Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

How do girls feel about being approached in the street? Watch

    • Section Leader
    • Political Ambassador
    • Reporter Team
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by cole-slaw)
    I have seen mixed views, this is true. I don't deny this.

    But that's not the point. The point is that it is impossible for you to tell at a glance which camp a stranger in the street falls into before you approach, so you have no way of knowing you're not about to harass them.

    Therefore, don't do it.

    I don't see how this is even a discussion. If there is even a small chance that your actions might cause someone distress, you'd have to be a thoughtless prick to go through with it.
    If you really believed that you wouldn't leave the house.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    Why has this thread gone mental?
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Ade9000)
    That's understandable. But again, if you refuse and you both go your separate ways, would you go home and say 'I was harassed by a random guy today'? That's what I'm getting at. cole-slaw refuses to acknowledge this, when this is not any different from approaching someone at the bar or club. Even with the social expectations, by his logic, you could still be guilty of harassment.
    But even if a guy took rejection well and we both went our separate ways, the girl was still put in that really uncomfortable (and quite frankly terrifying) position. I think trying to interact with strangers is best done in social environments like bars and clubs where people expect people to approach them. Approaching someone on the street just has a completely different tone, especially if you're alone. It's also pretty rude if the girl is on her way someone and a guy has just completely interrupted her.
    Offline

    4
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by ChelseaYvonne)
    But even if a guy took rejection well and we both went our separate ways, the girl was still put in that really uncomfortable (and quite frankly terrifying) position. I think trying to interact with strangers is best done in social environments like bars and clubs where people expect people to approach them. Approaching someone on the street just has a completely different tone, especially if you're alone. It's also pretty rude if the girl is on her way someone and a guy has just completely interrupted her.
    I'm not saying that you wouldn't be uncomfortable, you have that right. But all I'm asking, is if you would call it harassment. And how do you define a social environment? The street could fit that definition. Although I agree with in the sense that a bar or club is the best scenario to approach someone but it's not a hard and fast rule. As for being rude, that just depends on girl. Some girls might be flattered and give you the time of day. If the girl feels the guy is being rude, she'll be clear about.
    • #4
    #4

    For the majority of people there's such an obvious answer. If they're hot, you appreciate it.

    Even take it from a man's perspective, if a hot girl asked for your number, you would be over the moon. On the other hand if an unattractive girl asked you for your number you wouldn't...simple
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Ade9000)
    I'm not saying that you wouldn't be uncomfortable, you have that right. But all I'm asking, is if you would call it harassment. And how do you define a social environment? The street could fit that definition. Although I agree with in the sense that a bar or club is the best scenario to approach someone but it's not a hard and fast rule. As for being rude, that just depends on girl. Some girls might be flattered and give you the time of day. If the girl feels the guy is being rude, she'll be clear about.
    Even if some girls are flattered, a majority would be uncomfortable and scared, so you'd be putting a girl through a really unpleasant experience on the off chance that she might be flattered.

    With regards to a girl making it clear that she's uncomfortable, some might be too scared to do so for fear of the guys reaction. Even if the guy has perfectly good intentions and remains respectable, the possibility that he might get aggressive or confrontational will always be in her head. It's not a pleasant position to put someone in.
    Offline

    4
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by ChelseaYvonne)
    Even if some girls are flattered, a majority would be uncomfortable and scared, so you'd be putting a girl through a really unpleasant experience on the off chance that she might be flattered.

    With regards to a girl making it clear that she's uncomfortable, some might be too scared to do so for fear of the guys reaction. Even if the guy has perfectly good intentions and remains respectable, the possibility that he might get aggressive or confrontational will always be in her head. It's not a pleasant position to put someone in.
    Fair enough, if that's how you feel. But like I said before, if people know when to disengage, harassment has not taken place. Also, I'm curious, how do you know the majority of women are uncomfortable from this? I genuinely interested in how you came to this conclusion.
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    Please keep discussion civil.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by cole-slaw)
    Every woman who has posted on this thread, you have quoted and basically told her she's wrong, she doesn't know what she's talking about, her opinions and invalid and don't matter.

