Had an abortion - boyfriend found out! Watch

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tinktinktinkerbell
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#361
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#361
like hell would any sane female leave her baby with someone who is unstable and im sorry but tying someone up to stop them leaving IS unstable

if anything she was mature NOT to bring a child into this relationship

if a lass came on here and said she was pregnant and her bf did that to her i bet most of you would be telling her either to get rid of the baby or get rid of the bf
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Pink Bullets
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#362
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#362
(Original post by Elipsis)
Everyone who gets into a relationship knowing full well that their other half has fundamentally different beliefs on such a topic, but continues to have sex with them for their own pleasure is a stupid whore who puts her own need to have sex above the life of her offspring. Sex is not like breathing, if you can't handle a child or having a child, then don't have sex.

Why is it solely her responsibility to accommodate his beliefs? Is it simply inconceivable that he knew that she was pro-choice and carried on having sex with her anyway?
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34253
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#363
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(Original post by sorafdfs)
Well what's done is done, you can't change it. Give it time, if he's a psychopath you'll probably have to call the police otherwise don't make contact.
Given the cold nature of the OP, do you not think it is much more likely that she is the psychopath in this relationship, and that the ex-boyfriend lashed out at her lack of compassion, empathy, and love?
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Pink Bullets
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#364
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#364
(Original post by Elipsis)
Everyone who gets into a relationship knowing full well that their other half has fundamentally different beliefs on such a topic, but continues to have sex with them for their own pleasure is a stupid whore who puts her own need to have sex above the life of her offspring. Sex is not like breathing, if you can't handle a child or having a child, then don't have sex.

Why is it solely her responsibility to accommodate his beliefs? Is it simply inconceivable that he knew that she was pro-choice and carried on having sex with her anyway? Or do you just think that men can't control where they put their penises?
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Bslforever
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#365
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#365
(Original post by tinktinktinkerbell)
lol wut? no i havnt
Never having sex means never having sex.

Never having sex you don't want means that you can have all the sex that you do want.

Two very different things.
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tinktinktinkerbell
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#366
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#366
(Original post by Elipsis)
Given the cold nature of the OP, do you not think it is much more likely that she is the psychopath in this relationship, and that the ex-boyfriend lashed out at her lack of compassion, empathy, and love?
no, given the fact that HE DID IT FIRST
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tinktinktinkerbell
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#367
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#367
(Original post by Bslforever)
Never having sex means never having sex.

Never having sex you don't want means that you can have all the sex that you do want.

Two very different things.

no both the same

if you dont want sex then you arnt going to have it, if you arnt going to have it then you clearly dont want it
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34253
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#368
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(Original post by Pink Bullets)
Why is it solely her responsibility to accommodate his beliefs? Is it simply inconceivable that he knew that she was pro-choice and carried on having sex with her anyway? Or do you just think that men can't control where they put their penises?
As we have seen from the OP, it was the OP who had the final decision to have the abortion, not him. Therefore she is the one who has to put more thought into the consequences of her actions. Why have sex with someone who you know is prochoice, then come on a forum ranting about how he reacted when you told him you'd killed his baby?
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Pink Bullets
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#369
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#369
(Original post by Elipsis)
As we have seen from the OP, it was the OP who had the final decision to have the abortion, not him. Therefore she is the one who has to put more thought into the consequences of her actions. Why have sex with someone who you know is prochoice, then come on a forum ranting about how he reacted when you told him you'd killed his baby?
Why have sex with someone you know is pro-choice (assuming he did) and then react like a psycopath when they have an abortion?

If someone put you in a position where you were scared for your safety, I bet you'd do more than 'rant' about it on a forum. He's lucky he's not in jail right now.
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34253
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#370
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(Original post by tinktinktinkerbell)
no, given the fact that HE DID IT FIRST
I think you should look up the definition of psychopath. You can be a psychopath without ever physically harming someone, and you can physically harm someone without being a psychopath. It is about the emotion/empathy you feel whilst carrying out your actions. Psychopaths are users, like the OP.
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Persipan
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#371
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I don't think that anyone is trying to argue that it isn't OK for a man in these circumstances to be angry or upset. But, being angry or upset isn't a justification for behaving in an abusive way.

