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Told a friend I like her..... Watch

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hmm sounds like a bit of an extreme case there. Yeah I agree you do get girls who can seem like they are leading you on. However I think both parties are often at fault and it's better for both to assume responsibility when this sort of situation arises.

    A lot of the time, guys who want to go out with their girl mates know they are 'friend zoned' to begin with. They fear rejection so think that by spending much more time with these girls and doing them favours, when it comes to asking them out, they will have a better shot. What happens in that period in between is a passage of gradual attachment and following rejection, it can be incredibly hard to deal with the fall out.

    I've been friendzoned, and my response after rejection was to resent and blame the girl's side. I thought I was spotting all the signs on her end; any small action meant something more and just it felt like I was constantly doing 'date-like' stuff with her without anything happening between us. I do think she took advantage of me at times, so no way is she totally innocent but I wasn't helping myself by staying in the friendship. Having cut contact, I bearly think of her nowadays. Taking on a new mindset of self-improvement and admitting that it was my fault for getting attached unconditionally, helped me move on and forget about her.
    By the way your approach in dealing with the situation is the right way to do it.. I am the same.

    When I have been in this situation to be honest, the trouble is, the girl usually never takes any responsibility for leading me on. Take the OP for example, he is reacting to her leading on signals.

    Hence, when this girl was flirting with the OP, it was hard for him to actually figure out that he was being friendzoned...often these type of women are not like platanoic female friends, one may have - who tend to not flirt, and just have a lot of banter.

    When the dust settles, I will put money on it, I bet she will blame him for overreacting.

    God, hate these type of girls. They do it deliberately, must be narcissistic.

    BTW attraction tbh is a lot more complicated than that, the girl I wrote about - once I got a GF, followed by no contact (that was how I got her back), she went on a 2 year persuit chasing me. Till this day, she finds ways to grab my attention - I never give it to her.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Quit whining, man up and move on. She hasn't done anything wrong. You are in control of your feelings and you only so clearly investing in this girl so much was a mistake. Yes you can blame her for 'leading you on' but at the end of the day if you've got some clingy guy giving you attention like that, it's no wonder she'll want you in her life.

    She clearly isn't interested and none of the 4 points you've mentioned suggest to me that she considers you as boyfriend material. Don't make out you're still in there with a shot cos you're just kidding yourself and looking for an ego boost after rejection.

    Source: Been there and no how it feels. Don't play the blame game and resent her cos she's not going to take any notice. You need to change your mindset and face reality.
    Some clingy guy? Clingy Guy?! haha! I am far from clingy! What gave you that impression?! I will and have done not text her for days or double text her waiting for a response love how you seem to have gathered that from my ramblings, yes it may come across as clingy at the fact at how much I'm worrying but have I ever gone to her and moaned at her for not texting back or double texting. **** NO.


    (Original post by fat_hobbit)
    To be fair on the OP, she did play him in such a way by getting him to open up and emotionally invest.

    What often happens with these type of women, they do that, then try and switch the blame onto you.
    Play me is a strong word but I do wonder why she asked me to open up if there was nothing there. Doesn't really explain the mixed signals. But if there isn't anything there, I will be pissed off as I would feel like a right **** if I open up and there wasn't anything there, as I had already told her how I felt, it had been close to a week and she asked me more information on how I felt and she isn't a manipulative person, but whether or not she was doing it without actually knowing she was doing it, is another matter.


    (Original post by Opuspocus)
    This girl sounds immature.


    It sounds to me as if she could be confused and really unsure about how to continue or what to do about the situation. She is probably trying to imagine what it would be like to be with you, how things might play out and how a relationship would be viewed from a social standpoint. That, in my opinion, is something that I believe a lot of girls do... They try to imagine how others would perceive the relationship, and that is why she is unsure and not being straight forward, that is why a lot of girls are always unsure and not straight forward when a guy says he has feelings like that. Those are a few reasons some do it anyway I think, and it is immature because in the end what other people think does not matter.

    I just think it is different for guys and they are more willing to take chances on things like this and go with the flow. They also don't care so much about social things when interested in a girl. If they are interested a lot will tell you honestly and sometimes quite bluntly. Girls get confused because when you do that, suddenly those images of a potential relationship with you flood their mind and they are unsure which action to take which causes unsurety and anxiousness, as they are emotional creatures. (Unless they have already made up their mind that they want to be with you or to see how things might go and have more of a mature personality) Then they will probably be ecstatic.


    Am I an expert on girls?? Certainly not... This is just my opinion on things from past experiences, a bit on analysis of relationship dynamics and female psychology related to this area.

    Now this sounds much like what another girl (from this site) has said - like a lot of what you said is what she has said to me about it. That she could be unsure and is why there is the mixed signals and from experience from people around our social circle, I am not well liked by A LOT of people and he said she may be unsure because of that, in the fact that why would she go out with someone that not a lot of people like and how that would reflect on her, its childish as it should only matter how she feels at the end of the day, but as you say women are emotional creatures.