    You're a dreadful misogynist, actively trying to silence women and prevent them from talking up against sexual harassment. You need to seek professional help.
    According to you no human being should engage in conversing a fellow member of their species in a public area unless it is for a purely utilitarian purpose. The fact that you've misconstrued complimenting a female on her appearance with harassment really goes a long way to portraying yourself as slightly mentally ill. In fact, I would say that this kind of warped and *******ised conduct is exactly what is wrong with the world we live in. It's this kind of culture of fearmongering which is why no one speaks to anyone in public. Everyone is assumed to be a murder, rapist and/or terrorist. You're guilty until proven innocent - except you have no opportunity to prove your innocence because you shouldn't be talking to other people according to you!

    Just because 1 in 1000 men approaching women are rapists (or whatever the number is) doesn't mean that the 99.9% of normal men should similarly refrain from acting like how a normal human being should.

    Please take a long hard look at your worldview - you make the daily mail sound reasonable.
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    I think majority of girls will say no. STRANGER DANGER. LOL. You don't just go up to girls for their number if you don't know them. A phone number is a personal detail that you don't just give out to a random person that you happened to see in the street.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by ChelseaYvonne)
    Even if some girls are flattered, a majority would be uncomfortable and scared, so you'd be putting a girl through a really unpleasant experience on the off chance that she might be flattered.

    With regards to a girl making it clear that she's uncomfortable, some might be too scared to do so for fear of the guys reaction. Even if the guy has perfectly good intentions and remains respectable, the possibility that he might get aggressive or confrontational will always be in her head. It's not a pleasant position to put someone in.

    Well said.

    I think, finally, this thread has come to the correct conclusion, in that both main protagonists (miser and ade9000) appear to be beginning to see the error of their ways and admit the validity of our arguments. This is natural, it would be worrying if they were to continue to wish to harass women even after being confronted with the evidence of the effect this has.


    There will always be misogynistic trolls, lets make sure that we combat them with reasonable debate and that common sense always prevails.
    Offline

    4
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by cole-slaw)
    Well said.

    I think, finally, this thread has come to the correct conclusion, in that both main protagonists (miser and ade9000) appear to be beginning to see the error of their ways and admit the validity of our arguments. This is natural, it would be worrying if they were to continue to wish to harass women even after being confronted with the evidence of the effect this has.


    There will always be misogynistic trolls, lets make sure that we combat them with reasonable debate and that common sense always prevails.
    Hahaha wow. All I argued is that it wasn't harassment until the person didn't take no for an answer. The fact that you cannot wrap your head around this is quite shocking.

    The only troll I see here is you. Ex Death pretty much summed it up. Your 'debate' has been far from reasonable, you concluded that all forms of street conversation was harassment on the bases that it is uncomfortable. How on earth can you say that's reasonable and still take pride. If someone approaches me on the street, boy or girl, I might feel uncomfortable, but if they take no for an answer then harassment has not taken place. Some girls feel uncomfortable with men buying them drinks, should we therefore accuse them of harassment? And once again, there are women on this thread who have stated they don't mind, why aren't you questioning them? Is it simply because I'm male and you think of me as a threat because our views don't align?

    I have not made a single misogynistic comment. You're welcome to point them out if you like. But then again, I've been asking you to point out stuff throughout this debate and all you haven't. So I won't hold my breath.

    You still haven't elaborated on my previous post. Go ahead, do your best.
    Offline

    4
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Ex Death)
    Everything you've said in this thread makes you seem like a bit of a tool to be completely frank. According to you no human being should engage in conversing a fellow member of their species in a public area unless it is for a purely utilitarian purpose. The fact that you've misconstrued complimenting a female on her appearance with harassment really goes a long way to portraying yourself as slightly mentally ill. In fact, I would say that this kind of warped and *******ised conduct is exactly what is wrong with the world we live in. It's this kind of culture of fearmongering which is why no one speaks to anyone in public. Everyone is assumed to be a murder, rapist and/or terrorist. You're guilty until proven innocent - except you have no opportunity to prove your innocence because you shouldn't be talking to other people according to you!
    Somewhat this. Everyone keeps to themselves, although I think it's a UK thing. When I was at Brazil, people were striking up conversations everywhere, even the streets (shock horror!).
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by ChelseaYvonne)
    Even if some girls are flattered, a majority would be uncomfortable and scared, so you'd be putting a girl through a really unpleasant experience on the off chance that she might be flattered.

