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    (Original post by octoberbaby)
    Nothing yet but it's only a matter of time with me.
    Aww hunny I know how you feel. :hugs: message me if you need. I won't reply too soon but I will reply.
    You are in control if you and you can stop things. If you notice a pattern you CAN change it! :hugs:


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    I realised overnight, in the midst of my brains usual stuff;

    I've been a really awful person at times in the past because of my depression.

    no, that's not fair, the depression was my excuse to myself and how I deluded myself I did nothing wrong for so long.

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    I have been at times the most selfish, self absorbed thoughtless **** of a person you could hope to meet, and worse still I did this to people who I was closest too; I used them as a sounding board for my darkest thoughts and worst thoughts, I said and did things that deep down I must have known were incredibly triggering to them even then, that I can't forgive myself for, I was vile to do that, I didn't realise it at the time because I was so self absorbed, but now, I've seen myself clearly for the first time since, and I hate who I was and what I did back then, I apologized now tonight to both my friends who I did this too, I have no idea if they can forgive me, neither of them have spoken to me in like a year, but I understand now why they felt they had to cut me off, I was triggering them and abusing them by using them as a sounding board for my thoughts, I write this post here to remind myself of what I have done so I never make this mistake again and never forgive myself for what I did.


    I don't expect any of you to understand this post but that's okay, it's not for anyone else, it's for me to remember this and who knows maybe for my friends in the unlikely event they read it.

    but yeah, I was a real ****, but I know that now and I need to make sure I don't act that way ever again.

    I spoilered the main part of this cause it might be triggering or confusing to people.
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    (Original post by PonchoKid)
    could you ask local charities prehaps?
    i know when my sister moves into a new flat shes getting £100 voucher for a local cheaap furniture shop to buy stuff because she has nothing and is having a baby in september... might be worth a shot :hugs:



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    yeah, i might talk to the dr im seeing on tuesday, cos apparently she specialises in like gynocological stuff...
    no, i have wondered about it before though, i know my cousin had then, i think i need blood tests and stuff to see if there is an underlying problem, rather than being sent away with pain meds and being told its normal
    im so light now but its killing me, had a mefenamic acid about an hour ago and in pain already!


    ________________________________ ________________________________ ________________________________ __________

    in pain and feeling like ****, i literally dont know what to do about anything, but no tears left after last night cant do this at the moment :cry2:
    Fridge cost us £85 from a second hand shop. It was cheap and lasted a year. I called dad to figure out what to do and he said best get a new one with a warranty and everything, and he will help us out with costs. I am so ridiculously grateful for my Dad. He is the best person in the world, going to be such a good Grandad to our baby.

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    Oh no Hun I meant they didn't' put me on painkillers, they put me on THE PILL which actually made the cysts disappear - had another scan a few months after starting and they were gone. Which is why I thought it might not be appropriate for you seeing as you're already on it. Anyway there should be some tests they can do to figure out the problem!
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    I keep gettting confused and don'[t know what is reality and waht isn't anyore. feel like i am dreaming but awkawe or something i don't know i don't understand. it scares me . happened in my last exam and i was spaced out couldn;t thihnk or aything . feel like everything isnt real anymore. i keep feling like i am going crazy. i don't want this :cry:
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    (Original post by ANONYM00SE)
    I keep gettting confused and don'[t know what is reality and waht isn't anyore. feel like i am dreaming but awkawe or something i don't know i don't understand. it scares me . happened in my last exam and i was spaced out couldn;t thihnk or aything . feel like everything isnt real anymore. i keep feling like i am going crazy. i don't want this :cry:
    :hugs: Try not to worry too much - lots of people feel like they're going crazy at one time or another, but generally these things pass. Can you think of any common factor between the times it's happened, like maybe stress from the exam? If it's something like anxiety then there are a range of treatments that might help. I'd recommend speaking to your doctor about this - they won't judge you, and they might be able to reassure you/help you out.
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    (Original post by catoswyn)
    Hang on in there. There's time to work out what you are going to say. You don't have to say anything which makes you too uncomfortable.

    I'm trying my best. I only have like 3 days left till the meeting; I really need to think about what I'm going to say. If I tell them just about my low mood and my social problems/anxiety I would not be fully cared for.

    I've been having severe battles this morning; my head feels like it's going to explode. I want to tell my mum about this; I just don't know how I can tell her about this, after all she'll be horrified. I would like to tell you about some of the things I've done, but I wouldn't be able to do it over the internet.

    I know how severe this is now; it's like I've been possessed by something and there's a few of me now. Me doesn't want myself to tell them about me, because brain just wants me to talk about the quiet, shy, harmless Akshay. It could be because it wants to divert attention away from my very violent and dangerous me.

    Sorry if that sounds really crazy.
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    (Original post by Kindred)
    It's not your fault. It's a natural part of life and happens to almost everyone. The only reason it's happening to them is because they're the people you notice it happening to. Even if it is linked to you, if it wasn't you it'd be somebody else. You're a wonderful person and people appreciate you for it (take it from me). :hugs:


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    Thank you for the kind words. Was already asleep or in bed by that point, but still, thanks
    Hope you're okay x
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    Not been with it at all today
    So out of sorts recently again which i dont like. My emotions are all over the place. Its quite scary in a way.

