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    (Original post by purple-duck)
    I'm okay I guess, don't know at all this past week How about you? Been up to much today? (I haven't )
    Glad you're okay

    I'm alright, having a pretty rough few weeks, but I'll keep plodding through it.

    Saw my friend today which was lovely, went round to hers and watched a few movies so still a lazy day but nice to have some company!
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    (Original post by purple-duck)
    :woo: Thanks Still got lots of time Plus everything's on sale now! (At least for Uni-y things) Let's hope so :yep: Well I have a few pens that don't work - That okay? :lol:

    Good Oh I hate it when coughs are bad like that. (if by choking you mean the cough that just won't go away/leaves you in coughing fits (?))
    Haha exactly (:hmmm:)
    Yeah I hope so - sort of thinking it might be nice to have company that aren't parents, though just as long as when I want time alone they give it me - luckily have the car so can always just drive somewhere obscure Thanks

    Thanks Don't really know Think it's just summer/feeling lonely/Uni approaching, (which while I love it sort of semi-scared about how it's going to be like) and also saying good-bye to my pet degu
    Woo good Glad you're feeling positive about stuff! Yeah I was quite scared going too but hopefully there are some excited nerves in there too as well as anxiety? If you ever want to chat about it then do feel free

    Thanks for that Nice to know I'm not alone in doing nothing much (Though just realised you went to scotland! :eek: ) Thank you though I guess I forget that it's there as a relaxation period between years, even if I've spent a long time doing/am still not really that relaxed
    Yano I love reading your messages with all the smileys i think I'm starting uni shopping next week, my grandma is taking me and yes, pens are fine, as long as they're black (i have a horrible feeling about blue pens...my named pens must be black )
    YES! it was one of those coughs -.- i was up literally all night so i'm glad that my a level results were decent, it cheered me up a little
    Ooh yeah! I forgot that you had the car so it should be fine, you can always drive somewhere pretty and just chill out! I really should get back in the car, it's been a few weeks!
    Yeah, it's totally normal to be nervous about uni, i'm ****ting myself hahah. Getting super cold feet about it all! I'm sure we'll both be perfectly fine! Which uni are you at? (if you don't mind me asking ). You can see your pet when you go home after each semester, no?
    There will be some excited nerves nearer the time I think, it still hasn't sunk in that i'm actually going yet! I'm going out with friends tomorrow as our celebration, because I was too ill last week, but i don't think ill have enough money to drink enough
    Haha i've barely done anything except trips shopping or something with family, and the odd cinema trip or night out with friends! Quite enjoyed myself chilling out and being alone, I enjoy my own company haha. I did go to scotland, but it was only for a few days and it rained the whole time, plus i got ill so i was glad to get home
    I totally understand about the not feeling relaxed part, i'm pretty similar...i promise it'll all be okay, you have me to rant too (aren't you lucky? )
    do anything nice today?
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    (Original post by WelshBluebird)
    . So happy you finally got it done tough. I remember how relieved I was when I handed in my dissertation. I'm imagine you feel like that but times 100! Well done! .
    Feels weird not having to do work now! Im pretty certain ill pass my placement file, just praying iv done enough on my dissertation to get them extra 10% not sure when i find out though!


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    Got my room all tidy and pretty looking, nice and happy with it


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    (Original post by PandaWho)
    Feels weird not having to do work now! Im pretty certain ill pass my placement file, just praying iv done enough on my dissertation to get them extra 10% not sure when i find out though!


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    Yeah I bet its weird having so much pressure to finish and now peace! haha.
    Awwww well whatever happens I'm sure you'll be fine!!
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    (Original post by DebkoX)
    Bonjour people. I've been looking for this thread.
    Hello.
    Welcome to the thread.


    Hope you're all okay.

