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    Got myself booked into the doctors next Wednesday at 3:40pm so should be awake for that, and made sure it wasn't with the horrible doctor.
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    Somehow managed to wake up this morning. Going to be a really boring hour doing nothing but revision.

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    Hello guys!
    I have posted on this before, but right back at the beginning of the last thread, so I best introduce myself again. I'm Megan, I suffer with an eating disorder, anxiety, depression and severe self harm.
    As I'm still under 18, I'm under CAMHS care, but unfortunately mine are a load of ****. I was hospitalised for a weekend 6 months ago and got an emergency referral, but due to budget cuts and being understaffed I STILL don't have a regular treatment team....
    What's anyone else's experience with CAMHS/treatment waiting lists?
    Take care!


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    I can't stop thinking about how ruined my life is. I just want to give up everything and start again or go back in time to September and make sure I took my tablets because that's what caused this whole mess. I emailed my mental health advisor saying how much I couldn't cope, and she emailed back saying I can, but I don't believe her. I feel overwhelmed. I have no one to talk to here. I can't phone my dad because he doesn't understand depression and anything he says will only make me feel worse. I can't go into Uni and face people. I think if I go outside then I will just have a panic attack. Everyone else is at work. If I ask my friend to come over I will panic because of the state the house is in. I'm useless. I'm going to be a horrible mum. I can't cope with this.
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    (Original post by FuzzySheep)
    :jumphug: How have you been? I hope everything is going okay with you? How is the job?

    I got an emergency appt today, then she sent me for a same day appt with a counsellor. I broke down and told her how I felt there was no point in me existing anymore and she said nothing. She actually said "so, ok, if you have no reason to live then why are you here? Why don't you make a plan?".

    Emailed my department and will be lucky if I get a response. I see no way out of this. I have no one and nothing, there is literally no point. If I disappeared no one would notice. I am a freak, I'm abnormal, I have to get someone who's paid to listen to me to talk to and even they don't care. There is no point, no moving on from this or out of this. I am literally all alone.

    I have an exam tomorrow in another language when I can't string together a sentence in my own.
    Oh wow. That's pretty appalling. I'm so sorry you came across such a **** counsellor hun. PLEASE don't think that was your fault though: unfortunately there are lots of bad eggs in the counselling world who say all kinds of atrocious things without thinking of the harm it could do.

    Hope your exam went well. Get in touch if that would help :console:


    (Original post by Idle)
    Teh **** just watching a program on prisons on BBC 1 when they show a room where an inmate massively self harmed, thanks for the trigger warnings *****.
    Yeah I saw a bit of that before my mum quickly changed the channel. Not good at all. Really hope you're OK hun :hugs:

    (Original post by 08batee)
    Glad you're okay lovely :hugs: :hugs:
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    Thanks, will do. Everything's just really overwhelming today




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    Hope you got through the night OK :hugs:
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    (Original post by Delain)
    Got myself booked into the doctors next Wednesday at 3:40pm so should be awake for that, and made sure it wasn't with the horrible doctor.
    Hooray!! Some doctors are just nasty, I've seen some awful ones at my University health centre and refuse to go there any more! Hope your appointment goes well! :hugs:


    (Original post by avhhs)
    Somehow managed to wake up this morning. Going to be a really boring hour doing nothing but revision.
    Hope the revision goes well! Kudos for waking up so early, I'm always completely zonked until about 10! D:


    (Original post by meganht)
    Hello guys!
    I have posted on this before, but right back at the beginning of the last thread, so I best introduce myself again. I'm Megan, I suffer with an eating disorder, anxiety, depression and severe self harm.
    As I'm still under 18, I'm under CAMHS care, but unfortunately mine are a load of ****. I was hospitalised for a weekend 6 months ago and got an emergency referral, but due to budget cuts and being understaffed I STILL don't have a regular treatment team....
    What's anyone else's experience with CAMHS/treatment waiting lists?
    Take care!
    Hi Megan! :h:
    Wow, that's awful! I suffer from a lot of the same things as you (severe psychotic depression, anxiety, OCD, BPD, and OCD related EDNOS). I'm under CMHT rather than CAMHS and literally the only thing I've had to wait for at all is psychology and CBT (which I'm really not that fussed about to be honest because frankly I think I need to recover a bit more before I start those things). Initially I was picked up by the Urgent Care Team because I was having an acute crisis, and they were excellent. I'm now being treated by CMHT instead and they've been really supportive and helpful. I think I'm in a really good area though, and my experience is that they're much quicker to act if you have any form of psychosis because of the whole Early Intervention thing. I think sadly a lot of people here seem to have the same experience as you, with endless waiting lists and little care, which is really awful. I hope you get a proper treatment team soon!


