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    (Original post by 08batee)
    Hope you (and Rory!) are doing okay now :yes: :hugs:
    Rory is doing much betters thanks, so much happier just for seeing me I think, it's n ice to see him smile deffinately

    Me on the other hand, I'm very up and down, worrying about results and phone counselling consultation thing. Had a very sore stomach so far (panicking about possibilities) :woo: I'm too hot and I'm being attacked by whatever is attacking my legs so I have bites everywhere other than that I'm glad to be with Rory

    How are you? :hugs:


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    (Original post by 08batee)
    :jumphug: I am so sorry to hear all of this hun, honestly, it sounds like lots of things are building up and sounds really tough :console: You sound as though you are definitely living a healthy lifestyle though and please try not to feel pressure into changing that because of your Mum's views or because of competition. What you're doing is definitely the right thing. I hope you have a really good holiday and things improve for you soon :hugs:
    Thanks for the reply, I really appreciate it. It's so so hard not to get carried away with weight loss and it kind of feels like she's indoctrinating me, but I'm more aware of the unhealthy parts of our relationship than ever thanks to CBT, it's just a case of figuring out how to stop myself following the same patterns that I have in the past. Much easier said than done!

    Hope you're ok. :hugs:
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    Aaaaaaaahh

    Breakdown.

    So yesterday I put on my fb that being unemployed was getting on my nerves and some girl I used to be friends with made a nasty dig at me. "the lack of enthusiastic status updates is getting on mine" which didnt even make sense all.my statuses have been positive for like a month :/ She used to be a friend but hasnt spoken to me in 2 years so I was really confused by it.

    Then today I got another dig from someone

    I'm working on a uni committee and had done actually days worth of work for people who do f*** all to say thats nice but we could get a professional to do that for free. Was soooo angry ar the lack of communication and the dig this second girl gave me.

    Was so angry but of course it just ended up confused tears.
    Its really stupid that small things get to you.
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    So my boyfriends mum has given me a very strong antihistamine for my legs so I don't attack them too much, it seems to be working so far, I'm not having many urges to scrat at them. My boyfriend knows what will happen if I start scratting so he's trying to keep me calm, I think it's working so far, possibly.


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    (Original post by -FireFlies-)
    Exactly :/ hate night times.

    Abracadabra Oh if only that would actually happen :rolleyes:
    Ha we can wish. :hugs: Maybe it'll happen one day if we keep our fingers crossed.
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    Tried to post this earlier but it didn't work :emo:

    I've finished my internship and emerged unscathed and in one piece! :king1: Everyone was so lovely today, even people I barely had any communication with were telling me how I'd be missed and what a rock star I am. It gives me great hope for the future that being mentally disabled doesn't have to hold me back.

    You guys have been great at cheering me on during psychotic blips, so thanks to all :grouphugs:
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    Feeling really low
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    Feeling really really rubbish and urgh :cry2: I find it so hard to not constantly put myself down and criticise myself and just think I'm a failure at everything. Everything's so hard.
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    (Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd)
    Tried to post this earlier but it didn't work :emo:

    I've finished my internship and emerged unscathed and in one piece! :king1: Everyone was so lovely today, even people I barely had any communication with were telling me how I'd be missed and what a rock star I am. It gives me great hope for the future that being mentally disabled doesn't have to hold me back.

    You guys have been great at cheering me on during psychotic blips, so thanks to all :grouphugs:
    :woo: :awesome: :king1:
    You are indeed a rock star!
    Congratulations lovely :jumphug:
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    (Original post by 08batee)
    Feeling really really rubbish and urgh :cry2: I find it so hard to not constantly put myself down and criticise myself and just think I'm a failure at everything. Everything's so hard.
    You deffinately rant a failure Hun, you o strong and supportive of everyone :hugs:

    Even Rory says hey and hopes you feel better soon :yep:
    See you are special and amazing, he even smiled when he said it :yep:


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    (Original post by PonchoKid)
    Rory is doing much betters thanks, so much happier just for seeing me I think, it's n ice to see him smile deffinately

    Me on the other hand, I'm very up and down, worrying about results and phone counselling consultation thing. Had a very sore stomach so far (panicking about possibilities) :woo: I'm too hot and I'm being attacked by whatever is attacking my legs so I have bites everywhere other than that I'm glad to be with Rory

    How are you? :hugs:


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    I'm glad Rory's doing a bit better!
    Sorry you're up and down :console: I don't envy the phone call at all - I'm awful at talking on the phone at the best of times
    Ah no! That's rubbish! The midgy fly things love me too

    I'm up and down too, but kinda feeling rubbishy at the moment. Thanks for asking though :hugs:

    (Original post by asdfgah)
    Thanks for the reply, I really appreciate it. It's so so hard not to get carried away with weight loss and it kind of feels like she's indoctrinating me, but I'm more aware of the unhealthy parts of our relationship than ever thanks to CBT, it's just a case of figuring out how to stop myself following the same patterns that I have in the past. Much easier said than done!

