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My boyfriend wants me to give it up. What to do? watch

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    There's nothing wrong or immoral about having sex before marriage. Please don't think badly of people because they have sexual needs.

    If not for religious reasons I personally have no idea why you'd deny yourself the enjoyment that can come from regular sex, especially within a loving relationship.
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    Personally sex is not those things that you have to decide the time when to do it. People usually lose it at the spur of the moment. If you feel comfortable with the guy your with and you feel that it feels right. Thats the time.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Anon because family on here (I'm Asian :p: )
    I'll try to keep it short; basically we're both 22, at uni and we've done stuff. Like well we've made out just in underwear but not actually had sex.
    We've been together for 8 months and he's started to imply that he wants to have sex now; he's not saying if I don't give it up he'll leave.
    But I've always wanted to save my virginity because I always thought I'd let the one guy I'll spend the rest of my life with corrupt me his way :perv:
    So, ideally I'd want to wait until marriage, (not for religious reasons, i'm not religious at all) but he knows I dont mind waiting just until we're engaged.
    Should I give it up just to make him happy or make him wait until we're engaged?
    Please don't! If he doesnt want you enough to either get on one knee or wait till he feels ready to get on one knee then he isnt worth it! If this is something you cant compromise on, and the fact it worries you suggests your not ready to compromise yet, definately avoid it.
    Ive never understood people sleeping with others because they feel it will please the other!
    If they suggest and you want it (maybe seceretly) then go for it but otherwise, avoid at all costs... it wont make you happy in the long run!
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    (Original post by *Rouge*)
    leave him - if he can't respect your wishes not to have sex then he's hardly the type of guy you wanna marry
    Are you ******* stupid? A guy suggested he wants to have sex with his girlfriend after being together 8 months = "he can't respect your wishes"? It's not like the OP said he's pressuring her, he just suggested it. And you tell her to leave him because of that? You're not right in the head.
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    (Original post by *Rouge*)
    leave him - if he can't respect your wishes not to have sex then he's hardly the type of guy you wanna marry
    its harsh to say that because a guy asks after waiting 8 months if the OP is ready for sex she should leave him- hes a guy and will be feeling desire and its not like hes forcing her to do it- just asking

    having said that OP do what you want to- dont let anyone push you either way. if you want to lose it do, if not dont- its fairly simple but as most of the guys have said he may decide to leave if he really wants it as it is a part of a normal healthy relationship and if one half wants it and the other doesnt then it will never work
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    The position of not wanting sex is NOT morally superior to the position of wanting sex. You and your bf just want different things, if that's irreconcilable then so is the relationship.

    Her boyfriend is no more pressuring her into sex, than she is pressuring him into marrying her.

    If you don't want sex, don't have it - but if your boyfriend does want sex, it is unreasonable to expect him to be happy about your decision. I guess you should talk it through with him and see where you both stand.

    OP you could also reflect on what you really want. I mean, as someone who is no longer a virgin, I can say that to me it wasn't important. It doesn't define who I am, and it means nothing to how much I will love a future husband (whether he is my current boyfriend or not).

    But realistically, if you want to save yourself until marriage you have a choice:
    Marry young, and after a relatively short term relationship.
    Wait a very long time to have sex, and expect someone else to do this for you too, which will certainly be very challenging unless they share your views.

    That's the truth of it I'm afraid, but I guess you shouldn't do something you will regret.

    (I'm just saying think about how your life is gonna pan out, because such a big and definite decision about sex probably will have a serious impact on what kind of relationships you have. It is not as though it is only possible to regret having sex, and not possible to regret "saving yourself".)
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    (Original post by overtherainbow)
    its harsh to say that because a guy asks after waiting 8 months if the OP is ready for sex she should leave him- hes a guy and will be feeling desire and its not like hes forcing her to do it- just asking
    I hate the implication that only men have sex drives.
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    (Original post by Neil_K)
    Because any normal couple would be having sex, you douche.

    If there's no sex, they're not bf/gf but merely platonic friends.
    Firstly, calling me a 'douche' is so unnecessary and secondly, a relationship doesn't NEED sex to function - if a guy liked a girl enough he'd respect the fact that she doesn't wan't to have sex.
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    just give it the **** up.
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    (Original post by *Rouge*)
    Firstly, calling me a 'douche' is so unnecessary and secondly, a relationship doesn't NEED sex to function - if a guy liked a girl enough he'd respect the fact that she doesn't wan't to have sex.
    You mean respect the fact by staying with her if he's unhappy?

    Respect goes both ways, (not addressed to the OP, because you haven't given off a bad impression), but she should respect that there are some things he wants that she may not be able to provide because of her belief/views.

    Not wanting sex is NOT morally superior to wanting sex. Sex is something that some people require in a relationship to be happy. Her boyfriend has done nothing wrong in voicing how he feels. He would be doing nothing wrong if he said "I'm not ready to marry you, but I can't be in this relationship any more because I would like to have sex".
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    (Original post by cant reach the remote)
    Are you ******* stupid? A guy suggested he wants to have sex with his girlfriend after being together 8 months = "he can't respect your wishes"? It's not like the OP said he's pressuring her, he just suggested it. And you tell her to leave him because of that? You're not right in the head.
    No he didn't just suggest it. He said he'l leave her if she doesn't have sex with him which doesn't sound like the kind of guy OP would marry.
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    (Original post by *Rouge*)
    Firstly, calling me a 'douche' is so unnecessary and secondly, a relationship doesn't NEED sex to function - if a guy liked a girl enough he'd respect the fact that she doesn't wan't to have sex.
    How old are you? When you get out into the real world you will realise relationships aren't like they are in fairytales :nopity:
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    (Original post by BeanofJelly)
    You mean respect the fact by staying with her if he's unhappy?