    (Original post by HmMusic)
    I can't stop thinking about how ruined my life is. I just want to give up everything and start again or go back in time to September and make sure I took my tablets because that's what caused this whole mess. I emailed my mental health advisor saying how much I couldn't cope, and she emailed back saying I can, but I don't believe her. I feel overwhelmed. I have no one to talk to here. I can't phone my dad because he doesn't understand depression and anything he says will only make me feel worse. I can't go into Uni and face people. I think if I go outside then I will just have a panic attack. Everyone else is at work. If I ask my friend to come over I will panic because of the state the house is in. I'm useless. I'm going to be a horrible mum. I can't cope with this.
    :hugs: It sounds like you have a lot on your plate at the moment!! I really hope you start to feel a little bit better soon. In the meantime, I know it's hard, but try to take things just one step at a time. If you feel like you can't cope with going outside today, or tomorrow, or even the whole week, that's fine. Take things at your own pace, and only do something once you're comfortable with it. Do you have a garden or a quiet, comfortable space you can sit in at all? Sometimes I find that it really helps just to sit and take a few minutes out from everything, I know it sounds stupid but I find it does help sometimes. I know I've never met you, but I've seen a lot of your posts on here and you seem like a really lovely and caring person, and I think you'll make a fantastic mum. Have you tried just watching some rubbishy TV or playing a game or something? It might take your mind off things a bit, and I find that the noise helps me to feel a bit less lonely when everyone else is working. Take care, and I hope you're feeling a bit better soon :hugs:




    I hate seeing all the people I know on facebook going about having normal lives and achieving things whilst I've barely left the house for 6 months. My friends are graduating and doing exams and applying to masters programmes and planning their weddings and having social lives. The only things I've done in 6 months are get fat and do one (yes, one) 4 hour long shift at work. I feel so useless right now.
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    :hugs: for everyone who needs them.

    I'm feeling a little better today. Trying not to overwhelm myself and just take things slowly.
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    (Original post by HmMusic)
    I feel nothing. Just a deep overwhelming sadness. Don't want to go to Uni, don't want to be alone. Don't want to be awake. No motivation. No point to anything.
    :console:
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    (Original post by HmMusic)
    I can't stop thinking about how ruined my life is. I just want to give up everything and start again or go back in time to September and make sure I took my tablets because that's what caused this whole mess. I emailed my mental health advisor saying how much I couldn't cope, and she emailed back saying I can, but I don't believe her. I feel overwhelmed. I have no one to talk to here. I can't phone my dad because he doesn't understand depression and anything he says will only make me feel worse. I can't go into Uni and face people. I think if I go outside then I will just have a panic attack. Everyone else is at work. If I ask my friend to come over I will panic because of the state the house is in. I'm useless. I'm going to be a horrible mum. I can't cope with this.
    I know how terrifying and overwhelming this is, but honestly, I really think you can cope with this - a lot of people wouldn't have handled things anywhere near as well as you've handled them over the last few weeks, and I think you should be really proud of yourself. You're not going to be a horrible mum at all - you seem like such a lovely person, and you have your partner's support and everything else around you. The mental health adviser sounds greats as well. :jumphug:
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    Just met my mum for breakfast. Was ok, managed to keep up the "I'm getting better" thing rather than let her see that I'm slipping again. The thing is, I'm slipping in a weird way because although [Bad Thoughts] are back and I'm sort of thinking I might act on them, I feel like that's rational and not because of depression, whereas before it was just depression. I'm definitely not severely depressed anymore so I guess technically I am getting better, just also wanting stuff to stop. :dontknow:

    Got mentor later and I really don't imagine I'll be honest with her. She doesn't feel safe (yet?). All feels really hard and pointless, like it takes SO much effort to pretend I want to stay alive, but I think it would take even more effort to be honest, cos that means saying why I don't want to, which is pretty much "flashbacks" and I don't want to talk about them cos talking about them is really triggering. Bleh.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Its funny how its easier to cry and be sad than it is to be happy and to not care. i wish i didn't care
    I knew addressing my problems and seeing counsellor would make everything worse its just brought everything to the concious and having an extremely bad time at the moment.
    Keep hitting myself and its really bruising me and hurting my hand. i feel so f****** mental
    It's making me feel even more anxious and depressed and in fact i think its triggering the same depression i suffered from years ago. Every little thing that goes wrong is just making me incredibly anxious and im really worried im going to lose my friends and my boyfriend soon because of something crazy i might do. Im sooo fed up of this fight to even live my life normally
    :hugs: Have you mentioned to the counsellor how seeing them is making you feel? They might be able to try a different approach with you.

    Self-harm is never good, but remember that it doesn't make you 'mental' at all - it's just one of many coping mechanisms that people use when they're in a bad situation. If you're worried about losing people, I think the best thing to do is talk to one or two of them about how you feel. They should be able to reassure you, or make sure they don't let you push them away.