Several posters have implied that the OP's boyfriend was somehow demonstrating admirable self-restraint, and/or that his actions weren't actually abusive because he only punched walls and not her. I don't know whether or not he is generally an abusive person, but the OP's post raises three red flags from Women's Aid's list of questions to help recognise domestic abuse (Are you ever afraid of your partner? Has your partner ever destroyed any of your possessions deliberately? Has your partner ever tried to prevent your leaving the house?), not to mention calling her evil and verbally abusing her. His actions were not OK. In any context. Ever. His being upset and angry is not a justification for them.

Of course I see why he would be hurt, furious, and deeply unhappy. It's what he did with those emotions that's the problem, and the fact that he could have done worse things to her doesn't make it any better. In fact, in abusive situations the victim is very often made to feel that they deserve what's happening to them, and that their actions are to blame - the abuser shifts responsibility onto his/her victim. As I said, I don't know that the OP's boyfriend is in fact an abusive person generally (although his actions in this context certainly strike me as abusive), but I'm deeply uncomfortable with seeing that "you had it coming" dynamic played out here.
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34253
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#372
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(Original post by Pink Bullets)
Why have sex with someone you know is pro-choice (assuming he did) and then react like a psycopath when they have an abortion?

If someone put you in a position where you were scared for your safety, I bet you'd do more than 'rant' about it on a forum. He's lucky he's not in jail right now.
If I pushed someone to put me in a position where I was scared for my safety I can assure you I wouldn't be on a forum ranting about it, nor would they be in jail. The guy was clearly in love with her, and she freely admits herself that she had more power and control over the relationship and didn't ever really care about him. Again, I urge you to look up the definition of the word 'psychopath', because you clearly do not understand what it means.
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tinktinktinkerbell
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#373
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(Original post by Elipsis)
I think you should look up the definition of psychopath. You can be a psychopath without ever physically harming someone, and you can physically harm someone without being a psychopath. It is about the emotion/empathy you feel whilst carrying out your actions. Psychopaths are users, like the OP.
im not going to argue about what it does or doesnt mean, the fact is tying someone up to stop them leaving is not normal behaviour, im not surprised that she didnt want to tell him would i **** tell someone that did that to me that i was getting rid of his kid, actually i wouldnt be with someone like that so he would never see me again but thats not the point

and yeah she shouldnt have been with him if she wasnt really into him but if he knew she wasnt really into the relationship he should have broke it off
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Lord Wilson
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#374
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#374
(Original post by Darkness and Mist)
There aren't.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/education...g-adopted.html

The fact is, just because a child is there doesn't mean there will be a family for it, you would be giving a child over to an uncertain future and more importantly probably taking away a potential place from a child who could have been waiting years for adoption and really needs a family after abuse or neglect. (the younger a child is the more preferential it is for adoption).

Your simple one minded view on the world is quite frankly astonishing.
I think you will find that, the article in question is over a year old, and in Northern Ireland, there are a lot of decent married couples who are waiting to adopt a child! And your simple, unethical view on the world is quite repulsive.
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34253
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#375
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(Original post by Persipan)
I don't think that anyone is trying to argue that it isn't OK for a man in these circumstances to be angry or upset. But, being angry or upset isn't a justification for behaving in an abusive way.

Several posters have implied that the OP's boyfriend was somehow demonstrating admirable self-restraint, and/or that his actions weren't actually abusive because he only punched walls and not her. I don't know whether or not he is generally an abusive person, but the OP's post raises three red flags from Women's Aid's list of questions to help recognise domestic abuse (Are you ever afraid of your partner? Has your partner ever destroyed any of your possessions deliberately? Has your partner ever tried to prevent your leaving the house?), not to mention calling her evil and verbally abusing her. His actions were not OK. In any context. Ever. His being upset and angry is not a justification for them.

