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Depressed; I Want To Take My Hijab Off watch

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hello!

    First of all, I'd like to say this thread is very hard to make for me since I've always portrayed myself as a 'proud' Muslim. I have been feeling depressed for the past, say, 4 years of my life. I'm turning 18 in the summer, and I have never felt so ugly, so depressed, so not my self. Imagine realising that you're not going to be able to do what you want in life... that you're living just to wait for death. That is how I feel. I feel completely trapped.

    My parents are conservative, very strict, very scary. My father moreso than my mother. My extended family are like that as well, you do one thing that they don't like and you're put under fire by the whole ****ing country. I have aunts and uncles here as well, and if I were to take it off all Hell would break loose.

    I just can't try and find justifications for some of the things in Islam. Like this verse in the Quran:
    "Men are (meant to be righteous and kind) guardians of women because God has favored some more than others and because they (i.e. men) spend out of their wealth. (In their turn) righteous women are (meant to be) devoted and to guard what God has (willed to be) guarded even though out of sight (of the husband). As for those (women) on whose part you fear ill-will and nasty conduct, admonish them (first), (next) separate them in beds (and last) beat them. But if they obey you, then seek nothing against them. Behold, God is most high and great." (4:34)
    This verse is in the Quran, it is not a hadith so you can say "oh that's just someone talking ****", it is the unadulterated word of God Himself.

    I just don't see a reason for covering my hair, I can be modest in my thoughts, I can be modest without a hijab. I love God and I hope he forgives me but I just don't understand why? If He made me the way I am and He loves me, why does He order men to rinse their hands from my touch?
    "And if ye are unclean, purify yourselves. And if ye are sick or on a journey, or one of you cometh from the closet, or ye have had contact with women, and ye find not water, then go to clean, high ground and rub your faces and your hands with some of it" (5:6)Am I created dirty?

    I just don't see how this could be 'misinterpreted'. And it's not even just Islam itself, it is the Muslim community. The backwards thinking, the hypocrisy, the oppression hidden behind smiles and empty arguments to trick yourself into believing it's the right thing to do. I don't want to lie to myself, and to God and to my family and say I want to represent this and I believe in this and it makes me happy. It doesn't. I am depressed. I feel like ****. I feel like I am losing purpose. I feel like my dreams are too far to reach.

    And I can't ignore it any more. It's been 4 years of constant **** and right now I am itching in my own skin. I am suffering so much and I know it might never end. Because I would be ridiculed and looked down upon and disowned by my own community/ family, nobody would want to marry me, I'm going to be pointed at my mothers who tell their children not to be like me. People are going to scowl in disgust when they hear my name. And I am a person who craves validation. If someone doesn't like me, I go out of my way to make them like me, so that would absolutely destroy me.

    Funny how a cloth on your head can do that to ya huh? But I don't know how to live my life the way I want and not to hurt or be hurt by those I love and those I call "family". I just need help. I don't need someone telling me I will go to Hell. God is merciful and will forgive my sins. You are not God.

    Any words of reassurance? Advice? Anything?
    This is a very difficult situation for you. My advice is to reach out, in person, to someone in your community who you trust and whose opinion you respect. I'm sure there are mature muslim women out there you have been through similar difficulties and their wisdom can help you navigate yours.
    • #16
    #16

    Whilst I strongly understand you need advice, why ask it here?
    I suggest that you speak to an Imam, a Scholar, an Islamic Person that can guide you to do the right things
    as not wearing the hijab is a sin in Islam
    and maybe you should learn Islam properly
    • #16
    #16

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Whilst I strongly understand you need advice, why ask it here?
    I suggest that you speak to an Imam, a Scholar, an Islamic Person that can guide you to do the right things
    as not wearing the hijab is a sin in Islam
    and maybe you should learn Islam properly
    that verse YOU were talking about is about Sex
    It's not because of men touching women
    it's because they had sex
    learn your religion so you can understand it and follow it better and understand why some things are obligatory
    may allah make it easier for you
    • #16
    #16

    I meant the verse the Original poster was talking about
    not the other Anonymous
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    (Original post by Hydeman)
    Either that or she's one of the people on here (whom I can't stand) that try deliberately to use the fact that they've been to KSA and most others haven't to mislead them for their own ends.

    Reminds me of something I once read in a history book about travellers to the New World who would come back to the Old and tell fantastic falsehoods to an unwitting audience about what it was like.
    Is it not the case that many Western people live in closed off communities and compounds where they don't actually experience or see the other side of Saudi Arabia? I imagine this would be a factor in why some people can have such a different perception of life in Saudi Arabia.
    • #20
    #20

    (Original post by GreenNinjaa)
    I'm an 18 year old Muslim female

    Hijab is not just a cloth on your head, it's obligatory, just as a man who keeps a beard.

    Hijab stops the male gaze from eyeing you up and down, as the way women are portrayed today.

    I feel your whole interpretation of Islam is wrong, and you've misjudged the concept of the Quraan quotes

    Hijab is what differentiates you from the ones that are not Muslim, you have to understand that hijab isn't there to make you suffer, it's one of the best protections God has sent down for Females.