    (Original post by asdfgah)
    Not sure where I'm at or what I'm going to do. Feeling slightly less urgency than yesterday but when I remember I'm going to have another flashback again I just still don't think I can possibly do it. I'm also kind of angry that I'm in this position which is new. And annoying because it might mean I'm about to try fighting and I don't want to fight. I want to go back to feeling peaceful and knowing it will end soon so I don't know why I keep fighting. Just don't want to feel myself being hurt again, and I don't know how I possibly can.
    Fighting is important! :boxing: And you've every right to feel angry - might even be a good thing.

    (Original post by luno)
    Sorry for not posting. Hope everyone is as ok as they can be :hugs:.

    The past couple of weeks I have been having some sleep issues. I'm reading a book in bed and feel really tired and can feel my eyes getting heavy so it's time to sleep right? Wrong! As soon as I stop reading I'm tossing and turning and wide awake, unable to get comfortable despite feeling fine when I was falling asleep with my book.

    I do eventually fall asleep but a couple of times a night I suddenly wake up feeling anxious and scared. It's like a shock and I'm up looking around then going back to sleep.

    I have suffered from not being able to sleep in the past but it's never been like this and I have no idea how to help stop it. I can't remember my dreams and even when I do it is nothing that would make me feel anxious.
    Awwr sleep issues really suck. :console: When I have problems getting off to sleep I drink herbal tea with valerian in it, and it helps a lot more than I'd expected. I think the brand I have is by Clipper, and it's called sleep easy or something like that (too lazy to go check ).

    (Original post by HmMusic)
    I've had another good day today. I feel happy. We went to town again and had Pizza Express, then went to the ice cream parlour and had waffles, then my BF let me go crazy in Lush, so I bought a huge bath bomb and a massage bar. I'm especially looking forward to getting a nice back massage because it has been aching like crazy today. They were also giving out free face mask pots, and they gave me two because of being pregnant, which was really really sweet. Sooo I put the face mask on and had a bath with bomb... I seem to always be in the bath! And now I am all relaxed, soft and sweetly smelling. If they weren't so bloody expensive I would use them all the time!

    Another big thing that I haven't told anyone on here about and might come as a surprise... My dreadlock stuff arrived today. I have wanted them for about 4 years, and was hoping to get them in a year or so but I'm not going to have much time to get them after the baby is here so now is fine.

    I want to be more like 18 year old me, before depression. I feel that since I have had all these thyroid problems and gained weight I have become more boring and reserved with how I look. I used to wear bright colours, shopped at markets and hippy/vintage clothes shops, and had a unique bohemian style which I have pretty much lost since gaining all the weight. I need to look like myself again.

    Some of my anxiety comes a lot from the way I think people see me, so when I go out in brown jumpers and jeans and feeling rubbish then people would pay attention to my weight, or my dry hair or my spots, because that's all I give them to pay attention to. My theory is that if I make more effort to look how I want to, ie a bit more alternative, then people will see that instead.

    I know that dreadlocks have a lot of stigma; people don't like them and have misconceptions about them, but I would rather be the girl with dreadlocks, because it was my choice. It's about gaining control again. It might not make sense to many people but it makes sense to me.

    Besides one of the things I would love my son to learn from me is to always be himself, never be a sheep, so getting dreadlocks is a good way to start.

    That was a bit of an essay! I guess I just wanted to get it out there.

    There you go.


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    Makes me smile seeing happy posts from you.

    (Original post by vergo97)
    Hi guys
    :hello:

    (Original post by DZJX)
    Hi, I'm not really new to this website or the Mental Health section. I've never posted in this thread though. Does anyone else feel as though it wont 'get better' as all the self help websites tell you. I've been unhappy for a good few years now and I keep getting unhappier as I get older. I just want to be a kid or a teen again with no worries or responsibilities. not that I really have any now, I'm just finishing my second year of Uni, living at home - halls wasn't for me. But I cant help feel stressed out about my future, getting a job, being alone. I hate that I never do anything about my situation but feel so helpless to do so. I've done so crap at uni this year as well. all my deadlines are Tuesday and I've hardly done anything, I'm gonna get 40% at most. I feel like my life is just one failure after another, I don't feel in control of it like I'm just waiting for the next bad thing to happen to me. I'm also really lonely and only have one close friend. I had to cut all my other friends off as they are just horrible, so that is a step in the right direction as I do feel better without them. its just life didn't really turn out the way I expected it to. Life was so much better in high school there was no pressure, I wish i could rewind time to 2007 and be 15 again. Sorry for rambling, Im not sure why I wrote all that, just going through a hard time and needed to put it somewhere.
    I feel the same sometimes (except the bit about life being better at school :yucky:) - over the past eight years I've had progressively longer and more intense periods of depression, so it can be pretty hard to feel optimistic when I think about it. But I still get some pretty good patches here and there, and what's happened in the past doesn't necessarily dictate what'll happen in the future, I also find it's helpful to try and be active in starting new hobbies, or doing stuff that makes me feel better about the world/myself. So I try and take advantage of the better times to help tide me over through the worse.

