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    (Original post by Kvothe the Arcane)
    So I've noticed that when I'm sleep deprived my anxiety lessens with or without meds and I gain more confidence and ease.
    I've not really done uni social stuff due to shyness.

    Do you think it'd be a bad idea if I were not to sleep the night before I want to do something social like go out so that the over thinking part of my brain is shut down.
    I did this on and off for a few years while I was in school. It was honestly such an awful decision. I got health problems because of it, and it was difficult to correct. I saw my doctor and he said some of my problems he'd never seen in people below the age of 50. It sounds like a good idea in theory and at the time, but it's not worth it. The best thing you can do is try and continue down the regular routes of treatment
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    Today, me and Callan brought our wedding forward to July next year instead of our 10th anniversary. Both happy and excited and nervous about it :teehee: My papa and stepdad's health lately has put things into perspective and that having a big wedding isn't what matters, its about being with the person you love and being surrounded by those you care about.


    Good news aside, my panic attacks have been hellish lately. I feel zoned out so much of the time these days and every muscle in my body aches like I have been battered.
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    (Original post by bubblegumcat)
    I'm glad things worked out for you i'm thinking of seeing the doctors at my university for depression, but i'm not sure if theyll be any good. I was told by one of my friends that someone had gone in to the doctors at my uni for their cold, and it turned out they werent that helpful so im worried it will be the same for me :/



    that's great! hopefully the doctors at my uni will be good too
    Ngl i agree with saber the drs can do naff all for a cold so its a complete waste of the drs time so no wonder they were a bit miffed!

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    Seeing CCO tomorrow. Worried if I tell her that my housemates are spies and put recording devices in my room and thoughts in my head that aren't mine (bad things, but won't act on them as they're not my thoughts) that she'll get me sectioned. But then I hate not having anyone IRL to talk to about this stuff so I'm conflicted.

    Oh and, when asked 'are you safe?' does this mean safe from yourself? Because I am safe from myself, but I'm worried about others hurting me. So no, I don't feel safe.
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    How does anyone cope with feeling dead inside? It had got a bit better/less intense for a while but come back with a vengeance these last couple of weeks and really getting to me. I swear absolutely anything could happen and I'd barely even notice. This weekend should have been amazing but I just sat there thinking about really bad stuff for whole chunks of it. Hate it.

