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    (Original post by purple-duck)
    Hope you're okay :jumphug:


    Thanks TLG :hugs: Not sure, like I know its not been nothing when I've been worse, but just in between wondering if I should've been/should be trying harder to be better/even maybe just acknowledge that I'm maybe not as bad
    Hope you're okay :hugs: Sorry you've felt rough :console:

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    Been prescribed 10mg citalopram
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    felt odd him saying it. And feel odd myself/sort of have some weird feeling that I've "earned" this or something? And don't like that feeling :erm: like I've somehow been responsible in some weird way in not getting well/getting worse so that I can then be "bad" enough to justify feeling bad/that being prescribed these is that sort of sticker/"thing" to justify it? Don't like it at all and now just confused/just feels weird.
    Like I sometimes wonder if I'm just pretending just to sort of fit in or something, even if that doesn't completely/really make sense

    GP said there aren't too many side effects with citalopram? Though he said might be nausea to start with, and nausea makes me really anxious. But hopefully will be fine.
    Going to start them I think once I've come back to Uni from home, or towards end of being home, cos don't want too many side effects while I'm there.

    Also just feels odd being prescribed them based partly on current phq-9 score/from what I said.I mean I was completely honest about the fact that in between episodes I'm on the low-end of mild even, so I guess he thinks its a good idea even with that. He said just to push/give me a bit more motivation to help with work and stuff? As I've been struggling/struggled last year, and haven't improved greatly with the group therapy/exercise.


    Sorry for massive ramble. Just kinda and confused about it all.
    But also slightly optimistic/glad sort of because thinking that if it does help, then is really good for revision next term/exams?
    Not sure quite what to expect though.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    When i was at uni my dr said the main reason for being put on meds was to bring me to a level where i was able to work and do my degree so may be a similar situation to you

    The only citalopram side effect i got was the yawns/insomnia


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    (Original post by purple-duck)
    Been prescribed 10mg citalopram
    Ramble
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    felt odd him saying it. And feel odd myself/sort of have some weird feeling that I've "earned" this or something? And don't like that feeling :erm: like I've somehow been responsible in some weird way in not getting well/getting worse so that I can then be "bad" enough to justify feeling bad/that being prescribed these is that sort of sticker/"thing" to justify it? Don't like it at all and now just confused/just feels weird.
    Like I sometimes wonder if I'm just pretending just to sort of fit in or something, even if that doesn't completely/really make sense

    GP said there aren't too many side effects with citalopram? Though he said might be nausea to start with, and nausea makes me really anxious. But hopefully will be fine.
    Going to start them I think once I've come back to Uni from home, or towards end of being home, cos don't want too many side effects while I'm there.

    Also just feels odd being prescribed them based partly on current phq-9 score/from what I said.I mean I was completely honest about the fact that in between episodes I'm on the low-end of mild even, so I guess he thinks its a good idea even with that. He said just to push/give me a bit more motivation to help with work and stuff? As I've been struggling/struggled last year, and haven't improved greatly with the group therapy/exercise.
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    I had similar thoughts when I was prescribed it. It's like it justified my low mood in my mind so i no longer felt like i was just being moody or whatever. I guess it validated my mental health problems to me. But that felt weird because it's not like i ever wanted to have anxiety so why would I be glad i was prescribed something? It's not easy.

    Anyway there weren't too many side effects for me I guess, but i would say it didn't do anything for me. I was on 20mg and it just made me irritable and prone to breakdowns, and I couldn't drink alcohol on them without falling asleep. I also didn't like having to declare it on medical forms and to nurses/dentists when they asked because it was embarassing. When i came off it I had brain zaps for a month.

    Anyway, fingers crossed it does something for you!
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    (Original post by purple-duck)
    Hope you're okay :jumphug:


    Thanks TLG :hugs: Not sure, like I know its not been nothing when I've been worse, but just in between wondering if I should've been/should be trying harder to be better/even maybe just acknowledge that I'm maybe not as bad
    Hope you're okay :hugs: Sorry you've felt rough :console:

    ------------------

    Been prescribed 10mg citalopram
    Ramble
    Spoiler:
    Show
    felt odd him saying it. And feel odd myself/sort of have some weird feeling that I've "earned" this or something? And don't like that feeling :erm: like I've somehow been responsible in some weird way in not getting well/getting worse so that I can then be "bad" enough to justify feeling bad/that being prescribed these is that sort of sticker/"thing" to justify it? Don't like it at all and now just confused/just feels weird.
    Like I sometimes wonder if I'm just pretending just to sort of fit in or something, even if that doesn't completely/really make sense

    GP said there aren't too many side effects with citalopram? Though he said might be nausea to start with, and nausea makes me really anxious. But hopefully will be fine.
    Going to start them I think once I've come back to Uni from home, or towards end of being home, cos don't want too many side effects while I'm there.

