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POLL: Do you get along with your own gender? Watch

  • View Poll Results: Do you get on with your own gender?
    I am a girl and yes I get on with girls
    26.42%
    I am a girl and no, I prefer boys or mixed groups
    22.26%
    I am a boy and yes I get on with boys
    35.47%
    I am a boy and no, I prefer girls or mixed groups
    15.85%

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    (Original post by redferry)
    Nope.

    It is more common, it is more malicious in most cases and it is more pervasive.

    I almost killed myself so that would have ruined my life fairly effectively I imagine. As to the long term effects, I now suffer from a general anxiety disorder because I push myself so hard towards perfection because I feel I have to be better than them. It has totally destroyed any 'love' I had for myself, I am incapable of doing things a that aren't in the bigger picture as it were, my whole life must be for some greater cause. I always loved animals and the environment but when that happened my only reason for living was to make my life worthwhile by dedicating it entirely to conservation. It will likely mean in the long run my relationships break down because the only time I can ever be truly happy is when I am drunk or when I am persuing that goal. Tl;Dr I can no longer relax or lead a normal life.

    When you come out the other end you say 'ah well I'm a stronger person' but when you really think about it it's destroyed your mental health and self esteem totally.
    I'm sorry that happened to you and I mean it sincerely; I can relate in that someone close to me has also been severely affected by bullying. I've also been on the receiving end of bullying tactics from a female colleague so I'm aware of how insidious it can be. I can definitely see why you feel the way you do about other women.

    I've had many bad experiences in a variety of contexts. My experience with guys has been predominately negative both dating and friendship wise. I've also had experiences of racism throughout my life. That being said, none of that has affected my outlook on either men or white people as a whole simply because I didn't let it. Most of my friends are still white and as I mentioned earlier I still have a preference towards male friendship. To let those things change my entire perception is to let bitterness and anger take over and essentially change who I am and how I interact with people or form relationships. It's bad enough certain things happen in the first place but then they're going to have such a massive impact on my future as well? No way :hand:

    You're obviously still holding onto a lot of things from your past and I know it's very easy to say but you have to alter your outlook and be more positive because it looks like that negativity now follows you and gets in the way of you getting along with other women a bit like self fulfilling prophecy. There are plenty of nice women out there you just have to be both open and discerning to see which are the types of people you will get along with.
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    (Original post by redferry)
    Well if, like me, you were more male brained, you wouldn't have been so lucky.

    So not entireley irrelevant at all.
    You're clutching at straws here. You know what gender my brain is (?) how?
    One of my good friends at school was most definitely a 'guy's girl' and everyone loved her, because she was nice, funny and had a good personality. In fact I can think of lots of 'male'-brained girls I know that can have perfectly functioning, and friendly relationships with other girls, despite our vindictive nature.
    Once again stating assertion as fact, based on your own conclusions from your own experience.
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    (Original post by Nomes89)
    I'm sorry that happened to you and I mean it sincerely; I can relate in that someone close to me has also been severely affected by bullying. I've also been on the receiving end of bullying tactics from a female colleague so I'm aware of how insidious it can be. I can definitely see why you feel the way you do about other women.

    I've had many bad experiences in a variety of contexts. My experience with guys has been predominately negative both dating and friendship wise. I've also had experiences of racism throughout my life. That being said, none of that has affected my outlook on either men or white people as a whole simply because I didn't let it. Most of my friends are still white and as I mentioned earlier I still have a preference towards male friendship. To let those things change my entire perception is to let bitterness and anger take over and essentially change who I am and how I interact with people or form relationships. It's bad enough certain things happen in the first place but then they're going to have such a massive impact on my future as well? No way :hand:

    You're obviously still holding onto a lot of things from your past and I know it's very easy to say but you have to alter your outlook and be more positive because it looks like that negativity now follows you and gets in the way of you getting along with other women a bit like self fulfilling prophecy. There are plenty of nice women out there you just have to be both open and discerning to see which are the types of people you will get along with.
    It is true, I hate everything, above all myself. But that's where we are, nothing will ever change that and believe me I tried! All I can do is channel it into positive outcomes for society and the greater good Its been six years now and if anything the anxiety is getting worse.

    At least I got over the actually hating all girls phase, I really did well to maintain female friendships after what happened and I think that is one thing I am proud of. Although it doesn't sound like it, I'm not bitter towards women, just certain kinds of girls. I have some loveley female friends In general though, my instincts on women are very good, I've never been rewarded through giving someone a second chance (which I do 100% of the time, I'm a firm believer of allowing people to learn from their mistakes). I've even learnt to be a bit *****y myself to placate other women over the past year, which helps in the workplace (it was mainly women where I worked).

