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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    How can you say it was ****ty? If I feel ****ty I run only 1 of my laps, 2.6km and really slow. You went 6k that is quite some distance tbh!
    I dunno. Took like 50 mins because I had to walk a large chunk of it, and I've eaten so much so feeling really fat and bleh. I know I'm not technically overweight I just feel horrible at the moment. Today has just been a bit crap I think.
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    (Original post by 08batee)
    :hugs: Don't be worried to do whatever you think will make you feel better: you could just tell your Mum you want a bit of air? Ah no worries, it's very simple but I play it when I feel agitated/stressed and it kinda helps me to focus my mind off of whatever is bothering me :yes: :hugs:
    I didn't in the end- I hate to worry her and me going out at night worries her a lot.
    I tried it and loved it. It's very soothing! :hugs:
    • #18
    #18

    (Original post by asdfgah)
    I dunno. Took like 50 mins because I had to walk a large chunk of it, and I've eaten so much so feeling really fat and bleh. I know I'm not technically overweight I just feel horrible at the moment. Today has just been a bit crap I think.
    Yea but the important thing is, you finished those 6k. Even if you had to walk. I think that requires great willpower. It's impressive.
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    Had to phone 111 again. Didn't get the help I needed yesterday so I have to do it again but it's better than doing nothing. I doubt I'm gonna get help this time either it's going to go round in circles.
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    I just read the information leaflet with my sertraline I was given and now I wish I hadn't taken it, it's got so many warnings about pregnancy. Panicking.
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    Still alive, still here. Not much more to say other than that. Life sucks.
    • #18
    #18

    (Original post by -FireFlies-)
    Still alive, still here. Not much more to say other than that. Life sucks.
    That is a beautiful in the spoiler in your sig.
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    None of my thoughts are rational. The things I have said are completely disgusting. I am a pathetic excuse for a human being and don't deserve to be loved by anyone. I have said such horrible things. I'm as bad as my brother. I'm worse than my brother. I know this is not rational. I can't take much more of this mental torture. And I am so ashamed of myself.
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    (Original post by HmMusic)
    None of my thoughts are rational. The things I have said are completely disgusting. I am a pathetic excuse for a human being and don't deserve to be loved by anyone. I have said such horrible things. I'm as bad as my brother. I'm worse than my brother. I know this is not rational. I can't take much more of this mental torture. And I am so ashamed of myself.
    https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/i...iFRa9F4RLYLokw

    Puppy loves you, no matter what.

    You are lovable, don't think otherwise!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yea but the important thing is, you finished those 6k. Even if you had to walk. I think that requires great willpower. It's impressive.
    Thanks, I appreciate it. Though I didn't actually have much choice, as I was running home from work (uphill :emo:) so if I'd stopped I'd just have had to sit at the side of the road forever.
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    (Original post by danny111)
    https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/i...iFRa9F4RLYLokw

    Puppy loves you, no matter what.

    You are lovable, don't think otherwise!
    If you'd seen/heard the things I've said to my mum over the weekend then you would be disgusted too. Even my cat is ignoring me. I can't go on like this. No one is here I'm on my own and if my bf was here I would be scaring him too I can't do this.
    • #1
    #1

    (Original post by HmMusic)
    If you'd seen/heard the things I've said to my mum over the weekend then you would be disgusted too. Even my cat is ignoring me. I can't go on like this. No one is here I'm on my own and if my bf was here I would be scaring him too I can't do this.
    Cats ignore everyone from time to time, it's in no way a reflection of you. :hugs: You're in no way a bad person, yes, you maybe weren't the nicest person at the weekend, but it happens, and to be honest, it's quite common with depression. Also, you did have a big trigger on Saturday which has contributed to everything, and I reckon that might have made things a lot worse. Regarding the Sertraline leaflet, those things are designed to give you the worst-case scenario - your doctor wouldn't have prescribed it if there was a major risk, and bearing in mind you're nearly full-time, things will (generally) affect the baby less now than they would've early on in the pregnancy. Irrational thoughts are part of depression, you definitely shouldn't feel ashamed of yourself.
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    leaving TSR, too many ***** on this site and it's just making me lose control of my emotions and I can't deal right now.

