Muslim, Rejected two marriage proposals, Am I very shallow? Watch

BeanofJelly
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#21
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#21
You're doing the right thing.. not just for yourself but for the rejectees as well. Dunno about you but I wouldn't want to be married to someone who found me secretly unattractive.
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~The Mixed Race Girl~
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#22
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#22
ur only 20!!!!
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Sine
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#23
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#23
(Original post by Democracy)
If you're not attracted to them, why would you want to spend the rest of your life with them? Looks aren't the most important thing, but you still need to find your partner attractive.

Also: maybe your problem would be solved if you didn't go through the whole arranged marriage thing. Seriously, get out there and meet some people YOU like, not people your parents like.
This, it is just ridiculous spending your whole life with someone you're not attracted to.Like Democracy said, go out there and find someone YOU like.
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FinalFlash
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#24
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#24
20 is a very young age so you've still got loads of time and in a marriage physical attraction would be important so don't feel shallow because you've refused based on appearance.

Personally i wouldn't count on arranged marriage. (Not saying they're not usually successful though).
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Anonymous #1
#25
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#25
(Original post by GapYearGirl)
You are absolutely not shallow! You are going to have to look at this person for the rest of your life, so if you don't find him attractive then you should definitely not marry him. A healthy sex life is an important part of a relationship and so physical attraction is vital.
I find it a bit sad that you won't go through the process of falling in love and choosing your own partner but as long as you are comfortable with the arranged marriage then obviously that is your personal decision and I hope that I have not offended you in any way.
I really hope you find someone who you find attractive and who you can grow to love
Hi, I havent been able to fall in love because most of my life I was very shy and quite ugly, but I over the years I have groomed myself soo much and now I look alot prettier. You have not offended me at all, you've only stated what I have been feeling for a long time. I do feel quite upset since I feel that my shyness and my ugliness took away a huge chunk of my life and now I am trying to recover that part of my life.
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amii_G
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#26
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#26
No, it's not.
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FZka
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#27
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#27
Both physical attraction and the personalties and personal tastes of the indiviuals involved affect a relation.
I don't see why you think it's silly or shallow ...
Plus , you are just 20 ... it's okay !
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Flavity
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#28
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#28
I'm nearly 20, also muslim, as for personal marriage proposals... I won't comment, but I don't think you should agree to one unless you honestly like the person fully. I know this sounds shallow, but if your not attracted to their physical features, its going to be a tough haul. I know they say love grows yadda yadda... but there has to be a connection/spark of some kind there for that to happen.

Please don't have an arranged marriage if you are not 100% sure about the person.
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Ghetto_Princess12
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#29
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#29
(Original post by Flavity)
I'm nearly 20, also muslim, as for personal marriage proposals... I won't comment, but I don't think you should agree to one unless you honestly like the person fully. I know this sounds shallow, but if your not attracted to their physical features, its going to be a tough haul. I know they say love grows yadda yadda... but there has to be a connection/spark of some kind there for that to happen.

Please don't have an arranged marriage if you are not 100% sure about the person.
Yeah I know but I dont want to keep rejecting marriage proposals for the rest of my life ( I've decided not to remain anonymous)
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Hal Emmerich
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#30
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#30
(Original post by Democracy)
If you're not attracted to them, why would you want to spend the rest of your life with them? Looks aren't the most important thing, but you still need to find your partner attractive.

Also: maybe your problem would be solved if you didn't go through the whole arranged marriage thing. Seriously, get out there and meet some people YOU like, not people your parents like.
:eek: THIS :cool: :yep:
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MrBigShoes
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#31
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#31
arranged marriages are so 1950's
The stats for why people claim they have a lower divorce rate are a lie

If an Asian woman wanted a divorce she's be stoned to death or disappear in India or Pakistan

Arranged marriages = fail
(unless its with miss world)
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Flavity
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#32
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#32
(Original post by Ghetto_Princess12)
Yeah I know but I dont want to keep rejecting marriage proposals for the rest of my life ( I've decided not to remain anonymous)
Yes but your 20... you are still really young, it is likely that you will get lots more proposals - better to wait for one that you really like. Also, I think I'd prefer to meet the guy myself, get to know him, then introduce the families etc... But I know thats not how it works with most families... so I'd strongly advise to just wait till you think it feels right.
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Ghetto_Princess12
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#33
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#33
(Original post by Flavity)
Yes but your 20... you are still really young, it is likely that you will get lots more proposals - better to wait for one that you really like. Also, I think I'd prefer to meet the guy myself, get to know him, then introduce the families etc... But I know thats not how it works with most families... so I'd strongly advise to just wait till you think it feels right.
Thanks I really Hope I do, I dont mind introducing a guy to my family, the only problem is whether they would like him or not. At the end of the day I DO have to consider their feelings too since they've done a hell of alot for me
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Flavity
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#34
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#34
(Original post by Ghetto_Princess12)
Thanks I really Hope I do, I dont mind introducing a guy to my family, the only problem is whether they would like him or not. At the end of the day I DO have to consider their feelings too since they've done a hell of alot for me
I get where your coming from - in a similar situation.
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jannike
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#35
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Well basically, I'm 20 years old and I am a muslim. I've had two marriage proposals arranged by my parents, they have come from very good, respectful and rich families. However the problem is that whilst I am willing to accept the proposal, the guys always been quite ugly very nerdy, and I've never been attracted to them at all. I know personality always comes first and it's the most important thing to look at, but that doesn't mean I should discard other factors that make us attracted to each other. So I would like some advice, I feel quite bad in rejecting the proposals, but I dont want to live my life feeling miserable, so do you think I am shallow, and do you think it is wrong for a girl to reject a guy because apparently she does not like his physical appearance?
It doesn't sound like you're happy with an arranged marriage. It's clear that the men your parents like aren't the same ones you'd be happy to share a lifetime with, so can't you tell them you'd rather be able to choose for yourself? Why should you marry someone you're not even attracted to? Marry a man you love to bits and want share yourself completely with and have babies with. If the thought of that with a particular person makes you cringe, they are not the one for you.

Also, do you really want to get married yet? I appreciate it's a cultural custom for Muslim women to get married at a young age, but there must places you want to see and ambitions you want to achieve before you settle down, aren't there? Don't you want to build a career?
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saqib786
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#36
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#36
marry me x
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Ghetto_Princess12
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#37
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#37
(Original post by saqib786)
marry me x
Hahaha Lol
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Dirac Delta Function
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#38
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#38
(Original post by Anonymous)
Well basically, I'm 20 years old and I am a muslim. I've had two marriage proposals arranged by my parents, they have come from very good, respectful and rich families. However the problem is that whilst I am willing to accept the proposal, the guys always been quite ugly very nerdy, and I've never been attracted to them at all. I know personality always comes first and it's the most important thing to look at, but that doesn't mean I should discard other factors that make us attracted to each other. So I would like some advice, I feel quite bad in rejecting the proposals, but I dont want to live my life feeling miserable, so do you think I am shallow, and do you think it is wrong for a girl to reject a guy because apparently she does not like his physical appearance?

Not at all. You did the right thing.
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butthead7
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#39
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#39
you have to spend the rest of your life with this guy and if you cant stand looking at him its clearly not going to work
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LAX Inc
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#40
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#40
Parents, it only because they want another family source of income!
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