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    (Original post by angel156)
    o ok
    I think even a couple of months before the sexual stuff starts is fine though, especially if you don't trust people easily, etc.
    Yea I mean if you have trust issues etc then thats fair enough. Even a couple of months is fine really... I think alot of the time though both people can judge when they both feel comfortable enough for the sexual stuff to start, thats whats happened in my relationships anyhoo lol
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    (Original post by prettygreeneyes99)
    moral values and sense of self respect?? People arent telling her to kill a kitten or anything ridiculous like that of course she shouldnt be pressured into actually sleeping with someone, but in the real world unfortunately its not practical to just have the 'its my way or the highway' attitude to things like this. And in adult relationships, enjoying the sexual side of a relationship while making reasonable compromises is very important!! And what on earth are you on about, slippery slope to condoning rape?? Rape and having a normal sexual side to a relationship are two COMPLETELY different things :rolleyes: from my point of view, completely refusing to do anything sexual for 3+ months at that age seems slightly unreasonable to me.
    Actually, I'm not sure if I agree there entirely
    Agreed the rape thing was going a bit too far:eek: , but I think that if someone is conservative then they should remain that way and not compromise if they don't want to. She(OP) simply needs to find a guy who thinks similarly. Sex isn't all that important to a few people after all.
    It seems she and her ex were rather mismatched anyway.
    So I don't feel that the OP is unreasonable really.
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    I agree with not being forced into sex until you're ready, I havent got a problem with people who dont want to sleep with anyone before marriage... But the girl seemed suprised that the guy didnt agree with her views of not doing anything sexual at all (which showed by the fact that she felt the need to post a thread), and that I feel is unreasonable. Without a doubt she'll find someone one day who does feel similarly to her! But just personally, if I were in her position I would rather compromise on some sexual stuff, not obviously sleeping with someone before I was ready because that would be sacrificing what I believed in when it comes to sex. Instead of having to go through the pain of having a number of relationships breaking up because the other person isnt getting their needs fulfilled at all! But yea, her attitude towards compromising and thinking that doing anything sexual would lead to sex bothered me more than anything else...
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    (Original post by prettygreeneyes99)
    I agree with not being forced into sex until you're ready, I havent got a problem with people who dont want to sleep with anyone before marriage... But the girl seemed suprised that the guy didnt agree with her views of not doing anything sexual at all (which showed by the fact that she felt the need to post a thread), and that I feel is unreasonable. Without a doubt she'll find someone one day who does feel similarly to her! But just personally, if I were in her position I would rather compromise on some sexual stuff, not obviously sleeping with someone before I was ready because that would be sacrificing what I believed in when it comes to sex. Instead of having to go through the pain of having a number of relationships breaking up because the other person isnt getting their needs fulfilled at all! But yea, her attitude towards compromising and thinking that doing anything sexual would lead to sex bothered me more than anything else...
    People who think like her are of course very few, but it's all about opinions. If she's ready to go through numerous relationship-breakdowns while trying to find someone she loves then good for her. She's more likely to be 100% happy and satisfied with what she did in the end, that way.
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    there's not much you can do apart from oral sex and fingering btw
    that's what further thn kissing means!!
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    How about grinding? What a gross expression that is! Haha.
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    There's plently of other things you can those apart from those two things
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    (Original post by angel156)
    hmm depends on how far you go though.
    I do think 3 months could be a bit soon for oral, etc., depending on the seriousness of the relationship of course.
    I don't get these weird time frames.

    Just to swing the balance the other way and get some, erm, balance - I don't call something a relationship until AFTER sex. I find it presumptuous to do otherwise. Sexless 'relationships' are for schoolkids. No-one would think of someone they were seeing as their boyfriend/girlfriend if all they had done was dated if they were adults, would they?

    If you watch sitcoms and stuff of adults (from Friends to Sex and the City) in the dating game, calling something a relationship is a much bigger deal than sex, and that's the way I think.

    I think this is an area of life where words speak louder than actions. I have had sex and relationships but I've never been ready to tell someone I love them yet - THAT I think of as a big deal.