    Would you pick a sweet that's unwrapped, or wrapped? Yes, I used that line, because it's a perfect example of how a woman who is covered, is pure and content with her beauty, showing it only to her Mahram. ( Husband, brothers, dad, son, nephew, uncle etc)

    Also, as Ramadhan is so near, take this blessed opportunity to reflect to Allah, speak to Allah, as he "does not burden a soul beyond that it can handle" This is a major test for you and your level of faith, as we are all tested with trials and tribulations, so please Dear Sister, do not fall into this trap

    O children of Adam, We have bestowed upon you clothing to conceal your private parts and as adornment. But the clothing of righteousness - that is best. That is from the signs of Allah that perhaps they will remember. (7:26)

    Islam isn't there to make life harder for you, rather, you are making it harder for yourself

    Private message me if you wanna speak about this one-to-one x
    hijab is not obligatory sister because the koran doesn't say it is
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    Take it off. If your family forces or pressures you to wear it, then that says everything about your family, their religious beliefs, and the religion in question. And it emphasises that you should move away from it. It's not as free as people think. Some women may wear them by choice, but others are expected to wear them or raised to accept wearing it for religious culture reasons. It's just a form of brainwashing really. And it's all nonsense.

    If you don't want to wear one, then don't wear it.
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    (Original post by The Epicurean)
    Is it not the case that many Western people live in closed off communities and compounds where they don't actually experience or see the other side of Saudi Arabia? I imagine this would be a factor in why some people can have such a different perception of life in Saudi Arabia.
    This is true, but even expats have to leave their compounds at some point, and the abayas are prevalent enough not to be missed even on a short excursion outside the compound. Supermarkets and malls are full of them.

    :fyi: I didn't live in a compound that could be described as 'closed-off' myself.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    as not wearing the hijab is a sin in Islam
    No, it isn't.
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    Honestly i know this is going to be controversial, but wearing the headscarf is not necessary in Islam critically thinking, the verse in the Quran says :

    ''And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what ordinarily appear thereof; that they should draw their veils over their bosoms.'' 24:31 Many people believe that this verse is telling women to wear a headscarf.

    Allah says to cover your 'bosoms' not to cover every strand on hair on your scalp. The headscarf seems more of a cultural obligation rather than a religious one, believe it or not. I've heard many scholars and random imams talk about the importance of the headscarf/Hijab, but there logic comes from there own culture, applied onto Islam.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    hijab is not obligatory sister because the koran doesn't say it is
    Hijab is obligatory as stated;

    “O Prophet! Tell your wives and your daughters and the women of the believers to draw their cloaks (veils) all over their bodies (i.e. screen themselves completely except the eyes or one eye to see the way). That will be better, that they should be known (as free respectable women) so as not to be annoyed. And Allaah is Ever Oft‑Forgiving, Most Merciful”[al-Ahzaab 33:59]

    Allah knows best
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    (Original post by Plantagenet Crown)
    Again, anyone who lives in the real world knows that most Muslim men don't wear that. We're not retarded people that you can lie to you know.
    WOW i cant believe u didnt know muslim men wear those. they do i'm muslim and my mosque teacher wears one. When u go to hajj ur supposed to wear one of those. Stop defaming what you dont know
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    (Original post by yhyh)
    WOW i cant believe u didnt know muslim men wear those. they do i'm muslim and my mosque teacher wears one. When u go to hajj ur supposed to wear one of those. Stop defaming what you dont know
    Think he's trying to say that in everyday life most Muslim men don't wear that,they wear normal clothes
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    (Original post by teenhorrorstory)
    Think he's trying to say that in everyday life most Muslim men don't wear that,they wear normal clothes
    naa he even said before in a post that no man wears it if u scroll up its completely normal in the UAE most men wear it there and a lot wear it in western countries too like my teacher fo eg.
    and what do u mean its not "normal" "they wear normal clothes" what u saying its not normal to wear that?
    Spoiler:
    Show
    about that last bit im just messing dude. I know cuz u probably dont see it often so to you it may not feel normal.
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    (Original post by GreenNinjaa)
    Hijab is obligatory as stated;

    “O Prophet! Tell your wives and your daughters and the women of the believers to draw their cloaks (veils) all over their bodies (i.e. screen themselves completely except the eyes or one eye to see the way). That will be better, that they should be known (as free respectable women) so as not to be annoyed. And Allaah is Ever Oft‑Forgiving, Most Merciful”[al-Ahzaab 33:59]

    Allah knows best
    You added brackets that were never there to begin with. Look at you, altering Allah's words. Astaqfurallah.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hello!

    First of all, I'd like to say this thread is very hard to make for me since I've always portrayed myself as a 'proud' Muslim. I have been feeling depressed for the past, say, 4 years of my life. I'm turning 18 in the summer, and I have never felt so ugly, so depressed, so not my self. Imagine realising that you're not going to be able to do what you want in life... that you're living just to wait for death. That is how I feel. I feel completely trapped.