    Respect goes both ways, (not addressed to the OP, because you haven't given off a bad impression), but she should respect that there are some things he wants that she may not be able to provide because of her belief/views.

    Not wanting sex is NOT morally superior to wanting sex. Sex is something that some people require in a relationship to be happy. Her boyfriend has done nothing wrong in voicing how he feels. He would be doing nothing wrong if he said "I'm not ready to marry you, but I can't be in this relationship any more because I would like to have sex".
    I understand that a respect is a two way thing but you seem to be suggesting that the OP just has sex with him to make him happy even if she's not comfortable in doing so.
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    (Original post by Super_Hans)
    How old are you? When you get out into the real world you will realise relationships aren't like they are in fairytales :nopity:
    It's hardly a fairytale that a guy will like a girl enough to wait but obviously I understand that some guys can't do that.
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    (Original post by *Rouge*)
    Firstly, calling me a 'douche' is so unnecessary and secondly, a relationship doesn't NEED sex to function - if a guy liked a girl enough he'd respect the fact that she doesn't wan't to have sex.
    It's just as unfair to expect a guy to stay in a sexless relationship when he wants to have sex as it is to expect a girl who doesn't want to have sex with her boyfriend to do so.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Anon because family on here (I'm Asian :p: )
    I'll try to keep it short; basically we're both 22, at uni and we've done stuff. Like well we've made out just in underwear but not actually had sex.
    We've been together for 8 months and he's started to imply that he wants to have sex now; he's not saying if I don't give it up he'll leave.
    But I've always wanted to save my virginity because I always thought I'd let the one guy I'll spend the rest of my life with corrupt me his way :perv:
    So, ideally I'd want to wait until marriage, (not for religious reasons, i'm not religious at all) but he knows I dont mind waiting just until we're engaged.
    Should I give it up just to make him happy or make him wait until we're engaged?

    (Original post by BeanofJelly)
    The position of not wanting sex is NOT morally superior to the position of wanting sex. You and your bf just want different things, if that's irreconcilable then so is the relationship.

    Her boyfriend is no more pressuring her into sex, than she is pressuring him into marrying her.

    If you don't want sex, don't have it - but if your boyfriend does want sex, it is unreasonable to expect him to be happy about your decision. I guess you should talk it through with him and see where you both stand.

    OP you could also reflect on what you really want. I mean, as someone who is no longer a virgin, I can say that to me it wasn't important. It doesn't define who I am, and it means nothing to how much I will love a future husband (whether he is my current boyfriend or not).

    But realistically, if you want to save yourself until marriage you have a choice:
    Marry young, and after a relatively short term relationship.
    Wait a very long time to have sex, and expect someone else to do this for you too, which will certainly be very challenging unless they share your views.

    That's the truth of it I'm afraid, but I guess you shouldn't do something you will regret.

    (I'm just saying think about how your life is gonna pan out, because such a big and definite decision about sex probably will have a serious impact on what kind of relationships you have. It is not as though it is only possible to regret having sex, and not possible to regret "saving yourself".)
    Personally, I think this is the best post on this thread. It has the least bias and places everything on the table. I'd read this one carefully.
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    (Original post by overtherainbow)
    its harsh to say that because a guy asks after waiting 8 months if the OP is ready for sex she should leave him- hes a guy and will be feeling desire and its not like hes forcing her to do it- just asking

    having said that OP do what you want to- dont let anyone push you either way. if you want to lose it do, if not dont- its fairly simple but as most of the guys have said he may decide to leave if he really wants it as it is a part of a normal healthy relationship and if one half wants it and the other doesnt then it will never work
    I'd happily let a guy leave if he said he can't be in a sex-free relationship so he can find someone who will give it to him.
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    (Original post by generic hybrid)
    hey i made this thing for you

    http://i49.tinypic.com/2zzqjpd.gif
    :rofl:
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    (Original post by *Rouge*)
    I understand that a respect is a two way thing but you seem to be suggesting that the OP just has sex with him to make him happy even if she's not comfortable in doing so.
    No that's not what I'm saying at all. Of course it is her choice.

    But is unreasonable to expect him to be unhappy about that choice. It's also his choice to leave, he's not obliged to be in a relationship with her.

    It would be disrespectful to insult her for not wanting to lose "it", it would be disrespectful for him to be cruel about it, but it isn't disrespectful to tell her how he feels, and what is going to realistically happen.

    It is quite normal to desire sex in a relationship. Obviously she has the choice, but so does he, and for him the choice might be to move on. There's nothing wrong in that, it's the same how people sometimes move on partners who refuse to marry them, or refuse to have children with them, or refuse to move to the same place, or refuse to see their parents, or anything - it's just that they want different things.

    Nobody is in the wrong, of course it's her right, but her boyfriend is not some sort of criminal for not being happy about her decision.



    (Original post by Longorefisher)
    .
    Naaw thanks :love: I'll get you back some time
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    (Original post by *Rouge*)
    He said he'l leave her if she doesn't have sex with him - I'd happily let a guy leave if he said he can't be in a sex-free relationship so he can find someone who will give it to him.
    um.

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    he's not saying if I don't give it up he'll leave.
 
 
 
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