    This thread is also really helpful in making you feel less alone, so I'd recommend posting as much as you like.

    (Original post by -FireFlies-)
    Rant for myself so spoilered

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    Dear Firefly,

    You need to get a grip on reality, your such an embarrassment to me and everyone else around you. Look at you! Your weak, shattered inside, you have no energy to do anything.. You waste vital oxygen that can be for someone else in need. Why are you even still breathing? You're a waste of space.

    If you can't get over what happened to yourself in a year then what can you get over?! You deserve everything that comes your way and you know that. You fail at everything, the doctors and nurses think so and know so aswell. They talk behind your back yano, the laugh at you and how you go mad each night. Your just a bloomin' mess. Go on, go and purge now.. You know you want to. Or better still go discharge yourself from here and give the bed to someone who actually deserves it! Cause you don't you really don't.

    From,
    Your brain/voices.





    Posted from TSR Mobile
    I know it's hard to counter these kinds of thoughts, but just wanted to say I think you're way better than you give yourself credit for. :yep:

    (Original post by lethean girl)
    Hello! I'm new around these parts. I'm lethean girl, and I'm in the loony bin with anorexia nervosa, anxiety, and depression. It looks like I might be welcome in here. c:

    How is everyone today? I only awoke at around eight, and am feeling pretty rubbish. I'm terrified of exam season, which starts for me on Tuesday; I haven't had the chance to study, having been in hospital since August, and I can't think about exams without turning into a little gasping, sobbing ball of nervous tics. ;~; Perhaps I never was clever; perhaps I've just reached the point of the exam system at which I can no longer bovine-excrement my way through everything. sigh.
    Hey, welcome to the society, and I'm sorry to hear you're in hospital. The boredom getting to you much? I was in hospital a couple of years ago and the boredom was unimaginable!

    (Original post by CherryCherryBoomBoom)
    I dunno really why i still post here anymore tbh. Fair enough no one can here can help me and I am merely just venting. I'm also very annoyed as not even my own boyfriend isn't really being here for me like he said he would when I'm going through difficult times. He's buggered off to watch football while i've just been sat in my bed crying. Crying cos I can't get a job and now crying cos I feel like my boyfriend's not very bothered about me anymore. I guess that's my life then, everyone just taking advantage of me and no one truly appreciative or giving me a chance. Any time life will stop massively disappointing me all the time? :sigh:
    :hugs: Sorry things still aren't so great for you. Any luck finding a job?

    (Original post by Mouse Potato)
    Awh thank you! My uni is being so supportive, I've been really amazed at how lovely everyone is. Wow, 2 years is a long time, I'm so glad you've managed to go back!

    I've talked it through and decided that it really wasn't the right time to move in together. We'll have plenty of time in the future, and I don't feel I'm in the right place mentally to start that next stage of our relationship. After a lot of thinking I've now decided that I'm going to apply for campus housing on medical grounds. My OCD and anxiety make it pretty hard to share my space with other people sometimes, and at least this way I can have my own bathroom and a lock on my door (I hate hate hate other people coming into my room unless I've specifically invited them to come in). The kitchen will be professionally cleaned three times a week as well which is much better for me, I shared with 7 people last year and the kitchen was always revolting and it was so upsetting. My CPN also thinks it's a better idea because if I have another episode of psychosis (not on antipsychotics at the moment after a really bad reaction to abilify) or relapse into depression, there's more of a support network than if I'm off campus. So I'm feeling a bit less stressed about it now which is nice. Hopefully it will also mean I'm in more in the same boat as the people I live with in terms of moving into a group of unknown people, so I'll have more chance of making some friends. Meeting new people makes me feel really anxious, but I'm trying to stay positive and look forward to this new chapter of my life.

    The only problem now is that a big part of my care-plan is my pets, since they help me stay calm when I'm freaking out and give me something to focus on. All my pets have been rescues, and throwing myself into helping them has really helped me. It makes a big difference to me to have them around. I'm sort of willing to leave my hamster at home because my parents have kept hamsters for years and will take good care of her, plus I'll be visiting a lot for treatment so I'll get to see her anyway. But my gerbil is like my best friend and I don't want to leave her behind. I don't know, it sounds stupid but it really feels like we've been through a lot together - she would have been put down if I didn't adopt her, and it feels kind of like she's repaid that a thousand times with all the occasions she's calmed me down. I was allowed to keep her last year on medical grounds in university managed off-campus housing, so I'm really hoping they'll let me bring her to campus but it's making me really worried in case they say no. My CPN is putting it in my supporting letter because she knows how important my animals are to me, and the university haven't said no yet, but I hate not knowing!!
    Thanks. It was tough going back to uni after so long away, but I'm really glad that I decided to do it.

    Glad you managed to talk things over. :yy: Sounds like you're being pretty sensible about what's good for you right now, so hopefully you'll have made the right decision.