    sorry for being so **** all this time and ruining things for everyone with my presence here, I will miss you guys though I doubt anyone will miss my ****.
    • #18
    #18

    (Original post by HmMusic)
    If you'd seen/heard the things I've said to my mum over the weekend then you would be disgusted too. Even my cat is ignoring me. I can't go on like this. No one is here I'm on my own and if my bf was here I would be scaring him too I can't do this.
    Reading your post, you have probable said what you think are horrible things quite a bit in the past. Given that your bf is still with you, I am sure he loves you just the way you are!

    I appreciate that you even acknowledge you are being irrational, but have a little faith xD
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Cats ignore everyone from time to time, it's in no way a reflection of you. :hugs: You're in no way a bad person, yes, you maybe weren't the nicest person at the weekend, but it happens, and to be honest, it's quite common with depression. Also, you did have a big trigger on Saturday which has contributed to everything, and I reckon that might have made things a lot worse. Regarding the Sertraline leaflet, those things are designed to give you the worst-case scenario - your doctor wouldn't have prescribed it if there was a major risk, and bearing in mind you're nearly full-time, things will (generally) affect the baby less now than they would've early on in the pregnancy. Irrational thoughts are part of depression, you definitely shouldn't feel ashamed of yourself.
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Reading your post, you have probable said what you think are horrible things quite a bit in the past. Given that your bf is still with you, I am sure he loves you just the way you are!

    I appreciate that you even acknowledge you are being irrational, but have a little faith xD
    I never say horrible things ever that's why it's scared me so much, I can't deal with the guilt of what I've said and knowing that I mean it and knowing that it's the worst thing to say to someone. I'm as bad as my brother. I've been controlling and manipulative and angry and completely utterly pathetic. My cat ignoring me is weird because he never ignores me he is always with me he follows me around everywhere and sits with me whenever I am sitting, instead he is pacing around the hallway and whenever I look at him he sprints off.

    There is a doctor visiting me tonight. I've never been this scared of myself. I don't know how to control my thoughts.
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    (Original post by sadpanda123)
    Thanks I'm 19 but she said she's not usually happy to prescribe to the under-22s.(She prescribed them to my brother and he felt much worse for it though, can this reaction be genetic??) I know these things vary from area to area and doctor to doctor though. What is a CPN??

    I don't know how long the waiting list to see a psychiatrist may be, I know for NHS counselling in my area it can be nearly a year. (:mad:)
    Your GP is right to be cautious. However that doesn't mean you can't get other help and advice.

    If you are nineteen then your GP can refer you to your local adult mental health team. She does this by writing to them. If you are an urgent case then you can be seen immediately or within the week. If you are not urgent then it can take slightly longer. This is a different system to the NHS counselling. NHS counsellors are not usually part of the mental health service but provide counselling services to GP practices direct. There are not enough of them employed... hence the long wait. Counsellors are not specialists in mental health and may be providing counselling to a wide variety of people in the community.

    The mental health team is separate from the GP service and consists of various people working together. Different areas may have people in the team such as 'PWP; practitioners for low level intensity intervention therapies, therapists for high level intervention therapies, welfare advisors and mental health social workers, a Clinical Psychologist, assistant psychologists and family therapists. The backbone and key part of the service will be the psychiatrists and the community mental health nurses known as community psychiatric nurses or CPN's who are the main people that patients see.

    Usually when people are referred by their GP to the service a CPN is assigned to that patient and whoever else the patient sees within the team the CPN remains the person co-ordinating the care. A care plan should be prepared in conjunction with the service user and a copy given to them. The system is currently undergoing some changes and the new role of PWP (Psychological Wellbeing Practitioner) is being used more and more. These provide what is called low level therapeutic interventions intended for people who do not have severe needs. This may include CBT based work.