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    Hey guys. I Spose I should explain myself. My name is Arif, I'm 16 and I've fought off depression three times. 2012 was the first and most severe, 2013 was also bad and the recent one was minor. The first one was caused by a realisation that I was someone I didn't want to be. I was dude to teachers, a smart ass and incredibly bad behaved. People loved the Monster I became however, I didn't and I realise they only loved what I did. Not me. Thankfully I dragged myself out after a horrible incident where I broke down in front of my maths class. I'm glad to say the normal Arif is back. The second in 2013 was caused by loneliness from having moved to London and being an outsider. I spent listens on the brink of tears and in summer. I was a empty shell. 2014 was caused by heartache, nothing major. I never felt auicidal in any of those thank god. I'm ok now, sometimes I feel low. Over stupid things such as feelings and not feeling like anyone cares as much as I do. Hey, I gotta live with that.
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    Had a good weekend, except work when someone dropped a trampoline. Have now finally reached the stage of panicking about going on holiday. Have tomorrow to get everything sorted out then heading down to London to fly out. Need to make a GP appointment too since I don't have enough meds to last whole trip. Not sure I'm taking the right things, etc. Should really start getting things together tonight but am exhausted from drinking and lack of sleep.

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    (Original post by WelshBluebird)
    Yeah I bet its weird having so much pressure to finish and now peace! haha.
    Awwww well whatever happens I'm sure you'll be fine!!
    Yeah, nearly every day for the past month iv done something relating to uni work! Haha


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    (Original post by Valvopus)
    Had a good weekend, except work when someone dropped a trampoline. Have now finally reached the stage of panicking about going on holiday. Have tomorrow to get everything sorted out then heading down to London to fly out. Need to make a GP appointment too since I don't have enough meds to last whole trip. Not sure I'm taking the right things, etc. Should really start getting things together tonight but am exhausted from drinking and lack of sleep.

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    Even a few hours can be enough if you list what you need, perhaps you could do the list before u go to bed if you're not too tired? Don't even have to leave your seat for that Hope you enjoy your time in London! You got a plan for what you're doing?
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    (Original post by WelshBluebird)
    . Hope you are ok .
    Thanks. :^_^:

    Today has been a relatively good day. I just treated myself to a long shower and some girly pampering while listening to jazz music and now I feel quite relaxed. Hopefully I will sleep well tonight (I keep getting up in the middle of the night randomly and then not being able to fall asleep again and have done for 7 consecutive nights now - so sleep deprived bleh).

    How are you?
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    (Original post by PandaWho)
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    i got given an ultrasound BEFORE the endocrinologist was involved! Push for a scan, go back to your dr and push. You should get a scan!!

    Also thanks hun, feel so relieved its done!



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    Well she mentioned an ultrasound but said they weren't that helpful, because people can have cysts on their ovaries but not have PCOS. And I think because loads of other levels were off she wanted to look into other things I really don't know though, so confused

    (Original post by bubble999)
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    yeah, my life has kinda been in the hands of fate and all It could be, I really don't know :sad: Thanks :hugs: On the plus side, I'm feeling a bit better at the moment





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    urgh, so bad - like suffocating, just not sure when it's going to stop. Even when it does it leaves you shaky :/ Not really, just kinda random. The last one was last night, I've had them in the morning too, so idk :dontknow: Aww, hope they get better soon :hugs:
    :penguinhug:

    (Original post by lauraaaaa)
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    yeah and heaviness
    I'm sorry :hugs: I'm having similar problems Have you tried all the usual - hot water bottle, obviously painkillers, bath/shower, lavender? :hugs:

    (Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd)
    PEEPS I'M GETTING THERAPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Only I missed the first session because the letter came late and then Dad took a few days to give it to me :sigh:

    Will have to ring up on Monday and apologise profusely

    Also: Really wanna text E. Someone save me from myself
    So sorry I only just got your texts (been at work). Really pleased to hear that though.. still somewhat confused you weren't offered counselling, but therapy is good all the same Hope you're feeling a bit better (and you didn't text E ) :hugs:

