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    (Original post by SmilerNuts)
    So if sex isn't such a big deal like you say then there shouldn't be such a problem actually doing it...
    That's how I feel. The longer you wait the more you build it up and make it seem like a big deal.
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    (Original post by Zoecb)
    That's how I feel. The longer you wait the more you build it up and make it seem like a big deal.
    Woop, finally someone who agrees with me!
    :five:

    Maybe the OP should just break it down to a more basic level. It's a natural urge to have sex, why fight it? Putting all this thought and build up on it will only set you up for more of a letdown if the first time is rubbish (which it often is)
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    As I said before, I dont think it sounds at all like she's even ready for a relationship at all. Her complete refusal to go any further than kissing shows thats she's not even willing to compromise. Also, her assumption that doing ANYTHING sexual would lead to full sex seemed a little immature to me whether she wants to admit it or not, the sexual side is a very big part of a relationship. And while its completely acceptable not to want to do certain things straight away, I think as a relationship develops say 4/6 weeks + it becomes more of an issue, and I could perfectly understand a guy not wanting to completely sacrifice that side of the relationship for an indefinate amount of time, just because unwilling to compromise over an idea she has in her head of not doing anything sexual til she's fallen in love. I love the idea of some prince charming coming along and sweeping me off my feet, but I realise that thats probably not gonna happen and Im sure as hell not waiting around in case it does :rolleyes:

    Ahhhh, that feels better, essay over
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    (Original post by prettygreeneyes99)
    As I said before, I dont think it sounds at all like she's even ready for a relationship at all. Her complete refusal to go any further than kissing shows thats she's not even willing to compromise. Also, her assumption that doing ANYTHING sexual would lead to full sex seemed a little immature to me whether she wants to admit it or not, the sexual side is a very big part of a relationship. And while its completely acceptable not to want to do certain things straight away, I think as a relationship develops say 4/6 weeks + it becomes more of an issue, and I could perfectly understand a guy not wanting to completely sacrifice that side of the relationship for an indefinate amount of time, just because unwilling to compromise over an idea she has in her head of not doing anything sexual til she's fallen in love. I love the idea of some prince charming coming along and sweeping me off my feet, but I realise that thats probably not gonna happen and Im sure as hell not waiting around in case it does :rolleyes:

    Ahhhh, that feels better, essay over
    I guess sex doesn't mean that much to her, or she thinks it's very special to her so she wants to wait. Either way, I don't see anything wrong with it. Some people just look at relationships differently. And like it or not, it is a big deal for them.
    I do think it's possible to be in love first, ie before having sex.
    If going further than kissing would mean oral sex or fingering, then it would often lead to sex. But, yes, she could do a lot of other things.

    A lot of people who wait seem to very happy with it. I don't see it as abnormal. It's not like she's 40 already.:p:
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    (Original post by SmilerNuts)
    Woop, finally someone who agrees with me!
    :five:

    Maybe the OP should just break it down to a more basic level. It's a natural urge to have sex, why fight it? Putting all this thought and build up on it will only set you up for more of a letdown if the first time is rubbish (which it often is)
    think she wants to, but is willing to wait. surprising perhaps, but it does happen.:eek: :p:
    I'm pretty sure what she's calling special is the feeling of doing it for the first time with someone you love, not how it actually is