    Also just feels odd being prescribed them based partly on current phq-9 score/from what I said.I mean I was completely honest about the fact that in between episodes I'm on the low-end of mild even, so I guess he thinks its a good idea even with that. He said just to push/give me a bit more motivation to help with work and stuff? As I've been struggling/struggled last year, and haven't improved greatly with the group therapy/exercise.


    Sorry for massive ramble. Just kinda and confused about it all.
    But also slightly optimistic/glad sort of because thinking that if it does help, then is really good for revision next term/exams?
    Not sure quite what to expect though.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Well done for going!
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    As James said, maybe just because it kind of proves to you that there is something there and there's a reason for you feeling bad and there is something there, rather than you just making a fuss over nothing? Which you're not! Hopefully it helps, either way- around for the next hourish if you want a rant :hugs:



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    So tired and low and anxious, got a rehearsal tonight I really don't want to go to but it's the last one before some big festival/concert thing I have two solos in but at this rate going to struggle to play at all let alone on my own or improvising and stuff. Should probably go just as a distraction if nothing else but still, meh


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    Have to get the bus in 20minutes. All I want to do is crawl back to bed and hide.
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    (Original post by purple-duck)
    Been prescribed 10mg citalopram
    Ramble
    Spoiler:
    Show
    felt odd him saying it. And feel odd myself/sort of have some weird feeling that I've "earned" this or something? And don't like that feeling :erm: like I've somehow been responsible in some weird way in not getting well/getting worse so that I can then be "bad" enough to justify feeling bad/that being prescribed these is that sort of sticker/"thing" to justify it? Don't like it at all and now just confused/just feels weird.
    Like I sometimes wonder if I'm just pretending just to sort of fit in or something, even if that doesn't completely/really make sense

    GP said there aren't too many side effects with citalopram? Though he said might be nausea to start with, and nausea makes me really anxious. But hopefully will be fine.
    Going to start them I think once I've come back to Uni from home, or towards end of being home, cos don't want too many side effects while I'm there.

    Also just feels odd being prescribed them based partly on current phq-9 score/from what I said.I mean I was completely honest about the fact that in between episodes I'm on the low-end of mild even, so I guess he thinks its a good idea even with that. He said just to push/give me a bit more motivation to help with work and stuff? As I've been struggling/struggled last year, and haven't improved greatly with the group therapy/exercise.


    Sorry for massive ramble. Just kinda and confused about it all.
    But also slightly optimistic/glad sort of because thinking that if it does help, then is really good for revision next term/exams?
    Not sure quite what to expect though.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    I really hope the citalopram helps you PD. When I started it I did feel nausea but also headaches and I got the most vivid dreams too so don't be too worried if that happens. Also, as someone already mentioned it can really destroy any alcohol tolerance you might have - a pint of beer was enough to get me ridiculously drunk when I took it: take it slow until you know how it effects you. good luck!
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    Have to get the bus in 20minutes. All I want to do is crawl back to bed and hide.
    You can do it, maybe even just walk to the bus now instead of waiting that way you're not sat worrying about having to go for another 15 minutes?
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    (Original post by james1211)
    You can do it, maybe even just walk to the bus now instead of waiting that way you're not sat worrying about having to go for another 15 minutes?
    Yeah, I think I will, good idea. Bus is 10minutes late and I'm just sitting here feeling ****ty, at least if I sit outside and be ****ty I can't "accidentally" get back into bed
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    Yeah, I think I will, good idea. Bus is 10minutes late and I'm just sitting here feeling ****ty, at least if I sit outside and be ****ty I can't "accidentally" get back into bed
    Exactly I used to do it when I didn't want to go to uni, I'd get up and get dressed even if I wasn't going to go because then at least I was a step closer to it if I changed my mind last second.