    My parents are conservative, very strict, very scary. My father moreso than my mother. My extended family are like that as well, you do one thing that they don't like and you're put under fire by the whole ****ing country. I have aunts and uncles here as well, and if I were to take it off all Hell would break loose.

    I just can't try and find justifications for some of the things in Islam. Like this verse in the Quran:
    "Men are (meant to be righteous and kind) guardians of women because God has favored some more than others and because they (i.e. men) spend out of their wealth. (In their turn) righteous women are (meant to be) devoted and to guard what God has (willed to be) guarded even though out of sight (of the husband). As for those (women) on whose part you fear ill-will and nasty conduct, admonish them (first), (next) separate them in beds (and last) beat them. But if they obey you, then seek nothing against them. Behold, God is most high and great." (4:34)
    This verse is in the Quran, it is not a hadith so you can say "oh that's just someone talking ****", it is the unadulterated word of God Himself.

    I just don't see a reason for covering my hair, I can be modest in my thoughts, I can be modest without a hijab. I love God and I hope he forgives me but I just don't understand why? If He made me the way I am and He loves me, why does He order men to rinse their hands from my touch?
    "And if ye are unclean, purify yourselves. And if ye are sick or on a journey, or one of you cometh from the closet, or ye have had contact with women, and ye find not water, then go to clean, high ground and rub your faces and your hands with some of it" (5:6)Am I created dirty?

    I just don't see how this could be 'misinterpreted'. And it's not even just Islam itself, it is the Muslim community. The backwards thinking, the hypocrisy, the oppression hidden behind smiles and empty arguments to trick yourself into believing it's the right thing to do. I don't want to lie to myself, and to God and to my family and say I want to represent this and I believe in this and it makes me happy. It doesn't. I am depressed. I feel like ****. I feel like I am losing purpose. I feel like my dreams are too far to reach.

    And I can't ignore it any more. It's been 4 years of constant **** and right now I am itching in my own skin. I am suffering so much and I know it might never end. Because I would be ridiculed and looked down upon and disowned by my own community/ family, nobody would want to marry me, I'm going to be pointed at my mothers who tell their children not to be like me. People are going to scowl in disgust when they hear my name. And I am a person who craves validation. If someone doesn't like me, I go out of my way to make them like me, so that would absolutely destroy me.

    Funny how a cloth on your head can do that to ya huh? But I don't know how to live my life the way I want and not to hurt or be hurt by those I love and those I call "family". I just need help. I don't need someone telling me I will go to Hell. God is merciful and will forgive my sins. You are not God.

    Any words of reassurance? Advice? Anything?
    Firstly, those of you who think it's acceptable to criticise whether OP is a 'good' muslim or not - leave the thread.
    Secondly, tbh I think you should just do whatever you're comfortable with. I know many people who wore the hijab and took it off after a year or so of wearing it - of course there was some initial 'shock' from everyone but everyone gets over it and it's not their place to judge you. Speak to your mother if you can and try and explain your feelings, hopefully she can help you. And by your post I can gather that you still believe in God? So it's not as if you're leaving Islam altogether - you just want to believe and worship in your own way.

    Good luck with whatever you choose.
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    (Original post by yhyh)
    WOW i cant believe u didnt know muslim men wear those. they do i'm muslim and my mosque teacher wears one. When u go to hajj ur supposed to wear one of those. Stop defaming what you dont know
    Stop misinterpreting my comment. I said MOST Muslim men don't wear them.
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    (Original post by yhyh)
    naa he even said before in a post that no man wears it if u scroll up its completely normal in the UAE most men wear it there and a lot wear it in western countries too like my teacher fo eg.
    and what do u mean its not "normal" "they wear normal clothes" what u saying its not normal to wear that?
    Spoiler:
    Show
    about that last bit im just messing dude. I know cuz u probably dont see it often so to you it may not feel normal.
    Stop lying. I did not say no Muslim men wear it and you will not be able to find a post where I wrote that.
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    If you want to stop wearing a hijab but you're worried that your family will react negatively maybe wait until you're at uni/living on your own so that you're not under as much pressure from your parents.

    Otherwise, maybe you could ask them how they would feel about you not wearing your hijab before you make the decision.

    For your depression, maybe you could try asking your GP to refer you to a counsellor?
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    (Original post by Plantagenet Crown)
    Stop lying. I did not say no Muslim men wear it and you will not be able to find a post where I wrote that.
    "again, anyone who lives in the real world knows that most Muslim men don't wear that. We're not retarded people that you can lie to you know."

    sure u said most my bad i did misinterpret but he reality is most muslims do. have u ever been dubai or any country in the UAE? pretty much every man i saw there they were wearing them and as i said before when we go to hajj its mandatory to wear it. A lot of people in the western wear it to as i said about my mosque teacher.im sorry but ur fist comment about this u made it sound like it was a bad thing (like i quoted above "most Muslim men don't wear that. We're not retarded people that you can lie to you know.")
 
 
 
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