    My time frame is more like:

    Flirting ------> kissing --> sexual things (all, I don't really classify them as all seperate - if I wanna do one thing I wanna do them all) ---> 'deciding relationship status' ---> getting closer -------> 'I love you'.............. then who knows, moving in, marriage, kids, however these things progress if it's all successful!
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    (Original post by Zoecb)
    I don't get these weird time frames.

    Just to swing the balance the other way and get some, erm, balance - I don't call something a relationship until AFTER sex. I find it presumptuous to do otherwise. Sexless 'relationships' are for schoolkids. No-one would think of someone they were seeing as their boyfriend/girlfriend if all they had done was dated if they were adults, would they?

    If you watch sitcoms and stuff of adults (from Friends to Sex and the City) in the dating game, calling something a relationship is a much bigger deal than sex, and that's the way I think.

    I think this is an area of life where words speak louder than actions. I have had sex and relationships but I've never been ready to tell someone I love them yet - THAT I think of as a big deal.

    My time frame is more like:

    Flirting ------> kissing --> sexual things (all, I don't really classify them as all seperate - if I wanna do one thing I wanna do them all) ---> 'deciding relationship status' ---> getting closer -------> 'I love you'.............. then who knows, moving in, marriage, kids, however these things progress if it's all successful!
    yes, that's your opinion.

    saying that sexless relationships are for school kids is too much of a generalization and a bit over the top. Surely the people involved would know better.
    I'm sure there are people who are in relationships without sex. And no, I'm not talking about schoolkids!
    not everybody goes by what happens in siticoms!

    Everyone's got a different opinion on how much time is okay before they have sex, etc. Everyone can't think the same way as you do!
    being in love before having sex is possible. not for everyone of course, but it is. and the two things can be equally important to some people as well.
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    Basing how you live your real life on sitcoms like Friends and Sex and the City is laughable and actually quite scary.
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    If you choose not to do something, others should respect it and if this guy you were seeing wasn't someone like that then yes you did the right thing IMO.
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    (Original post by SmilerNuts)


    So if sex isn't such a big deal like you say then there shouldn't be such a problem actually doing it...
    didn't notice this before
    I meant that her not having sex shouldn't be such a big deal; it's a personal choice.
    Not that the OP is actually posting in this thread anymore..
    might be reading it?

    Do you ever go offline?!
    ah, I have a lot of free time these days:p:
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    (Original post by Zoecb)

    If you watch sitcoms and stuff of adults (from Friends to Sex and the City) in the dating game, calling something a relationship is a much bigger deal than sex!
    Haha, on the note of those particular sitcoms, they are totally unrealistic from my point of view, and I hope other people realise that as well! They NEVER wear the same outfit twice, and most of them have a different partner in each episode!
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    (Original post by prettygreeneyes99)
    Haha, on the note of those particular sitcoms, they are totally unrealistic from my point of view, and I hope other people realise that as well! They NEVER wear the same outfit twice, and most of them have a different partner in each episode!
    It's not just them, it's all TV shows I can think of. They represent day to day adult life. On TV everyone is prettier and richer and funnier, but they don't universally take a normal aspect of life and present it differently to how it is.
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    (Original post by Zoecb)
    It's not just them, it's all TV shows I can think of. They represent day to day adult life. On TV everyone is prettier and richer and funnier, but they don't universally take a normal aspect of life and present it differently to how it is.
    Well, they are unrealistic to an extent.

    And in any case, someone who does not wish to live that way is in no way weird or abnormal.

    why not just accept people's personal choices? You may not consider sex as something to be saved for the 'right person', but others may.
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    I DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Just stop making me sound like a minority when I am in fact, for once, in the majority.
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    (Original post by Zoecb)
    I DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Just stop making me sound like a minority when I am in fact, for once, in the majority.
    yes, you are in the majority.
    I felt that you were trying to say that anyone who attaches importance to sex is wrong.
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    I attach importance to sex.

    And I'm a libertarian. Nothing is "wrong" unless it hurts someone.
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    (Original post by Zoecb)
    I attach importance to sex.

    And I'm a libertarian. Nothing is "wrong" unless it hurts someone.
    I meant 'attach importance', as in the people who want to wait for someone they love or feel is the right person.
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    The right person isn't necessarily someone you love.
 
 
 
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