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Would anyone else not want their gf to give them a bj? watch

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    (Original post by Pretty Boy)
    I didn't say EVERY male agrees. Obviously there is going to be some that don't - but generally it is my belief that is how males view it. Why do you think guys tell people to 'suck my ****' as an insult? its a degrading thing.
    I only know one person that might POSSIBLY think that. All the guys I know dont think that it is degrading. I know I dont. It is an intimate experience.

    The "suck my ****" reference isnt a valid arguement. I sometimes tell people to F*** off... It doesnt mean that I think sex is degrading.

    How many times do you say "suck my ****" to a girl as an insult?
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    (Original post by Talon)
    How many times do you say "suck my ****" to a girl as an insult?
    I don't really tend to insult people much. I'm not really that type of person. But if I were to, inviting them to my private parts wouldn't be the first thing I would say.

    What guys say to you and what they actually think may be two different things.
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    (Original post by -x-buttercup-x-)
    I'd say the person giving oral sex has more power. I think in certain situations, such as if a person was being forced to do it, it'd be degrading, but so would sex and lots of other things. If I went to give a blow job and the person refused, I would be pretty insulted, obviously I don't mean any random person, but during foreplay. And as for people giving me oral sex, it's just great, I think people that refuse are really missing out.
    If a guy convinces a girl he's just met to have sex with all his mates, even if the girl isn't forced to, does that stop the guys from thinking "what a horny slut?". Yet in this situation, we have consenting adults ...

    It's nothing to do with being forced or not. It's the act itself and what it represents for guys. If guys don't find that part of them disgusting, why are they revolted by the prospect of being "snowballed"? Just think about it... it's just so obvious but you want to believe something else to reassure yourselves.

    Any sexual act, since it involves intimacy, is "degrading"/"submissive" in a sense because you're offering yourself to someone. You're offering something intimate you wouldn't (hopefully) offer to just about anyone. In doing so you're lowering yourself. In a serious long-term relationship, does it matter? No. Relationships are all about offering yourself to someone, showing your vulnerabilities and "opening up".

    Outside a serious relationship is where you have to start thinking. A guy who just wants you in his bed and doesn't care will just say the usual crap to convince you "there's nothing bad...consenting adults... it's healthy...girls are allowed to have fun". In a casual encounter, if a guy managed to get something like this from a girl without having to return a favour, obviously he's going to feel like the girl has lowered herself. This doesn't mean that anyone who has casual sex should feel used and like a whore but it's startling to see the number of girls who are totally oblivious to the whole male attitude towards blowjobs.

    Of course it's "degrading". Does it really matter within a proper relationship? No. Outside? Yes , that's when a girl should be aware of this.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    In a serious long-term relationship, does it matter? No. Relationships are all about offering yourself to someone, showing your vulnerabilities and "opening up".
    Showing vulnerability is in no way degrading, rather the opposite really. To show yourself to someone with nothing to hide behind, and be accepted for who and what you are is a strengthening experience, it gives self-esteem, and degrades in absolutely no way at all.
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    (Original post by thegreatstupendo)
    Showing vulnerability is in no way degrading, rather the opposite really. To show yourself to someone with nothing to hide behind, and be accepted for who and what you are is a strengthening experience, it gives self-esteem, and degrades in absolutely no way at all.
    There is zero logic in what you wrote. Yes it's all nice and pretty and we could get the violins out.

    "Vulnerability is empowering". Yes it's an oxymoron. yes it's poetic. Does it actually make sense? no. Sorry buddy.

    When showing your private side, your weaknesses, your vulnerabilities, you're taking a risk. It's only IF you're accepted that you can feel a bond, you can feel close to someone. Can you feel like you have some power over that person because ypu've shown your vulnerability? Certainly not.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    There is zero logic in what you wrote. Yes it's all nice and pretty and we could get the violins out.

    "Vulnerability is empowering". Yes it's an oxymoron. yes it's poetic. Does it actually make sense? no. Sorry buddy.

    When showing your private side, your weaknesses, your vulnerabilities, you're taking a risk. It's only IF you're accepted that you can feel a bond, you can feel close to someone. Can you feel like you have some power over that person because ypu've shown your vulnerability? Certainly not.
    I'm not saying that the vulnerability in itself is empowering, but making yourself vulnerable and not being taken advantage of, indeed being appreciated for who you really are can indeed be empowering.
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    (Original post by thegreatstupendo)
    I'm not saying that the vulnerability in itself is empowering, but making yourself vulnerable and not being taken advantage of, indeed being appreciated for who you really are can indeed be empowering.
    I really don't think "empowering" is the right word but whatever.