    After the first referal by the GP a CPN will meet with and assess the person over the course of a series of meeting and work out what kind of help from within the team may be appropriate and start the care plan. In some areas the psychiatrist sees the patient and then requests a CPN to be assigned. Some CPN's are now trained to prescribe medication but usually medications can only be prescribed by a psychiatrist (or GP). If the assessment shows that there may be a complex diagnosis or a need for a medication review then the CPN will arrange an appointment for the person with one of the Pyschiatrist's in the team. You will then be that psychiatrist's patient.

    The CPN will continue to meet with the patient over an extended period of time to monitor any changes in their condition and medication and arrange further interventions by other members of the team if appropriate. This can include therapies but there will be a wait for some therapies. The CPN should also provide the patient with emergency contact numbers for the team for out of hours care. Sometimes this is called 'the crisis team' but really it is CPN's covering shifts so that there is always someone available. The mental health team will usually be operating an outpatient service. However they also have access to in-patient facilties. Most people never actually get to use this in-patient part of the service.

    The mental health team will send a letter to your GP after all meetings with you to keep them up to date.

    You have the right to see these letters automatically (request they are sent to you automatically at the same time as they go to the GP). You can also, at any time, request copies of your records and anything written about you.

    Phew! Hope that's clear.

    It is important for people who need help to understand what part of the whole system they are currently using. For instance you have not yet been referred to the team and therefore are using your GP for medication advice. A GP is not a trained expert in advanced medications for mental health conditions and cannot prescribe various drugs and combinations of drugs without the backing of a psychiatrist. Hence I suggested it might be good for you to be referred to the team so that you can be seen by someone with more advanced knowledge and monitored closely at home by your CPN if you start taking medications. The GP cannot actually provide the same service. Even if you continue to manage without meds, the support of the CPN can be invaluable and they are your gateway to other parts of the service.

    Everyone using the service retains all the rights of any patient. If they do not like their psychiatrist or CPN they have a perfect right to ask to see other people instead.

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    (Original post by HmMusic)
    I never say horrible things ever that's why it's scared me so much, I can't deal with the guilt of what I've said and knowing that I mean it and knowing that it's the worst thing to say to someone. I'm as bad as my brother. I've been controlling and manipulative and angry and completely utterly pathetic. My cat ignoring me is weird because he never ignores me he is always with me he follows me around everywhere and sits with me whenever I am sitting, instead he is pacing around the hallway and whenever I look at him he sprints off.

    There is a doctor visiting me tonight. I've never been this scared of myself. I don't know how to control my thoughts.
    Hi Honey,

    I just posted a long answer to someone describing the way the mental health service works. I hope you can read it. It should be just above this post. I hope you can get a referral to the mental health team as a matter of urgency.

    Hang on. We are all with you right now,

    • #1
    #1

    (Original post by HmMusic)
    I never say horrible things ever that's why it's scared me so much, I can't deal with the guilt of what I've said and knowing that I mean it and knowing that it's the worst thing to say to someone. I'm as bad as my brother. I've been controlling and manipulative and angry and completely utterly pathetic. My cat ignoring me is weird because he never ignores me he is always with me he follows me around everywhere and sits with me whenever I am sitting, instead he is pacing around the hallway and whenever I look at him he sprints off.

    There is a doctor visiting me tonight. I've never been this scared of myself. I don't know how to control my thoughts.
    You slipped up once, it happens, and believe me, I know the guilt that comes from that. I feel awful on the odd occasion where I take out my mood on someone else. You are not pathetic, and to be honest, I don't think one outburst makes you controlling or manipulative, not really. You shouldn't have said/done what you did, but it's happened. Everyone gets angry sometimes, and depression and pregnancy hormones are going to be a pretty **** combination to be honest. He's probably just having a funny five minutes, one of my cats does that to me occasionally, even though we're ridiculously close and she usually always looks after me.
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    (Original post by catoswyn)
    Your GP is right to be cautious. However that doesn't mean you can't get other help and advice.