    (Original post by Jean-Luc Picard)
    thanks guys :hugs: sorry I am just really not in a good place right now & stuff, just badly need something to change, lately when I get down it's just beyond painful, really just feels overwhelming, spent like an hour last night just crying on & off
    :hugs: I'm so sorry you're in so much pain. Hang on in there hun.
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    (Original post by Team_McDreamy)
    on the verge of treating myself to some very pricey boots that i can't really afford. they're classic black dr martens and i found them at a really good deal (£64 instead of £100), and i have thrown away loads of my shoes recently, so i don't have any flat boots to wear in the winter, which i kinda need to have because i go to uni in scottyland. but they're so expensive and I've already treated myself to a new laptop and other bits and bobs this summer and I'm worried that this sudden impulse to buy these boots is related to BPD? like, i didn't wake up wanting these boots but now its all i can think about. they are pricey but they're such good quality and they will last me ages...

    edit - i bought the shoes...
    To me that doesn't strike me as BPD, especially as by posting, it's showing you're considering your options or are aware of the fact that you're about to buy them. With me, it's more of a 'OMG I ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO HAVE ALL OF THE THINGS EVER. RIGHT NOW'. I go into a haze which I don't really remember until it's too late and I'm left with an empty bank account. I cannot go into a supermarket when I feel impulsive like that because I go round in some sort of mania and buy everything just because I can. And also, I tend to buy lots of random useless things online. Within minutes I've spent more than £100 on various items that I don't need, or have eaten thousands of calories of food in half an hour because I just 'need' to get it inside me and it's a totally uncontrollable urge. Everyone has things that they want just for the hell of it, to treat themselves or because they like it and that's perfectly fine and healthy. They sound like a good choice, too.
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    (Original post by PandaWho)
    Yeah, nearly every day for the past month iv done something relating to uni work! Haha


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    Awwwww . Well relax a little now!

    (Original post by Star-girl)
    Thanks. :^_^:

    Today has been a relatively good day. I just treated myself to a long shower and some girly pampering while listening to jazz music and now I feel quite relaxed. Hopefully I will sleep well tonight (I keep getting up in the middle of the night randomly and then not being able to fall asleep again and have done for 7 consecutive nights now - so sleep deprived bleh).

    How are you?
    Wooo sounds good . Hope you do sleep well! Not sleeping isn't very fun.

    Yeah I'm good . Had a nice afternoon with a friend and a nice weekend in general so .
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    (Original post by ScaryScience)
    To me that doesn't strike me as BPD, especially as by posting, it's showing you're considering your options or are aware of the fact that you're about to buy them. With me, it's more of a 'OMG I ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO HAVE ALL OF THE THINGS EVER. RIGHT NOW'. I go into a haze which I don't really remember until it's too late and I'm left with an empty bank account. I cannot go into a supermarket when I feel impulsive like that because I go round in some sort of mania and buy everything just because I can. And also, I tend to buy lots of random useless things online. Within minutes I've spent more than £100 on various items that I don't need, or have eaten thousands of calories of food in half an hour because I just 'need' to get it inside me and it's a totally uncontrollable urge. Everyone has things that they want just for the hell of it, to treat themselves or because they like it and that's perfectly fine and healthy. They sound like a good choice, too.
    thanks for the reassurance i've definitely felt that way before, especially food and shopping
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    i'm so ashamed of it but i used to nick money out of my dads wallet because i HAD to go shopping and i HAD to buy everything. which is how I've ended up with things like a mini crayon set and a framed picture of jesus

    but as you said a while back, once i started contemplating these things, its become really hard to not analyse and overanalyse every decision i make now :erm:
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    (Original post by ScaryScience)
    I'm sorry :hugs: I'm having similar problems Have you tried all the usual - hot water bottle, obviously painkillers, bath/shower, lavender? :hugs:
    indeed! :/ still not as bad as it was last time, it seems to vary each time! I'm okay now though! Hope you're feeling better
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    I will be willing to put money on me being bipolar.

