Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

Asians, are you allowed to marry a girl/guy of your choice? Watch

    Offline

    4
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by qwerty_mad)
    Question open to all, but mainly targeted at South-Asians. Are you allowed to marry a person of your choice, even if he/she doesn't originate from the same country as you?
    I'm Middle Eastern, and to answer your question I'd say yes and no. Yes, in that I can choose but they have to be "appropriate". By "appropriate" basically she has to be Muslim and Arabic (preferably from my country). No, in that if they do not meet BOTH criteria.
    Offline

    4
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by 4ttari)
    As a muslim boy i am just waiting to start up my own business and wait till i earn good money.

    I have already told my parents i want to have 4 wives as it is allowed and encouraged in Islam.I told them that i will have one virgin wife from different race.1 white, 1 Pakistani, 1 black and 1 chinese or Portorican.

    They said they would be happy as long as i took care of them.

    I would be aiming to have 4-5 kids with each of them and create my own little army.

    It will make me feel like a DON.
    I solute you sir. Can I ask how old you are? Because I had a similar dream (apart from startin a business thing) when I was younger but as I grew up and saw the true face of reality that dream faded away and became literally...a dream
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by 4ttari)
    As a muslim boy i am just waiting to start up my own business and wait till i earn good money.

    I have already told my parents i want to have 4 wives as it is allowed and encouraged in Islam.I told them that i will have one virgin wife from different race.1 white, 1 Pakistani, 1 black and 1 chinese or Portorican.

    They said they would be happy as long as i took care of them.

    I would be aiming to have 4-5 kids with each of them and create my own little army.

    It will make me feel like a DON.
    lol not sure if srs
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Yes, definitely. My parents would never force me to marry somebody I didn't want to, and will respect whatever decision I make about who I marry. I'm sure if I asked them to 'set me up' with somebody though, they would, so that choice would be available to me if I wanted it...
    In spite of all that, I still think they'd be happier if I married somebody Indian, though; my family are very proud of our culture, and I think they'd fear me losing some of it and my children missing out on it to some extent if I married somebody of another race. IDK though, we'll see what happens!
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    My mom keeps hinting about marriage, she occasionally drops the line of 'have a big wedding in Pakistan' although i do recall a conversation with her in which she asked me if she should find a wife for me or if i would decide for myself :/ At the moment I have a white girlfriend and she is an atheist! but i'm a Pakistani muslim and quite frankly i have literally NO FREAKIN' IDEA how my parents will react.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by 4ttari)
    As a muslim boy i am just waiting to start up my own business and wait till i earn good money.

    I have already told my parents i want to have 4 wives as it is allowed and encouraged in Islam.I told them that i will have one virgin wife from different race.1 white, 1 Pakistani, 1 black and 1 chinese or Portorican.

    They said they would be happy as long as i took care of them.

    I would be aiming to have 4-5 kids with each of them and create my own little army.

    It will make me feel like a DON.
    As disrespectful as your comments are towards women, the end part still made me LOL
    Offline

    9
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by mynameisq)
    My mom keeps hinting about marriage, she occasionally drops the line of 'have a big wedding in Pakistan' although i do recall a conversation with her in which she asked me if she should find a wife for me or if i would decide for myself :/ At the moment I have a white girlfriend and she is an atheist! but i'm a Pakistani muslim and quite frankly i have literally NO FREAKIN' IDEA how my parents will react.
    I hope you enjoyed your life
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Firaila)
    I hope you enjoyed your life
    Haha, my parents aren't the kind that would say that they've been dishonoured. Infact i pretty much know that they wouldn't go crazy like some stories we see on the news. For me their reaction will probably be either, they wont approve of the relationship which puts strain on me and my partner, or they will accept us but constantly warn me that other people wont accept us. But like i said i have no idea!
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    Hm. My mother is okay with the idea of me marrying whoever I want, but she'd prefer him to be of the same religion. My father wants me to marry a Chinese. My grandparents from my father's side say I must marry a Chinese specifically from Hong Kong or China. Oh, and they must speak the same dialect as my father's side of the family. :unimpressed:

    I probably won't end up listening to them anyway. After all, it's my life. I get to do whatever I want to, and I'll bear the weight of my own decisions myself.

    PS: you might have guessed: I'm not south asian, but I'm asian.
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    it all really depends on the family you come from. some families will only allow arranged marriages for their children, whereas some parents will allow their kid to choose; but will have a limit on the ethnicity and religion.
    i'm glad my parents said i can choose whoever i want.
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    Well, I dont know. Your parents want you to marry someone from China. You must be Pakistani
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Cesar Lecat)

    What's a modern type muslim?

