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    (Original post by sunfowers01)
    :console:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I know how terrifying and overwhelming this is, but honestly, I really think you can cope with this - a lot of people wouldn't have handled things anywhere near as well as you've handled them over the last few weeks, and I think you should be really proud of yourself. You're not going to be a horrible mum at all - you seem like such a lovely person, and you have your partner's support and everything else around you. The mental health adviser sounds greats as well. :jumphug:
    (Original post by SirHas)
    I know you think you've ruined your life, but honestly you haven't. You've made it through some situations I wouldn't have. You're an amazing and caring person, I am certain you'll make it through this. I know for a fact you'll be an incredible mum, with your very supportive partner, friends and family by your side.
    Thanks so much everyone. I haven't been able to reply for a couple of hours cos I kept reading through all your responses and breaking down crying, not because I'm not grateful but because I can't believe how supportive everyone is here. I find it very difficult to believe on days like this, like, how can I possibly be coping? I just don't see it. My MHA told me that it might be a good idea to see my GP after this morning's break down/anxiety attack when I posted all that stuff before. I can't physically bring myself to see a GP. I don't think I can trust them any more. Not after all this, not after they didn't realise about my pregnancy... they never seem to be any help. I would change surgeries but they are literally round the corner from my house.

    Didn't manage to go into Uni today. Just emailed my MHA for a while and then sent a quick email to my tutor. Luckily my MHA said she would explain everything to the tutor for me so that I didn't have to deal with it. Then I spent the morning crying in bed and just got up to have some lunch. I forgot to feed my cat as well until really late. But he's asleep next to me now with his head on my lap and that makes it better somehow.

    I can't believe how difficult this morning has been. Quite possibly the worst one I have ever had, and I didn't think that it could possibly get any worse than yesterday.
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    I actually can't do this


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    (Original post by superwolf)
    Glad you managed to talk things over. :yy: Sounds like you're being pretty sensible about what's good for you right now, so hopefully you'll have made the right decision.

    You have pets? :teeth: Wanna see pictures! Really hope you get to keep them (you could always try just sneaking them in :ninja:) - I've been wanting to get pet mice for ages, and even just the thought of having them in the future helps keep me going.
    Yes! My pets are pretty much my everything, they mean the world to me! I'd love to have mice in the near-ish future, they're amazing! I'm absolutely obsessed with rodents and want to keep pretty much every domestic type at some point, including some of the exotics like spiny mice and African Pygmy Dormice!

    I currently have a dark tailed white gerbil called Pringle, she was going to be put down and was really ill and lethargic when I got her!! D: Luckily I managed to rescue her in time and she's grown up to be beautiful! I love her to bits, she's the runt of the litter so she's super tiny for a fully grown gerbil, but she makes up for it with her big personality! She's a bit special needs because her eyesight is really bad and she gets bullied by other, bigger gerbils so has to live on her own and needs lots of spoiling and attention so she doesn't get depressed. I need lots of cuddles with her too so the arrangement works out quite nicely, it's like we were made for each other haha! This is her:
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    I also have a chinese hamster called Libby. I'm pretty sure she was an unwanted Christmas present, since I rescued her at the beginning of February. She's super super teensy and super cute. She likes to climb up onto my shoulders and groom my hair for me which is really sweet. Chinese hams are more like mice than hamsters, they have proper little tails and they've got a lot of control over them, so they wrap them around your fingers and things. They're also super affectionate. She's not quite fully grown yet, so she's only about 3 inches from nose to tail at the moment. This is her, you can't tell how small she is from this unfortunately.
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    Until quite recently I also had a little Campbell's/Winter White hybrid dwarf ham (sometimes known as 'russian' hamsters) but he sadly passed away earlier this year. He was very, very old, especially considering that he was a hybrid, and he lived life to the full right up till his last minute, so I'm grateful for that, but I still miss him a lot. It just felt like such a bad time because I was in the middle of the worst depressive episode I've ever had and losing him on top of it all just felt really unfair. He was absolutely my baby and we did pretty much everything together! (When I was playing video games I'd bring him down to sit with me and stuff, we were really close ) His name was Moffin, and this is one of my favourite pictures of him:
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    So yeah, that's my mini zoo haha! Hopefully it will get bigger in the future, there are so many unwanted and unloved pets and I'd love to provide homes for more of them. I hope you manage to get your mice one day! I'm considering ninja-ing Libby in at some point, but Pringle lives in an enormous glass tank so it's pretty difficult to hide her! Still no reply from the uni, but they haven't said no yet so I'm hoping that's a good thing!


