

    She had a boyfriend, but she got me really hooked, especially when I started opening up to her. At which point, like the OP, she went cold, and blamed me for getting emotionally attached, and telling me she had a BF. When tbh she played me off him, for the attention.

    It's really sick and twisted
    • #4
    #4

    (Original post by fat_hobbit)
    To be honest mate, some girls are really manipulative and really clever with how they do it.

    They would flirt, and give you mixed signals. One girl I remember who did that to me, would say things like "you know, I am not talking to any other guy except you", "tell me more about yourself, I want to learn more", "I feel close to you",compliment me, give me LOADS of attention...that's how they do the mixed signals, they seduce you through flirting like that.

    She had a boyfriend, but she got me really hooked, especially when I started opening up to her. At which point, like the OP, she went cold, and blamed me for getting emotionally attached, and telling me she had a BF. When tbh she played me off him, for the attention.

    It's really sick and twisted
    Hmm sounds like a bit of an extreme case there. Yeah I agree you do get girls who can seem like they are leading you on. However I think both parties are often at fault and it's better for both to assume responsibility when this sort of situation arises.

    A lot of the time, guys who want to go out with their girl mates know they are 'friend zoned' to begin with. They fear rejection so think that by spending much more time with these girls and doing them favours, when it comes to asking them out, they will have a better shot. What happens in that period in between is a passage of gradual attachment and following rejection, it can be incredibly hard to deal with the fall out.

    I've been friendzoned, and my response after rejection was to resent and blame the girl's side. I thought I was spotting all the signs on her end; any small action meant something more and just it felt like I was constantly doing 'date-like' stuff with her without anything happening between us. I do think she took advantage of me at times, so no way is she totally innocent but I wasn't helping myself by staying in the friendship. Having cut contact, I bearly think of her nowadays. Taking on a new mindset of self-improvement and admitting that it was my fault for getting attached unconditionally, helped me move on and forget about her.
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    They are both to blame, her for encouraging him to get attached. She like the girl I described flirt etc Him for emotionally investing too much (naievity)


    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hmm sounds like a bit of an extreme case there. Yeah I agree you do get girls who can seem like they are leading you on. However I think both parties are often at fault and it's better for both to assume responsibility when this sort of situation arises.

    A lot of the time, guys who want to go out with their girl mates know they are 'friend zoned' to begin with. They fear rejection so think that by spending much more time with these girls and doing them favours, when it comes to asking them out, they will have a better shot. What happens in that period in between is a passage of gradual attachment and following rejection, it can be incredibly hard to deal with the fall out.

    I've been friendzoned, and my response after rejection was to resent and blame the girl's side. I thought I was spotting all the signs on her end; any small action meant something more and just it felt like I was constantly doing 'date-like' stuff with her without anything happening between us. I do think she took advantage of me at times, so no way is she totally innocent but I wasn't helping myself by staying in the friendship. Having cut contact, I bearly think of her nowadays. Taking on a new mindset of self-improvement and admitting that it was my fault for getting attached unconditionally, helped me move on and forget about her.
 
 
 
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