    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I get what you are saying but he is the one who chose to emotionally invest, not her. Maybe it's cos me and you have both experienced this situation before but the OP is clearly misinterpreting signals here. If a girl gives you attention it does not mean she is into you or that she is 'playing you' so to speak. He thinks he's in with a shot cos she texts him first, confides in deep conversations with him etc.....whereas to me, that means nothing.
    Oh wow, so your kinda being arse backwards about the whole thing, this whole time I thought if a girl texts you first all the time then she could be chasing and that guys should never text first all the time it connotes neediness and a sign of genuine interest is one that where girls text first and there is clear flirtatious interactions. Or am I wrong in this whole thing and should not text anyone for that matter.


    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Another point- the OP is also trying to make himself the victim here cos he's complaining about the way she's treated him yet still sticks around. If you feel that way about a so-called 'friend', then the obvious thing to do is to cut contact and move on. It's not rocket science.

    Most guys don't take this advice and just carry on pursuing. If the OP just mans up and says 'I can't be friends with you cos I want more than that and it would be unfair for me to continue in a friendship I'm comfortable in', I can guarantee a year from now he won't think two hoots about her.
    Im trying to sound like the victim? how so? Because I don't feel like the victim at all, intact just last week she was making out that she was the victim out of something that she done to me, and I put some distance between us and she didnt like it - oh right and I'm clingy
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    I don't really see the problem. You should have cut her out of your life a long time ago, but it seems as though you take the chance at any hint that she likes you back as an excuse to stay in contact with her. No offence, but from an outsider's perspective it's slightly pathetic (I don't mean to disrespect you)

    I'd move on in this case.
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    (Original post by It's a Classic)
    I don't really see the problem. You should have cut her out of your life a long time ago, but it seems as though you take the chance at any hint that she likes you back as an excuse to stay in contact with her. No offence, but from an outsider's perspective it's slightly pathetic (I don't mean to disrespect you)

    I'd move on in this case.
    i can't just cut someone out my life I've known for 5-6years mate, if it was someone new then yeah of course id understand but i can't just cut her out my life. I'm sorry, I either want to try and sort out a friendship (in time, if things don't work out which is looking likely but I still don't know what's going on so I just go to live my life) or the obvious. I'm not just cutting out someone who has helped me through so much in 5-6years, I'm sorry.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Play me is a strong word but I do wonder why she asked me to open up if there was nothing there. Doesn't really explain the mixed signals. But if there isn't anything there, I will be pissed off as I would feel like a right **** if I open up and there wasn't anything there, as I had already told her how I felt, it had been close to a week and she asked me more information on how I felt and she isn't a manipulative person, but whether or not she was doing it without actually knowing she was doing it, is another matter.
    We have all been there.

    She is enjoying the attention.
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    (Original post by fat_hobbit)

    Then you get girls (the one's I generally like), who are just so chilled out and make you feel good. JulietheCat on here is a great example of that type.
    Why, thank you :blush:
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    (Original post by JulietheCat)
    Why, thank you :blush:
    ha, you are so cute with the emoticons.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    ha, you are so cute with the emoticons.
    lol, anon.

    hiding from Julie the Cat.
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    (Original post by It's a Classic)
    I don't really see the problem. You should have cut her out of your life a long time ago, but it seems as though you take the chance at any hint that she likes you back as an excuse to stay in contact with her. No offence, but from an outsider's perspective it's slightly pathetic (I don't mean to disrespect you)

    I'd move on in this case.
    I agree with this. I think he may be mistaking the attention she gives him for 'signs' that there ever was interest from her side. Guys in the friendzone often put more emphasis on the girl's actions towards them than may be intended. He says he's known her 5/6 years so my question is why has it taken so long to make the move? It was always doomed to fail.
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    (Original post by fat_hobbit)
    We have all been there.

    She is enjoying the attention.
    If a girl was interested in me, I'd want to know what it was about me she found so great. My advice to the OP- don't lay your cards out until you know she's into you the same way. You shouldn't have to open up to her in an emotional way, how is she going to find that sexy?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I agree with this. I think he may be mistaking the attention she gives him for 'signs' that there ever was interest from her side. Guys in the friendzone often put more emphasis on the girl's actions towards them than may be intended. He says he's known her 5/6 years so my question is why has it taken so long to make the move? It was always doomed to fail.
    Was never interested in the first place. You can grow to like someone you know.


    (Original post by Anonymous)
    If a girl was interested in me, I'd want to know what it was about me she found so great. My advice to the OP- don't lay your cards out until you know she's into you the same way. You shouldn't have to open up to her in an emotional way, how is she going to find that sexy?
    The way you do things are a bit arse backwards aren't they?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Was never interested in the first place. You can grow to like someone you know.