    On another note entirely, I've been trying really hard not to give in to the mirtazapine food cravings today and it's actually sort of working! If I can shift at least some of the weight by controlling what I eat then I guess it wouldn't be too bad staying on it...
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    (Original post by Mouse Potato)
    I think I'm on 15mg at the moment.
    15mg is a small dose - at that amount all it does is make you sleep and make you so hungry you eat all the time - it doesn't even have many antidepressant properties!

    30mg or 45mg is a much better dose - less sedation and the hunger goes down a lot too.
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    (Original post by 08batee)
    I actually can't do this


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    :hugs: What's going on? From all your posts you seem like a really strong person - despite all the **** that has been thrown at you. And I know right now that things are so bad and it seems impossible to continue - but I have every faith that you will get through this. We are all here for you.
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    (Original post by Mouse Potato)
    Yes! My pets are pretty much my everything, they mean the world to me! I'd love to have mice in the near-ish future, they're amazing! I'm absolutely obsessed with rodents and want to keep pretty much every domestic type at some point, including some of the exotics like spiny mice and African Pygmy Dormice!

    I currently have a dark tailed white gerbil called Pringle, she was going to be put down and was really ill and lethargic when I got her!! D: Luckily I managed to rescue her in time and she's grown up to be beautiful! I love her to bits, she's the runt of the litter so she's super tiny for a fully grown gerbil, but she makes up for it with her big personality! She's a bit special needs because her eyesight is really bad and she gets bullied by other, bigger gerbils so has to live on her own and needs lots of spoiling and attention so she doesn't get depressed. I need lots of cuddles with her too so the arrangement works out quite nicely, it's like we were made for each other haha! This is her:
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    I also have a chinese hamster called Libby. I'm pretty sure she was an unwanted Christmas present, since I rescued her at the beginning of February. She's super super teensy and super cute. She likes to climb up onto my shoulders and groom my hair for me which is really sweet. Chinese hams are more like mice than hamsters, they have proper little tails and they've got a lot of control over them, so they wrap them around your fingers and things. They're also super affectionate. She's not quite fully grown yet, so she's only about 3 inches from nose to tail at the moment. This is her, you can't tell how small she is from this unfortunately.
    Name:  DSC_4339.JPG
Views: 100
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    Until quite recently I also had a little Campbell's/Winter White hybrid dwarf ham (sometimes known as 'russian' hamsters) but he sadly passed away earlier this year. He was very, very old, especially considering that he was a hybrid, and he lived life to the full right up till his last minute, so I'm grateful for that, but I still miss him a lot. It just felt like such a bad time because I was in the middle of the worst depressive episode I've ever had and losing him on top of it all just felt really unfair. He was absolutely my baby and we did pretty much everything together! (When I was playing video games I'd bring him down to sit with me and stuff, we were really close ) His name was Moffin, and this is one of my favourite pictures of him:
    Name:  DSCF4667.jpg
Views: 104
Size:  139.7 KB

    So yeah, that's my mini zoo haha! Hopefully it will get bigger in the future, there are so many unwanted and unloved pets and I'd love to provide homes for more of them. I hope you manage to get your mice one day! I'm considering ninja-ing Libby in at some point, but Pringle lives in an enormous glass tank so it's pretty difficult to hide her! Still no reply from the uni, but they haven't said no yet so I'm hoping that's a good thing!


    On another note entirely, I've been trying really hard not to give in to the mirtazapine food cravings today and it's actually sort of working! If I can shift at least some of the weight by controlling what I eat then I guess it wouldn't be too bad staying on it...
    :woo: They are adorable/beautiful/cutest things ever. Sounds like you take really good care of them too, bet they're amazingly happy with you. I'm planning to get mines from a rescue too - probably going to go for ones that seem fully healthy though, as it's my first time with mice and I'd be too scared I'd do something wrong for a sick one. Also I want to get three mice so that they can keep each other company - you must spend a lot of time with yours to keep them so happy!

    (Original post by Wheek)
    :hi:
    Talking about pets made me think of you and your guinea pigs. How goes the menagerie?
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    (Original post by ANONYM00SE)
    Nope just me being pathetic
    how are you doing today?


    :hugs: well done for working atm though and good luck
    :hugs: I'm sure you are not pathetic.

    I'm okay thanks.
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    (Original post by bullettheory)
    15mg is a small dose - at that amount all it does is make you sleep and make you so hungry you eat all the time - it doesn't even have many antidepressant properties!

    30mg or 45mg is a much better dose - less sedation and the hunger goes down a lot too.
    Oh wow, totally didn't know that, thanks! I'll ask my psychiatrist about maybe getting a larger dose. I think they wanted to keep it as small as possible when it was initially prescribed because I was also taking 40mg citalopram, 30mg diazepam and 160mg propranolol every day. That said, if it doesn't really have many antidepressant properties at 15mg I might ask just to come off it. I don't need the sedative properties any more, at the time I'd just come off abilify and literally couldn't sleep for more than an hour in one go, but that's no longer an issue. I really don't need the weight gain and constant hunger, they're just making me more miserable.