    You have pets? :teeth: Wanna see pictures! Really hope you get to keep them (you could always try just sneaking them in :ninja:) - I've been wanting to get pet mice for ages, and even just the thought of having them in the future helps keep me going.

    (Original post by Kayannk)
    Hi guys! Thought now would be a good time to introduce myself instead of stalking this thread like I usually do!

    I'm Kay, I'm from Liverpool and I have depression and anxiety.
    Hello! Welcome to the society.

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    :eek: TSR just let me rep you for the first time in about a year... Weird... Long time no speak, how be you?
    Not so bad, not so good. I'm mostly fine when doing zero stress activities, but talk to me about uni and I'll likely burst out crying. How're you, and which anon are you now (gets so confusing when we change threads...)?

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Have had a really bad few days lately and last night i went out for my best friends birthday. Was having a great time until i ended up getting as drunk as anything and breaking down in front of my friends, i was so embarrassed they couldn't understand why i suddenly started crying. So i don't think alcohol helps at all with how im feeling lately. At one point i was sat outside just staring at the floor and i had this feeling come over me that i had never felt before. It was possibly the scariest and most horrid feeling i had ever felt. A thought came into my head and spun in my mind for about a minute and then disappeared. I was really really frightened. I didn't even feel like me. I felt like i was watching myself in a movie or something. Im really scared that this is taking a hold of me as last night for that few minutes was the weirdest and most depressed i had ever felt
    im scared of myself, i feel i may do something stupid and im losing control, im unpredictable
    :console: Happens to all of us at some time or other - no need to feel ashamed or anything, just try not to make it a regular thing.

    (Original post by allthetime)
    So my day yesterday ended up with me having to tell my boss I was hearing voices.

    There is NO understanding of my MH issues at work, I have tried to discuss things with my manager but she just doesn't understand.

    I started having a panic attack at work yesterday and I needed to leave. Having EID means that when things get that bad I'm not thinking straight and its hard for me to keep myself safe or act appropriately.

    My manager's approach is "Take 5 and breathe for a minute." As if I wasn't ****ing breathing before!!!

    The only way I could express how bad I was feeling was to tell her I'm hearing voices. It wasn't true this time, but things were headed that way.

    I have to go back to work tomorrow and she'll probably want a "little chat" about it. I can't cope

    Sorry for the rant, I'm really low and whenever this happens (its pretty rare) I feel like its a win for the EID.
    Unfortunately there are a lot of people out there who aren't too educated about mental health stuff - possibly your manager would like to help, but doesn't know how? You could try printing off a leaflet or two for her to read if you think it would help.

    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    I hate to start the thread off with a negative moany post but seriously, right now everything can go **** itself. I don't want to revise, I don't want to move out of uni, I don't want to still be at uni, and I don't ****ing want to be here. :sad:

    Grumpy just about sums me up. Very grumpy. More pissed at my existance than anything else though.
    Grump grump grump! Hope you're feeling better by now. I'm covered in bruises from my pole class.

    (Original post by FuzzySheep)
    Feeling pretty awful. Exams coming up and can't revise, too scared to go into the kitchen to get something to eat, feeling all round hopeless at the moment, like there is no point in anything, anxiety is there but I can't think of a practical way around it than to stay in bed. I don't know what to do. As it's been like this for a while, I might see the Dr and personal tutor, might help to get some exam help at least.

    :jumphug: to everyone.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Poor Fuzzy. Hope you get some good help soon.

    (Original post by Team_McDreamy)
    mood seems to have plateaued out at a constant low. hopefully it will remain like this for the next two weeks so i can get my exams done. fluctuating moods always bring out the worst in me and suck all motivation away. then i have three free months and my mood can do **** all because hopefully i wont have to study.

    potentially ED triggering?
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    i've been having a fat couple of days. fat fat fat.

    eaten so much chocolate and cake and sweets. tonight i ate a whole bag of microwave popcorn in the space of 20 minutes. i have no frickin self control - i shove disgusting fattening foods down everyday and feel guilty about it, and then i repeat it all the next day. blerrr.

    been thinking about the comment the other day (dont really want to go and find the quote, sorry ) about me doing exercise instead of thinking about eating, and i completely agree. i just cannot stop thinking about the food. it sits in my mind as i eat it, and when i finish eating it all comes pouring out and i feel terrible.
    Remind me if you're getting help for your MH problems? Sounds like you've got some serious guilt going on with regards to eating, and hopefully if you can deal with that a bit life will get a lot easier for you.

    (Original post by SciFiRory)
    having a bad night, can't sleep and just really no idea what if any future I am supposed to have now, the only things keeping me going in life right now are my girlfriend, family and my political views and the utterly remote and feint hope they will come to fruition, which they won't, at all in fact, most likely the opposite will happen.