Of course I see why he would be hurt, furious, and deeply unhappy. It's what he did with those emotions that's the problem, and the fact that he could have done worse things to her doesn't make it any better. In fact, in abusive situations the victim is very often made to feel that they deserve what's happening to them, and that their actions are to blame - the abuser shifts responsibility onto his/her victim. As I said, I don't know that the OP's boyfriend is in fact an abusive person generally (although his actions in this context certainly strike me as abusive), but I'm deeply uncomfortable with seeing that "you had it coming" dynamic played out here.
I think getting provoked to that reaction from extreme circumstances changes the situation entirely. I wonder, would a man be just in his trashing of his girlfriends flat if she had actually killed his child who had been born? Because as far as I can tell the boyfriend in this case regarded the child in her womb as the same as the child it would become. What you have written is total tripe, it's not like the OP burned his dinner and he curb stomped her or something. If my girlfriend was pregnant and someone punched her in the stomach causing a miscarriage I wouldn't rest until they were dead, so yes, the OPs boyfriend did well in showing some restraint.
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34253
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#376
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#376
(Original post by tinktinktinkerbell)
im not going to argue about what it does or doesnt mean, the fact is tying someone up to stop them leaving is not normal behaviour, im not surprised that she didnt want to tell him would i **** tell someone that did that to me that i was getting rid of his kid, actually i wouldnt be with someone like that so he would never see me again but thats not the point

and yeah she shouldnt have been with him if she wasnt really into him but if he knew she wasnt really into the relationship he should have broke it off
He tied her up before she got back with him. She had broken up with him many times with ease. If he was so scary and psychotic she never had to se him again in her life. She chose to use him for sex. Now, I don't know about you, but when I want to get my end away the first door I knock on generally doesn't belong to a maniac.
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tinktinktinkerbell
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#377
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#377
(Original post by Elipsis)
He tied her up before she got back with him. She had broken up with him many times with ease. If he was so scary and psychotic she never had to se him again in her life. She chose to use him for sex. Now, I don't know about you, but when I want to get my end away the first door I knock on generally doesn't belong to a maniac.
well i dont have sex so maybe i would knock on a manics door :rofl:
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Pink Bullets
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#378
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#378
(Original post by Elipsis)
He tied her up before she got back with him. She had broken up with him many times with ease. If he was so scary and psychotic she never had to se him again in her life. She chose to use him for sex. Now, I don't know about you, but when I want to get my end away the first door I knock on generally doesn't belong to a maniac.
Yeah, 'course she never had to see him again in her life... except for those times when he breaks into her flat.

You clearly don't understand anything about abusive relationships if you think that anyone who stays with an abuser is 'using them for sex'. Christ, this is unreal.
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Persipan
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#379
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(Original post by Elipsis)
I wonder, would a man be just in his trashing of his girlfriends flat if she had actually killed his child who had been born?
No, of course he wouldn't. In this circumstance, however, the hypothetical girlfriend would have broken the law (assuming she killed the hypothetical child deliberately and not by accident), and the matter would be one for the police and courts to deal with. As, indeed, would the hypothetical punching in the stomach of your hypothetically pregnant girlfriend. The idea that we should all go around getting one another back for everything people do that we don't like is one I find both deeply unpleasant and, on a practical level, never-ending (you hypothetically kill the guy who cause the hypothetical miscarriage, and then his family kill you, and then your girlfriend kills them, and where does it end?)
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Pink Bullets
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#380
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(Original post by Persipan)
No, of course he wouldn't. In this circumstance, however, the hypothetical girlfriend would have broken the law (assuming she killed the hypothetical child deliberately and not by accident), and the matter would be one for the police and courts to deal with. As, indeed, would the hypothetical punching in the stomach of your hypothetically pregnant girlfriend. The idea that we should all go around getting one another back for everything people do that we don't like is one I find both deeply unpleasant and, on a practical level, never-ending (you hypothetically kill the guy who cause the hypothetical miscarriage, and then his family kill you, and then your girlfriend kills them, and where does it end?)
I think I love you.


(Now where's my rope? :p:)
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