    (Original post by superwolf)
    :woo: They are adorable/beautiful/cutest things ever. Sounds like you take really good care of them too, bet they're amazingly happy with you. I'm planning to get mines from a rescue too - probably going to go for ones that seem fully healthy though, as it's my first time with mice and I'd be too scared I'd do something wrong for a sick one. Also I want to get three mice so that they can keep each other company - you must spend a lot of time with yours to keep them so happy!
    Thank you! I love them so much. I'd definitely advise against picking up ill pets if you're unsure, it can be really costly if nothing else! And yeah, I spend loads of time with them. ^___^
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    (Original post by PonchoKid)
    x
    Hope you managed to sleep in the end and you're feeling a bit better this morning.


    (Original post by luno)
    Sorry to hijack your conversation with PonchoKid but I was literally just watching Ratatouille and the first picture totally reminds me of the brothers from the movie (although in mouse form) .It's uncanny, one big and one small and one of them eating a strawberry, which happens in the film!!! Haha sorry again , the picture just made me laugh.
    Hows things Luno?


    (Original post by superwolf)

    Glad you managed to get outside, but bit concerned about what this decision is... :hmmm:

    Yeah me too.
    I've always been more of an outside type of person, so its not surprising that being so cooped up is stressful for me. All my best memories are of being outside, I just love the sense of freedom it gives you.
    Being out in the air let me actually think for once. There wasn't anything masking what is real and its just a relief. Its so hard to think when there is so much confusion and fear and people clouding every thought process, so to feel like I could just see and breathe and think is really soothing. So it's really okay.

    Hows everything going for you?
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    (Original post by bullettheory)
    :hugs: What's going on? From all your posts you seem like a really strong person - despite all the **** that has been thrown at you. And I know right now that things are so bad and it seems impossible to continue - but I have every faith that you will get through this. We are all here for you.
    I'm not strong in the slightest. I keep giving in and when I feel as though things can't get worse they do. Yesterday someone was talking to me and telling me I shouldn't be here. I keep desperately crying in bed, curled up in a ball biting my fingers away to stop myself doing anything worse. I need to get a grip but I'm just not good enough


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    (Original post by Sultana)
    Yeah me too.
    I've always been more of an outside type of person, so its not surprising that being so cooped up is stressful for me. All my best memories are of being outside, I just love the sense of freedom it gives you.
    Being out in the air let me actually think for once. There wasn't anything masking what is real and its just a relief. Its so hard to think when there is so much confusion and fear and people clouding every thought process, so to feel like I could just see and breathe and think is really soothing. So it's really okay.

    Hows everything going for you?
    This still doesn't sound so reassuring. You should try and get out as much as you can though, if it makes you feel better.

    I'm alright, doing lotsa knitting!
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    Struggling, exam soon and everything is awful. I just can't
    What do I do, I seriously have no idea. Does anyone know what to do
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    (Original post by Mouse Potato)
    Oh wow, totally didn't know that, thanks! I'll ask my psychiatrist about maybe getting a larger dose. I think they wanted to keep it as small as possible when it was initially prescribed because I was also taking 40mg citalopram, 30mg diazepam and 160mg propranolol every day. That said, if it doesn't really have many antidepressant properties at 15mg I might ask just to come off it. I don't need the sedative properties any more, at the time I'd just come off abilify and literally couldn't sleep for more than an hour in one go, but that's no longer an issue. I really don't need the weight gain and constant hunger, they're just making me more miserable.
    Definitely mention it to your Psych. How was Abilify for you? I'm on Quetiapine atm, but I find it a bit too sedative, and I've heard good things about Abilify. The hunger should go with a higher dose - definitely mention it to your psychiatrist

    (Original post by 08batee)
    I'm not strong in the slightest. I keep giving in and when I feel as though things can't get worse they do. Yesterday someone was talking to me and telling me I shouldn't be here. I keep desperately crying in bed, curled up in a ball biting my fingers away to stop myself doing anything worse. I need to get a grip but I'm just not good enough


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Who said you shouldn't be here? :hugs:

    (Original post by FuzzySheep)
    Struggling, exam soon and everything is awful. I just can't
    Posted from TSR Mobile
    :console: :hugs: :jumphug: What's going on love? Text me if you need to talk or that (or talk to me on here)
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    Guess what guys??? Guess what!!!!