    Hope you're ok. :hugs:
    No worries hun :hugs: I can understand that - I sometimes feel the same and like the feeling of control over at least one element of my life :yes: Just remember that what you're doing and working so hard to achieve is very admirable indeed. I'm glad that CBT has helped a bit in that respect :yes: Just keep doing what you're doing and know is for the best for you :hugs: :
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    (Original post by PonchoKid)
    You deffinately rant a failure Hun, you o strong and supportive of everyone :hugs:

    Even Rory says hey and hopes you feel better soon :yep:
    See you are special and amazing, he even smiled when he said it :yep:


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    Aw, that's sweet, haha! Tell him I said hey back! :lol: :yep:
    Thanks for your support hun, it means a lot :yes: :jumphug:
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    (Original post by 08batee)
    I'm glad Rory's doing a bit better!
    Sorry you're up and down :console: I don't envy the phone call at all - I'm awful at talking on the phone at the best of times
    Ah no! That's rubbish! The midgy fly things love me too

    I'm up and down too, but kinda feeling rubbishy at the moment. Thanks for asking though :hugs:



    No worries hun :hugs: I can understand that - I sometimes feel the same and like the feeling of control over at least one element of my life :yes: Just remember that what you're doing and working so hard to achieve is very admirable indeed. I'm glad that CBT has helped a bit in that respect :yes: Just keep doing what you're doing and know is for the best for you :hugs: :
    Just trying to get him to believe that everyone on here does care about him, and misses him, I think deep down he knows it.
    I'm dreading it so much, apparently it's gonna last about half an hour and I'm gonna have to tell some complete stranger my life
    His mums given me strong antihistamines and they worked unti now dunno if I'm allowed to take more though

    He gave a smile when I told him you say hey, you can get through this Hun I promise yeah :jumphug:


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    (Original post by 08batee)
    No worries hun :hugs: I can understand that - I sometimes feel the same and like the feeling of control over at least one element of my life :yes: Just remember that what you're doing and working so hard to achieve is very admirable indeed. I'm glad that CBT has helped a bit in that respect :yes: Just keep doing what you're doing and know is for the best for you :hugs: :
    Spoilered for eating stuff.

    Spoiler:
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    I think maybe I need to have a mantra written somewhere about how if my weight is normal and my muscles are visible then I don't need to lose more just to get down to body fat of 14% like my mum. Arrgghh. If I feel like this after less than two weeks at home I have no clue how I'm meant to be after three months. Either get out of control underweight or end up hating my body more than I already do. I was only just getting comfortable-ish with BMI of 22 rather than being below 20 and feels like it's going. About a month ago I made myself sick after I felt like I had eaten too much, which I've done before but always makes me go "right, I really need to get this under control and not end up with an eating disorder on top of everything else". I've been doing well and feeling more comfortable in my skin and now all I can see is bits that look feminine and soft and urgh. :cry2:

    Sorry I know my weight stuff is not a big issue at all. It's really nothing compared to how ill I was a few months ago, so I know it's not that bad. It's just frustrating me that progress I made might be all about to disappear.
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    (Original post by 08batee)
    :woo: :awesome: :king1:
    You are indeed a rock star!
    Congratulations lovely :jumphug:
    Thanks hun. Sorry to you and asdfgah and my other lovely ladies Tasha and FuzzySheep that I'm being a bit useless with communication at the moment. Still absolutely shattered from Weds and just need a bit of space to get my head together and back into a frame of helping others, rather than feeling self-absorbed and sorry for myself :getmecoat:
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    (Original post by sunfowers01)
    Feeling really low
    What's up?
    • #23
    #23

    Hi, I don't always use this site, but I'm sort of desperate/sad/pathetic/loser-ish so I thought I'd turn to it.

    I'm currently in my third year of uni. I've always tried my best to be a bit of a "high-flyer", always aiming for firsts, but always being disappointed by the fact that I got 2.1's in my first and second year. I applied and was accepted onto masters programs at two very good London universities, and when I started my third year, I was determined to do well. I picked modules I thought would be good for me, and set about working on them as diligently as I could, sacrificing any semblance of a social life in order to get where I needed to go. Unbeknownst to me, I had started suffering symptoms of depression at around mid November; I've always been "emotional" and a worrier, but it reached its breaking point during Christmas. I had 15,000 words to hand in at the very beginning of January, and I only had three weeks to do them, and try as I might to start early, nothing was materializing. As the weeks were slipping away, I'd gotten to 27th of December and nothing had been written, despite my best efforts. I had several panic attacks and nervous breakdowns and attempted suicide several times during that period. After speaking to my doctor, I managed to get a two week extension on my work, and I tried to hand everything in, but the strain of what had gone on kept mounting to the extent that I had further attacks. I managed to get my work for the first semester extended to August and managed to go ahead with my second semester as planned. I completed and submitted four essays whilst undergoing psychotherapy. However, during an exam, in the first few minutes, I had another panic attack and walked out; this, too, has now been extended to August. I got the results for my four essays, and managed to scrape together a high 2.1 for the second semester, which I'm pleased with, all things considered.