    I don't want to seem rude, but under Islamic marriage, your parents marriage was illegitimate. It was ever a marriage. No different to a boyfriend or girlfriend relationship.
    no i see what you mean and you're right.99% of the musim countries are the way you describe..except for the Turkey.
    and that't like only SOME parts of Turkey.

    You see people get the wrong idea of Islam due to most countries being so extremely religous and sticking to cultures and even making up some rules.

    well modern muslim..This is something VERY newand i guess only exits in very rarre countries.It means beng an "open minded muslim"
    not believing in your religion with your eyes closed but actually knowing about it.

    we call this "laik muslim" i dunno what it is in English.

    my and dad did get married and it's not illegitimate.
    Islanms not that strict if you knowthe rules properly but people give such negative impressions of it.
    It's like the same with Christians..some are VERY religous and decide o be nuns while ohers live Christianity a little differently.
    They dont turn into nuns but they still believe and go to church.
    Except in Christianity nuns are a very small poplation compared to the religion
    but in Islam people who live very religously are VERY large amount.

    for "lak muslims" it's preffered if you marry your religioin but there's nothing wrong if the couple respect eachother.
    Bacially if a christian&muslim marry..
    neither should pressurize eachother to change religion everyone should accept BUT our religion demands that if your a muslim even if you marry a Christian or Hindu or whatever its your responsibility to make your child a muslim..you have to teach them the religio then its their choice to follow..

    see if you ask a somalian or Bangladesh they'll say your gonna burn in hell
    it's illegitimate bla bla bla..
    we still follow rules of Islam but just not as deep.
    it's still haram to drink or not fast or eat pork or anything and have sex
    but we dont stone people to death for just speaking to the opposite sex.
    so basically we're not extreme.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    My parents would definitely prefer someone of the same religion and race/culture, but I believe they would come to accept it eventually if I were to marry someone who didn't fit the criteria.

    I'd like to marry someone with similar interests to me, including the Asian ones, so I'm more likely to marry someone who fits their criteria anyway. It's just personal preference...
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Aha, hell no. The girl would have to be Muslim. If they weren't Pakistani (but still Muslim) they would be initially resistant, but would come around eventually.
    If I wanted to get married to a girl that wasn't Muslim I certainly could, but would lose my entire family in the process. Bit ****ty really!
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Menakshelatte)
    no i see what you mean and you're right.99% of the musim countries are the way you describe..except for the Turkey.
    and that't like only SOME parts of Turkey.

    You see people get the wrong idea of Islam due to most countries being so extremely religous and sticking to cultures and even making up some rules.

    well modern muslim..This is something VERY newand i guess only exits in very rarre countries.It means beng an "open minded muslim"
    not believing in your religion with your eyes closed but actually knowing about it.

    we call this "laik muslim" i dunno what it is in English.

    my and dad did get married and it's not illegitimate.
    Islanms not that strict if you knowthe rules properly but people give such negative impressions of it.
    It's like the same with Christians..some are VERY religous and decide o be nuns while ohers live Christianity a little differently.
    They dont turn into nuns but they still believe and go to church.
    Except in Christianity nuns are a very small poplation compared to the religion
    but in Islam people who live very religously are VERY large amount.

    for "lak muslims" it's preffered if you marry your religioin but there's nothing wrong if the couple respect eachother.
    Bacially if a christian&muslim marry..
    neither should pressurize eachother to change religion everyone should accept BUT our religion demands that if your a muslim even if you marry a Christian or Hindu or whatever its your responsibility to make your child a muslim..you have to teach them the religio then its their choice to follow..

    see if you ask a somalian or Bangladesh they'll say your gonna burn in hell
    it's illegitimate bla bla bla..
    we still follow rules of Islam but just not as deep.
    it's still haram to drink or not fast or eat pork or anything and have sex
    but we dont stone people to death for just speaking to the opposite sex.
    so basically we're not extreme.
    Can I just state this to you. There is no such thing as Extremist muslim, religous muslim, relaxed muslim, moderate muslim or as you put it, modern muslims. There's only just muslims.

    The open minded muslim is a still a muslim who followed their religion. You're urged to question the religion in Islam. Why do you think so many muslims know so much about their religion? Because they ask question and find out about it.

    The simple fact is, your mother and fathers marriage was illegitimate under Islam. All muslims marry according to Islam. If your dad was not a muslim, then the marriage was not a marriage under Islam and sorry to say this, but you were born out of wedlock. Under civil law and the laws of the country, it might have been a marriage. But under Islam, it wasn't. Which is why I said, it was no different to a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.