    :hugs: anyone that needs them. Also a very late happy birthday to The_Lonely_Goatherd and :wavey: to Anon #2- am around if either of you want to talk
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    Long rant post, may be triggering
    Spoiler:
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    I'm a bit scared if I'm honest. I feel like I'm so on edge all the time. I feel like I'm losing control of everything around me and that is something I've never been able to deal with. I feel like people are talking about me behind my back and my family are against me. I used to be paranoid about someone I barely knew wanting to kill me, which then ended up as me being scared someone, anyone, was going to try and kill me. This actually happened twice, a few years apart. The first time, I thought my dad was going to kill me. The time I just mentioned was the second time. I feel like I'm going to end up back in that place. It affected my life for years, and I even ended up in hospital once after dislocating my knee trying to run away from something that wasn't even there. Of course when I was there, I just told them I tripped. I didn't mention why. I was only 14/15 and I had no clue what to do. I couldn't tell anyone. They wouldn't believe me and they'd think it completely irrational. I briefly brought it up to a counsellor and they scoffed and told me not to be stupid. I've started seeing things again. I haven't experienced this since I was in school, since I got a higher dose of fluoxetine. I've since been moved onto citalopram and felt even better. My anxiety and paranoia lessened, and my mood got a lot better. It started with seeing bugs and birds/bats and stuff, and hearing phones ring when they weren't, but progressed into seeing big things that just weren't there and hearing people talking though I couldn't make out what they were saying most of the time. I'm not seeing or hearing anything major at the moment, but I'm scared it's going to end up that way again. I thought I was pretty much sorted with my mental health and I would able to cope on my own but I don't know if I can. I have been dealing with this by myself for years. I've always dealt with it alone and I've managed it well. Everything is so up in the air right now. I can't cope with my brother being home and things changing. He isn't even supposed to be living here. I don't feel safe from him, although that is somewhat founded, maybe. He hasn't tried to hurt or kill me in maybe 4 or 5 years, but I'm still terrified of him doing it. I know it was because he was ill, and he's not in the same place now, but I can't help it. I feel awful about it and I don't want to feel this way, not just for me. I hate not being able to feel safe around him and not trusting him. I've tried bringing it up with my mum, wanting a new lock on my door after the last one broke, but she thinks I'm being irrational and I'm doing it for attention. He's tried to kill me so many times and I just can't feel safe anymore. I couldn't stay awake today and accidentally slept until 4:30pm. I'm not going to sleep well at all tonight. I don't want to sit around dwelling on this but I just won't be able to sleep and I'm struggling to distract myself. This has all come on just after starting college. If that triggered it, I'm scared I'll struggle with uni. My year out of education was a good year for me. I did really well with my health, both physical and mental. I don't want that all to go down the drain. I don't want to have to take another year out. I need to get on with my life. People already think ill of me. I did, too. I know it was the best thing for me, but people just don't understand that. My throat and my chest is so tight. I can't see properly. I can feel myself about to have a panic attack. I was doing so well. I'm in pain. My whole body hurts. I don't really know what's happening with me anymore
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    (Original post by chelseadagg3r)
    Long rant post, may be triggering
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    I'm a bit scared if I'm honest. I feel like I'm so on edge all the time. I feel like I'm losing control of everything around me and that is something I've never been able to deal with. I feel like people are talking about me behind my back and my family are against me. I used to be paranoid about someone I barely knew wanting to kill me, which then ended up as me being scared someone, anyone, was going to try and kill me. This actually happened twice, a few years apart. The first time, I thought my dad was going to kill me. The time I just mentioned was the second time. I feel like I'm going to end up back in that place. It affected my life for years, and I even ended up in hospital once after dislocating my knee trying to run away from something that wasn't even there. Of course when I was there, I just told them I tripped. I didn't mention why. I was only 14/15 and I had no clue what to do. I couldn't tell anyone. They wouldn't believe me and they'd think it completely irrational. I briefly brought it up to a counsellor and they scoffed and told me not to be stupid. I've started seeing things again. I haven't experienced this since I was in school, since I got a higher dose of fluoxetine. I've since been moved onto citalopram and felt even better. My anxiety and paranoia lessened, and my mood got a lot better. It started with seeing bugs and birds/bats and stuff, and hearing phones ring when they weren't, but progressed into seeing big things that just weren't there and hearing people talking though I couldn't make out what they were saying most of the time. I'm not seeing or hearing anything major at the moment, but I'm scared it's going to end up that way again. I thought I was pretty much sorted with my mental health and I would able to cope on my own but I don't know if I can. I have been dealing with this by myself for years. I've always dealt with it alone and I've managed it well. Everything is so up in the air right now. I can't cope with my brother being home and things changing. He isn't even supposed to be living here. I don't feel safe from him, although that is somewhat founded, maybe. He hasn't tried to hurt or kill me in maybe 4 or 5 years, but I'm still terrified of him doing it. I know it was because he was ill, and he's not in the same place now, but I can't help it. I feel awful about it and I don't want to feel this way, not just for me. I hate not being able to feel safe around him and not trusting him. I've tried bringing it up with my mum, wanting a new lock on my door after the last one broke, but she thinks I'm being irrational and I'm doing it for attention. He's tried to kill me so many times and I just can't feel safe anymore. I couldn't stay awake today and accidentally slept until 4:30pm. I'm not going to sleep well at all tonight. I don't want to sit around dwelling on this but I just won't be able to sleep and I'm struggling to distract myself. This has all come on just after starting college. If that triggered it, I'm scared I'll struggle with uni. My year out of education was a good year for me. I did really well with my health, both physical and mental. I don't want that all to go down the drain. I don't want to have to take another year out. I need to get on with my life. People already think ill of me. I did, too. I know it was the best thing for me, but people just don't understand that. My throat and my chest is so tight. I can't see properly. I can feel myself about to have a panic attack. I was doing so well. I'm in pain. My whole body hurts. I don't really know what's happening with me anymore
    I've never been good at the advice stuff, but I can tell someone (deep down) wants one of these: :hugs:

    May I ask which uni? Just if it's Hull you can always hunt me down and rant to me:yep:

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    (Original post by Andy98)
    I've never been good at the advice stuff, but I can tell someone (deep down) wants one of these: :hugs:

    May I ask which uni? Just if it's Hull you can always hunt me down and rant to me:yep:

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    Thank you :hugs:

    I think Nottingham Trent is top of my list, but I've been looking into Hull as well.