    Constantly tired aswell, but not sleeping properly at night. Really not liking it.

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    Not feeling all that great. It's a bit of a rant probably so i'll shove it in spoilers...
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    So I think i've had at least 4 near anxiety attacks in the past two days. I don't know if they can be called anxiety attacks cos i'm not really sure what they have to consist of to be called this, but my anxiety definately seems to be worse at the moment. I'm getting worried and kinda panicy often for really stupid things. Today and lastnight I had a least 4 episodes of tight chestedness, worry/ feeling like I was going to cry and feeling generally really ill and nauseous. I also think i'm getting more "all in or out" with things, either being totally detached or really intense.
    It's worse at night cos i'm freaking out cos I think things like my necklace or anyhting are spiders (i'm not even scared of spiders!). I hate this! It's the worst my anxiety has ever been I think. I'm more used to the depression side really. I feel terrible when it happens properly, it's like my chest is compacting and nothing can work. I'm worried it's a sign that something is going wrong.


    But on the bright side, after the social aspect of my leaver's party was over with I actually had some fun. I spent the time after it with a few friends and by the end of it i'd sorta forgotten about the bad parts. I actually felt safe at night too, probably because I was with friends. Best of all one of my friends was complimentary of me and then spent the rest of today helping me organise things which i've been wanting to for a while.

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    Hiding from my own parents :cry2: feel so **** at the moment dont know what to do about it. Cant even get up. Just want to cry :dontknow:

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    Big shout out to 08batee for consoling me earlier today. The headlines about the runaway student and teacher who is being jailed brought back memories/feelings Feeling better now though - hopefully things will stay that way :yes:
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    (Original post by PonchoKid)
    Hiding from my own parents :cry2: feel so **** at the moment dont know what to do about it. Cant even get up. Just want to cry :dontknow:

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    :jumphug: it's okay, it will all be okay and it's not your fault that your step dad is being mean and stuff! you can talk to me as well and I will make sure you are okay :lovehug:

    (Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd)
    Big shout out to 08batee for consoling me earlier today. The headlines about the runaway student and teacher who is being jailed brought back memories/feelings Feeling better now though - hopefully things will stay that way :yes:
    :hugs: that's good she helped you! hope things are okay for you!
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    (Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd)
    Big shout out to 08batee for consoling me earlier today. The headlines about the runaway student and teacher who is being jailed brought back memories/feelings Feeling better now though - hopefully things will stay that way :yes:
    :lovehug: I barely did anything hun! Glad you're feeling better though :yes:
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    (Original post by 08batee)
    :lovehug: I barely did anything hun! Glad you're feeling better though :yes:
    You were VERY helpful. I was just like :eek3: :awesome: :lovehug: when I realised how long your text was and how much effort that must have taken to type :jumphug:
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    (Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd)
    You were VERY helpful. I was just like :eek3: :awesome: :lovehug: when I realised how long your text was and how much effort that must have taken to type :jumphug:
    Not at all hun :nah: (Though it IS hard to type on my phone tbh, because my fingers are fat and I end up making like a trillion typos per word :lol: :teehee: )


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    (Original post by 08batee)
    Not at all hun :nah: (Though it IS hard to type on my phone tbh, because my fingers are fat and I end up making like a trillion typos per word :lol: :teehee: )


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    I have fat fingers too! :five: This is why I was never gonna be a concert pianist: don't have the right hands for it. It's nothing to do with lack of practice on my part or anything :nah:

    :ninja:
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    How did you guys explain yourself to your parents, how did you tell your parents how you felt?
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    (Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd)
    I have fat fingers too! :five: This is why I was never gonna be a concert pianist: don't have the right hands for it. It's nothing to do with lack of practice on my part or anything :nah:

    :ninja:
    :five:

    Haha! Of course not :ninja: :ahee:

    I have never thought of that: I can blame my epic failure at trying to learn piano on that! Nothing to do with the fact I could never read music or anything ( :ninja: ), just that I have fat sausage fingers :awesome:


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    (Original post by 08batee)
    :five:

    Haha! Of course not :ninja: :ahee:

    I have never thought of that: I can blame my epic failure at trying to learn piano on that! Nothing to do with the fact I could never read music or anything ( :ninja: ), just that I have fat sausage fingers :awesome:


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    Pah, reading music is overrated. You could have played by ear or been a jazz maestro or something, were it not for your sausage fingers :sadnod:

    :p:

    (Original post by lonelybrummie)
    How did you guys explain yourself to your parents, how did you tell your parents how you felt?
    I don't really remember, tbh. I think I probably chickened out and made one of my sisters do it initially, when I first got really ill I do remember once I came back from uni and started living at home again, I sat my mum down with the NHS's webpage on psychosis and went through it line by line, explaining how it applied to me/manifests in my life. My CPN also gave me some leaflets to give to my parents. My dad refused to read them but my mum did :yes:
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    So I didn't call the GP. I did manage to get dressed though and have applied for a whole three jobs.
    Might end up asking my mum to call them.
 
 
 
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