    I started off this week buying ALL THE THINGS from amazon and I was really excited and pumped about starting a new uni and I was like 'HELLS YEAH LEEDS FEST' and I got about 12 hours sleep over 5 days..

    and now I'm just lying in bed wanting to cry. I dont want to go to Leeds fest because... idk. I'm super scared about starting my new uni because I'm really anxious I'm not going to make any friends because going into halls is NOT an option for me. (I dont live with my parents, the situation is pretty complicated)

    and I've also noticed that I'm starting to develop what could be trichotillomania on my legs (I've got bald patches... which is weird) and I dont feel like i can really talk to anybody properly.

    Every time I mention the uni thing I get some generic reassuring statement and I dont think people realise just how bothered I am about feeling out of the loop and feeling like I've not moved on properly. And I'm so insulted that people think the hair pulling thing is okay because 'you dont WANT hair on your legs'

    true. I dont want hair on my legs or whatever but, at the same time, shaving is a little bit different... and you're kinda writing off what could be serious problem because of aesthetics.

    yeah i dont even know I just need several hugs and the motivation to go to see my doctor >.<
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    (Original post by WelshBluebird)
    Wooo sounds good . Hope you do sleep well! Not sleeping isn't very fun.

    Yeah I'm good . Had a nice afternoon with a friend and a nice weekend in general so .
    Thanks and no... it isn't. :yawn:

    Sounds fun.
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    (Original post by Team_McDreamy)
    thanks for the reassurance i've definitely felt that way before, especially food and shopping
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    i'm so ashamed of it but i used to nick money out of my dads wallet because i HAD to go shopping and i HAD to buy everything. which is how I've ended up with things like a mini crayon set and a framed picture of jesus

    but as you said a while back, once i started contemplating these things, its become really hard to not analyse and overanalyse every decision i make now :erm:
    :hugs: In that case, those situations may show impulsiveness from a BPD perspective. BPD is a really annoying one tbh, because as you say, the more you think about it, the more it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy, and you begin to think of past events as a 'sign' that you have BPD, when really some of the things are just part of being a human. What really convinced me of having it (went through weird stage of denial after assessment) was reading other people's experiences of it... what really bothers me about the list of symptoms of BPD is that they are reasonably vague, can be put down to all manner of other factors, especially if you have depression, for example, and that these characteristics can make up a healthy persons personality amongst other personality traits. The key thing they miss off, is the main reasons why people may have a suicidal 'nature' or act impulsively... and that is because generally people with BPD experience unbearably intense emotions. Emotions that are so painful and difficult to control that there seems to be no other way to deal with them apart from engaging in damaging acts. I could go on and deconstruct the whole thing but I will spare you Basically, if you feel like you want to explore the possibility further, read articles or blog posts of people who have BPD and take note of their thought processes etc. If ever you want to talk through anything then feel free to PM me. I know how hideous BPD is and I really hope there is another explanation :console:

    (Original post by lauraaaaa)
    indeed! :/ still not as bad as it was last time, it seems to vary each time! I'm okay now though! Hope you're feeling better
    Yeah I know that feeling - really glad you're feeling a bit better :hugs:
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    (Original post by Meaty_man)
    Even a few hours can be enough if you list what you need, perhaps you could do the list before u go to bed if you're not too tired? Don't even have to leave your seat for that Hope you enjoy your time in London! You got a plan for what you're doing?
    Yeah I just worry I will forget to put something on the list like picking up train tickets to get home and will be a bit stranded. Have been making lists of things to do all last week and none of them say the same thing I'm meeting my friend in London and then on Wednesday we fly to Croatia so there's a fair amount that could go wrong. Think once I have done driving lesson and GP tomorrow will be able to get everything done but leaving GP til last minute wasn't the best move.

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