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Told a friend I like her..... Watch

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I tell her I like her.
    She says that "For Now (lol For now) that I am one of her closest friends"
    Something happens we have a big argument and I stop talking to her for like 4-5days
    She texts me complaining about the above
    We have a massive heart to heart, basically I tell her all the little things I like about her like her smile etc etc
    We start to reminiss of times we've shared.
    All seems fine and dandy and we are happy as larry and things take a slight turn getting back to how they were it just felt different.
    Since Monday, she has spoken to someone and her replies are less frequent and I don't know what the ****s going on.

    I understand she could be confused as to how she feels but I'm getting a bit annoyed at how things have turned out from being amazing to a bit ****ty to great again. So I don't really know whats going on basically, might just give her space again and see what happens, because its all I can do, and just go on with my life, if she comes back great but I'll have to explain to her that I can't be dealing with all this hot cold **** & i'll live my life, if you like me come back great. If not then so be it. I'll try to be friends still but after a while not straight away. (But she literally hated not talking for a few days so I wonder how that will go lol)

    She doesn't like you, get over it now before this gets ugly.
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    (Original post by fat_hobbit)
    dunno Julie, last girl I dated told me I wasn't her type at first.

    Has happened to my mates too. Who are now married.
    Oh, those "fall in love later" moments do happen but not as often as friends like-liking each other from the get go.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    hahaahahahahahah!!

    If you actually knew me then this would be laughable. Did I or did I not ask to meet up? Hmmmmm

    Have I asked girls out face to face in the past. Yes. So why be a massive douche?

    "Pathetic Friendship" My arse. But hey you don't know either of us do you. Was I or was I not the man who put distance between us? Yes yes I was. Was I or was I not, the guy who received a message from her wanting to start talking again. Yes I was. Does this define as chasing or standing firm. I think standing firm is the better option to choose here.

    Put her needs above my own? Very much doubt it considering Im going to tell her whats going to happen in that I need closure and to actually hear her say the words that I'm expecting her to say so I can cut her out for a short period of time so I can move on. But I know that she'll come crawling back.

    So who is the one trying to move on from it all? Oh right. Me!
    Asking to meet up and discuss things after rejection is different to asking her out up front. You have done nothing but act like a friend and when you act like a friend, you get treated like a friend. I don't believe for one second that it's taken you 5/6 years to realize you wanted to go out with her.

    Having a 'heart to heart' with her? Are you one of her girl mates? Why would you say to her you 'like her smile'? Do you really think complimenting her like that right after she's rejected you is a good idea? Cos to me that radiates someone who is attached.

    Cutting her out for a short time isn't going to achieve anything cos when you start talking to her again, things will go back to the way they are. You don't stop liking someone by spending a month away from them. I guarantee when she gets a boyfriend, you will get jealous and feel worse than you do now. Cut contact and end it now or you'll drive yourself mad. You make not like what I have to say but at the end of the day, I've been in your shoes so know how to get over this.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Asking to meet up and discuss things after rejection is different to asking her out up front. You have done nothing but act like a friend and when you act like a friend, you get treated like a friend. I don't believe for one second that it's taken you 5/6 years to realize you wanted to go out with her.

    Having a 'heart to heart' with her? Are you one of her girl mates? Why would you say to her you 'like her smile'? Do you really think complimenting her like that right after she's rejected you is a good idea? Cos to me that radiates someone who is attached.

    Cutting her out for a short time isn't going to achieve anything cos when you start talking to her again, things will go back to the way they are. You don't stop liking someone by spending a month away from them. I guarantee when she gets a boyfriend, you will get jealous and feel worse than you do now. Cut contact and end it now or you'll drive yourself mad. You make not like what I have to say but at the end of the day, I've been in your shoes so know how to get over this.
    What can't you understand that I am not scared to do that? Ask a girl out face to face? Done nothing but act like a friend? So being incredibly flirty to one another where people think we're a couple defines me as a friend? I wouldn't have asked her out if I didnt think there was something there or try flirting and see if she reciprocates. Don't assume I've been a lap dog friend lapping up everything she has to say, I wouldn't have asked her out/told her how I felt if I didnt have good signals that she may have liked me back.


