Has divorce changed family structure? Watch

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#21
Report 9 years ago
#21
(Original post by jinglepupskye)
In that case why have so many from other generations managed to stay together?

Our expectations and demands from our relationships are so unrealistic that very few marriages will last. And the major part of that is the 'me, me' culture that we live in. We want the perfect partner who does everything we want them to do, satisfies our sexual needs, knows when to leave us alone and when to be together, and shares all of our interests. There is no area for compromise.

In reality though, we don't don't spend time getting to know people. We shag on first dates with people we know nothing about and for girls in particular we assume that the boy actually likes us as human beings rather than 'any port in a storm'.

Becuase we don't have common interests the only thing that is important is sex. And when the novelty of that wears off, the relationship ends, because it is only built on sex.
There are many reasons why older generations have less divorce, divorce wasn't legal for most of that time, women didn't have any rights and so the only thing that mattered in a relationship was a mans happiness, and even then there was a taboo on divorce so only in the worst situations was it even considered for the shame it brought on the family, which obviously led to a lot of unhappy people living together.

People also met fewer people in the past, most people died in the same place they were born and there were less options for people, if someone got divorced at 40 in the past the chance of meeting someone else was about 0.

I would disagree that everyone wants the perfect partner, most people know that no one is perfect and that just connecting with someone else and having chemistry and feeling strong emotions about them is enough to marry them, people don't get married to someone assuming that they are perfect, they know most of the flaws before marriage.

The problem is that there is a perception that divorce is rising and that this is bad for society but the real issue is that divorce was kept at artificially low levels by old cultures and traditions. There are other things that happened in the past that are happening less and less now, violence is going down, health is going up, happiness is going up, poverty is going down, more people are gaining the right to vote without having to be a certain race or sex, the world is becoming a better place.

In modern times people get to know each other more than they did in the past, I don't know when this golden generation of people who got to know each other before marriage happened, older generations didn't communicate with each other as much as we do now.

I think the second two paragraphs are generalisations about people and nothing to do with divorce, not many people get married during a one night stand or without getting to know someone.
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#22
Report 9 years ago
#22
(Original post by jinglepupskye)
I guess that you are a glass half-full rather than glass half-empty type so I won't rain on your parade.

But you are completely wrong about the over 40s not marrying again after a partner's death. Within my own family history over the past two hundred years, without exception, the surviving partner has found a new partner even when one of the women was well into her 50s and had five illegitimate children! The same factors which you claim prevented divorce meant that most women had little choice other than to find a new partner, particularly if the oldest child was too young to send out to work.

And why do you say that people knew fewer people? Again, within my own family history the family met and married people from different villages, counties, even countries. They moved from place to place following work opportunities. They certainly weren't born in a village where they stayed the rest of their lives. I have examples who moved from Ireland to County Durham and then round County Durham as pits opened and closed. Many have seven or eight children all baptised in different villages. Others gradually moved from the Scottish border region though Northumberland to Newcastle and then over the river into County Durham.

I don't agree that people know each other better now than they did previously, either. A quick shag round the back of a pub does not a relationship create.
I think your own family might be an exception to most peoples, but even with your family, people are becoming more and more mobile, we might be having different views because I'm thinking of a longer time frame and you are only thinking of the last few generations. A 1000 years ago there was no movement unless forced by disaster or war, and the amount of movement has been increasing dramatically over the centuries, with people not needing to be rich to travel for pleasure.

People not only know each other better, they know themselves better and know more about pretty much anything. We have longer lives and spend less of our time just trying to survive, women have more rights to even have a personality rather than just forced into the housewife role after they gave birth and looking after people until they die.

The reason it may seem like society is in decline is because of the media reporting on it, it was never in the news 50 years ago and 50 years before that there was only news for 1% of the populationho didn't care what the lower class did (there was no middle class). But it still happened, worse than today, if you look at pretty much any statistics on health, wealth or crime people are better off. Most stds didn't even have names and no one got checked up or wore protection. The problems of today are still problems, it's just an illusion that things are worse now than they were 20, 50 or 100 years ago.
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jinglepupskye
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#23
Report 9 years ago
#23
Could the lazy, idle git who just negged me please give me an explanation for it or shove it where the sun doesn't shine. Tithead. I hope you fail every exam you ever take and your balls/tits shrivel and drop off. I curse you and your children and your children's children unto the seventh generation. May you know nothing but misery, heartache and poverty so long as you exist. Sad, useless moron.
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