    **** knows what I would do if I didn't have my girlfriend and family to support me and stuff or my Socialism to believe in, without these things then the entity that is me ceases to exist for all intents and purposes.

    been acting like im all okay and strong to my girlfriend for last few weeks as well cause she is struggling herself, but I dont know how much longer I can keep that up (not much I guess as she's bound to read this so there you go. sigh.)

    Spoiler:
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    I think I should just accept I can't function as an actual adult human being and just not even try, gonna give control of my money and stuff to my mum and just live off whatever she lets me have cause I don't trust myself with money, on top of that just gonna do **** knows what, can't do Uni, definitely can't do a job, so I have no idea, I'm just a ****ing retarded ****ed up **** of a person.
    Don't give up the fight, comrade! Always remember that a) you're awesome, and b) one day the mentally ill shall take over the earth/at the very least an island with a mansion and a moat and an orchard and teeny tiny ponies.

    (Original post by ANONYM00SE)
    Going to throw a hissy fit....... every time I write a long PM or comment and put **** loads of time and effort into thinking etc....... MY INTERNET CUTS OUT AND DOESN'T AUTO STORE IT ........ grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
    Do you use firefox? I've got an add on called Lazarus which allows you to recover messages/forms, and it's really useful.

    (Original post by rmhumphries)
    Done Handed it in at 15:05 today. Now just got to try and get coursework for one module done by Friday, and all done Really proud of myself for getting it done without an extension and everything
    WOOPWOOPWOOPWOOP

    (Original post by Nut.)
    Typical.

    I shower for first time in 3 days, then less than half an hour later I smell like smoke and general acrid-ness (it's a word, people) because my attempt to make soup led to a saucepan catching fire.
    Add to that burns on fingers and it's really not cool.

    And I'm hungryyyy and I can't even go to the shops for non-cooking food until the pan is cooled under the fire blanket in case it explodes (or something), but I also can't watch it from the kitchen because of All Of The Smoke. Silly Nut.
    Bad Nut.. I've set pans on fire before, kind of exciting I reckon!

    (Original post by HmMusic)
    I feel like a freak and a failure for being so stupid and oblivious to this whole situation for 6 and a half months. I hate it. Want it all to be a bad dream.
    Come on, it's your doctor who's the dumbass, not you. :hugs:

    (Original post by Tyrion_Lannister)
    Found out I probably have PTSD from something that happened when I was a kid and that's why I'm having massive anxiety attacks now :unsure: Four month wait to get it sorted...I've been waiting since November already. NHS mental health is a joke :eek:
    I hope the diagnosis helps.

    (Original post by 08batee)
    Spent the entire day sobbing I can't put into words how hopeless I feel


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    :jumphug:

    (Original post by Delain)
    So my mum's told me that her work are trying to finish her because she has a really ****ing bad shoulder WHICH THEY CAUSED TO BEGIN WITH from working in a really ****ty repetitive job that has caused strain to the point she's had to have countless operations and procedures on it. What ****ers! Oh and my gran is really ill and we don't think she has long left. This is a ****ty start to the week coupled with the **** up on the job interview I was meant to have today. *sigh*
    Really sucks about your mum - is she member of a trade union or anything who could fight on her behalf? Or she could try getting advice from the Citizens' Advice Bureau?

    I hope your gran gets better.

    (Original post by -FireFlies-)
    Has anyone else absolutely had freak weather today? Like literally one minute it's sunny the next it's still sunny but hailstones and then it's snow... Weird I tell ya!


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Meeeeeee! There was thunder and lightning, plus snowy hailstones and wind and sunshine-y craziness!

    (Original post by Sultana)
    Today I managed to put clothes on and go out for a walk. just pulling a jumper on over my pjamas felt like climbing Mount Everest, but I'm glad I managed.
    Finally found out how to get on to all the open space behind the estate, so spent hours just wandering around all these fields without seeing any other people the whole time. Cryed lots, but different tears to normal - almost like the healing good for you tears. Felt free. Felt the calmest I've felt in a long long time. Feel kinda at peace with my decision now and even though as soon as I left the fields I felt all suffocating again its not so bad because I know what to do now.

    Hope everyone else is keeping well and carrying on okay :grouphugs:
    Glad you managed to get outside, but bit concerned about what this decision is... :hmmm:

    (Original post by FuzzySheep)
    It's my fault. I'm a hopeless case and don't deserve to exist and she picked it up in 30 minutes. If someone paid to talk to and console you says the above then there really is no hope me. She knew I was worthless and wants me gone too.
    Wrong wrong wrong! You're awesome and totally deserving, so don't you go believing otherwise. :hugs:

    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    Took my meds 2hours ago, normally I go to sleep within 30mins of taking them. Today I haven't. Typing reeeeally slow, it's like my fingers belong to someone else. I can barely lift my hands from the desk, feels like they're made of lead, and my wife informs me I'm slurring my words a load too. My mind is moving so slowly. I feel incredibly drugged up - really don't like this, I don't think this can be good for me and I've been doing this every night for years now!! Definitely not good for me. :no:
    Anything different happen in your day, like drinking/taking other meds too? I agree that it wouldn't be good if this was a longer-term problem, but try not to worry if it's only happened the once. :hugs:

    (Original post by meganht)
    Hello guys!
    I have posted on this before, but right back at the beginning of the last thread, so I best introduce myself again. I'm Megan, I suffer with an eating disorder, anxiety, depression and severe self harm.
    As I'm still under 18, I'm under CAMHS care, but unfortunately mine are a load of ****. I was hospitalised for a weekend 6 months ago and got an emergency referral, but due to budget cuts and being understaffed I STILL don't have a regular treatment team....
    What's anyone else's experience with CAMHS/treatment waiting lists?
    Take care!


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Welcome back. I've found that waiting lists are almost always ridiculously long - not had experience with CAMHS myself, but I hope they'll start helping you properly soon.

    (Original post by HmMusic)
    I can't stop thinking about how ruined my life is. I just want to give up everything and start again or go back in time to September and make sure I took my tablets because that's what caused this whole mess. I emailed my mental health advisor saying how much I couldn't cope, and she emailed back saying I can, but I don't believe her. I feel overwhelmed. I have no one to talk to here. I can't phone my dad because he doesn't understand depression and anything he says will only make me feel worse. I can't go into Uni and face people. I think if I go outside then I will just have a panic attack. Everyone else is at work. If I ask my friend to come over I will panic because of the state the house is in. I'm useless. I'm going to be a horrible mum. I can't cope with this.
    Your life isn't ruined, it's just turning out different from expected. And I reckon you'll be a great mum!
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    (Original post by HmMusic)
    I can't stop thinking about how ruined my life is. I just want to give up everything and start again or go back in time to September and make sure I took my tablets because that's what caused this whole mess. I emailed my mental health advisor saying how much I couldn't cope, and she emailed back saying I can, but I don't believe her. I feel overwhelmed. I have no one to talk to here. I can't phone my dad because he doesn't understand depression and anything he says will only make me feel worse. I can't go into Uni and face people. I think if I go outside then I will just have a panic attack. Everyone else is at work. If I ask my friend to come over I will panic because of the state the house is in. I'm useless. I'm going to be a horrible mum. I can't cope with this.
    I know you think you've ruined your life, but honestly you haven't. You've made it through some situations I wouldn't have. You're an amazing and caring person, I am certain you'll make it through this. I know for a fact you'll be an incredible mum, with your very supportive partner, friends and family by your side.
    • #1
    #1

    (Original post by superwolf)
    Not so bad, not so good. I'm mostly fine when doing zero stress activities, but talk to me about uni and I'll likely burst out crying. How're you, and which anon are you now (gets so confusing when we change threads...)?
    Still anon. no. 1 - 3rd thread in a row! I think that just says I spend too much time online though... Meh, not doing very well. Things are fluctuating a lot and feeling pretty shaky and unsettled and unsupported/lonely for various reasons. Very confused as to what path to take at the moment!
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    (Original post by superwolf)
    :hugs: Have you mentioned to the counsellor how seeing them is making you feel? They might be able to try a different approach with you.

    Self-harm is never good, but remember that it doesn't make you 'mental' at all - it's just one of many coping mechanisms that people use when they're in a bad situation. If you're worried about losing people, I think the best thing to do is talk to one or two of them about how you feel. They should be able to reassure you, or make sure they don't let you push them away.



    Fighting is important! :boxing: And you've every right to feel angry - might even be a good thing.



    Awwr sleep issues really suck. :console: When I have problems getting off to sleep I drink herbal tea with valerian in it, and it helps a lot more than I'd expected. I think the brand I have is by Clipper, and it's called sleep easy or something like that (too lazy to go check ).



    Makes me smile seeing happy posts from you.



    :hello:



    I feel the same sometimes (except the bit about life being better at school :yucky:) - over the past eight years I've had progressively longer and more intense periods of depression, so it can be pretty hard to feel optimistic when I think about it. But I still get some pretty good patches here and there, and what's happened in the past doesn't necessarily dictate what'll happen in the future, I also find it's helpful to try and be active in starting new hobbies, or doing stuff that makes me feel better about the world/myself. So I try and take advantage of the better times to help tide me over through the worse.

    This thread is also really helpful in making you feel less alone, so I'd recommend posting as much as you like.



    I know it's hard to counter these kinds of thoughts, but just wanted to say I think you're way better than you give yourself credit for. :yep:



    Hey, welcome to the society, and I'm sorry to hear you're in hospital. The boredom getting to you much? I was in hospital a couple of years ago and the boredom was unimaginable!



    :hugs: Sorry things still aren't so great for you. Any luck finding a job?



    Thanks. It was tough going back to uni after so long away, but I'm really glad that I decided to do it.

