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    To the theme of 'rehab' by Amy Winehouse:

    They tried to make me go to hospital
    I said, no, no, no
    Yes, I been neurotic
    But I aint psychotic, when I am you'll know, know, know
    I said I'm fine
    They said call the crisis line
    They tried to make to go to hospital
    I won't go, go, go
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    Getting disciplinary action taken against me in college because I handed in some work late this week. Awesome. Two pieces were less than 24 hours late, and they're well aware of my circumstances at home. My brother has just been discharged from a psych ward, and was supposed to be living elsewhere until care plans etc are in place, and where he can get more care, but is refusing to leave the house after his home leave. It's been difficult
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    Feel like I'm slowly getting back on track from this dip I've been on lately :yep: don't want to say too much and bloody jinx it though :teehee:

    I noticed earlier that it's a year today since I was at my worst, that period lasted months but this one night was the turning point. It was the night I called NHS24 demanding to be sectioned and I was on and off the phone all night to a CPN and my mum had to come up and get me at 3am because I was in such a state. That night was the turning point for me to actually get help for OCD. I fooled myself into buying into what the general public thought of OCD - that it wasn't serious, it could be managed if you try and hard enough and it was just a nuisance and not an illness. I knew all the actual facts but maybe trying to convince myself of those myths was my way of trying to play it down and deal with it. It's been a long road and I'm still not at the end of it but I'll keep going and I've learned a lot about myself over the last year from that period where I was at rock bottom, probably more than I've learned about myself in any other year of my life.

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    Forgot to take Q last night. Oh well. Bloody hate it.

    That reminds me. CPN sick leave is until at least next week, and they were going to just stick to the plan of adding additional medication and not seeing me. However, I finally got a call from the duty worker yesterday and I complained about the bad handling of the situation and how I felt as if they weren't willing to deal with me because of my diagnosis and would rather wait until my CPN is back. So I do have a meeting with a different CPN this week. Granted I hate talking to new people, trust and all is a must, but I want an actual person and not a voice over the phone to explain to me why they thought it was wise to stick me on Q for the 3rd time (when it has clearly not worked before) without even seeing me. I've told them that I'm in a bad way. I'm still in shock that they would rather not deal with me.

    I get that they are under a lot of pressure, but that's not my fault. I rarely have situations where I'm really bad. Just feel let down tbh.

    Also did work training today. That was an experience.

    Wow this is rambling on and on. Roll it up, Cesca.
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    (Original post by Spock's Socks)
    Feel like I'm slowly getting back on track from this dip I've been on lately :yep: don't want to say too much and bloody jinx it though :teehee:

    I noticed earlier that it's a year today since I was at my worst, that period lasted months but this one night was the turning point. It was the night I called NHS24 demanding to be sectioned and I was on and off the phone all night to a CPN and my mum had to come up and get me at 3am because I was in such a state. That night was the turning point for me to actually get help for OCD. I fooled myself into buying into what the general public thought of OCD - that it wasn't serious, it could be managed if you try and hard enough and it was just a nuisance and not an illness. I knew all the actual facts but maybe trying to convince myself of those myths was my way of trying to play it down and deal with it. It's been a long road and I'm still not at the end of it but I'll keep going and I've learned a lot about myself over the last year from that period where I was at rock bottom, probably more than I've learned about myself in any other year of my life.

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    :hugs: Glad you're feeling better.
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    In weird space..appetite changes and spending money like I've got millions. I know I need to be back on meds..like months ago but the side effects make me drowsy and I drive 150 - 200 miles a week. But I'm more dissociative so meds might reduce that risk. I dunno. Been off uni for 3 weeks. Could have taken them at any point and got side effects done with. Didn't though because that made sense 🙄 Now gotta wait for my 13 hour day to be over on Tuesday so that drowsiness won't leave me stuck in different town

    Trying to full change of circumstances form for ESA. Wtf is wrong with DWP that form is crazy. Also asks if your partner consents to you applying for benefit. How about are they aware of the claim? Since you're putting their details. Also I can't fill it in because it's so confusing. So generic it becomes obsolete
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    Why do I keep making bad decisions. Why can't I control my brain. Why do I keep impulse buying when I'm supposed to be saving for medication. Why do I not feel any proper regret. :sad:


    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    Voices been really loud this past couple of hours or so. I'm meant to be revising for my two exams next week but in 2 hours I've only read about 20 pages. TSR is great for being occupying thus stopping things getting really bad but I'm still slowly deteriorating.

    Want to go watch a hockey game at 7.30 but I'm not so sure being surrounded by hundreds of people will help things. Then again, I love hockey and don't get this opportunity often. :sad:
    :console:
    The voices can be so horrible
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    Sorry I've been AWOL peeps. Tiz my bday so been distracted by attempting to celebrate, to cheer myself up :yay:
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    (Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd)
    Sorry I've been AWOL peeps. Tiz my bday so been distracted by attempting to celebrate, to cheer myself up :yay:
    Happy birthday
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    (Original post by Ezme39)
    Happy birthday
    Thank you!
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    (Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd)
    Thank you!
    haaaAAAaaaaapppPPyyyy birthday to my favourite TSRian :hugs::excited::headfire::nutcase:

    :pierre:
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    (Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd)
    Sorry I've been AWOL peeps. Tiz my bday so been distracted by attempting to celebrate, to cheer myself up :yay:
    Happy birthday sweetie :hugs:

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    (Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd)
    Sorry I've been AWOL peeps. Tiz my bday so been distracted by attempting to celebrate, to cheer myself up :yay:
    Happy birthday! :yay: :jumphug:
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    (Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd)
    Sorry I've been AWOL peeps. Tiz my bday so been distracted by attempting to celebrate, to cheer myself up :yay:
    Happy birthday :hugs:
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    Happy birthday 🎉 hope you are cheered up
    (Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd)
    Sorry I've been AWOL peeps. Tiz my bday so been distracted by attempting to celebrate, to cheer myself up :yay:
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    (Original post by chelseadagg3r)
    Happy birthday! :yay: :jumphug:
    (Original post by Little Popcorns)
    Happy birthday :hugs:
    (Original post by ~Tara~)
    Happy birthday 🎉 hope you are cheered up
    Thanks all. It was going well until big family fight in the restaurant where we were having dinner. Should have known I was asking too much of my family/the universe by hoping for a healthy, happy bday :emo:
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    (Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd)
    Sorry I've been AWOL peeps. Tiz my bday so been distracted by attempting to celebrate, to cheer myself up :yay:
    Happy Birthday!
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    (Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd)
    Thanks all. It was going well until big family fight in the restaurant where we were having dinner. Should have known I was asking too much of my family/the universe by hoping for a healthy, happy bday :emo:
    I hope it wasn't too bad and it didn't ruin your day. Best wishes Goatherd.
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    (Original post by avhhs)
    Happy Birthday!
    Thanks

    (Original post by Wilfred Little)
    I hope it wasn't too bad and it didn't ruin your day. Best wishes Goatherd.
    Ngl, it did ruin an otherwise nice day

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    (Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd)
    Sorry I've been AWOL peeps. Tiz my bday so been distracted by attempting to celebrate, to cheer myself up :yay:
    Happy birthday TLG!! ! :woo: :party:
 
 
 
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