    Ive had some pretty ****ty relationships with guys but never in a friendship context. I guess I just find it much easier to avoid knobby guys than I do girls.
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    (Original post by Daniellejo.)
    You're clutching at straws here. You know what gender my brain is (?) how?
    One of my good friends at school was most definitely a 'guy's girl' and everyone loved her, because she was nice, funny and had a good personality. In fact I can think of lots of 'male'-brained girls I know that can have perfectly functioning, and friendly relationships with other girls, despite our vindictive nature.
    Once again stating assertion as fact, based on your own conclusions from your own experience.
    So I was right, you aren't a guys girl?

    If you spoke to her and knew her well I imagine she's had some pretty ****ty times over it.
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    (Original post by redferry)
    Nope.

    It is more common, it is more malicious in most cases and it is more pervasive.

    I almost killed myself so that would have ruined my life fairly effectively I imagine. As to the long term effects, I now suffer from a general anxiety disorder because I push myself so hard towards perfection because I feel I have to be better than them. It has totally destroyed any 'love' I had for myself, I am incapable of doing things a that aren't in the bigger picture as it were, my whole life must be for some greater cause. I always loved animals and the environment but when that happened my only reason for living was to make my life worthwhile by dedicating it entirely to conservation. It will likely mean in the long run my relationships break down because the only time I can ever be truly happy is when I am drunk or when I am persuing that goal. Tl;Dr I can no longer relax or lead a normal life.

    When you come out the other end you say 'ah well I'm a stronger person' but when you really think about it it's destroyed your mental health and self esteem totally.
    Didn't realize you suffered that much

    Am I right in thinking you went to an all girl's school? If so that could have been part of it. I kind of became an bit of an outcast in high school but then there were others like me. Some of my friendship group were female, maybe the problems you speak of are made worse when the entire school is made up of one gender?

    You can't be as bad as you think you are, you have a long term boyfriend don't you? You must be doing something right

    Why not just also find other people who have the similar interest in conservation?
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    (Original post by redferry)
    So I was right, you aren't a guys girl?

    If you spoke to her and knew her well I imagine she's had some pretty ****ty times over it.
    Well I'm not really sure what that entails? I like some girly things personally, however I don't really like talking about them. I'm definitely not 'stereotypically' girly in an emotional sense. My closest group of friends to date were a group of boys, however I have lots of female friends. Make of this what you will, I don't really care what gender dominates my brain.

    I do know her well she's one of my best friends.
    And she's always been a pretty popular person with people across the board. As I've said over and over, just because you've had a ****ty time and concluded all girls are horrible, doesn't mean it generalises to everyone like you seem to think.


    EDIT: Just adding that I think this post is very helpful and I agree wholeheartedly with her(?) sentiment,
    (Original post by Nomes89)
    (Didn't want to post whole quote)
    .
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    (Original post by redferry)
    Nope.

    It is more common, it is more malicious in most cases and it is more pervasive.

    I almost killed myself so that would have ruined my life fairly effectively I imagine. As to the long term effects, I now suffer from a general anxiety disorder because I push myself so hard towards perfection because I feel I have to be better than them. It has totally destroyed any 'love' I had for myself, I am incapable of doing things a that aren't in the bigger picture as it were, my whole life must be for some greater cause. I always loved animals and the environment but when that happened my only reason for living was to make my life worthwhile by dedicating it entirely to conservation. It will likely mean in the long run my relationships break down because the only time I can ever be truly happy is when I am drunk or when I am persuing that goal. Tl;Dr I can no longer relax or lead a normal life.

    When you come out the other end you say 'ah well I'm a stronger person' but when you really think about it it's destroyed your mental health and self esteem totally.

    I have sympathy about you getting bullied but you can't let it determine the rest of your life, I've had a lot of issues my mums bipolar she hit me tried to kill me on top of that I had a ****e time at school being bullied every single day my mum walked out on me at the age of 13, my dad couldnt cope with me so he put me into care. I was homeless at 17, 3 suicide attempts later and 3 months in an inpatient unit I managed to sort my life out, I'm at uni now with a beautiful little family bought our first home and finally got some happiness I could have easily gotten into drugs or crime but I dug myself out of the **** situation I was in. You can't let the past define you and how you react with people maybe you should consider therapy to help you get over those feelings.
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    I generally get on better with my own gender because guys, quite honestly, are like another species to me. I don't mean that in a bad way necessarily - it's just that it means I can't relate to or empathise with them as easily. Males seem to have such a different way of thinking!