    I think the saying "Love is giving someone the power to destroy you, but trusting that they won't" is a lot more truthful. Love, relationships are by nature about lowering yourself and about trust.

    Should you "lower" (litterally!) yourself outside a proper relationship? That's the real question.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    If a guy convinces a girl he's just met to have sex with all his mates, even if the girl isn't forced to, does that stop the guys from thinking "what a horny slut?". Yet in this situation, we have consenting adults ...

    It's nothing to do with being forced or not. It's the act itself and what it represents for guys. If guys don't find that part of them disgusting, why are they revolted by the prospect of being "snowballed"? Just think about it... it's just so obvious but you want to believe something else to reassure yourselves.



    Any sexual act, since it involves intimacy, is "degrading"/"submissive" in a sense because you're offering yourself to someone. You're offering something intimate you wouldn't (hopefully) offer to just about anyone. In doing so you're lowering yourself. In a serious long-term relationship, does it matter? No. Relationships are all about offering yourself to someone, showing your vulnerabilities and "opening up".

    Outside a serious relationship is where you have to start thinking. A guy who just wants you in his bed and doesn't care will just say the usual crap to convince you "there's nothing bad...consenting adults... it's healthy...girls are allowed to have fun". In a casual encounter, if a guy managed to get something like this from a girl without having to return a favour, obviously he's going to feel like the girl has lowered herself. This doesn't mean that anyone who has casual sex should feel used and like a whore but it's startling to see the number of girls who are totally oblivious to the whole male attitude towards blowjobs.

    Of course it's "degrading". Does it really matter within a proper relationship? No. Outside? Yes , that's when a girl should be aware of this.
    I disagree with you on so many levels, and you're arguments are just too ridiculous for me to even bother arguing against you.
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    (Original post by jellybones)
    I disagree with you on so many levels, and you're arguments are just too ridiculous for me to even bother arguing against you.
    That my friend is called denial (and a lack of arguments).
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Should you "lower" (litterally!) yourself outside a proper relationship? That's the real question.
    some people think just having straight ordinary sex outside a proper relationship is lowering yourself, others dont. its up to the individuals involved to decide whether their personal morals and the opinions of other people are enough to put them off getting their jolies off, be it in a relationship or not. personally, i dont think its degrading, and i like doing it, but i understand that other people wouldnt want to do it, and i respect their opinion and hope they would respect mine. i am completely prudish about other things (like toys, they just make me squirm, or "dirty talk" that just makes me embarrassed and want to run a mile), but i know some people are into that and it makes their sex life better, so be it. ok if someone had a conversation about me giving head with their friends i would be mortified, but same goes for most sexual activities beyond kissing. but that's life and its these things that make you who you are and teach you.

    anyway just wanted toagree with the "no i dont find it degrading" people.
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    it is slightly degrading but that's what's sexy about it. if you're trusting someone enough to let them degrade you it's sexy as well as being intimate.

    and anyway who cares why it's sexy, just lay back and enjoy it
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    (Original post by princessa)
    anyway just wanted toagree with the "no i dont find it degrading" people.
    The OP was mentioning the fact that guys can find it degrading for the girl. We already know that most girls don't realise what the guy is thinking. THat's the whole point.

    This is something totally within the guy's head and the guy's excitement.

    Noone's talking about whether the act should be condoned by society or whether some democratic judgement can be passed on this. No. This is between the guy and the girl engaged in the act. You can't control what the guy thinks.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    The OP was mentioning the fact that guys can find it degrading for the girl. We already know that most girls don't realise what the guy is thinking. THat's the whole point.

    This is something totally within the guy's head and the guy's excitement. You can't control what the guy thinks.

    so what? if i spent my time worrying about what a guy is thinking i would never have sex. if he gets excited by thinking a girl's a bit kinky for giving oral sex, of course you cant control it, and if you dont like that idea, you dont do it, if it doesnt bother you, you might do it. this thread is going round in circles.

    i personally would want my sexual partner to get excited in sexual activities, and if they get excited by something i dont mind, and dare i say even like, doing, all the better.
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    HOW is it degrading?!?! I'm sorry, I just don't see why.

    Did the 21st century not happen to you people?
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    (Original post by princessa)
    so what? if i spent my time worrying about what a guy is thinking i would never have sex. if he gets excited by thinking a girl's a bit kinky for giving oral sex, of course you cant control it, and if you dont like that idea, you dont do it, if it doesnt bother you, you might do it. this thread is going round in circles.
    You don't care what a guy thinks? I'm always surprised by that attitude. Well as long as you're not the type of girl who then complains that she doesn't understand why guys are a certain way with her... then all is well.