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    Sorted things out with my girlfriend now and calmed down a bit


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    (Original post by james1211)
    Exactly I used to do it when I didn't want to go to uni, I'd get up and get dressed even if I wasn't going to go because then at least I was a step closer to it if I changed my mind last second.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Turns out that the bus came on time so was good I was there! and hmm I might try that with hockey practice rather than hiding. Thanks for the advice.

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My first real issue with anxiety came when I had flu four years ago. I was stuck in bed for days and it really triggered anxiety like I had never, ever felt before.
    My mental illness seemed to come from a physical illness too. I had encephalitis and it seems to have left a profound impact on my brain.
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    blah. not doing well. :emo:
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    (Original post by ScaryScience)
    blah. not doing well. :emo:
    You can poke me on Facebook if you need to. Done as much supervision (meeting with tutor) work for tomorrow as I can muster, so will just be pottering for the rest of the evening :gah:
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    (Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd)
    You can poke me on Facebook if you need to. Done as much supervision (meeting with tutor) work for tomorrow as I can muster, so will just be pottering for the rest of the evening :gah:
    thanks hun. feel really triggered so going to have grounding shower and then might poke you. hope you are okay :hugs:
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    Btw, hugs to all those who need them! :grouphugs:

    (Original post by ScaryScience)
    thanks hun. feel really triggered so going to have grounding shower and then might poke you. hope you are okay :hugs:
    Sure lovely, hope the shower helps a bit :penguinhug:
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    Counselling tomorrow. 1000% dreading it.

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    Been having horrible thoughts since Saturday. .... I keep thinking about how pointless it is to sit and learn and do my A2 exams and go to uni if one day I'm gonna be dead, six foot under, and it'll all be a waste, right? And I keep thinking about how uninterested I am in life and all; it seems even breathing is a waste of time cause I'll be dead at one point sooner or later. Ugh.
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    (Original post by Jay84)
    My mental illness seemed to come from a physical illness too. I had encephalitis and it seems to have left a profound impact on my brain.
    Have you seen the tv show Hannibal? One of the characters had encephalitis and it resulted in confusion, loss of time and hallucinations, it was pretty interesting and I think it left its mark on him too.
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    (Original post by CescaD96)
    Counselling tomorrow. 1000% dreading it.

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    Been having horrible thoughts since Saturday.... I keep thinking about how pointless it is to sit and learn and do my A2 exams and go to uni if one day I'm gonna be dead, six foot under, and it'll all be a waste, right? And I keep thinking about how uninterested I am in life and all; it seems even breathing is a waste of time cause I'll be dead at one point sooner or later. Ugh.
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    Well tbh from a secular point of view, everything in life is pointless if you end up taking that view of things, whether it's enjoyable things like sex, or necessary things like food, or tedious things like A2 revision. As someone famous - I dunno who - said, the only thing we can be certain of in life, is death. So anything between birth and death is ultimately pointless because (as that guy points out in The History Boys), nothing saves your life - it only postpones your death.

    That doesn't have to mean that life is pointless though. It has meaning - you just have to create it for yourself. Even if we DO only live once, many of us are on this planet for quite some time and there are so many opportunities to be had that are enjoyable and meaningful and that make the effort of living worth it.

    So hold on. You're worth it! ]


    You can also PM me if talking would help. Dinner aside, I'll most likely be on here...
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    Dear you thread is kinda therapeutic :teehee:
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    (Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd)
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    Well tbh from a secular point of view, everything in life is pointless if you end up taking that view of things, whether it's enjoyable things like sex, or necessary things like food, or tedious things like A2 revision. As someone famous - I dunno who - said, the only thing we can be certain of in life, is death. So anything between birth and death is ultimately pointless because (as that guy points out in The History Boys), nothing saves your life - it only postpones your death.

    That doesn't have to mean that life is pointless though. It has meaning - you just have to create it for yourself. Even if we DO only live once, many of us are on this planet for quite some time and there are so many opportunities to be had that are enjoyable and meaningful and that make the effort of living worth it.

    So hold on. You're worth it! ]


    You can also PM me if talking would help. Dinner aside, I'll most likely be on here...
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    History boys.
    The problem is I've lost all motivation, I'm literally drifting along during the day, waiting until I go to sleep. I simply just don't care anymore. I feel empty, a shell, going through the motions because I'm terrified of actually dying. I just don't care.


    If it gets too bad, you'll be the first one to know.
 
 
 
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