    If you are nineteen then your GP can refer you to your local adult mental health team. She does this by writing to them. If you are an urgent case then you can be seen immediately or within the week. If you are not urgent then it can take slightly longer. This is a different system to the NHS counselling. NHS counsellors are not usually part of the mental health service but provide counselling services to GP practices direct. There are not enough of them employed... hence the long wait.

    The mental health team is separate from the GP service and consists of various people working together. Different areas may have people in the team such as 'PWP; practitioners for low level intensity intervention therapies, therapists for high level intervention therapies, welfare advisors and mental health social workers, a Clinical Psychologist and assistant psychologists. The backbone and key part of the service will be the psychiatrists and the community mental health nurses (CPN's) who are the main people that patients see.

    Usually when people are referred by their GP to the service a CPN is assigned to that patient and whoever else the patient sees within the team the CPN remains the person co-ordinating the care. A care plan should be prepared in conjunction with the service user and a copy given to them. The system is currently undergoing some changes and the new role of PWP (Psychological Wellbeing Practitioner) is being used more and more. These provide what is called low level therapeutic interventions intended for people who do not have severe needs. This may include CBT based work.

    After the first referal by the GP a CPN will meet with and assess the person over the course of a series of meeting and work out what kind of help from within the team may be appropriate and start the care plan. Some CPN's are now trained to prescribe medication but usually medications can only be prescribed by a psychiatrist (or GP). If the assessment shows that there may be a complex diagnosis or a need for a medication review then the CPN will arrange an appointment for the person with one of the Pyschiatrist's in the team. You will then be that psychiatrist's patient.

    The CPN will continue to meet with the patient over an extended period of time to monitor any changes in their condition and medication and arrange further interventions by other members of the team if appropriate. This can include therapies but there will be a wait for some therapies. The CPN should also provide the patient with emergency contact numbers for the team for out of hours care. Sometimes this is called 'the crisis team' but really it is CPN's covering shifts so that there is always someone available. The mental health team will usually be operating an outpatient service. However they also have access to in-patient facilties. Most people never actually get to use this part of the service.

    The mental health team will send a letter to your GP after all meetings with you to keep them up to date.

    You have the right to see these letters automatically (request they are sent to you automatically at the same time as they go to the GP). You can also, at any time, request copies of your records and anything written about you.

    Phew! Hope that's clear.

    It is important for people who need help to understand what part of the whole system they are currently using. For instance you have not yet been referred to the team and therefore are using your GP for medication advice. A GP is not a trained expert in advanced medications for mental health conditions and cannot prescribe various drugs and combinations of drugs without the backing of a psychiatrist. Hence I suggested it might be good for you to be referred to the team so that you can be seen by someone with more advanced knowledge and monitored closely at home by your CPN if you start taking medications. The GP cannot actually provide the same service. Even if you continue to manage without meds, the support of the CPN can be invaluable and they are your gateway to other parts of the service.

    Everyone using the service retains all the rights of any patient. If they do not like their psychiatrist or CPN they have a perfect right to ask to see other people instead.

    Thanks for that, very detailed! But I understand what's there much better for it. The GP never said anything about all that but to be fair I've only seen her once about this. Maybe I should go back but I don't want just want a prescription for fluoxetine pushed at me and told to come back if it's not working, which is what I would expect to be honest (close family member that's a GP admits this is what usually happens.)

    Have you seen a CPN etc? Was it useful to you?
    • #1
    #1

    (Original post by HmMusic)
    If you'd seen/heard the things I've said to my mum over the weekend then you would be disgusted too. Even my cat is ignoring me. I can't go on like this. No one is here I'm on my own and if my bf was here I would be scaring him too I can't do this.
    I don't know exactly what you said, but I do know what you did, and trust me, I am not disgusted by you at all. You made a mistake, you maybe didn't handle things in the right way, but I firmly believe it was a one-off thing triggered by something which, rational or not, was always going to have a big emotional impact on you, especially when combined with pregnancy hormones and depression. I don't believe for one second that you are a bad person because of it, I think you're human! No-one can behave perfectly all the time.
 
 
 
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