    To begin with she wasn't as attractive to me - I wasn't interested and didnt talk to her as much, things have just taken along a path where I spoke to her more and more and eventually nearly every day, and it just happened. Its not as simple as black and white as you make out.

    So opening up emotions defines you as a girl? what are you 12? Because thats what I like about her? Maybe thats what I wanted to say to her. She asked me what it was I spoke to my friend about her and I told her, I told her and just laid out my cards, this is how I feel this is what I like about you. Whats wrong with that?

    Anyway, I've asked to speak to her and get closure, just so I can hear it from her, so I can move on. I asked to talk face to face and she doesnt want to, and I tried calling her and she doesnt want to talk, she seems much more comfortable over text. She's scared to talk to me. So it's time to just forget it all.

    I do honestly feel as though your a bit scared to show emotions and are like a typical "macho-man" where emotions are tied up and can't talk to a woman about how you feel without fear of being labelled a "pussy"
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    (Original post by fat_hobbit)
    It does work, if she is already attracted to you.

    People want things that they can't get. Same principle applies here.

    I have had women right, when I am playing that way , chase me like a rash...until I open up, and they get bored.
    This is true. Funny how when most guys get a gf girls flock to them or guys with lots of women in their life get a lot of attention because it shows status and status = attraction. Girls think that what is she giving him which I can't or that looks like fun, lets see what the fuss is about kind of thing. Why is he so special that all these girls are attracted to? and thus an attraction is formed. I can guarantee it - like you have said to me before is if I get more attention that she'll come crawling back. But by that point I'd have moved on anyway.


    (Original post by JulietheCat)
    I understand that you can grow to like someone but mostly, the mutual attraction is there from the get go before friends become a couple.

    That's what happened with me and my flatmate. We like-liked each other almost immediately but we didn't act on it until a few months ago because at that time, we were in relationships.
    Finally someone who actually agrees with me on the grow to like someone aspect of a relationship. If there is a mutual attraction though to start with its not really a friendship is it as both want more - Id say the growing to like someone would be mutual. You both aren't attracted to start with and you both grow to like the other person after you find out more about them.
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    (Original post by JulietheCat)
    Oh, those "fall in love later" moments do happen but not as often as friends like-liking each other from the get go.
    Don't underestimate the power of charm Julie
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    #1

    Well its finished with - I have closure - even if I did get a confusing response about me - I'm trying to get distance and space but whether or not she'll let me and keep contacting me is another matter all together. But I gotta stay strong. It's hard, but I'm sure I'll be able to do this and become a stronger person for it.
    • #4
    #4

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Well its finished with - I have closure - even if I did get a confusing response about me - I'm trying to get distance and space but whether or not she'll let me and keep contacting me is another matter all together. But I gotta stay strong. It's hard, but I'm sure I'll be able to do this and become a stronger person for it.
    Even though we've argued about this on here, have to say you've made the right decision. Fair play. Things will start to feel a whole lot better now. If she keeps contacting you against your word, repeat once 'I've already given you my reasons and need time away to move on from this'. If she continues trying to make contact, best thing to do is to ignore her messages. That way you've made yourself clear. Good luck.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Even though we've argued about this on here, have to say you've made the right decision. Fair play. Things will start to feel a whole lot better now. If she keeps contacting you against your word, repeat once 'I've already given you my reasons and need time away to move on from this'. If she continues trying to make contact, best thing to do is to ignore her messages. That way you've made yourself clear. Good luck.
    Really feel bad for the OP tbh.

    She should have cut him off first. However, she clearly didn't care and was persistent because she didn't want to lose his friendship, despite knowing he was really into her. So it was more about her feelings for her, not his.

    Hate girls like this

    OP, you did the right thing. Be strong mate.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Finally someone who actually agrees with me on the grow to like someone aspect of a relationship. If there is a mutual attraction though to start with its not really a friendship is it as both want more - Id say the growing to like someone would be mutual. You both aren't attracted to start with and you both grow to like the other person after you find out more about them.
    TBH, been in situations like the OP where I after I replace her with an official girlfriend, they start realising what they have lost, and chase me.

    I strongly believe that women like guys who are popular with women, and are not needy.