    You're so kind :hugs:
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    No offense but what did that person think a doctor would do about a cold? It can't be treated with antibiotics just rest and OTC cold remedies.


    I saw a doctor in my first year at university about depression and she told me it was "teenage hormones" (at 19). My girlfriend at the time told me to push for help so I saw another doctor who diagnosed severe depression and immediately started me on antidepressants.
    yeah true, i'm guessing they must have had really bad freshers flu and thought going to the doctors would help. so i guess i should just keep trying if the first doctor doesn't turn out to be helpful


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    (Original post by PandaWho)
    Ngl i agree with saber the drs can do naff all for a cold so its a complete waste of the drs time so no wonder they were a bit miffed!

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    yeah it's true, hopefully the doctors at my uni are helpful with other things, i haven't had good experiences with the doctors tbh


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    (Original post by chelseadagg3r)
    Long rant post, may be triggering
    Spoiler:
    Show
    I'm a bit scared if I'm honest. I feel like I'm so on edge all the time. I feel like I'm losing control of everything around me and that is something I've never been able to deal with. I feel like people are talking about me behind my back and my family are against me. I used to be paranoid about someone I barely knew wanting to kill me, which then ended up as me being scared someone, anyone, was going to try and kill me. This actually happened twice, a few years apart. The first time, I thought my dad was going to kill me. The time I just mentioned was the second time. I feel like I'm going to end up back in that place. It affected my life for years, and I even ended up in hospital once after dislocating my knee trying to run away from something that wasn't even there. Of course when I was there, I just told them I tripped. I didn't mention why. I was only 14/15 and I had no clue what to do. I couldn't tell anyone. They wouldn't believe me and they'd think it completely irrational. I briefly brought it up to a counsellor and they scoffed and told me not to be stupid. I've started seeing things again. I haven't experienced this since I was in school, since I got a higher dose of fluoxetine. I've since been moved onto citalopram and felt even better. My anxiety and paranoia lessened, and my mood got a lot better. It started with seeing bugs and birds/bats and stuff, and hearing phones ring when they weren't, but progressed into seeing big things that just weren't there and hearing people talking though I couldn't make out what they were saying most of the time. I'm not seeing or hearing anything major at the moment, but I'm scared it's going to end up that way again. I thought I was pretty much sorted with my mental health and I would able to cope on my own but I don't know if I can. I have been dealing with this by myself for years. I've always dealt with it alone and I've managed it well. Everything is so up in the air right now. I can't cope with my brother being home and things changing. He isn't even supposed to be living here. I don't feel safe from him, although that is somewhat founded, maybe. He hasn't tried to hurt or kill me in maybe 4 or 5 years, but I'm still terrified of him doing it. I know it was because he was ill, and he's not in the same place now, but I can't help it. I feel awful about it and I don't want to feel this way, not just for me. I hate not being able to feel safe around him and not trusting him. I've tried bringing it up with my mum, wanting a new lock on my door after the last one broke, but she thinks I'm being irrational and I'm doing it for attention. He's tried to kill me so many times and I just can't feel safe anymore. I couldn't stay awake today and accidentally slept until 4:30pm. I'm not going to sleep well at all tonight. I don't want to sit around dwelling on this but I just won't be able to sleep and I'm struggling to distract myself. This has all come on just after starting college. If that triggered it, I'm scared I'll struggle with uni. My year out of education was a good year for me. I did really well with my health, both physical and mental. I don't want that all to go down the drain. I don't want to have to take another year out. I need to get on with my life. People already think ill of me. I did, too. I know it was the best thing for me, but people just don't understand that. My throat and my chest is so tight. I can't see properly. I can feel myself about to have a panic attack. I was doing so well. I'm in pain. My whole body hurts. I don't really know what's happening with me anymore
    :jumphug:

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    Sorry, brain not functioning properly atm so struggling to think of things to say, but I really must emphasise right now that it is TOTALLY understandable, the way you feel about your brother. Completely. It sounds like his illness has taken a toll on you and is perhaps feeding into yours

    Sorry I can't say useful things right now but PLEASE seek professional help and try and nip all of this in the bud before things get out of hand
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    (Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd)
    :jumphug:
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    Sorry, brain not functioning properly atm so struggling to think of things to say, but I really must emphasise right now that it is TOTALLY understandable, the way you feel about your brother. Completely. It sounds like his illness has taken a toll on you and is perhaps feeding into yours

    Sorry I can't say useful things right now but PLEASE seek professional help and try and nip all of this in the bud before things get out of hand
    Thank you so much honestly. I've always felt so bad about feeling like this and people usually agree that I'm in the wrong with it.

