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Asians, are you allowed to marry a girl/guy of your choice? Watch

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    Subject to many, many tight restrictions that my parents drew up at Imperial College (:ninja:) - but other than those, anyone! :woo:
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    (Original post by HumanNature1992)
    Can I ask what your beliefs are?

    I see what you're saying and all of what you've wrote is contingent on the idea of particular faiths - and therefore holy books etc...Some people see Holy Books as a necessity in that it sheds ALOT of light on us as human beings - it covers morality, the idea of judgement which I see to be a necessary and also in the Qur'an particular has facts confirmed by science. I'd find it tough to fully grasp the concept of God without the teachings of the prophet and the Qur'an - maybe that's just me however.

    You've covered ALOT of scope in your post, and i'm not sure I want to fully divulge into it this late
    Atheist myself. I mean I cannot be so arrogant as to say I KNOW nothing conscious made this Universe, as I cannot know. However I don't say Agnostic because you could say 99.9% I'd say that no God exists. If someone says do you believe in God I'd say no, but I cannot say for a fact nothing higher then me exists. If it did however I would think of it as I said above, not a personal God.

    But obviously many faiths exist as people have many different views. If at death I am correct, I won't get to know that and you won't have to face the fact you were wrong. If you are right, and assuming you are a half decent Muslim, you'll enter Jannah and I, as one who does not believe and speaks against such religions for the most part, will go to Jahannam. One silver lining is I pretty much never get my 5 a day on Earth, so at least in Jahannam you HAVE to eat fruit since the fruit of the Zaqqum is all there is. So I'll be healthy...just..not the most pleasant thing to eat haha!
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    I hope so, tbh I wouldn't give a **** if I really liked a girl and they wouldn't allow it. They'd come round eventually :crossedf:
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    Parents want me to marry someone of the same race and religion. I've been telling them since I was 13 years old though that I'd marry whoever I want. I figure if I started early it would soften the blow when it really happened. Already they don't care as much as when I first used to tell them. Then you have dem dere *******s who wait it out secretly untill they're 27 when they caught and everything goes to hell because they weren't man enough to say anything earlier.

    But dammit I fell in love a with a girl of the same race and religion when I promised my mum it'd be a black atheist (I was quite the troll when I was 13 )

    I figure the only thing left to do to piss them off is to get her to have a skin transplant surgery and get her to pretend to be an atheist ( I win then right?)
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    (Original post by joey11223)
    Atheist myself. I mean I cannot be so arrogant as to say I KNOW nothing conscious made this Universe, as I cannot know. However I don't say Agnostic because you could say 99.9% I'd say that no God exists. If someone says do you believe in God I'd say no, but I cannot say for a fact nothing higher then me exists. If it did however I would think of it as I said above, not a personal God.

    But obviously many faiths exist as people have many different views. If at death I am correct, I won't get to know that and you won't have to face the fact you were wrong. If you are right, and assuming you are a half decent Muslim, you'll enter Jannah and I, as one who does not believe and speaks against such religions for the most part, will go to Jahannam. One silver lining is I pretty much never get my 5 a day on Earth, so at least in Jahannam you HAVE to eat fruit since the fruit of the Zaqqum is all there is. So I'll be healthy...just..not the most pleasant thing to eat haha!
    LOL!

    Hmm, well we're all allowed to rationalise and believe in what we want, which is the beauty of being human. Having said that I wish more Atheists were like you and less derogatory and vindictive of the idea of religion. It would be just the same as me criticising and demeaning a Hindu or a Buddhist - which is probably the worst thing one could do - undermine one's spiritual belief as that is something so personal and pure to some people as it genuinely helps them get through the struggles of life!

    I wish more people would understand that, and you're clearly a knowledgeable guy and knowledge is power!
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    (Original post by qwerty_mad)
    Question open to all, but mainly targeted at South-Asians. Are you allowed to marry a person of your choice, even if he/she doesn't originate from the same country as you?
    No
    He has to be Pakistani/Indian
    Sunni Muslim
    A medic/dentist
    Good looking

    If any of you rare specimen are present within this thread please contact my mother :P
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    (Original post by christine18)
    Not exactly... It's not like my family would banish me should I marry someone that they do not approve of, but they would definitely cut me out of the inheritance to spite me.