    Similarly, last night I was out, got chatting to some bird, some guy messages her, she opens her whatsapp mocking him. "Look at how many messages he has sent me"...She was basically deliberately ignoring him...and was getting a kick out of it, the idea that she was in complete control of the conversation. I didn't say anything, but it makes you think.

    The OP tbh was quite needy with this girl, which was an attraction killer. Towards the end he wasn't needy, but by that point the damage was done, she knew he liked him.
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    Didn't read all 291 posts but read the first few pages.

    This is something that happened to me. After a few weeks, I told a friend I liked her and it didn't quite work out the way I wanted to. She was unresponsive for a couple of days but she did this to help me get over it quickly. But it didn't. I thought I lost a good friend and thought she left me. I messaged her to meet up to clear things up after the rejection. We had a chat about it and from then on things moved in the right direction. Now we're still talking and still meet up every now and then. I consider myself quite lucky to have someone co-operative as her, as anyone else could probably have ignored me for good.

    This happened a good 5 months ago, I'm well over it and I can learn from my mistakes. I made a lot of mistakes and that's what put me in the friendzone. But the great thing is, if you remain friends with her, she may have a fit friend to set you up with!
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    (Original post by UWS)
    But the great thing is, if you remain friends with her, she may have a fit friend to set you up with!
    True that.
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    #1

    (Original post by fat_hobbit)
    TBH, been in situations like the OP where I after I replace her with an official girlfriend, they start realising what they have lost, and chase me.

    I strongly believe that women like guys who are popular with women, and are not needy.

    Similarly, last night I was out, got chatting to some bird, some guy messages her, she opens her whatsapp mocking him. "Look at how many messages he has sent me"...She was basically deliberately ignoring him...and was getting a kick out of it, the idea that she was in complete control of the conversation. I didn't say anything, but it makes you think.

    The OP tbh was quite needy with this girl, which was an attraction killer. Towards the end he wasn't needy, but by that point the damage was done, she knew he liked him.
    Bruh I was never needy imo i never really iniated conversation ever.

    But the funny thing is, now I've said no, no more contact for a while she is trying to get "control" of the relationship "back" and my attention.

    She goes "Our friendship will never be the same" - The next day "Dont worry our friendship will only be weird for a lil while" (it will go back to how it was) Threatens that it wont be the same (childish) and then the next day is oh dont worry it will go back.

    & ever since i said no she been trying her hardest to win me back and reel me back in. hahahahaha!

    Like being a lil ***** to me and winding me up all the time (funny how she is nonstop giggling while she does it)

    She wants the attention and isnt gonna get it - all of a sudden ive taken control - whereas before she thought she could get what she wanted when she wanted and now thats not gonna happen she is ****ting herself, that I wont talk to her ever again. So is trying to reach out for my attention - which i wont give.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Bruh I was never needy imo i never really iniated conversation ever.

    But the funny thing is, now I've said no, no more contact for a while she is trying to get "control" of the relationship "back" and my attention.

    She goes "Our friendship will never be the same" - The next day "Dont worry our friendship will only be weird for a lil while" (it will go back to how it was) Threatens that it wont be the same (childish) and then the next day is oh dont worry it will go back.

    & ever since i said no she been trying her hardest to win me back and reel me back in. hahahahaha!

    Like being a lil ***** to me and winding me up all the time (funny how she is nonstop giggling while she does it)

    She wants the attention and isnt gonna get it - all of a sudden ive taken control - whereas before she thought she could get what she wanted when she wanted and now thats not gonna happen she is ****ting herself, that I wont talk to her ever again. So is trying to reach out for my attention - which i wont give.
    The problem is eventually to get into a relationship with her, you need to be vulnerable and open up.

    It's only for so long you can do the ignoring game.

    Honestly, you are probably better off finding someone else. There are always other girls out there.
    • #1
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    #1

    (Original post by fat_hobbit)
    The problem is eventually to get into a relationship with her, you need to be vulnerable and open up.

    It's only for so long you can do the ignoring game.

    Honestly, you are probably better off finding someone else. There are always other girls out there.
    i need a ****ing holiday bruv thats whst i need!
 
 
 
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