    Glad you managed to talk things over. :yy: Sounds like you're being pretty sensible about what's good for you right now, so hopefully you'll have made the right decision.

    You have pets? :teeth: Wanna see pictures! Really hope you get to keep them (you could always try just sneaking them in :ninja:) - I've been wanting to get pet mice for ages, and even just the thought of having them in the future helps keep me going.



    Hello! Welcome to the society.



    Not so bad, not so good. I'm mostly fine when doing zero stress activities, but talk to me about uni and I'll likely burst out crying. How're you, and which anon are you now (gets so confusing when we change threads...)?



    :console: Happens to all of us at some time or other - no need to feel ashamed or anything, just try not to make it a regular thing.



    Unfortunately there are a lot of people out there who aren't too educated about mental health stuff - possibly your manager would like to help, but doesn't know how? You could try printing off a leaflet or two for her to read if you think it would help.



    Grump grump grump! Hope you're feeling better by now. I'm covered in bruises from my pole class.



    Poor Fuzzy. Hope you get some good help soon.



    Remind me if you're getting help for your MH problems? Sounds like you've got some serious guilt going on with regards to eating, and hopefully if you can deal with that a bit life will get a lot easier for you.



    Don't give up the fight, comrade! Always remember that a) you're awesome, and b) one day the mentally ill shall take over the earth/at the very least an island with a mansion and a moat and an orchard and teeny tiny ponies.



    Do you use firefox? I've got an add on called Lazarus which allows you to recover messages/forms, and it's really useful.



    WOOPWOOPWOOPWOOP



    Bad Nut.. I've set pans on fire before, kind of exciting I reckon!



    Come on, it's your doctor who's the dumbass, not you. :hugs:



    I hope the diagnosis helps.



    :jumphug:



    Really sucks about your mum - is she member of a trade union or anything who could fight on her behalf? Or she could try getting advice from the Citizens' Advice Bureau?

    I hope your gran gets better.



    Meeeeeee! There was thunder and lightning, plus snowy hailstones and wind and sunshine-y craziness!



    Glad you managed to get outside, but bit concerned about what this decision is... :hmmm:



    Wrong wrong wrong! You're awesome and totally deserving, so don't you go believing otherwise. :hugs:



    Anything different happen in your day, like drinking/taking other meds too? I agree that it wouldn't be good if this was a longer-term problem, but try not to worry if it's only happened the once. :hugs:



    Welcome back. I've found that waiting lists are almost always ridiculously long - not had experience with CAMHS myself, but I hope they'll start helping you properly soon.



    Your life isn't ruined, it's just turning out different from expected. And I reckon you'll be a great mum!
    I've missed your mega quotes!
    I have chrome, I now copy and paste everything
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    ****ing sick of all the stupid ****ing triggers everyday :cry:

    Lots of loud music to try to block the bad stuff out


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    oh wow, did not expect to sleep that long still tired as well, wtf is up with my body right now
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    (Original post by superwolf)
    Bad Nut.. I've set pans on fire before, kind of exciting I reckon!
    Yeah it was pretty bad of me. Still, if people ask in future why I'm not cooking I can just say I'm scared of starting fires.

    I put oil in, was like "oh it's all bubbly and too hot so I'd better take it off the heat", picked up the pan, THEN it caught fire. Glad I'm not one of those people who screams and drops things otherwise might have genuinely set kitchen on fire. Whoooooops.

    The really stupid thing is how long I stood in a very smokey kitchen before thinking "hmm this might not be safe/ good for my lungs".
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    (Original post by meganht)
    Hello guys!
    I have posted on this before, but right back at the beginning of the last thread, so I best introduce myself again. I'm Megan, I suffer with an eating disorder, anxiety, depression and severe self harm.
    As I'm still under 18, I'm under CAMHS care, but unfortunately mine are a load of ****.
    Spoiler:
    Show
    I was hospitalised for a weekend 6 months ago and got an emergency referral, but due to budget cuts and being understaffed I STILL don't have a regular treatment team....

    What's anyone else's experience with CAMHS/treatment waiting lists?
    can this please get spoilered? pretty upsetting to wake up and read, and i know others have felt the same

    (Original post by Sarah')
    ****ing sick of all the stupid ****ing triggers everyday :cry:

    Lots of loud music to try to block the bad stuff out ]
    we can get through this day together :hugs:

    (Original post by SciFiRory)
    oh wow, did not expect to sleep that long still tired as well, wtf is up with my body right now
    but you have a beautiful text to reply to and no annoying girlfriend to wake you up :lovehug:
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    (Original post by PonchoKid)
    but you have a beautiful text to reply to and no annoying girlfriend to wake you up :lovehug:
    I do I wish I did though, that would at least wake me up, on my own there is nothing to prevent my body from hibernating :/

    :lovehug:
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    BF is going to be pissed with me on Friday night :/ Great way to start our lives living together. :nn: ****ing idiot.
 
 
 
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