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    #18

    (Original post by PonchoKid)
    think its chronic
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    im genuinly fat
    Okay, but you normally don't feel self conscious about it, just on bad days? That suggests you just ought to find something to make yourself feel better on these bad days. I would still suggest sport, it's a shame about your knee, and I guess swimming which is nice on the knees wouldn't be an option either for you on those days. I don't know how you are financially, but a standing bicycle at home might be an option. My brother has a bad hip but the doc said bike is great for it, could be similar with knee.

    I can also suggest watching Ellen videos on youtube, they always cheer me up!
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    Urgh, periods. WHY?!?!?! I have them like about 4 times a year in total, so I completely freak out whenever I have them coz I'm not used to it :no: :cry: :huff:


    On a non-spoiler note, thanks to Sultana for keeping me company last night when I was a bit hysterical :o:

    (Original post by SciFiRory)
    I guess I do have things I like, I just worry I won't ever be able to hack it in the real world and actually get a degree and/or a job anytime soon, I'm pretty used to thinking of myself as the failure of the family at this point as well tbh

    I really am, most people seem to cope so much better with things than I do and I constantly feel like a let down to people as well
    Hey, you're NOT a failure at all. You're a lovely guy who's had a lot of knocks in life and who has problems that mean he can fulfill his potential. That does NOT make you a failure though. Be kinder to yourself! :jumphug:

    (Original post by asdfgah)
    So apparently I've come through this horrible, horrible year with a first. Currently not really believing it, because just wtf. Not what I was expecting at all. I laughed when I saw it, even though I think the reaction is meant to be happiness/relief, I'm currently just thinking why the **** does the world make my life be so ridiculous and how the **** did this happen?

    Anyway, if I'm still around in years to come I'm sure I'll appreciate the fact that things seem to have fallen into place academically, even if right now it just feels completely absurd to be typing this post.
    That's our asdfgah! :awesome: :woo: :yeah: :crazy: :cool: :party: :macarena: :banana: :ahee: :dance:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Okay, but you normally don't feel self conscious about it, just on bad days? That suggests you just ought to find something to make yourself feel better on these bad days. I would still suggest sport, it's a shame about your knee, and I guess swimming which is nice on the knees wouldn't be an option either for you on those days. I don't know how you are financially, but a standing bicycle at home might be an option. My brother has a bad hip but the doc said bike is great for it, could be similar with knee.

    I can also suggest watching Ellen videos on youtube, they always cheer me up!
    i enjoy swimming, but currently cant afford it, when i was in primary school i went swimming twice a week, sometimes more.
    we have a cross trainer thingy at home, but im moving out soon, so wont have that.

    (Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd)
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    Urgh, periods. WHY?!?!?! I have them like about 4 times a year in total, so I completely freak out whenever I have them coz I'm not used to it :no: :cry: :huff:
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    ill do you a swap, im on my second one THIS MONTH :facepalm: :sad:
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    (Original post by PonchoKid)
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    ill do you a swap, im on my second one THIS MONTH :facepalm: :sad:
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    Holy **** :eek3: :console: :hugs:
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    (Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd)
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    Holy **** :eek3: :console: :hugs:
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    hahaha tell me about it, a few months ago i had 3 within about 5 weeks. but apparently its normal
    who knew, i thought 1 a month was classed as normal...
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    (Original post by octoberbaby)
    You can easily shrug off questions on how your summer was, I've been doing it for years. There's also no need for you to lie about your childhood. You can say that you had periods of time you weren't happy. You can even use it to try ensure they know that they can talk to you. There are positives to everything. I hope you're okay :hugs:
    Thanks, yeah I guess that sounds like a good idea

    (Original post by Stiff Little Fingers)
    Honestly I wouldn't worry about that - I had absolutely no social life, or even any friends, when I was 18: I'd closed myself off from everyone, gone off to a different college to isolate myself: things change when you get to uni, I've now got a great group of friends who really care about me.

    Don't get too worked up over your social life, because you've still got the best years of your life coming up.
    :hugs: I've never been lucky at all. Was bullied throughout high school and had to isolate myself to get it to stop. I wish for those times again where I didn't care about not having a social life.