    edit-thanks for the rep
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    Oh yes I mean completely agree with if she wants to be in love before she sleeps with someone, thats fair enough. But she completely refuses to go further than kissing thats what I dont understand?! I think it must be a huge deal to her because otherwise she would probably be more up for having some sort of compromise with the guy she's with. But if the sexual side of a relationship is just something that doesnt figure in her life, then she should really try to understand that most people wont agree with that. And that she's really going to have to wise up, because after all, relationships are about compromise!!
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    (Original post by prettygreeneyes99)
    Oh yes I mean completely agree with if she wants to be in love before she sleeps with someone, thats fair enough. But she completely refuses to go further than kissing thats what I dont understand?! I think it must be a huge deal to her because otherwise she would probably be more up for having some sort of compromise with the guy she's with. But if the sexual side of a relationship is just something that doesnt figure in her life, then she should really try to understand that most people wont agree with that. And that she's really going to have to wise up, because after all, relationships are about compromise!!
    Yes, she will find very few guys like that, though I don't think such men are an extinct species...yet
    Depends on what she calls further than kissing.
    And does she mean kissing as in only kissing or properly making out?
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    (Original post by angel156)
    Yes, she will find very few guys like that, though I don't think such men are an extinct species...yet
    Depends on what she calls further than kissing.
    And does she mean kissing as in only kissing or properly making out?
    Hmm, thats for her to answer I guess... but I have the feeling that it wouldnt be making out as it might be construed as being something sexual
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    (Original post by prettygreeneyes99)
    Hmm, thats for her to answer I guess... but I have the feeling that it wouldnt be making out as it might be construed as being something sexual
    Making out can constitute some sexual stuff
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    Hmm, imagine the annoyance at having only making out for 3+ months though, would be hell :eek:
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    (Original post by prettygreeneyes99)
    Hmm, imagine the annoyance at having only making out for 3+ months though, would be hell :eek:
    hmm depends on how far you go though.
    I do think 3 months could be a bit soon for oral, etc., depending on the seriousness of the relationship of course.
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    Well not neccasarily oral etc because I think thats more intimate than sex to be honest.. but there's other sexual stuff that can be done! Personally the thought of only having making out for 3+ months with someone who I had spent a normal amount of time with etc etc makes me feel quite suicidal!
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    (Original post by prettygreeneyes99)
    Well not neccasarily oral etc because I think thats more intimate than sex to be honest.. but there's other sexual stuff that can be done! Personally the thought of only having making out for 3+ months with someone who I had spent a normal amount of time with etc etc makes me feel quite suicidal!
    haha may be unthinkable for you and not for her or similar conservative people then?
    but yeah, there's a lot of other stuff that can be done. She doesn't need to get naked basically? lol:p:
    And i agree that oral is more intimate. Most people usually don't agree with on that.
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    Ive always thought oral's more intimate, not sure why but my boyfriend agrees with me!
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    (Original post by prettygreeneyes99)
    Ive always thought oral's more intimate, not sure why but my boyfriend agrees with me!
    haha not going to go into details on why:p:

    btw, how long do you feel is the right time to get sexual and then ultimately have sex?
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    First of all, didn't feel I was quite up to reading this entire thread as it is pretty large so sorry if I'm repeating what someone else said! Basically, nobody should ever do anything they don't want to do with someone else whether sexual or not. Sure, in your opinion(s) sex may well be meaningless but the fact is that to her it is a very intimate and private thing between two people. Finally, referring to prettygreeneyes99...
    (Original post by prettygreeneyes99)
    Her complete refusal to go any further than kissing shows thats she's not even willing to compromise.
    Why should anyone have to compromise on their moral values and own sense of self-respect? If she feels she doesn't want to do anything sexual she shouldn't have to force herself in order to please someone else. That just puts us on the slipperly slope to condoning rape. She owes nothing to this guy. Relationships are supposed to be fun and if she wasn't finding being pressurised particularly cheery then she was more than right to end it. The end.
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    (Original post by angel156)
    haha not going to go into details on why:p:

    btw, how long do you feel is the right time to get sexual and then ultimately have sex?
    Well, its obviously different with every person because you're not going to feel as comfortable with some people as others right? When it comes to doing sexual stuff (assuming you mean further than kissing), Id say a month onwards.. and sex, Im not sure actually, different with every person I guess
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    (Original post by prettygreeneyes99)
    Well, its obviously different with every person because you're not going to feel as comfortable with some people as others right? When it comes to doing sexual stuff (assuming you mean further than kissing), Id say a month onwards.. and sex, Im not sure actually, different with every person I guess
    o ok
    I think even a couple of months before the sexual stuff starts is fine though, especially if you don't trust people easily, etc.
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    (Original post by writedontcall)
    First of all, didn't feel I was quite up to reading this entire thread as it is pretty large so sorry if I'm repeating what someone else said! Basically, nobody should ever do anything they don't want to do with someone else whether sexual or not. Sure, in your opinion(s) sex may well be meaningless but the fact is that to her it is a very intimate and private thing between two people. Finally, referring to prettygreeneyes99...
    Why should anyone have to compromise on their moral values and own sense of self-respect? If she feels she doesn't want to do anything sexual she shouldn't have to force herself in order to please someone else. That just puts us on the slipperly slope to condoning rape. She owes nothing to this guy. Relationships are supposed to be fun and if she wasn't finding being pressurised particularly cheery then she was more than right to end it. The end.
    moral values and sense of self respect?? People arent telling her to kill a kitten or anything ridiculous like that of course she shouldnt be pressured into actually sleeping with someone, but in the real world unfortunately its not practical to just have the 'its my way or the highway' attitude to things like this. And in adult relationships, enjoying the sexual side of a relationship while making reasonable compromises is very important!! And what on earth are you on about, slippery slope to condoning rape?? Rape and having a normal sexual side to a relationship are two COMPLETELY different things :rolleyes: from my point of view, completely refusing to do anything sexual for 3+ months at that age seems slightly unreasonable to me.
 
 
 
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