    Now I'm trying to get on with my work for the first semester, and I feel myself becoming increasingly upset, stressed, angry, frustrated, bored, lazy and lethargic. I'm also incredibly scared to pick up the pen or put finger to keyboard and start writing. This is because not only am I scared that what I write will ultimately suck and won't get me that precious first I covet, but also because I'm incredibly resentful that, whilst everybody else has their degrees, have graduated, and are now enjoying freedom and sunshine and celebrations, I'm stuck in doors or at the library, doing essays I don't want to do in order to get a degree that will let me do another degree.

    I've talked about taking a year off, starting the year over again, but I couldn't afford it. I've talked about abandoning the degree altogether, but that would be a complete waste. I feel trapped on all sides, and I've taken to taking my frustration and anger out by hitting myself violently on the head. I try to control it, but I don't know what I can do to get out of this repetitious hole I'm stuck in. I feel like I've made my family miserable, and that they keep trying to push me into doing work (for my best interests, mind you) but I simply don't know if I can.

    I don't really know why I typed this here, I just needed to tell somebody my story. If there's any help or advice you can give, it would be really appreciated. I'm desperate for this to end, and even though I know when the deadline for this work is, the concept of doing it is like pulling teeth (I've done all the reading and the secondary work on it, the plans and the arguments, everything - it's just the writing that proves to be a perpetual block).

    I never wanted my degree to end like this, and it wasn't supposed to end like this, and all I can do is whine. I'm ****ing miserable, man.

    TY

    *Sorry, I posted this in a thread of its own before I saw this, thought I might as well just post it here too. Sorry if it annoys anyone*
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    (Original post by zonkfrog)
    Aaaaaaaahh

    Breakdown.

    So yesterday I put on my fb that being unemployed was getting on my nerves and some girl I used to be friends with made a nasty dig at me. "the lack of enthusiastic status updates is getting on mine" which didnt even make sense all.my statuses have been positive for like a month :/ She used to be a friend but hasnt spoken to me in 2 years so I was really confused by it.

    Then today I got another dig from someone

    I'm working on a uni committee and had done actually days worth of work for people who do f*** all to say thats nice but we could get a professional to do that for free. Was soooo angry ar the lack of communication and the dig this second girl gave me.

    Was so angry but of course it just ended up confused tears.
    Its really stupid that small things get to you.
    People love to point out flaws in others, sadly. At least the dicks out there anyway, of which there always seems to be plenty -.- I know what you mean with small things getting to you. You know that you shouldn't let it bother you, but it just does, no matter what you try :|

    In time you'll get over it, when i look back at a lot of things people have done or said to me, i realise they don't bother me as much anymore.

    That said though, often the little things that are nice can really help lift your mood, try and think about them if you can. Things for me are like washing dishes, smell of aloe vera, having a shave, feeling my deskfan blowing cool wind at me, an ice cold can of coke
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    (Original post by PonchoKid)
    Just trying to get him to believe that everyone on here does care about him, and misses him, I think deep down he knows it.
    I'm dreading it so much, apparently it's gonna last about half an hour and I'm gonna have to tell some complete stranger my life
    His mums given me strong antihistamines and they worked unti now dunno if I'm allowed to take more though

    He gave a smile when I told him you say hey, you can get through this Hun I promise yeah :jumphug:


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Yes! We DEFINITELY miss him, we want him back! He was nothing but a credit to MHSS, along with the rest of TSR. :yep:
    Really good luck hun - don't forget they're trained to do this, and the person doing it will be lovely and sensitive I'm sure, which should make things easier :hugs:
    That's good! If the itching carries on, do you have any lotion or stuff you can put on them? TCP is good, as well as Savlon, and maybe calamine lotion :yes:
    :hugs: Thanks hun, I'm sure I'll be alright, nights just really aren't good for me :no:
    :jumphug:

    (Original post by asdfgah)
    Spoilered for eating stuff.