    (Original post by Deyesy)
    I plan to tell people I spent my summer playing Minecraft - which is the truth. If people don't like what I did the summer, **** them to put it bluntly. Do you not have any interest in music? And are you interested in other sports like cricket? You've managed to do okay at MH meets haven't you? Could you not look at taking something up to fill your time?
    I do listen to music sometimes but I'm not bothered about the specifics. And I watch cricket too. I am thinking about taking up something but not sure what.

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    (Original post by avhhs)
    :hugs: I've never been lucky at all. Was bullied throughout high school and had to isolate myself to get it to stop. I wish for those times again where I didn't care about not having a social life.
    I know that feeling all too well mate - 11 years I got bullied for my hair colour, it only stopped when I ran away from everything, moved to a new school and isolated myself - between 16 and 18 I had no human contact, I lived within my books.

    However, going to uni is a chance for a fresh start, some people will be judgemental jackasses, unfortunately those people exist in all walks of life, but it's unlikely anyone there will already know you, you're all in the same boat and at uni you can be whoever you want to be, and there will be people there who will accept and like you for it.
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    For poncho kid:

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    ill do you a swap, im on my second one THIS MONTH :facepalm: :sad:
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    This happened to me for years... there seemed to be about three days a month when I wasn't having either having a period or building up to one in the end. The GP checked out for polycystisis (if you haven't had this done you need to) and it all came back negative. Then they tried giving me hormonal tablets but these had no effect. Finally they put me on a low dose progesteron only pill which you take every day all year round with no breaks. It worked... NO periods at all now ever. HURRAH. Made a huge difference as having frequent periods really exhausted me and made depression much worse.
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    (Original post by catoswyn)
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    This happened to me for years... there seemed to be about three days a month when I wasn't having either having a period or building up to one in the end. The GP checked out for polycystisis (if you haven't had this done you need to) and it all came back negative. Then they tried giving me hormonal tablets but these had no effect. Finally they put me on a low dose progesteron only pill which you take every day all year round with no breaks. It worked... NO periods at all now ever. HURRAH. Made a huge difference as having frequent periods really exhausted me and made depression much worse.
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    im back at the drs on tuesday, last time i went to the drs i saw a male dr and he said it was normal, and gave me strong pain killers for the pain...
    i want them to do tests to see if theres an underlying cause. im on a pill already (no idea what sort, but i dont take a break, its constant every day of the year) and i never have a clue if im going to get a period or not, its literally a suprise when one appears, some months i can go without one, others i can have more than one, it just depends if mother nature is trying to screw me over or not!
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    (Original post by superwolf)
    :hugs: Try not to worry too much - lots of people feel like they're going crazy at one time or another, but generally these things pass. Can you think of any common factor between the times it's happened, like maybe stress from the exam? If it's something like anxiety then there are a range of treatments that might help. I'd recommend speaking to your doctor about this - they won't judge you, and they might be able to reassure you/help you out.
    It's since I've been on my new meds. Meds been giving me the worst vivid nightmares/dreams. Seeing my psychiatrist again on Tuesday thankfully.
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    (Original post by PonchoKid)
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    im back at the drs on tuesday, last time i went to the drs i saw a male dr and he said it was normal, and gave me strong pain killers for the pain...
    i want them to do tests to see if theres an underlying cause. im on a pill already (no idea what sort, but i dont take a break, its constant every day of the year) and i never have a clue if im going to get a period or not, its literally a suprise when one appears, some months i can go without one, others i can have more than one, it just depends if mother nature is trying to screw me over or not!
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    Of course its not neccesarily 'normal'. He sounds like an idiot! If you are in lots of pain it could possibly be https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Endometriosis which can lead to erratic periods too. He should certainly refer you for a scan and investigation at a hospital just to check what is going on and put your mind at rest. Good luck for Tuesday. It isn't really normal for women to have constant year round periods anyway. Originally we would have either been pregnant or breastfeeding (which stops ovulation) so would have had years without periods. Modern women is taught that its natural to have constant periods. Don't think our bodies like it myself!
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    (Original post by PonchoKid)
    dunno hes not speaking to me im always in his bad books, cant do anything right!
    Sounds to me like that's his problem, not yours. Try not to let him get you down, it's his loss if he doesn't want to talk to you. I would expect a step dad to be more supportive than that so to me he just sounds like a bit of an arse. I dunno if you might want to discuss it with your mum a bit? She's been supportive so far since you told her hasn't she? You could ask to have a day alone with her and use the time to talk through a bit of this. It may make it easier if you can get her on your side and she can ask him to be nicer to you. It'd also be fun to spend some time together so it's a win win. Hope you feel better soon. :hugs:

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    (Original post by catoswyn)
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    Of course its not neccesarily 'normal'. He sounds like an idiot! If you are in lots of pain it could possibly be https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Endometriosis which can lead to erratic periods too. He should certainly refer you for a scan and investigation at a hospital just to check what is going on and put your mind at rest. Good luck for Tuesday. It isn't really normal for women to have constant year round periods anyway. Originally we would have either been pregnant or breastfeeding (which stops ovulation) so would have had years without periods. Modern women is taught that its natural to have constant periods. Don't think our bodies like it myself!
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    i just want tests doing to rule out stuff and hopefully possibly find out what it is. the dr im going to see specialises in gynocology or something, so HOPEFULLY she has a better understanding. i know my body hates it! hahaha constant up and down of it all is wearing me out!
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    (Original post by catoswyn)
    Sounds as if your depression has deepened and is now really bad. The thoughts you describe are very negative and the lack of energy/concentration and motivation indicates extreme depression.

    It is not possible to motivate yourself if you are in such a deep depression whatever the doctor says. You are ill, not weak willed. Imagine you had a broken leg. No one would expect you to try to walk on it a little each day and that would fix it. No one would say 'willpower' will mend the bone. If you had diabetes no one would suggest that willpower would make it go away. If you had flu no one would say it was your fault and you caused it.

    Its just the same with depression. It is a real illness. It is based on real things such as natural chemicals malfunctioning in your body/brain. Although it affects mood and thoughts it is not caused by mood. The illness causes the negative thoughts not you.

    Of course there are lots of tips to help on the way to recovery; such as concentrating on one thing a day/small steps as your doctor has suggested or learning to spot triggers or thoughts that hurt you etc. However these tips are not appropriate for someone whose clinical depression has not yet been treated to a certain level. Until you are at a certain stage and have at least a small amount of energy and motivation to begin to work with it is not really the thing.

    Does your doctor realise how depressed you are? Obviously not I would suggest. If you are on medication it is not working as it should. The first stage of any treatment for deep depression is to use medication to raise someone from a deep level so that they can begin to use certain techniques on the road to recovery. It sounds as if you are not being helped enough by your medication. It may be too low a dose. It may be the wrong anti-depressant for you.( In some people, especially younger people, some anti-depressants have the opposite effect as to that intended and cause negative thoughts to deepen. If you have got worse not better on the medication you take then you need to mention it.) Whatever the case I think you need an urgent medication review now.

    I don't know what level of support you have in place (ie a CPN or care co-ordinator) but again, feeling like you do, the more support the better and especially as they have not sorted out the right level for you yet.

    Hang on in there. I know how real it feels and that is because you are ill right now. This can be treated though. Try to tell the person supporting you that the depression is so deep and getting worse and you need more help... not cheery talks either, real help with specialist medication/referals if necessary. Ask for the doctor to either refer you to a specialist or get a grip on the medication themselves. Your treatment is just not good enough right now.

    HUG,

    There isn't anything more they can do though.
    I saw a psychiatrist the other day who changed my meds.
    I already have a care coordinator and technically a new psychologist as well.

    I have all this support and yet nothing is ok or better or helpful. People talk about these things as if they’re the holy grail and it makes me feel so damn selfish for taking all these services when others could be benefiting from them.
    This is nothing to do with feeling if I deserve help or not, that’s an entire other issue. The fact is that other people want this help and would get something out of this help and I don't.

    I don't understand why. I don't understand what is so wrong with me. I know that other people can find talking scary or difficult and sometimes they don't manage it or don't want to. But they still at some point find it helpful to have this professional support.
    Maybe I'm just not trying hard enough. Maybe I've got so used to being the girl who finds it hard to talk that now I just hide behind it and don't make the proper effort. But it's not just the big stuff; I can’t even do small talk I'm so broken.