    With regards to a girl making it clear that she's uncomfortable, some might be too scared to do so for fear of the guys reaction. Even if the guy has perfectly good intentions and remains respectable, the possibility that he might get aggressive or confrontational will always be in her head. It's not a pleasant position to put someone in.
    I think she needs to sort her head out then. If a guy just talking to her harmlessly is giving her rapey violent flashbacks or the like then that definitely warrants a trip to the doctors or therapy.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    • Section Leader
    • Political Ambassador
    • Reporter Team
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    To an extent, the only reason people feel uncomfortable is because people are encouraged not to do it. If it were a more common occurrence, it'd be less unusual and less of a big deal. The attitude cole-slaw has been promoting is of wanting members of a society to become more and more insular until nobody has any chance of making any other member of society uncomfortable, but by doing so is actually perpetuating these feelings of discomfort by encouraging us to have a society in which people are vulnerable to it.

    It's advocating some kind of bubble-wrap existence which won't do us any good in the long run. The more people don't talk to each other the more we will become uncomfortable with it. That's not a good thing. The current scenario seems to be that the women in this thread who dread it dread it because people have abused the interaction - this skews things up because it takes ludicrous self-confidence to stick two fingers up to this solipsistic ideology people like cole-slaw are promoting, and a lot of people with that amount of confidence have it because they don't give a crap about anyone other than themselves. If not for this ideology, the majority of interactions would be between normal people who don't carry absurd expectations of women or become mental when another person bruises their ego.

    People shouldn't be expected to be anti-social - that's stupid. Is it any wonder people have self-esteem and image issues when there are people going around promoting the idea that giving someone a compliment is illegal? It's bananas. If you have something positive to say I think a person should say it. Haters gonna hate.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by miser)
    To an extent, the only reason people feel uncomfortable is because people are encouraged not to do it. If it were a more common occurrence, it'd be less unusual and less of a big deal. The attitude cole-slaw has been promoting is of wanting members of a society to become more and more insular until nobody has any chance of making any other member of society uncomfortable, but by doing so is actually perpetuating these feelings of discomfort by encouraging us to have a society in which people are vulnerable to it.

    It's advocating some kind of bubble-wrap existence which won't do us any good in the long run. The more people don't talk to each other the more we will become uncomfortable with it. That's not a good thing. The current scenario seems to be that the women in this thread who dread it dread it because people have abused the interaction - this skews things up because it takes ludicrous self-confidence to stick two fingers up to this solipsistic ideology people like cole-slaw are promoting, and a lot of people with that amount of confidence have it because they don't give a crap about anyone other than themselves. If not for this ideology, the majority of interactions would be between normal people who don't carry absurd expectations of women or become mental when another person bruises their ego.

    People shouldn't be expected to be anti-social - that's stupid. Is it any wonder people have self-esteem and image issues when there are people going around promoting the idea that giving someone a compliment is illegal? It's bananas. If you have something positive to say I think a person should say it. Haters gonna hate.

    Will you PLEASE stop conflating people talking to each other with people making uninvited sexual passes at strangers. As I have said repeatedly, one is acceptable, one is sexual harassment.

    You can make an elaborate argument about how its important that people should talk to each other, but as no-one here has contradicted that, you're knocking down strawmen.

    You're a moderator, you should know better than to derail threads with ridiculous strawmen arguments.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Ade9000)
    you concluded that all forms of street conversation was harassment

    Another strawman. I have never said that, in fact I have repeatedly said the opposite.
    • Section Leader
    • Political Ambassador
    • Reporter Team
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by cole-slaw)
    Will you PLEASE stop conflating people talking to each other with people making uninvited sexual passes at strangers. As I have said repeatedly, one is acceptable, one is sexual harassment.

    You can make an elaborate argument about how its important that people should talk to each other, but as no-one here has contradicted that, you're knocking down strawmen.

    You're a moderator, you should know better than to derail threads with ridiculous strawmen arguments.
    Sorry what was that?
    (Original post by cole-slaw)
    I don't see how this is even a discussion. If there is even a small chance that your actions might cause someone distress, you'd have to be a thoughtless prick to go through with it.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by miser)
    Sorry what was that?

    Nothing there is contradictory...
    Offline

    4
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by cole-slaw)
    Another strawman. I have never said that, in fact I have repeatedly said the opposite.
    Point it out. Actually, scratch that. I've asked you to elaborate a number of things and you haven't. Do what you like.
 
 
 
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: July 10, 2014
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    What newspaper do you read/prefer?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.