    I'm allowed out for a day!!!!!! best news I have ever heard since being here!! After being cooped up for a few weeks in one dingy room I cannot wait to be outside for a day!!! :awesome: I literally had to beg my doc this morning and he'd said he'd discuss with senior management and they agreed :dance: seriously though I can't wait!!!


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    (Original post by -FireFlies-)
    Guess what guys??? Guess what!!!!

    I'm allowed out for a day!!!!!! best news I have ever heard since being here!! After being cooped up for a few weeks in one dingy room I cannot wait to be outside for a day!!! :awesome: I literally had to beg my doc this morning and he'd said he'd discuss with senior management and they agreed :dance: seriously though I can't wait!!!


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    That's fantastic news great job keep it up. What do you plan to do when go out for a day?
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    (Original post by bullettheory)
    Definitely mention it to your Psych. How was Abilify for you? I'm on Quetiapine atm, but I find it a bit too sedative, and I've heard good things about Abilify. The hunger should go with a higher dose - definitely mention it to your psychiatrist
    I'm going to be honest, Abilify was awful for me. I was on various doses and ended up at 30mg. Whilst it really sorted out the psychosis and got me through a crisis, the side effects meant I had to come off it after about 3 months. I had really bad tremors - I couldn't write, cut up food on my plate or wash myself properly, and cooking was completely out of the question. It started affecting my face as well, I couldn't really make facial expressions properly, and the muscles of my face (including my tongue, which was really alarming) would twitch continuously. I was also constantly full of energy, as in literally pacing round the room unable to sit still kind of energy. I'd never sleep more than an hour at a time, and would be unable to sleep at all past about 6am. Bearing in mind I was only getting to bed at 2 or 3am, this was causing problems.

    So yeah, generally just a bit of a nightmare. We tried dropping the dose but even when I got to only 5mg there was no improvement in the side effects. From what I've heard, this kind of tremor and extreme restlessness isn't unusual on Abilify, but I think the severity of mine was quite unusual. My new psych also said that in her opinion it shouldn't be prescribed alongside citalopram, can't remember exactly why but it was something to do with heart problems I think? I don't know if this means it shouldn't be prescribed alongside any SSRIs. Something to keep in mind anyway.

    I'd say it's worth a go though. If the tremors had been at a level where they were controllable with beta blockers or something, I'd have stayed on it, it did the job really well and is much 'cleaner' than a lot of other antipsychotics apparently.


    (Original post by -FireFlies-)
    Guess what guys??? Guess what!!!!*




    I'm allowed out for a day!!!!!! best news I have ever heard since being here!! After being cooped up for a few weeks in one dingy room I cannot wait to be outside for a day!!! :awesome: I literally had to beg my doc this morning and he'd said he'd discuss with senior management and they agreed :dance: seriously though I can't wait!!!*


    Eeeek I'm so pleased for you!! Hope you have a really lovely day outside! That's such good news!!




    My uni finally got back to me about my gerbil! If I provide medical evidence they'll apparently consider it. I know my CPN has written specifically about the importance of my gerbil on the letter she's done for them, so fingers crossed they might let me keep her in halls! Best news I've had all week.
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    (Original post by -FireFlies-)
    Guess what guys??? Guess what!!!!

    I'm allowed out for a day!!!!!! best news I have ever heard since being here!! After being cooped up for a few weeks in one dingy room I cannot wait to be outside for a day!!! :awesome: I literally had to beg my doc this morning and he'd said he'd discuss with senior management and they agreed :dance: seriously though I can't wait!!!


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    That's great news!! I'm well please for you! :lovehug:

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    I feel that my exam went all right and so I was content when I finished. Now I just got to do coursework(s) that's due in tomorrow and see the dentist of Friday and stress week should be over Full steam ahead!!
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    (Original post by bullettheory)
    Definitely mention it to your Psych. How was Abilify for you? I'm on Quetiapine atm, but I find it a bit too sedative, and I've heard good things about Abilify. The hunger should go with a higher dose - definitely mention it to your psychiatrist



    Who said you shouldn't be here? :hugs:



    :console: :hugs: :jumphug: What's going on love? Text me if you need to talk or that (or talk to me on here)
    The voices, everything was talking to me and I'm still getting some today. it's so overwhelming
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    (Original post by FuzzySheep)
    Struggling, exam soon and everything is awful. I just can't
    What do I do, I seriously have no idea. Does anyone know what to do
    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Sorry to hear that hun :console: I'm here if you want to talk
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    (Original post by IDukem)
    That's great news!! I'm well please for you! :lovehug:

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    I feel that my exam went all right and so I was content when I finished. Now I just got to do coursework(s) that's due in tomorrow and see the dentist of Friday and stress week should be over Full steam ahead!!
    Great news :jumphug:
 
 
 
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