    The way you do things are a bit arse backwards aren't they?
    No not really. I've been in your position before, did something about it and have been in two long term relationships since so I know what I'm talking about. From the sounds of it you have never had a girlfriend and remain intent on staying in a pathetic friendship with someone who finds you you sexually unattractive. You maintain this facade about her flirting with you all the time yet won't admit she's led you on. Now all you have left is a situation where you've put her needs above your own and whine about how you feel like crap.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Was never interested in the first place. You can grow to like someone you know.




    The way you do things are a bit arse backwards aren't they?
    Arse backwards? Funny cos that's exactly how I'd describe someone who can't even ask a girl out face to face. Actions speak louder than words in any case.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Arse backwards? Funny cos that's exactly how I'd describe someone who can't even ask a girl out face to face. Actions speak louder than words in any case.
    hahaahahahahahah!!

    If you actually knew me then this would be laughable. Did I or did I not ask to meet up? Hmmmmm

    Have I asked girls out face to face in the past. Yes. So why be a massive douche?

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    No not really. I've been in your position before, did something about it and have been in two long term relationships since so I know what I'm talking about. From the sounds of it you have never had a girlfriend and remain intent on staying in a pathetic friendship with someone who finds you you sexually unattractive. You maintain this facade about her flirting with you all the time yet won't admit she's led you on. Now all you have left is a situation where you've put her needs above your own and whine about how you feel like crap.
    "Pathetic Friendship" My arse. But hey you don't know either of us do you. Was I or was I not the man who put distance between us? Yes yes I was. Was I or was I not, the guy who received a message from her wanting to start talking again. Yes I was. Does this define as chasing or standing firm. I think standing firm is the better option to choose here.

    Put her needs above my own? Very much doubt it considering Im going to tell her whats going to happen in that I need closure and to actually hear her say the words that I'm expecting her to say so I can cut her out for a short period of time so I can move on. But I know that she'll come crawling back.

    So who is the one trying to move on from it all? Oh right. Me!
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    Mate , get shot of her.

    She is not good for you.

    And from experience , people come and go anyway. You might feel like you are obliged to stay friends out of knowing her for 4 years, but in this day and age it means very little.

    When she gets married , she will dissapear for example. It's happened to me with my friends.


    (Original post by Anonymous)
    hahaahahahahahah!!

    If you actually knew me then this would be laughable. Did I or did I not ask to meet up? Hmmmmm

    Have I asked girls out face to face in the past. Yes. So why be a massive douche?



    You sound like an egotistical c**t to be honest.

    "Pathetic Friendship" My arse. But hey you don't know either of us do you. Was I or was I not the man who put distance between us? Yes yes I was. Was I or was I not, the guy who received a message from her wanting to start talking again. Yes I was. Does this define as chasing or standing firm. I think standing firm is the better option to choose here.

    Put her needs above my own? Very much doubt it considering Im going to tell her whats going to happen in that I need closure and to actually hear her say the words that I'm expecting her to say so I can cut her out for a short period of time so I can move on. But I know that she'll come crawling back.

    So who is the one trying to move on from it all? Oh right. Me! So f**k off with your judging you don't know what the f**k I've been through.
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    (Original post by Bulbasaur)
    I don't get all this bull****. Seriously, why is telling a girl you like them a bad move if they like you back O.o
    Guys read on the internet that treating them mean/pretending you don't like them/you're not interested works, and then try it in real life. It eventually works once on a stupid girl and then they become a believer and start preaching it to others.
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    (Original post by UniMastermindBOSS)
    Guys read on the internet that treating them mean/pretending you don't like them/you're not interested works, and then try it in real life. It eventually works once on a stupid girl and then they become a believer and start preaching it to others.
    Yet all the girls i've spoken to on here or in person say a guy should just come out and say it if you like them.

    Funny old things relationships.
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    (Original post by UniMastermindBOSS)
    Guys read on the internet that treating them mean/pretending you don't like them/you're not interested works, and then try it in real life. It eventually works once on a stupid girl and then they become a believer and start preaching it to others.
    It does work, if she is already attracted to you.

    People want things that they can't get. Same principle applies here.

    I have had women right, when I am playing that way , chase me like a rash...until I open up, and they get bored.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Was never interested in the first place. You can grow to like someone you know.




    The way you do things are a bit arse backwards aren't they?
    I understand that you can grow to like someone but mostly, the mutual attraction is there from the get go before friends become a couple.

    That's what happened with me and my flatmate. We like-liked each other almost immediately but we didn't act on it until a few months ago because at that time, we were in relationships.
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    (Original post by JulietheCat)
    I understand that you can grow to like someone but mostly, the mutual attraction is there from the get go before friends become a couple.

    That's what happened with me and my flatmate. We like-liked each other almost immediately but we didn't act on it until a few months ago because at that time, we were in relationships.
    dunno Julie, last girl I dated told me I wasn't her type at first.

    Has happened to my mates too. Who are now married.
 
 
 
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