Depression Society MkII Watch

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vapid slut magician
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#3521
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#3521
Well you said you wanted friends and life experience and implied that uni would deprive you of those things, I'm just saying that you'll have time for those after uni if you want them... I don't remember suggesting there was any point to life. Either you care about the degree or you don't. It will essentially come down to how much you want it in the end.
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*pink_sapphires*
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#3522
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#3522
(Original post by vapid slut magician)
Well you said you wanted friends and life experience and implied that uni would deprive you of those things, I'm just saying that you'll have time for those after uni if you want them... I don't remember suggesting there was any point to life. Either you care about the degree or you don't. It will essentially come down to how much you want it in the end.
sorry hun, im making a right mess of explaining my thoughts aren't i! yeah, i want friends and i want life experience and i thought i'd get those at uni but i haven't. i'm not sure if you do get those things after uni or not. it seems that everyone concentrates on themselves and doesn't care about anyone else so i'll struggle then too. and i want a degree, but i don't know why anymore. i wanted to do cancer research but for various reasons im not so sure i do anymore. anyway...im going to bed now cos i'm tired and i hope sleep might make me feel better. hope you are ok? night night. x
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Not Invented Yet
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#3523
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#3523
I want to stop being so needy and whiny, but I feel so crap right now. I'm stressed out and over-tired but I'm too frightened to go to sleep because of the horrible nightmares I've been having lately. I just want to be normal again, I don't know why I can't be like everyone else. Am I being punished for being a sickening, horrible person?
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vapid slut magician
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#3524
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#3524
(Original post by Not Invented Yet)
I want to stop being so needy and whiny, but I feel so crap right now. I'm stressed out and over-tired but I'm too frightened to go to sleep because of the horrible nightmares I've been having lately. I just want to be normal again, I don't know why I can't be like everyone else. Am I being punished for being a sickening, horrible person?
No you're not being punished. To quote (well, paraphrase) from an episode of House I just watched 'you get what you get, it's nothing to do with what you deserve'

Do you know what's causing the nightmares? Are you on any psychoactive meds?
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Not Invented Yet
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#3525
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#3525
(Original post by vapid slut magician)
No you're not being punished. To quote (well, paraphrase) from an episode of House I just watched 'you get what you get, it's nothing to do with what you deserve'

Do you know what's causing the nightmares? Are you on any psychoactive meds?
I don't know what psychoactive meds are, so I assume I'm not on them - I take citalopram and beta blockers but I don't think either of those is causing it. I think it's just my general state of mind, I spend the whole day in a state of panic so why should the night be any different?

I'm so tired now that I'm ready to try going to sleep - hopefully I'll just zonk out immediately and not have to lie in the dark thinking for too long. Thanks for your reassurance. Goodnight.
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vapid slut magician
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#3526
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#3526
citalopram is psychoactive and could well be causing it. a lot of SSRIs cause vivid dreams. I'm on another SSRI and I get awful awful dreams (although oddly they don't scare me, I just wake up feeling weird). Even when I was massively anxious I was still ok with sleep. I assume the beta blockers are for panic? Have you become anxious since starting citalopram or did you have it before? If it's not helping with anxiety then perhaps switching meds might be a good idea.
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Pocket Calculator
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#3527
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#3527
ha, drunk posts are great.
but, yeah, i'm feeling bloody awful.
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Dinendal Leralonde
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#3528
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#3528
Got given fluoxetine 20mg last night. Hopefully this is where things start to look up for me.

I have to admit though, I'm slightly worried about the lactation and vaginal bleeding that might occur...
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Planto
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#3529
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#3529
(Original post by *pink_sapphires*)
yeah, i want friends and i want life experience and i thought i'd get those at uni but i haven't.
Uni is a place full of wolves. Its inhabitants move as packs. I'd feel more at home with the lions.
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jonathan122
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#3530
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#3530
I hate this. I'm being treated like a criminal.
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vapid slut magician
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#3531
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#3531
why are you being treated like a criminal?
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Laus
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#3532
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#3532
I'm at home because I have to be. My worst fear is going back and facing my lovely housemates who were so kind when I was so mean to them. I need to avoid drinking alcohol. I took too many tablets the other night and literally all I have done since then is sleep. I slept until 5pm today and noon the day before and then I went back to sleep until 8pm. I will go to the doctors tomorrow or Friday. I think I need to come of this damn Efexor - it has made me think about suicide and self-harm ten times more than I did before. I have never cut myself like I did the other night and I have never taken that many pills. Suicide has never been a fixation for me.

I can't think and I can't concentrate. I really need something to help me think clearly, so I can go back and sort things out. I feel I need to make things up to my housemates but I don't know how I can do this. I'm so very paranoid that they will be talking about me behind my back and that they all hate me because of what I put them through. I hope they can see that I'm a nice person, really. I really wish I could change things. I'm so hopeless at life.