    They suggest someone, and I'll probably marry then. Money talks
    Apologies if you've already answered this (I can't be bothered to look through 10+ pages for a reply but are you really implying you'd marry a man that you'd have to share the next 40-50 years of your life with just for the sake of inheriting money?
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    (Original post by azn-wonder91)
    No
    He has to be Pakistani/Indian
    Sunni Muslim
    A medic/dentist
    Good looking

    If any of you rare specimen are present within this thread please contact my mother :P
    Lol that's a first. I guess you have really traditional parents haha
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    (Original post by HumanNature1992)
    Lol that's a first. I guess you have really traditional parents haha
    yeahhh dad's a doc! sister's a medic! i'm a dentist. apparently it will not work out unless hubby is in the same profession! :mad:
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    (Original post by kbountra)
    I think there is a greater degree of leniency these days in arranged marriages. It is quite common nowadays for parents to introduce their children to possible partners and then for them to go out and get to know each other. The obligation isn't there for marriage....if the couple don't hit it off, they move on with their lives.
    yeah, I think it varies between the three main religions of the sub-continent... I supopse hindus and sikhs are more liberal (when it comes to issues of sex/dating etc) than muslims. And then there are also differences within the musilms, depending to what extent thier beliefs have become "westernised"......

    don't believe the muslims go through a "dating period" .... from what I know of islam, it is not allowed....
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    (Original post by Fat-Love)
    Apologies if you've already answered this (I can't be bothered to look through 10+ pages for a reply but are you really implying you'd marry a man that you'd have to share the next 40-50 years of your life with just for the sake of inheriting money?
    money talks dude... men and women look for different things. Generally men look for beauty and youth, and women look for power and status (money = status/power) which can provide security... even in this day and age of the independant woman, it is still generally the case..

    you always see average/below average guys with hot women, but never the other way around....

    appreciate that this isn't always the case, especially when the women is young and not looking to "settle"..
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    (Original post by HumanNature1992)
    LOL!

    Hmm, well we're all allowed to rationalise and believe in what we want, which is the beauty of being human. Having said that I wish more Atheists were like you and less derogatory and vindictive of the idea of religion. It would be just the same as me criticising and demeaning a Hindu or a Buddhist - which is probably the worst thing one could do - undermine one's spiritual belief as that is something so personal and pure to some people as it genuinely helps them get through the struggles of life!

    I wish more people would understand that, and you're clearly a knowledgeable guy and knowledge is power!
    I won't lie though, when I hear sob stories of someone's families religion causing them issues I will criticise it, even if not all who follow the faith believe that, if it's in scripture and some ignore it, it's still in scripture..(bible on homosexuality as an example, if the OT apparently no longer applies.)

    but you're right about the end of your first paragraph, helps them get through the struggle of life. Some need that, some don't, and I do remember that. It's why although a part of someone's faith might upset them when they learn of it I won't always tell them to consider Atheism, I might attempt to give a different interpretation of the verse. As although I might not agree with their faith, they'd be a mess without it and it might harm their character. As a few said to me in school "why do you not just do what ever you want then? You don't believe anything is going to happen when you die and no punishment. If God didn't exist I'd just do anything.", and those sort need religion to keep them in check, religion was great for that before secular courts and governments existed. It does scare me when people say that mind, that without fear of retribution they would hurt their fellow human beings. Concerns me...
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    (Original post by joey11223)
    I won't lie though, when I hear sob stories of someone's families religion causing them issues I will criticise it, even if not all who follow the faith believe that, if it's in scripture and some ignore it, it's still in scripture..(bible on homosexuality as an example, if the OT apparently no longer applies.)

    but you're right about the end of your first paragraph, helps them get through the struggle of life. Some need that, some don't, and I do remember that. It's why although a part of someone's faith might upset them when they learn of it I won't always tell them to consider Atheism, I might attempt to give a different interpretation of the verse. As although I might not agree with their faith, they'd be a mess without it and it might harm their character. As a few said to me in school "why do you not just do what ever you want then? You don't believe anything is going to happen when you die and no punishment. If God didn't exist I'd just do anything.", and those sort need religion to keep them in check, religion was great for that before secular courts and governments existed. It does scare me when people say that mind, that without fear of retribution they would hurt their fellow human beings. Concerns me...
    The bit in bold, I would too. Islam for me is very straightforward and my parents have a very moderate stance on the religion (which is emphasised in the Qur'an) and that's rubbed off on me. I honestly don't think it's as complicated as people do make it - it gets complicated when certain verses are taken out of context (but that's another debate).

    Religious people often forget the true essence, which is to be a good person. The way I've been raised is that the best Muslim (or a follower of another religion) is somebody that's a genuinely good person - you can pray all you want, marry a muslim, wait till marriage to have sex etc.. but if you're not kind to those around you - its all redundant.