    I do have a tiny number of male friends and they're all great, but with all of them (apart from my boyfriend), I do self-censor much more. For example, I can compliment a female on her hairstyle for the day without looking like I'm flirting. Also, you can't really talk to males about periods and stuff. My boyfriend is the exception - I can talk to him about anything
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    (Original post by ChickenMadness)
    ye you're pretty much playing into the whole negative stereotype. Since you're saying that *****iness is a positive trait. Which i strongly disagree with. Maybe you're one of the bullies that spread nastiness around making people dislike a certain person. But you don't realise the consequences of your actions.



    Bullying, spreading rumours, making everyone dislike a person to the point where they become depressed and/or suicidal. And if the victim is male most likely it will involve a lot of physical violence on top of that.

    It tends to achieve more than just saying 'uuuurgh I hate this person. They do x y z which piss me off.' to someone else. What does that achieve to help the situation? That person has no idea you even dislike what they've done. Someone has to communicate the problem openly. You might hate them for being 'blunt' but it does a lot more to help the situation than *****es talking behind each others back.
    I wouldn't say it was a positive trait but I think that it's normal for most people to do it at least occasionally. Being blunt rarely helps imo because something is usually said in the heat of the moment with no intention of sorting out the situation. *****ing with the intention of causing harm to another is obviously wrong and is bullying but tasty not what I'm talking about.

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    (Original post by ClickItBack)
    Read: I used to like her when everything she said aligned with my views but now that she's stated something I disagree with, she's become annoying.

    Oh and mostly guys for me - I have awesome female friends too, but not as many. Possibly a result of environment - most of my uni friends did sciences, so more guys, and my work was highly male-dominated.
    Nah, there are plenty of TSRians who I disagree with but I still enjoy reading their posts and engaging with them. It's just that I don't like people that are too self-obsessed. She used to talk about things other than herself but she doesn't anymore.

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    (Original post by Tyrion_Lannister)
    Why is that?
    Sometimes you want to see your friend without their partner. I suppose it,s different if you're friends with the couple but I still find that level of co-dependence annoying. Not to mention unhealthy.

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    I think I tend to get along with boys a bit better. But my reasoning isn't the usual 'girls are *****es' that I think a lot of girls propagate to look cool (because, let's be honest, a lot of girls do say this just to make themselves seem cool or alternative or original).

    I used to have a big group of female friends who turned their backs on me when I went through a rough patch, while my few guy friends stuck beside me. Since then, I always feel a bit shy/nervous and incredibly insecure and self-conscious when meeting new girls, but I feel fine and confident meeting new guys.

    However, because of the way I dress/my sense of humour/how confident I am around my established friends and any new guy friends I might meet, new girls tend to see my shy/insecurity around them as me being rude and ignoring them, thus, they dislike me. It's so difficult!

    Funnily enough, when I met my best girlfriend, we both thought the other one hated us, but it was because we were both so insecure around each other it was misconstrued as being un-interested and catty!
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    (Original post by redferry)
    It is true, I hate everything, above all myself. But that's where we are, nothing will ever change that and believe me I tried! All I can do is channel it into positive outcomes for society and the greater good Its been six years now and if anything the anxiety is getting worse.

    At least I got over the actually hating all girls phase, I really did well to maintain female friendships after what happened and I think that is one thing I am proud of. Although it doesn't sound like it, I'm not bitter towards women, just certain kinds of girls. I have some loveley female friends In general though, my instincts on women are very good, I've never been rewarded through giving someone a second chance (which I do 100% of the time, I'm a firm believer of allowing people to learn from their mistakes). I've even learnt to be a bit *****y myself to placate other women over the past year, which helps in the workplace (it was mainly women where I worked).

    Ive had some pretty ****ty relationships with guys but never in a friendship context. I guess I just find it much easier to avoid knobby guys than I do girls.
    From other posts though I've gathered you got a good education and you've ended up with a job related to your field, you have a boyfriend (?) and now some good female friends. Putting things into perspective you're doing well and there's no rational reason you should hate yourself or be anxious (although I know it's something you can't help). I see 'ruin' as permanent damage and although they did cause you a huge amount of grief, to put it lightly, you seem to have recovered your life for the most part.

    And you if you have good female friends I imagine they weren't too different when they were girls growing up But fair enough if you prefer guy friends.
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    (Original post by Shaolin Punk)
    First of all...

    http://img.pandawhale.com/80575-hot-...unny-87fa.jpeg

    I've waiting a long time for the opportunity to post that.

    I think guys who prefer to be friends with females are the following...
    1. Insecure
    Women usually lie to boost the confidence of their peers.
    2. Anxious
    They are usually afraid of other men.
    3. Looking to have sex with the girls
    even if they have a girlfriend they have these females as stock of back up.