I honestly thought I wouldn't wake up yesterday and I did. I had really vivid, weird dreams, like never before. And since then I have just felt like crap. I may have to tell my doctor to see if my liver is OK.

Everything was going ok. I thought I was doing well and then this happened.
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vapid slut magician
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#3533
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#3533
OK first off if you have their details maybe email them all while you're home so you're not there when they get the emails. Just something light but heartfelt, just a brief apology. Don't go nuts telling them all your problems or anything.

When you go back act normal, don't hide or dwell, get back into things straight away but stay off the drink. Maybe take a little gift for the flat like a box of chocolates just to say thank you for looking after you and sorry for the worry.

They won't be talking about you behind your back, they'll just be concerned. They all sound lovely so try not to worry.

Make an appointment with the doctor asap to make sure you're ok after the pills (maybe ask on the phone about a liver function test) and discuss coming off efexor. It's a ****** drug, I know people who've felt like utter crap on it, I'd never advise anyone take it. Sort out a reduction plan with your doctor. Your anxiety will go up as you come off, ask for 28 valium at 2mg. Be honest about it making you suicidal so they understand the seriousness of you coming off soon, but safely.
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Laus
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#3534
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#3534
Thanks for your sound advice. I have already sent them a little message but I guess I'm just being paranoid.

Doctors tomorrow, hopefully. Not sure what they can do RE liver test but I'm sure they will let me have one if they are concerned.

What's next, then? Should I go drug free? I know it's going to take a while to come off Efexor. I honestly thought this drug was THE drug because of the 'great' things I have heard about it helping people who don't respond to other types of medication. When I told my GP this last time, she said she isn't qualified to switch my medication, or whatever, and that I should wait until I have a psychiatrist at York. The thing is I don't know if I can wait that long as the feelings and thoughts are so intense.
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vapid slut magician
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#3535
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#3535
I don't know what next, I'd hate to give you bad advice. I've taken two SSRIs (neither of which you've had) and wanted to hang myself on both. Paxil has been great for my anxiety but I'm still not sure if it's worth the trade off. You could try a tricyclic but I think that's probably a ****** idea too. Coming slowly off efexor and then staying drug free for a while might not be a bad idea. I think it's sometimes worth totally clearing out your system and seeing how you feel, it's hard to know what you genuinely feel like when you've been switching drugs for a few months. You might feel heaps better without the suicidal urges caused by efexor (after the initial ********** of withdrawl goes away) so it could be helpful to be without something for a couple of months while you get your head around how you feel and how you want to go forwards.
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*pink_sapphires*
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#3536
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#3536
Feeling a bit better today guys. Sorry for the other day. I'm still upset that things are all going wrong and aren't as great as I expected but I had a talk about careers today and I heard about all these great placements in Australia and stuff and I have a goal now.

I was talking to the guy from my course who I thought I'd ruined things with and I apologised for being annoyed with him and asked if we could be friends again. He said we'd never not been friends and I said 'well _____ told me that you were pissed off with me' and he said 'yeah, a littttttle bit but it's all ok' so i'm glad that's sorted. maybe we can get our friendship back and if i don't mess up again, maybe we can be really good friends....we'll see. I'm not holding out much hope.

Nothing seems to move forward at uni. We all say we'll do stuff but we never do it. It's weird.

I'm finding it hard to get on and work. I need someone standing over me to shout at me when I haven't got somewhere. I really don't know how I'm going to manage this self-motivation malarkey.

How is everyone? :hugs: to all. xxx
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raspberrybubbles
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#3537
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#3537
I'm not so great, again. I did those sheets and handed them in... I don't know whether completing them was the right thing to do. Meh.

I'm glad you sorted it out with the guy, Liz

I'm meeting some guys from TSR later who're also at Aston. I'm nervous and I don't know if I'll go because well, meh
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jonathan122
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#3538
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#3538
People just refuse to talk to me.
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*pink_sapphires*
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#3539
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#3539
(Original post by raspberrybubbles)
I'm not so great, again. I did those sheets and handed them in... I don't know whether completing them was the right thing to do. Meh.

I'm glad you sorted it out with the guy, Liz

I'm meeting some guys from TSR later who're also at Aston. I'm nervous and I don't know if I'll go because well, meh
I was meant to meet people from TSR here too but I got too nervous and didn't go :o:

(Original post by jonathan122)
People just refuse to talk to me.
We talk to you! :hugs: what's up darling? xx
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becki08
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#3540
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#3540
I'm hiding away, not talking, pretending I'm fine. But I'm really hugging my pillow after crying for ages earlier, feeling completely dead inside and wanting to do anything that will harm me. Don't feel low, don't feel anything. Just numbness and deadness and hopelessness. I want to disappear.
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