    It's true though, spirituality is a VERY personal thing. To give a different opinion on a matter and to scrutinise and disrespect one's belief are two totally different things which I feel some Atheists and even religious people often don't understand. I've experienced it - from persuasive "Muslims" also, who are quick to criticise what I do.

    Nevertheless personally, I feel my parents are amazing and they've raised me right - however religion does keep me in check and has an enormous influence on my life because at the end of the day it's does contain morals that if everyone on this earth followed there would be more peacefulness and coexistence. It also restored my faith in humanity, in that I FEEL - we as humans are being judged by our actions and justice will eventually be served. Also has made it easier to cope with a death of a loved one obviously. But you've probably heard all these a number of times.

    At the end of the day I don't feel religion is to blame and think the stigma attached is unnecessary, it's just a few people of a particular religion that ruins it so to speak for the moral, sane majority.
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    (Original post by bunty64)
    yeah, I think it varies between the three main religions of the sub-continent... I supopse hindus and sikhs are more liberal (when it comes to issues of sex/dating etc) than muslims. And then there are also differences within the musilms, depending to what extent thier beliefs have become "westernised"......

    don't believe the muslims go through a "dating period" .... from what I know of islam, it is not allowed....
    Yeah my comment was from a Hindu perspective. My family was really traditional back in the day when my parents got married but they seem to have just adapted with the times so marriages are either as I mentioned or simple 'love' ones. I've now got a German uncle and a Greek aunt who married into the family to show for the new leniency.....makes for interesting living though as I can hardly communicate with my cousins
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    (Original post by Fat-Love)
    Apologies if you've already answered this (I can't be bothered to look through 10+ pages for a reply but are you really implying you'd marry a man that you'd have to share the next 40-50 years of your life with just for the sake of inheriting money?
    Well, not if he looks like a carbon-copy of Mr. Bean... But I mean, someone reasonably attractive and has a decent amount of his own money.

    Also, it's not just an "inheritance". There's a rather substantial amount that no amount of love from someone of my choice could make up for.
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    (Original post by joey11223)
    sorry about adding a question to your thread OP but....

    For those who say no can you say why it is? I assume for the large majority it's their families view not their own. Is it because of some sort of ethnic superiority complex? As in a non-South Asian partner wouldn't be as...good, for some reason? Purity of blood lines and racial mixing not approved of?
    No it isn't because of some ethnic superiority rubbish, and no it isn't because my family want to dictate what I do. It's so that, once I do get married, my wife can efficiently integrate into our wider family. If you marry someone who doesn't understand our values or doesn't speak our language, you're effectively outcasting yourself rather than the other way around.

    Don't get my family wrong, there are plenty of examples of people marrying outside of our culture, but it's not so much a problem for them since they don't stay in this country or keep in contact much anyway. If you want to keep family ties and the ability to interact with our elders, you marry someone they can talk to!
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    (Original post by Cesar Lecat)
    I just find that amusing. Have your parents never thought about the fact that if their parents had the same restricted policy, then your parents would never have been married.

    So why have they placed this restriction on you? It's complete hypocrisy. You can only marry a Chinese or an Indian, because they're an Indian and a Chinese. Oh that's just brilliant
    Where did you read that they had an approved marriage? They both secretly married after their studies in USA.

    Cold War for 15 years between the grandparents and them, many smaller battles after that. Only after I left to go to USA for my 1st degree when a lot of the hostilities ceased.

    But just before I left for USA they started their indoctrination on what made the ideal life partner. Oh yes they always used to use my US education as a hostage, which meant if I wanted to remain in uni, then its their way or the highway.

    These days since I do not use their money any longer, they have started saying if I continue on with my white gf they will change the terms of their will to ensure I am excluded.
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    (Original post by HumanNature1992)
    This is refreshing to hear, can I ask what religion you are?
    I'm a Muslim. Another reason why my parents have encouraged me to find my own partner is because say if they found me a suitor and the marriage ended up falling apart. My parents would feel as if it would be their fault. Like I said before, even if they did find me somebody they would never know them as well as if I got to know somebody myself.
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    As a muslim boy i am just waiting to start up my own business and wait till i earn good money.

    I have already told my parents i want to have 4 wives as it is allowed and encouraged in Islam.I told them that i will have one virgin wife from different race.1 white, 1 Pakistani, 1 black and 1 chinese or Portorican.

    They said they would be happy as long as i took care of them.

    I would be aiming to have 4-5 kids with each of them and create my own little army.

    It will make me feel like a DON.
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    (Original post by bunty64)
    yeh, if you go outside of your tribe, let the person know that your lot aren't crazies!
    well im sure not everyone is judgemental lyk you :P
 
 
 
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