    I don't think anyone here was questionning whether the act was to be frowned upon, was degrading on some transcendent level. The OP is a guy and we were questionning how GUYS perceive the act.

    If a girl understands what a guy is thinking, she has all the power in the world... If she doesn't care and doesn't understand then she's going to be a victim of disappointment.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    You don't care what a guy thinks? I'm always surprised by that attitude. Well as long as you're not the type of girl who then complains that she doesn't understand why guys are a certain way with her... then all is well.

    If a girl understands what a guy is thinking, she has all the power in the world... If she doesn't care and doesn't understand then she's going to be a victim of disappointment.
    i care what a guy thinks, but then i am very choosy with guys, even with who i kiss. i dont give oral sex to every guy i meet, and i have always been one to take relationships slowly, im not the type to kiss randoms in a club or anything. so then, by the time i have got to a stage of intimacy where i feel like i want to put a man's penis in my mouth, i would hope i know him well enough so that he wont disrespect me for it. he may well be thinking yeah go for it little ho, not cause he necessarily believes it, but cause it excites him. but i may be thinking about someone else in a crazy fantasy about a celebrity or something. i understand that sometimes, in sexual activities, people think things that other people, even the person they are having sex with, find perverse or disrespectful or whatever. it depends on each person and each relationship how much they explore and share eachothers thoughts. some couples may share opinions and have a great sex life, others may differ but think "whatever floats your boat" and still have a great sex life, and others may think that their differences are just too great to have a sexual relationship and then go their seperate ways. some people may get hurt if they have expectations that are not met but that's life. love hurts and we learn by doing.
    • #11
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    (Original post by princessa)
    i care what a guy thinks, but then i am very choosy with guys, even with who i kiss. i dont give oral sex to every guy i meet, and i have always been one to take relationships slowly, im not the type to kiss randoms in a club or anything. so then, by the time i have got to a stage of intimacy where i feel like i want to put a man's penis in my mouth, i would hope i know him well enough so that he wont disrespect me for it. he may well be thinking yeah go for it little ho, not cause he necessarily believes it, but cause it excites him. but i may be thinking about someone else in a crazy fantasy about a celebrity or something. i understand that sometimes, in sexual activities, people think things that other people, even the person they are having sex with, find perverse or disrespectful or whatever. it depends on each person and each relationship how much they explore and share eachothers thoughts. some couples may share opinions and have a great sex life, others may differ but think "whatever floats your boat" and still have a great sex life, and others may think that their differences are just too great to have a sexual relationship and then go their seperate ways. some people may get hurt if they have expectations that are not met but that's life. love hurts and we learn by doing.
    princessa, your previous post gave me a totally different impression. You seem to know more or less what I was referring to. Again, considering your attitude, I doubt whether something is degrading or not should matter anyway. If you're with a guy you can trust... who cares what he tells himself to get excited.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    princessa, your previous post gave me a totally different impression.
    no not at all, i think you made a very good point when you said "If a girl understands what a guy is thinking, she has all the power in the world... If she doesn't care and doesn't understand then she's going to be a victim of disappointment." which is kind of what i think, but only it doesnt just apply to oral sex. if you always look at whoever you are having a relationship with through rose-tinted glasses, you are setting yourself up for a fall. i like to think i am a realistic person and less naive than what i was when i was younger, and i like to use my knowledge and experiences in my love/sex lives, i dont know if all girls are the same but i like to think on the whole we are less naive than the "We already know that most girls don't realise what the guy is thinking. THat's the whole point" statement seemed to make out. im not saying think they know everything and never make mistakes, but on the whole they aren't fools either.

    I think caring about what a guy thinks and worrying about it are two different things. i care but i dont worry, i think thats maybe what i didnt make clear and gave you the wrong impression.
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    (Original post by red_roadkill)
    HOW is it degrading?!?! I'm sorry, I just don't see why.

    Did the 21st century not happen to you people?
    I still don't get it either. Sure, if it's being forced or whatever, or the guy is treating her in a degrading fashion, but really in most situations, I just don't get it.

    I know that "Anon" 11 (:rolleyes: ) will tell me I don't know what guys are thinking about and all that *******s he loves to trot out, but it's honestly not an opinion I'd never come across. *Cue him telling me my friends are all lying*

    Oh, and I know this thread has progressed a long way since the original post - but if all my bf ever did apart from sex was "clitoral stimulation during sex," no foreplay or anything I'd never even be able to have sex - you can't go from nothing to full on penetration without a little help.
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    Princessa where in manchester are you?
 
 
 
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