    My care coordinator said that the fact I went to 9/10 therapy sessions and keep on making other appointments and accessing help shows how strong I am cos other people would be showing lots of avoidance in the same position. I think it just proves how selfish I am. I know that it won't be helpful and yet I have still continued to go and spread myself everywhere.
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    (Original post by Kindred)
    Sounds to me like that's his problem, not yours. Try not to let him get you down, it's his loss if he doesn't want to talk to you. I would expect a step dad to be more supportive than that so to me he just sounds like a bit of an arse. I dunno if you might want to discuss it with your mum a bit? She's been supportive so far since you told her hasn't she? You could ask to have a day alone with her and use the time to talk through a bit of this. It may make it easier if you can get her on your side and she can ask him to be nicer to you. It'd also be fun to spend some time together so it's a win win. Hope you feel better soon. :hugs:

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    hes kinda speaking to me tonight, it all started this time when i asked if my boyfriend could come and stay... but i often do things wrong, just eating im in the wrong!
    its just how the family works i think, my mum stands by me so much, but when its tiffs between me and him she stays out of the way, because she sees both sides and doesnt want the arguing...
    i wish i could, i love spending time with my mum, but my sisters moving into a new flat so all her free time is spent there at the moment cos it needs cleaning and painting, so im feeling a bit left out... but i dont wanna be seen as the spoilet brat
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    (Original post by asdfgah)
    So apparently I've come through this horrible, horrible year with a first. Currently not really believing it, because just wtf. Not what I was expecting at all. I laughed when I saw it, even though I think the reaction is meant to be happiness/relief, I'm currently just thinking why the **** does the world make my life be so ridiculous and how the **** did this happen?

    Anyway, if I'm still around in years to come I'm sure I'll appreciate the fact that things seem to have fallen into place academically, even if right now it just feels completely absurd to be typing this post.
    Mega well done, that's awesome. :jumphug:

    (Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd)
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    Urgh, periods. WHY?!?!?! I have them like about 4 times a year in total, so I completely freak out whenever I have them coz I'm not used to it :no: :cry: :huff:


    On a non-spoiler note, thanks to Sultana for keeping me company last night when I was a bit hysterical :o:
    Sorry for actually not really being around; my pillow was almost dry and obviously we can't have that, so had to go cry some more. :ashamed:
    Hope you're feeling calmer today. :hugs:

    (Original post by avhhs)

    I do listen to music sometimes but I'm not bothered about the specifics. And I watch cricket too. I am thinking about taking up something but not sure what.

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    Over 225 hobbies for you to choose from! :awesome:
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    I'm such a mess at the moment
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    (Original post by PonchoKid)
    hes kinda speaking to me tonight, it all started this time when i asked if my boyfriend could come and stay... but i often do things wrong, just eating im in the wrong!
    its just how the family works i think, my mum stands by me so much, but when its tiffs between me and him she stays out of the way, because she sees both sides and doesnt want the arguing...
    i wish i could, i love spending time with my mum, but my sisters moving into a new flat so all her free time is spent there at the moment cos it needs cleaning and painting, so im feeling a bit left out... but i dont wanna be seen as the spoilet brat
    Ah that's sorta good then. Well neither of those things sound all that wrong to me, deffinately not the latter! I guess it's really awkward when you love both sides,
    but your mum sounds lovely and very supportive. I can see why you love spending time with her. You could ask to do it whe the flat's dealt with as a reward for her or something. It's not as close as would be nice but it gives you both something to look forward to and you could make it really fun since you'll have some time to plan it

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    (Original post by Kindred)
    Ah that's sorta good then. Well neither of those things sound all that wrong to me, deffinately not the latter! I guess it's really awkward when you love both sides,
    but your mum sounds lovely and very supportive. I can see why you love spending time with her. You could ask to do it whe the flat's dealt with as a reward for her or something. It's not as close as would be nice but it gives you both something to look forward to and you could make it really fun since you'll have some time to plan it
    yeah, i guess so, still didnt really talk to me when i said night, but ahwell.
    oh no if i eat at night, like get some cereal then he has a hissy and says i eat too much...
    she is were more like friends really, we get on really well. dunno, im moving not long after my sisters moved in to her flat, so wont get much time to spend with my mum, guess i just need to man up and ask for a day just me and her... dunno what well do though
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    (Original post by sunfowers01)
    I'm such a mess at the moment
    :hugs: whats wrong
 
 
 
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