    Spoiler:
    Show
    I think maybe I need to have a mantra written somewhere about how if my weight is normal and my muscles are visible then I don't need to lose more just to get down to body fat of 14% like my mum. Arrgghh. If I feel like this after less than two weeks at home I have no clue how I'm meant to be after three months. Either get out of control underweight or end up hating my body more than I already do. I was only just getting comfortable-ish with BMI of 22 rather than being below 20 and feels like it's going. About a month ago I made myself sick after I felt like I had eaten too much, which I've done before but always makes me go "right, I really need to get this under control and not end up with an eating disorder on top of everything else". I've been doing well and feeling more comfortable in my skin and now all I can see is bits that look feminine and soft and urgh. :cry2:

    Sorry I know my weight stuff is not a big issue at all. It's really nothing compared to how ill I was a few months ago, so I know it's not that bad. It's just frustrating me that progress I made might be all about to disappear.
    Spoiler:
    Show
    I absolutely agree, hun. :hugs: I know for a fact, you are just fine the way you are. You do NOT need to lose any weight at all - though I can somewhat empathise with not wanting curves and things like that :console: 14% is most certainly not healthy and not somewhere you want to end up ideally :no: Do you feel okay enough to get out the house and do things, to keep your mind occupied and away from your Mum? So sorry to hear you made yourself sick - that's not nice at all I've no idea why you're apologising at all! I think the fact that you can recognise that you're feeling this way, and feeling like things might be about to 'slip' is a good thing - recognising that following your Mum's example is not a good way to go, you have a healthy weight, a healthy lifestyle and do NOT need to lose weight is half the battle. I would just keep monitoring your thought patterns surrounding the issue - maybe make a diary, or record EDish thoughts or tendencies if they come up, then list reasons why that particular thing is not necessary/healthy for you, and the reasons why you want a healthy, strong body. Also maybe the good things, and the things you like about your body, the way it is now. Sorry, I wish I could offer you more advice Big hugs hun :hugs:
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    Hi, I don't always use this site, but I'm sort of desperate/sad/pathetic/loser-ish so I thought I'd turn to it.

    I'm currently in my third year of uni. I've always tried my best to be a bit of a "high-flyer", always aiming for firsts, but always being disappointed by the fact that I got 2.1's in my first and second year. I applied and was accepted onto masters programs at two very good London universities, and when I started my third year, I was determined to do well. I picked modules I thought would be good for me, and set about working on them as diligently as I could, sacrificing any semblance of a social life in order to get where I needed to go. Unbeknownst to me, I had started suffering symptoms of depression at around mid November; I've always been "emotional" and a worrier, but it reached its breaking point during Christmas. I had 15,000 words to hand in at the very beginning of January, and I only had three weeks to do them, and try as I might to start early, nothing was materializing. As the weeks were slipping away, I'd gotten to 27th of December and nothing had been written, despite my best efforts. I had several panic attacks and nervous breakdowns and attempted suicide several times during that period. After speaking to my doctor, I managed to get a two week extension on my work, and I tried to hand everything in, but the strain of what had gone on kept mounting to the extent that I had further attacks. I managed to get my work for the first semester extended to August and managed to go ahead with my second semester as planned. I completed and submitted four essays whilst undergoing psychotherapy. However, during an exam, in the first few minutes, I had another panic attack and walked out; this, too, has now been extended to August. I got the results for my four essays, and managed to scrape together a high 2.1 for the second semester, which I'm pleased with, all things considered.

    Now I'm trying to get on with my work for the first semester, and I feel myself becoming increasingly upset, stressed, angry, frustrated, bored, lazy and lethargic. I'm also incredibly scared to pick up the pen or put finger to keyboard and start writing. This is because not only am I scared that what I write will ultimately suck and won't get me that precious first I covet, but also because I'm incredibly resentful that, whilst everybody else has their degrees, have graduated, and are now enjoying freedom and sunshine and celebrations, I'm stuck in doors or at the library, doing essays I don't want to do in order to get a degree that will let me do another degree.

    I've talked about taking a year off, starting the year over again, but I couldn't afford it. I've talked about abandoning the degree altogether, but that would be a complete waste. I feel trapped on all sides, and I've taken to taking my frustration and anger out by hitting myself violently on the head. I try to control it, but I don't know what I can do to get out of this repetitious hole I'm stuck in. I feel like I've made my family miserable, and that they keep trying to push me into doing work (for my best interests, mind you) but I simply don't know if I can.

    I don't really know why I typed this here, I just needed to tell somebody my story. If there's any help or advice you can give, it would be really appreciated. I'm desperate for this to end, and even though I know when the deadline for this work is, the concept of doing it is like pulling teeth (I've done all the reading and the secondary work on it, the plans and the arguments, everything - it's just the writing that proves to be a perpetual block).

    I never wanted my degree to end like this, and it wasn't supposed to end like this, and all I can do is whine. I'm ****ing miserable, man.

    TY
 
 
 
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