    I used to have lots of female friends because I wanted to get chicks and I found it hard to physically relax around men due to a long history of childhood violence (fun stuff right?).

    anyway I realised I was friends with a lot of guys but I just didn't consider them friends because I didn't trust them and thought they were hangers on to the girls I socialised with. I also got a bit frustrated with the shy guys that were afraid of hanging around with girls so they would run off for nerd talk.

    Anyway as years went by I found girls to be quite a waste of time as friends. They rarely stay in your life and take up your time, energy and sometimes money. They ask you advice on a decisions they should not go forward with but they don't want your advice. Instead they already no that its a bad idea to do what ever it is they asked your advice on and what they want is you, to give them your blessing and quench the obvious doubt thats making them hesitate from their poorly disciplined and indulgent decisions.

    then after come back to you crying about how they did the thing you warned them not to do and now they want to cry on your shoulder and for you to say "there there".

    Example
    Like the the last time (there has been many times) this happened was a girl I new. She got was going to get married to a guy she was already cheating on with two other guys. I said... getting married to him is quite an obviously stupid decision. She got married. She wants to carry on cheating and I tell her that her cheating in the first place was dumb yet alone now. Next I hear she is pregnant and does not know who the father is. All three men abandon her leaving her with her baby. Then she tells me how alone and abandoned she feels and starts trying to come on to me. I won't bore you with my reaction but at this point I had had enough and terminated the friendship.

    There is not one girl I know who has had useful links or contacts that helped me. One girl that said "oh I guy have a word with them for you" or "I know how to do that" or "do you need a hand".

    I may have had the odd girlfriend offer to help out with domestic duties. But not a female friend.

    Most of the men I know have been handy to have about and a laugh to be with. They have also been much more critical than girls.
    Guys enjoy debating and competing. Guys keep you fresh and agile minded by challenging you. Guys more often than not are not afraid of giving you hard truths. Girls usually avoid them. I also prefer how guys are much more responsible and better at working as a team. Girls tend to "stop the fun", struggle to coordinate in teams, expect sympathy and make excuses.

    Now whilst theres girls that are the exception in my life they are fewer than the guys.

    Most guys I know who have loads of female friends have to be friends with multiple individual separate female friends.
    Because the girls so often fall out break down and build up, washing out weaker members each time.
    Guy groups I've noticed are a lot more stable as a grouped unit.

    Guys are also seem to make much better decisions when it comes to confrontation than the girls I've met.

    Don't get me wrong. These "mates" you have will probably all have sex with your girlfriend if they had the chance and that the chances of you finding a genuinely trustworthy guy mate is just as likely/unlikely as you finding a genuinely trustworthy girl mate. but i think a lot of that is just most people in general are sneaky and selfish when it comes down to it.
    So because I have make friends I'm simultaneously sucking them all off? Okay then.

    And that's ridiculous what you've said about guys with female friends. My boyfriend is not insecure, anxious around men or having them as backups. There have been gaps in between his ex and me and he didn't go off with any of them.
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    When I was younger (secondary school age) I used to have a mixed group of friends. My boyfriend was my best friend for a long time before we became a couple, and there were a few other guys in our friendship group along with just as many girls. As we've all moved on from school however I've just found that it was the girls who were better at staying in touch, and I'm still close with them today. Nowadays, although I still get along with men, and do have a couple of close-ish male friends, I find it easier to become friends with women and I'm much more comfortable in their company. So yes, I do get along with my own gender. :awesome:
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    (Original post by xOHarriet)
    I prefer guys - I've always gotten on better with guys, I don't really trust girls. I'd say I only have 2 or 3 close female friends
    http://i1.ytimg.com/vi/3WkGLY7L2uY/hqdefault.jpg
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    (Original post by miser)
    Roy Mustang is bad ass! But Raye Pember had it coming.
    Roy Mustang is a beautiful man :sexface:
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    (Original post by ArtGoblin)
    Sometimes you want to see your friend without their partner. I suppose it,s different if you're friends with the couple but I still find that level of co-dependence annoying. Not to mention unhealthy.

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    Unhealthy? I wouldn't say so. It's not because we don't trust eachother we just like being with eachother
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    (Original post by Tyrion_Lannister)
    Unhealthy? I wouldn't say so. It's not because we don't trust eachother we just like being with eachother
    But you're ignoring your relationships with other people. Those are important too.

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    (Original post by ArtGoblin)
    But you're ignoring your relationships with other people. Those are important too.

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    No, because I still see them. Seeing them together doesn't negate from that. There's nothing of say in front of friends that I wouldn't want my partner to hear..
 
 
 
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