    I am gonna try. I have this week off so I was going to try for an appointment, but I'm struggling to get myself out of the house. I just can't at the moment. I'm going to phone up tomorrow and try and get one because I think it might be easier once it's booked. I just hope I don't have to wait a couple of weeks. Definitely going to ask for a referral though rather than trying to keep it to the GP.

    Thanks again :hugs: hope things are okay on your end
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    I haven't tried it. I've never taken any vitamins. Any vitamin B in particular?

    I actually have an app on my phone which checks interactions (it's part of my uni course).
    Not really I just get tub of shop brand. It's not as good in multivitamin form so I don't get the mvs with vit b in
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    Weird how therapy hits randomly during week after. Safeguarding thing happened. There's now a report somewhere on my dad but it's not going further. Which makes me happy and sad. I felt relief at idea of not lying. Don't know that I can keep the secret forever now it's emerging.

    Was hoping meds would quieten my parts. Like they aren't really real. Nope. When fog lifts from side effects. Still there. And actually trying to talk to me more. Like having a child constantly talk to me when I'm busy so I can't quite hear what they're saying.

    I'm here and listening to everyone. Capacity to respond well is very small. Sorry! Love to all
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    Essays are all done but now I'm coming down with something awful. Have brain scans today too.

    Mentally not that great. Struggling to form thoughts etc. Just big waves of horrible feelings.
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    I messed up in work on Monday (just stupid mistakes) and was off yesterday due to a migraine (possibly the migraine coming on was the reason I messed up). I'm planning on going into work today but I'm really nervous and woke up having a panic attack
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    Yeah, quetiapine is a killer for sedation. I don't know if this will help you, but what I did was take it earlier at night. I take it at around 7pm which is good for getting me off to sleep a few hours later but with less sedation in the morning. I can actually get out of bed now!
    It is indeed yeah I've started taking them early - pretty much as soon as I get back from work so 6/6:30 pm. The problem is it doesn't seem to knock me out much at night - I don't start feeling tired until around 11pm, it just kills me in the morning.

    Thank you for the advice though! Hope you are doing okay dude.


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    (Original post by Noodlzzz)
    Seeing CCO tomorrow. Worried if I tell her that my housemates are spies and put recording devices in my room and thoughts in my head that aren't mine (bad things, but won't act on them as they're not my thoughts) that she'll get me sectioned. But then I hate not having anyone IRL to talk to about this stuff so I'm conflicted.

    Oh and, when asked 'are you safe?' does this mean safe from yourself? Because I am safe from myself, but I'm worried about others hurting me. So no, I don't feel safe.
    I would say that "safe" should include both safe from yourself and your general feeling of safety. If you're feeling unsafe it's important to let someone know. If you are scared and worried it's important to try and address it. I would encourage you to talk to her. Good luck and feel better soon.


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    (Original post by bullettheory)
    I would say that "safe" should include both safe from yourself and your general feeling of safety. If you're feeling unsafe it's important to let someone know. If you are scared and worried it's important to try and address it. I would encourage you to talk to her. Good luck and feel better soon.


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    Thanks bullettheory, I think I will talk to her today about it. How are you doing? :hugs:
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    (Original post by furryface12)
    How does anyone cope with feeling dead inside? It had got a bit better/less intense for a while but come back with a vengeance these last couple of weeks and really getting to me. I swear absolutely anything could happen and I'd barely even notice. This weekend should have been amazing but I just sat there thinking about really bad stuff for whole chunks of it. Hate it.

    :hugs: anyone that needs them. Also a very late happy birthday to The_Lonely_Goatherd and :wavey: to Anon #2- am around if either of you want to talk
    100% understand how that feels, not sure I've found any ways to cope with it though :hugs:

    Cheers for last night - calmed down a lot now
 
 
 
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