    It does matter what religion the spouse is. A muslim cannot marry a hindu, man or woman. It's important you try and understand this. There's no ifs or buts about it. Islam only allows a muslim man to marry a Jewish or Christian woman who are practising and believe in their religion. Why? Because they are referred to as the people of the book in the Quran. A muslim woman cannot marry a Jewish or Christan man. Furthermore, Islam requires that under the condition of the marriage, the Jewish or Christian mother must agree that the child will be raised as a muslim.

    What do you mean you follow the rules of Islam, but not so deep? What do you mean by that? Seriously, you could you please tell me what you mean by that? Do you follow the 5 pillars of Islam? Do you believe in the Quran?
    Offline

    9
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Cesar Lecat)
    Can I just state this to you. There is no such thing as Extremist muslim, religous muslim, relaxed muslim, moderate muslim or as you put it, modern muslims. There's only just muslims.

    The open minded muslim is a still a muslim who followed their religion. You're urged to question the religion in Islam. Why do you think so many muslims know so much about their religion? Because they ask question and find out about it.

    The simple fact is, your mother and fathers marriage was illegitimate under Islam. All muslims marry according to Islam. If your dad was not a muslim, then the marriage was not a marriage under Islam and sorry to say this, but you were born out of wedlock. Under civil law and the laws of the country, it might have been a marriage. But under Islam, it wasn't. Which is why I said, it was no different to a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.

    It does matter what religion the spouse is. A muslim cannot marry a hindu, man or woman. It's important you try and understand this. There's no ifs or buts about it. Islam only allows a muslim man to marry a Jewish or Christian woman who are practising and believe in their religion. Why? Because they are referred to as the people of the book in the Quran. A muslim woman cannot marry a Jewish or Christan man. Furthermore, Islam requires that under the condition of the marriage, the Jewish or Christian mother must agree that the child will be raised as a muslim.

    What do you mean you follow the rules of Islam, but not so deep? What do you mean by that? Seriously, you could you please tell me what you mean by that? Do you follow the 5 pillars of Islam? Do you believe in the Quran?

    Why do you think Islam permits Muslim men to marry Christian or Jewish women, but not Muslim women to marry Christian or Jewish men?
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    It mainly depends on your family, your background etc. In my case, as a Muslim, it's unacceptable for me to marry someone who isn't religious i.e. Christian, Jewish, Muslim, but they have to have converted to Islam because they truly believe in it. Other than this rule, my parents don't have any say really in who I can or can't marry. However, as I'm pretty close with them both, their opinion matters a lot to me and I would want their approval when I start thinking about it. Arranged marriages are actually forbidden in Islam, I'm pretty sure it's a cultural thing, so my parents would never put me in that position. And finally, where I'm from (Syria) there's a relatively lax attitude towards marriage, and marriages that aren't "love marriages" are pretty rare. Hope this helps
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    OMG I love your parents, I wish mine would let me marry anyone who is Muslim I mean why don't they realise that it doesn't matter what colour or race you are being Muslim is the only thing that matters.

    My parents are pretty much fine with me and siblings finding someone but it goes without saying that they have to be Pakistani! I once tried the whole mum you know islam doesn't discriminate against race and it was like she could sense exactly what I was saying she was like don't even think about! DAMN!!

    I can see where they are coming from you know people from the same race are easier to get along with but seriously people we need to intergrate!

    And it sucks for me as I am not attracted to Pakistani or Asian guys they repulse me, so I have no idea what I am going to do
    haha
    I really don't find people from my own race easier to get along with, i hardly have any asian friends, and i'm not one of those asians who know every asian in the city! LOL.
    Don't worry if you aren't attracted to asian lads, just go with it , if you like someone and he likes you back go for it!!
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Firaila)
    Why do you think Islam permits Muslim men to marry Christian or Jewish women, but not Muslim women to marry Christian or Jewish men?
    The reason is because the male is expected to be the one to uphold the religion within the family, so as long as he is Muslim, the family is more likely to be Muslim. That's why women can marry Christians and Jews as long as they convert to Islam first.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Deema)
    The reason is because the male is expected to be the one to uphold the religion within the family, so as long as he is Muslim, the family is more likely to be Muslim. That's why women can marry Christians and Jews as long as they convert to Islam first.
    You've pretty much just answered the question for me.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: March 1, 2011
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Would you like to hibernate through the winter months?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.